Begin Again
by RedPaperOwl
Summary: After waking up in a sewer in the middle of New York, Jessica is captured by SHIELD who believe she was the accomplice of the infamous Loki...
1. Chapter 1

He was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

Lounging on this part of the bed with the bedroom door open, I was able to admire every inch of his lean body as he stood by the kitchen counter, making breakfast. There were a few scars from battles, that was ok, I had some of my own. And unlike the people I had met before, they didn't bother him in the slightest. I sighed dreamily and rocked my feet back and forth in the air behind me.  
It was hard to imagine we had been together for so long now; every moment was as exciting and invigorating as if we were experiencing it for the first time. Perhaps that was because we didn't see each other often. He was away a lot on "business". Or at least that's what we told my friends and family. They didn't ask too much about it, they were just happy to see me finally with someone, making it work. And I was happy too. Even if I lived with the constant fear he'd forget me while he was away doing whatever he did.

He'd sometimes take months at a time, and you can't exactly pick up a phone to call an extra-terrestrial, can you? He argues with me on that. Says he's a god. Admittedly, he is in bed, but that's beside the point, I don't believe in gods.

"Eggs?" He called back, sauntering around the counter to the fridge. I scowl; he knows where the eggs are and now the cabinets block my view. "Top shelf." I call back, rolling over, pulling the duvet with me to cocoon myself in it. I hear one crack open and I wrinkle my nose in disgust, I only end up buying them for him on the off chance he comes back for a weekend or so.  
Burying my face in the duvet, breathing in the scent he left behind on the sheets, I think back to how we first met…

Exhausted and kneeling, I sigh as I crack open another book on my knee and search the index. A small pile already sits next to me waiting to be taken home and studied for my essay.

It wasn't that I had picked a dull topic, or even that it was for a module I didn't enjoy as much as I had hoped to, I just really didn't want to be there. After my recent break-up, everything just seemed so much harder. It's been three months and I sometimes still find it difficult to get out of bed in the morning.  
_  
Nope, nothing relevant_. I take a deep breath and slot the book back onto the shelf, I glance down at the list I've written, the next book has a big cross next to it from where I made a mental note to check next week since someone had already taken it out.

A shadow falls over me. "Sorry," Says a cool voice, "I just need to get past." I apologise on autopilot and move myself and my books out of the way. The man walks past me and hesitates, he reaches down and picks up the top one off the pile. "_Norse Myths_?" He smiles. "I'm looking for something similar myself, do you mind if I take it?"  
"Actually, I need it for my essay," I look up at the man, tall, thin, sleek black hair framing his face. "I'm writing about the impact of Norse culture during the Early Medieval period."  
He raps his fingers against the book cover in thought. "Would you mind if I take a quick look though?"  
"Right now?"  
"Yes."

"Alright." I shrug, tucking some hair behind my ear. I go back to scanning the shelf in front of me. I don't think any of it will be useful, but I can't go until I get that book back.  
"Have you read any of these?" He asks casually as he flicks lazily through the pages.  
"Not really, no, my friend is more into the mythology than I am."  
He nods but he doesn't seem to be really listening. "They give Thor too much credit." He mumbles as he glares at a particular page for a while before angrily turning it.  
"Are you doing an essay on that?" I ask politely. "What course are you on?"

He stops and smiles at me, he laughs.  
"What is it?"  
"Nothing, don't worry." He hesitates, smile becoming more rigid and less sincere. "I am Loki."  
"Ok, my name's Jess."  
Sure, it's weird he's named after a Norse god, but then again I've heard stranger.  
"Jessica." He says my name slowly, as if testing the weight of it on his tongue. "I like that."  
"Thanks?"  
He says nothing for a moment, and looks me up and down, scowling. "Would you like to go to dinner?"  
"Dinner?" I repeat slowly.

"Yes, dinner." He rolls his eyes, "An evening meal? With me?"  
That was sudden. He's hot, I'll admit it. And his impeccable taste in clothes doesn't hurt either. But I'm not the sort of person to go running off on dates with people I barely know. And anyway, I have a… Ok, so I don't have a boyfriend. Not anymore.  
"Maybe." I look down at my knees, "Do you want my number? We can text about something this weekend, I need to get this essay done by Friday."

Loki nods and pulls out a pristine but rather old phone from his coat pocket. I give him my number and he promises to text me. If he turns out to be weird I can just block his number, I had to get an app in first year because of a boy from Uni.

He hands me back the book. "I know a lot more about the mythology than what's in that book." He tells me. He must have done a project last year or something, I figure, he seems the bookish type who would do plenty of extra research. "I'll text you tonight." The word text seems alien to him as he says it, like it doesn't quite fit the mouth around it. He leaves and I scoop up my bag, coat and books and head over to the next floor to search for Norse art.

That evening, I check my phone regularly, I'm not expecting him to actually text me, but it would be nice if he did. As I'm washing up my dishes from dinner when my housemate walks in. "Busy day?" Emily asks.

"Was alright." I tell her. "Just got back from the library."  
"Yeah I guessed that." She picks up the books I left on the table, flicking through them casually. Her boyfriend walks in. He's wearing his coat, he's off out. I love my housemates, and I don't care that they so often hang out with my ex, what does upset me is they always treat me differently when they come back because of whatever he's made up to tell them that night. I glance at my phone, scrolling through the messages until I see his name. Scowling, I switch it off and make a cup of tea slipping my phone into my pocket. Out of sight, out of mind.

I go upstairs to watch something online, the bed is too empty, I miss watching series with him, somehow always ending up under the covers in his bed, like we always did, arms and legs a tangled sprawl around each other. The show ends and I'm about to get ready for bed when my phone screen lights up. Jake. With a sigh, I open the message. "Can we meet?" I've been ignoring him since he broke up with me.

My phone buzzes again, it's a message from Loki.  
Grudgingly I get up and leave, phone buzzing again. This time the message simply reads "Dinner. 8pm. Saturday."  
I sit on my bed, fuck it. "Sure." I text him back. "When and where?"

We text each other for the rest of the week, just random conversations. He takes a while to respond at times but then at others his replies are almost instant. I find myself looking forward to our date, he's funny and smart.  
I wear a nice dress the evening of our date. I'm applying make-up when there's a knock on my door. "Come in."

Emily pushes it open and steps in, his eyes widen and he looks me up and down. "You look nice. You going out?"  
"Yeah." I say, wiping off the excess eyeliner I've put on.  
"With Jake by any chance?" She rolls her eyes. She never liked him. I've joked to her that she has a better sense of men than me and I should get her to vet the next one.  
"Err, no."  
"Oh, are you seeing your aunt again?"  
"Nope." I pick up my red lipstick.  
"Hmm." She sits on my bed, having a look at the stuff on my bedside table idly. "You going somewhere nice?"  
"The Italians by the cinema."  
"Date or something is it?" She winks.  
"Something like that, yeah." I turn to face her. "Well it's not like Jake and I are going to…"  
"No." She shook her head. "What time are you meeting him?"  
"He's picking me up at 8." I thought it was best for him to come to the house so that the others knew who I was with in case something happened.  
"Oh ok." She stays on my bed while I continue to get ready. Not awkward at all.

The doorbell rings. She leaps up and goes downstairs to answer it. _Great._ I think irritably as I follow her down. "Good evening, is Jessica ready?" Asks Loki, flashing Emily a dazzling smile.  
"Yeah, she's just here." She sounds elated. She turns and flashes me an impressed look. Good.  
"Have a nice night!" I call to her as I push past to get to my date. "I have my phone on me!" Quickly I close and lock the door. I don't want to think about it, I just need to focus on Loki and what is happening in the now.  
"How are you?" He asks, taking my arm as we walk down the street.  
"I'm fine, thanks," I smile up at him, "how are you?"

Loki comes back into the bedroom, "Are you quite comfortable?" He raises an eyebrow and takes a bite of the breakfast he's holding.  
I peek up from under the covers. "Just about. There's room for one more." I lift up the duvet for him.  
He shook his head. "I can't stay love, I need to go home."  
"Again?" I sigh, collapsing back onto the mattress. "You just got back last night, I thought you were gonna stay for a bit."  
He nodded and sat next to me on the bed. "So did I, but preparations have to be made."  
"For this ceremony for your brother?"  
He nods, still eating.

"Can't you just take the day off? I thought we could go to the museum or catch a film or something."  
"Sorry." He reached over and rubbed my shoulder through the covers. "We'll do that when I get back, ok?"  
"When?" I pout jokingly. "I miss you."  
He laughs and I grin. "It might be a while, I'm afraid." My smile fades.  
"How long?"  
"We'll see."  
I scowl. I hate it when I don't know when he's coming back.

He lays his plate on the floor and gets up, retrieving the coat he discarded in a hurry the night before. He fishes out a box from the pocket and comes back to me, opening it. A silver bracelet lay inside. "Here." He slipped it on my wrist. "I'm coming back." He stroked my hair. "I promise."  
"Can't I come with you just this once?" I ask sullenly, twisting my wrist and admiring how the bracelet shone. "You met my family."

He sighed. "I fear father would not approve."  
I glance at him, "What, I'm not good enough for your snooty alien family?"  
He didn't say anything. And I scowled at the bracelet. He noticed and bent down to kiss me firmly. "Don't." He warned.  
"Don't what?"  
"Don't start thinking like that again."  
"Like what?"

He growled and pounced on me, pinning my arms above my head while he straddled me, forcing me to look at him. "Like you're not good enough. You're perfect." He leant down and kissed my neck, I closed my eyes. "You are perfect to me. And I'm coming back."  
"Fine." I allowed, bringing my lips to his.  
He hummed and ran his hands down my body. "I wish I could stay a bit longer."  
I bite my lip. "So do I."

He kissed me passionately and sighed, "If only my family understood what I had to give up every time I went back to them." Another quick peck on my cheek. Slowly he clambered off and got dressed. I rolled onto my side and watched hungrily. "Do you mind?" He asked, rolling his eyes. I only winked back.

He left and I stayed in bed a little longer, soaking up what little warmth he had left behind. Eventually I got up, dressed and cleaned up the dishes.


	2. Chapter 2

I groan as I type out another word. This essay is killing me. Why did I take this Viking Archaeology module again? Ah, of course, my boyfriend had promised he would help me with it. He's been gone for nearly a month now. I would worry but he's been away for a long time like this before. Said it was something to do with claiming his inheritance. I hope he comes back soon.

"Like how long?" Asked Emily incredulously. "How could he do this to you? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"  
"He spends a lot of time away for work, this seemed normal."  
"Well is he coming back or isn't he?"  
I glance at the bracelet he gave me, on my wrist, "I don't know." I admit. "He said he would. But so far he hasn't."  
"Urgh, I'll kill him!"  
"Get in line." I laugh weakly. "Half a year. You think I take that lightly?

Fast-forward six more months and I have accepted the horrible conclusion that Loki is never coming back. I've got on with my life. Got my degree. Got a job; just something to tide me over on bills.

I'm single again. I go on the occasional date but to be honest my hearts not in it. Family asking all about my love life like they used to. Kinda stings that they ask so often.  
And that's of course when he finally decides to come back.

He's waiting for me outside my apartment. I didn't recognise him at first. He's thinner, his hair has grown and there's a darkness around his eyes.  
"Loki?"  
He turns and smiles at me, for the briefest second as he turned I saw the look of intense displeasure on his face. "Jessica."  
"What are you doing here?" My hands tighten around my shopping bags.  
"I can't see my girlfriend?" He shoots me the puppy dog eyes. "I meant you no displeasure."  
I barge past him and hurriedly unlock my door.  
"I've missed you terribly."

I step into my apartment and lock the door behind me, breathing heavily. I know that should he choose to come in anyway, my locks wouldn't stand a chance, but I know that he wouldn't invade my home like that either.

"I only wished to talk!" He cries through the door. I put the groceries down and press my forehead against the door. I feel sick. He was away for so long! "I'm sorry I took so long!"  
I open the door, leaving the latch in place. "Why did you?" I whisper through the crack. He leans to look at me with his soulful eyes.  
"It was unavoidable. I had some family trouble. And I was lost."  
"But now you're found?" I hiss sarcastically, trying not to cry or laugh with the ridiculousness.  
He raises his chin without smiling. Ah, there's the prince I knew. "You could say that. Let me in, we can talk."  
"Loki, I'm not sure that's a good idea…"  
"Let me in." He growls, interrupting me.

I look at him a moment. Something's changed. I decide it must be important for him to have come to see me. He'd never have hurt me before. Slowly I unlock the door.

He saunters in rather arrogantly, more so than he had ever done before. He stands in the middle of my living room and waits for me to close the door again.  
"Do not lock me out again."  
"You left."  
"I did."  
"For around a year."  
"Yes."  
"Explain it to me."

He glares. "I cannot explain you the ways of the cosmos anymore you could a five year old child."  
I raise an eyebrow and cross my arms. "Alright then, maybe I don't even want to know. Maybe its over, Loki, maybe I've moved on."  
He glances to the bedroom, as if another man would walk out at that moment. "I think not." He tells me, though he sounds a little hesitant. He reaches for my hand, I do not give it to him, though I want to, and his arm falls to his side in defeat. He scowls a little.

I sigh. I walk over and hug him. Though he takes a moment, he does return the cuddle. We stand there for a moment, in silence. Eventually he takes a deep breath. "I cannot tell you where I was, to do so would… Please do not ask me to recount the tale." I feel one of his hands stroke my hair.  
Though I'm unhappy about it, I nod. "Okay."  
"There has been no other?"  
"Not for me, for you?"  
I don't look up but I feel his body move as he shakes his head. "Good." I murmur against his chest nuzzling against him. His arms tighten around me. "I missed you" I say. He says nothing back.

He stays that night; we eat dinner, catching him up on my life. He sleeps on the settee, sensing I'm not comfortable to have in my bed again just yet, and I settle into bed, beyond confused. When I wake up the next morning, early, since I barely slept, I find him sitting on the settee watching the sunrise. "Trouble sleeping?" I ask, putting the kettle on.

"The dawn is so beautiful here." He replies quietly still staring out of the window. "On Asgard I would call the light glorious, but here it is more gentle, warm and beautiful." He turned to look at me as I made us both tea. In a quieter voice he continued, "Like you."

I flash him a pained expression before bringing the tea over to the coffee table and sitting next to him. "I wanted to come back." He tells me. "I wanted to return to you as soon as I had left."  
"Why didn't you?" I barely whisper.  
"I was prevented." He hesitates, taking the mug of tea in his cool hands. "I was trapped."  
"By your family?"  
"By something else." He cringes slightly and tenses as if in pain and automatically I reach out and place a hand on his knee. He stares at it for a moment. "They were not my family." I shoot him a quizzical look but he doesn't look at me to know he needs to explain. "Odin took me as a child, a trophy in the battle against a form of creature he raised me to believe were monsters." He pauses. "I am a monster."

I squeeze my hand on his knee gently. "No, you're not. You're too kind, too loving to be a monster." With pleading eyes he looks to me. "The Loki I know is decent and good and caring. It doesn't matter where you're from, look at the person you are now." I bite my lip. "Are these people really that bad? Or are their customs just different from yours?"

He sighed. "At this point I don't even know." He looked at me. "Am I really a good person, Jessica? I left you for months with no explanation and turned up at your door unexpectedly."  
"You had your reasons by the sound of it." I reply quietly.  
"I needed to see you again." He tells me, he speaks quietly but the words are strained, he's aching for me to understand but without any more information I can't. "I missed you." He takes my hand from his knee in his own. When I didn't say anything his face fell, dejected. "Please, just give me another chance. I promise you, I will never leave you again and I will never let anything or anyone harm you. Just please, let me try again."

I leant forward and pressed my head against his shoulder, I didn't want to see his face as I told him. "I need time."  
I felt his hand cup the back of my neck and his lips press in a gentle kiss to my head. "I understand." 

The next morning isn't any better. I'm making breakfast when he drops a bombshell.  
"Come with me to New York."  
"What?"  
"A few days, you can take the time off of work."  
"Loki, I have responsibilities, a life!"  
"Please, I need you with me. And, if everything goes well, we will have a life together. I will not lose you again."  
My heart is pounding against my chest. "What do you need to do in New York?"  
"I need to fix things… with my brother."  
"In New York?"  
"He has a girlfriend in America somewhere. He's grown attached to you mortals."  
I put down my orange juice. "You want me to meet your brother?"  
He laughs warmly, "We'll see."

I stand for a moment. "Two days." I tell him finally. "You have two days to convince me to come."  
He stands up, and almost rushing, comes to me, sweeps me up in his arms, and kisses me deeply. As we break apart, he smiles. "Is that not enough?" He runs a finger over my lips and I'm still panting. "That inevitable pull between you and I? Is that not enough?"  
I'm going to hate myself for this. "Ok."  
"Yes?"  
"Yes. Take me to Manhattan."


	3. Chapter 3

In a flash of blue, we're already there. Or, at least, I assume we are. We're in some sort of damp sewer. He lets go of me and I realise how many people are around us, I pull my dressing gown tightly over my body. "Loki?"

"Get the girl some clothes." He grabs and tells one of the men walking past.  
"Loki, where are we?"  
He smiles devastatingly. "New York. Underground. Welcome to the new world order."  
"I thought you were working things out with your brother?"  
He takes me by the arm and unwillingly leads me to the centre of the room, a blue box is glowing and a scientist is observing it.  
"And so I am," A staff appearing in his hand and a golden horned helm on his head. He points the stick at the box, "And this will be how."  
I look to him nervously, "What are you going to do?"  
"Claim my birthright."

The man he sent off returns, handing me the clothes, before escorting me to a glass office above the working area. He leaves and I hurriedly scamper into the next room, clinically white with a large black bed, I turn and enter the small bathroom to change. Black jeans and a green top, I'm not even surprised, he always did love me in these colours.

Stepping out and returning to the glass room, I begin to examine the office. Being rather sparse I can't glean much information. Then I realise I'm not alone.  
A man in the room is watching out the glass, a bow and quiver on his back.  
"I can't imagine those are much use nowadays?" I ask gently, laughing, wondering if Loki can travel in time. He says nothing. He doesn't even look around.  
"What's your name?" I ask, "Mine's Jessica."  
Nothing.  
"How long have you known Loki?"  
The man gives me a long and hard look before turning back to the workers below us.  
I nod. "Excellent company, remind me to ask Loki for more just like you."

Loki strides into the room. He moves to sweep me into another kiss but I push him back.  
"What's going on?" I demand. "These people are like zombies. What is that box for?"  
"Calm down, everything is going to be like it was before, better in fact."  
"I don't want everything like it was before." I splutter. "Loki, when you asked me to come to New York I thought I'd at least have a few days to pack, to make arrangements."  
"Why bother when I can bring us here in an instant?" He wraps an arm around my waist.  
"I told you I need time."  
"I understand but I have other matters to take care of." He turned and waved out the man with the bow. As the door closed behind him he turned back to me, brushing some hair out of my face. "You can take as much time as you would like but I need you here with me."  
"Why?"  
"Because with what I'm planning, I need someone who knows me the way I need to be known." He kisses the top of my forehead. "Do not worry about your clothes, I had arrangements made, there is a wardrobe in the bedroom filled with garments your size."  
"You were so sure I'd say yes?"  
"I had sincerely hoped." And with that he gives me that weak smile that has always made me melt inside.

"What about my family, Loki? My job?"  
"I can create a duplicate to work for you, as for your family I can bring you your phone to call them. Please, just stay with me a little while. Humour me. I want to prove to you that I can make this work." He leans in and kisses me softly. All the doors I had shut in my heart open and butterflies pool in my stomach. How is it after so much time he can still make me feel like this?

As he pulls away I take his face in my hands and bring him down for a more passionate kiss, I can feel him smile as we kiss before our lips part and our tongues meet. I wrap my arms around his neck and he wraps his around my waist. This time when we part he gives me a quick peck and lets me go, turning to leave.  
"Where are you going?" I ask.  
"I have to check on the others." He tells me. "I had them gather books I thought you might like, please, read and relax; I'll be with you in a moment, my Queen."

I try talking to the guy with the bows and arrows again, but he doesn't answer. He continues to stare ahead with piercing blue eyes. It's a little unnerving to say the least. I decide to check out the books Loki mentioned. I choose one at random; I'm not exactly looking for an in-depth read, just something to take the edge off while I wait.

It wasn't too long before he came back. I could hear him shouting at the men I had seen earlier. Storming up the stairs to the office he dismissed the archery guy before striding into the bedroom. I glanced up at him from the book. I was lying on my stomach, crossways along the bed. "Bad day?" I ask quietly.  
"You have no idea." He growled, running a hand over his face. He stood there a moment, watching me; I pretended to be reading my book. With a sigh he came and sat by me, running a hand up and down my back.  
"I am glad you came with me."

I turn and smile at him; he leans in to kiss me gently. I run a hand across his cheek. "I did miss you." I tell him. He nods, lying on his back next to me. He extends his arms and I put the book down and curl up into them. I begin to trace the patterns on his leather with my finger, watching his chest rise and fall with each breath.

"Loki, what are you doing here?" I ask quietly. I can feel him watch me even though he hasn't made any sudden movements. "How is this going to fix things with your family? What even happened with your family?" I look up to him, his expression is unreadable. "You used to tell me everything."

"I am protecting you by not telling you." He tells me, there's no emotion in his voice. I snuggle him tighter. "I am building a better world." He uses a finger to lift my head to look at him again, and he draws me into a long and sensual kiss, pulling my body close to his. I could feel the passion in the kiss rising. I wanted to be intimate with him again, I just wasn't sure if I was ready yet.

I got my answer quickly. Gently he rolled me over so he was on top of me, he continued the kiss. His tongue darted into my mouth, caressing mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and felt my hips press up against his. I felt his hands slide down my body and he turned his attention to sucking on my neck. I sighed with the feeling as he slipped a cool hand into the waistband of my underwear.

As quickly as it was there it was gone, he flashed me a mischievous grin and helped me out of my jacket before running his cold fingers up under my tee-shirt. I shivered with anticipation and licked my lips. Kissing me again, he slowly pulled off the top, breaking apart only to take it over my head before resuming the kiss. He pressed against me and I could feel how much he wanted this.

The door opened and one of his blue-eyed men stood with a clipboard. "What is it?" Loki snarled, leaping to his feet. I scowled as I watched him shout at this man. He never used to be so hot-tempered. It was partly what I had loved about him. He had always been such a gentleman, I mean he was a demon in bed, but the rest of the time he had always been stately, regal almost.

The man never even flinched with the abuse Loki hurled at him. The man left and as the door shut, Loki ficked through the charts briefly before tossing them to the side and returning to me. "Now, where were we?" He asked seductively.  
"What was that?" I ask.  
"What was what, my love?"  
"That! You treated him like crap."  
"I told him we were not to be disturbed." His face darkened, he reached for me but I moved back. "Jessica," He began.  
I shook my head. "I told you, I needed time." I pause. "Take me home. I don't know what's happened to you."  
"Jessica…" His voice had darkened.  
"Take me back!" I repeat more firmly.

When he doesn't answer I roll my eyes and get up. I pick up my top and sort it out, it's inside out. Pulling it back on, I reach for my jacket. "You are not leaving." He says quietly.  
"Well Loki, I don't know if I can stay." I look at him sadly. "What happened to you?"  
He shakes his head, "Please, don't leave." He gets up.  
"Take me home, Loki." I tell him, flipping my hair free. "Maybe you could come see me on the weekends or something."  
"No."

I sigh and walk over to grab the book on the bed before returning it to the shelf. "You can't keep me here." I turn to face him and then the staff pressed my chest. It was like coldness, no, more like ice, spreading from the point of contact through all my limbs, my scalp tingled. I took a sharp inhale and then everything went fuzzy, as if I was in some weird room in the back of my mind. I could feel my body moving, thought I didn't know which parts or why. And I heard nothing. I saw nothing.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up in a sewer with a throbbing headache. I'd say being in the sewer was more surprising though the headache did have more of my immediate attention. Slowly, I sat up, my whole body ached. I looked down at my arms, the clothes weren't mine. I slid my sleeves up; my arms were covered in motely bruises. There were a couple of other people waking up around me. Men. That's when I got up and ran. Muffled whimpers escaped me as I powered down the sewer, frantically searching for a ladder or any way out. Why was I in a room unconscious full of men? Had I been drugged? Why was my body covered in bruises? Finding a ladder I climbed desperately, slipping on a few rungs. My arms felt weak, pushing myself up hurt more and more. Opening the hatch and struggling to the surface, I found myself in an alleyway that stank of urine. I stumbled out to the road. My jaws dropped. New York.

I recognised it from pictures and films. I was expecting it to be loud, busy, but there were only a handful of the amount of people I expected shuffling about. Some of the road was ripped up, bodies lay on the ground. It was like a disaster. Awkwardly I stumbled to the nearest person. "Can you help me? I don't know where I am?" He glared and kept moving. I turned to the next person, "Where are the police? Please, help me!" The woman looked at me like I was insane. Maybe I had gone insane. Words began to choke inside me and I stifled a few sobs, running my hands through my hair as I crouched between some rubble.

And then I saw one of the bodies more closely. Unless a mass costume party had got out of hand, that thing wasn't human. A flash of pain shot through my temples and a gasped, curling myself up tight and shutting my eyes. I waited for it to subside.

Finally I struggled to my feet. Where should I go? I had no passport, no id, no idea what had happened. Without even realising I found myself walking. I guess I hoped that if I kept walking, maybe I'd find a police station or something. I tried to fold my arms but found that it just hurt too much to do so. Perhaps a hospital would be a good idea. Then again, I didn't have any money. And given the looks of things, it was going to be busy there. Some parts of the city were more damaged than others I found. Mainly though, people kept indoors or out the way of each other. Wary of whatever just happened.

There was a weird feeling though as I walked about. Like I was being watched. Then again, being completely lost in a new city would give anyone that feeling. I looked about but there didn't seem to be anyone. I started to think what I would do if I was following someone and I stopped in my tracks.

A guy, further up the pavement stopped to tie his laces. As I moved forward again, passing him, I saw his reflection in a car mirror as he stood to continue. I crossed the road but he stayed on his side. I turned a corner to a quiet and smaller road and bent down as if tying my own laces. He walked past me but at a slow pace. He _was_ following me.

My heart raced. Why was he following me? Was he from the sewer or did he just chose to follow me a few minutes ago? I continued walking behind him like everything was fine. He was wearing all black. He was pretty muscular. He was most definitely from the sewer. Fuck.

I turned to go the way I came when I heard him turn to follow me. I ran. So did he. He caught up fast, my arms and legs hurt too badly to run any faster than I did. He tackled me to the floor and I screamed as I hit the concrete. He radioed something in and it wasn't long before I was shoved into the back of a black van. Blindfolded.

"Where am I?" I asked for about the hundredth time. At this point I knew I wasn't going to get an answer or even an acknowledgement. I was pushed through some doors and down a corridor. "You can't just take me, where are we, who are you?" Eventually I was shoved into a hard plastic chair and the blindfold removed. My hands were tied before we had even got out of the car.

The man who had followed me gave me a hard look before the woman with him escorted him out. Had I done something to upset him?

I waited in the room for quite some time. I realised I needed the loo and was hungry. I crossed my legs and wondered how long it had been since I last ate. I couldn't remember.

Eventually a young woman swept into the room. Brunette, tall and thin. Her forehead had a cut on it. She sat opposite me and placed some documents on the table. "Where am I?" I asked her quietly. "Is this an interrogation? I don't even remember how I got here, please."  
She raised a hand. "I just have a couple of questions to ask you." She flipped over the first page. A thin man with dark hair and strange clothing. "Do you know this man?"  
"No." I shook my head.  
"So this isn't you?" She flipped the next page. The man was there, his arm was around me. My brow furrowed.  
"That's… that's me." I just manage to say, "But I don't know who that guy is."

"You're British?" She asked, leaning back in her chair.  
"Yes. That's what I've been trying to tell you people, I don't know how I…"  
"Where's your passport?"  
"I don't have it. Or at least I don't think I do… I woke up earlier in a sewer; I don't know why I'm here…"  
She raised a hand again. "You're saying you are certain you don't know this man?"  
"Yes!"  
She scooped together the papers and left without a word.

Another woman came into the room and grabbed my arm, ignoring my gasp of pain as she squeezed a tender point. She led me down a few other corridors and into a room. It had a bed and an adjoining room containing a sink, shower and toilet. She uncuffed me and left, locking the door behind her. Her locking it still didn't stop me from trying to open it. It was definitely locked.

Resigned, I sat on my bed and stared at the floor for a few minutes. Maybe this was immigration. But who was that man? For the life of me I couldn't think straight. It was almost as if he was familiar but then again, I had never seen him before. My headache began to return.

Trying to find something else to do, I rolled my sleeves up and examined my bruises. Nothing too severe. Next I awkwardly pulled my top off. Not running anymore, the adrenaline had faded and everything hurt so much more. I noticed that the bra I was in, which definitely was not mine, was silky and looked expensive. I shuddered trying not to think about who had put me in it. My ribs ached and it felt like I wasn't getting enough air. The scratches on my back were new though. I laid on the bed, curled up. I didn't get under the covers. I just cried and cried until I fell asleep.

I woke up to knocking. Quickly I pulled my shirt back on. "Come in?" I said anxiously. A young man entered, fair hair, strong jawline. By the white coat I guessed he was a doctor. With everything else going on though I wasn't so sure.

"Good morning." He greeted me kindly, taking the stool I hadn't even noticed from the corner of the room. He sat opposite me, but not so close as to make me uncomfortable. He cracked open a folder. "Jess, right?"  
"How do you know that?"  
"It's in the folder." He took out the top sheet and passed it to me. I scanned it briefly. It was basic information; my name, birthday, address. I passed it back. "I was wondering if there was anything I could help you with? I heard that your arms were sore? Can I take a look?"

I scowled. I wondered if the woman who had grabbed me had said, the man who had tackled me to the ground, or more disturbingly whether they had cameras in here. I rolled up my sleeves. He whistled inwards when he saw the bruises. He ran a gentle hand over them and I winced. "How did you get these?"  
"I don't know." I told him. "Just like I don't know how I got here. Why I've been interrogated. Or why I have scratches down my back."  
"May I?"

Awkwardly he spends the next half an hour examining me. Each time asking my permission. He doesn't tell me what he thinks has happened but with every new injury his face tightens with anger.  
"I'll prescribe you something for the pain." He tells me eventually. He gets up to leave and hesitates for a moment, flashing me a sincerely apologetic look.

The pills arrive with the first round of food brought to my cell. I pick at the food and don't touch the pills. I'm not digesting anything I don't know or trust. It goes on like this for a few days. I sleep, I barely eat, I shower, I stare at a wall and cry.


	5. Chapter 5

Finally one of the people comes to the door and ushers me out. I get taken to a new room. It's nicer than mine or the interrogation room. The woman who interrogated me stands behind a man with an eyepatch who gestures to the chair opposite the table he's at. Slowly I sit down.

"I apologise if we've scared you." He begins. "I'm Director Fury, this is Agent Hill. Do you have any idea why you are here?"  
"Something to do with those pictures I'm in that you showed me?" I ask weakly.  
He nodded. Agent Hill steps forward and presents me with the pictures again. "His name is Loki. We have intelligence that you were his companion."  
"But that's insane, I don't even know him."  
"We believe he may have altered your memories." Agent Hill told me bluntly. "We weren't sure to begin with, but with Doctor Morgan's report we reckon it's a safe bet."  
"So I'm free to go?"  
"Not quite." Fury sighed. "Loki is dangerous, and he did things that we weren't prepared for. I'm afraid you'll have to stick around for a bit in case your memories come back. We might need your  
help."  
"So I'm stuck here? I have a job… family…"  
"All been taken care of." Agent Hill assured me. "We've gone through your accounts and arranged vacation time and payment receipts of a flight to Manhattan."

My eyes widen. "Who are you people?"  
"SHIELD." Agent Hill tells me. "If you could follow me, there are some others who want to meet you."  
She leads me out to another room. I'm in shock. I had seen Tony Stark and Captain America in the news back home. The others are less familiar.  
"This is Dr Bruce Banner." Agent Hill introduced us. The man shook my hand with a gentle smile, he looked troubled. "Nice to meet you." I say hesitantly.  
"And you." He nods.

Next is Agent Romanoff. She nods at me and that's about the extent of our meeting. I'm aware as I meet each Avenger, as Hill calls them; I'm being glared at by the others in turn. Agent Barton walks away as we get closer. I'm feeling very uncomfortable. Captain America greets me stiffly but politely and Tony Stark greets me informally but almost as if he's bored by me.

"This way." Agent Hill leads me to another room. A tall, muscular blond sits waiting. He almost looks like he could give the Captain a run for his money. He stands quickly. "Is this the one?" He asks. Hill nods and before she can say anything the man scoops me into a swift hug, apparently not hearing my cry of pain as my injuries are crushed. "This is Thor." The woman lets me know. He releases me and smiles at me with a mixture of happiness and sadness.

"Hi." I try awkwardly, trying to breathe normally even though it feels like my ribs are on fire.  
"You must let us see him." Thor turns to Hill.  
"Later." She glances at me. "I'll leave you two alone."

After she left, Thor took me by the hand and led me to the comfy seats. He sits opposite me. "I knew there must have been a woman, but Midgardian?" He laughs softly. "The things he said about Jane."  
"What are you talking about?"  
"Loki! He must have told you about Asgard, surely?"

"Oh." I look down. "I don't know Loki, I don't know why they have those pictures of us."  
He looks saddened by this. "But I know him. He is my brother."  
"I heard that he's the one that destroyed the city?"  
"He's adopted."  
"They think I'm his accomplice, don't they?"  
Thor didn't answer and I sighed. "I just woke up in a sewer." I rest my head in my hands.

"Loki is known for his mischief."  
"The god of it, I know." Then I pause. "Wait, no, he can't be… Thor, god of Thunder?"  
He smiles proudly.  
"Life just got so complicated." I moan into my hands.  
Thor hesitates before taking my hand gently. "I know it is a lot to ask. But should I be able to visit my brother, would you come with me?"  
"What?"  
"It would surprise him. Maybe he will see sense."  
"The guy wiped my hard drive, you think I mean anything to him?"  
"I think he did it to protect you."  
I thought this over. "I suppose they already think I helped him, what worse can meeting him do?"  
Thor smiled.

I waited behind the door, heart pounding. Thor flashed me a reassuring smile as it slid open and I followed him into the room. In a glass tank in the middle, Loki stood, clenching and unclenching his fists.

"Brother." I stepped behind Thor as he spoke, drawing this murderers attention.  
"Ah, brother." I heard Loki sneer. "Come to visit me, how sweet."  
"I did not come alone." Thor turned to me, seeing the pleading in his eyes, I awkwardly stepped out. Loki, so poised and tense when we entered, froze, his shoulders dropping suddenly. "Who is this girl?" He asked, but his voice almost faltered. "She means nothing to me, a plaything."  
"Loki," Thor began.  
"A mortal? You think a mortal seduced me? You thought you could get my secrets because of some girl? I care not. Torture her, kill her, you will not persuade me."

"Loki." The word had barely escaped my lips when his eyes flickered to me, a glance before glaring back at Thor.  
"You think this girl means anything to me?" He jeered.  
"Loki, why am I here?" I asked quietly.

He glanced at me again and licked his lips uncertainly. Turning back to Thor he opened his mouth to say something snide but I raised my voice louder, anger stirring in me. "Why am I here?" I hadn't meant it to come out as a shout. I suppose with everything that had happened in the last few days my emotions had caught up with me.

There was a silence between us. This alien god looked at me, perplexed. Finally he turned his back on us. "Go. I will not speak with this miserable quim here."

Thor opens his mouth to say something but I beat him to the punch. "This miserable quim has been beaten, interrogated and lost. She deserves some answers. But fine, you play whatever childish game you're playing in your pathetic little head." I stormed out. Agents waited on the other side of the door to escort me back to my room. I didn't see anyone for another day.


	6. Chapter 6

When I next woke up, fresh clothes were on the stool by the door. I took them gratefully, happy to change into anything from the green and black outfit that so resembled that of Loki's. They had given me a pale blue dress, nothing fancy, with some black tights. Comfy for sitting around. It wasn't long after I'd got dressed there was a knock at my door.

"Yes?" The door opened and I was shocked to see Tony Stark enter. He took off his sunglasses and glared at the dreary room.  
"Would it have killed Fury to put a poster up or something? Jeez." He flashed me a warm smile. "Tony Stark, how are you?"  
"Fine," I replied, shaking his extended hand. "I wasn't expecting guests." Especially not billionaire crime-fighters.

He smirked and sat on the stool, gesturing for me to sit as well. "Well how could I resist after that little show you put on?"  
"What are you talking about?"  
"That thing with Loki? You really don't know him do you?"  
"Not in the slightest."  
"He would disagree."  
I cringe. "He called me a… plaything." The word disgusted me.  
"His body language spoke volumes." I watched as Tony produced some sweets from his pocket, he offered me one. Gratefully I took it. He seemed warmer than the agents. And his policies on his technology that he had been blasting across media platforms in the last year were quite impressive.

"He knows more than he's letting on. I reckon Thor's hunch is right about him having a thing for you." I shudder at the thought, which makes Tony laugh. His face gets more serious as he asks "I heard you were banged up pretty bad when they found you?"  
"Yeah, and with what Loki was implying, no guesses how that happened." I groan.  
"How bad was it?"  
I shrug. I don't really want to even imagine it to be honest.

"Come on, you were all fire and brimstone in that little meeting, you can barely talk now?"  
"I don't want to talk about some madman everyone thinks I was sleeping with. I don't even know who he is." It was almost hard to say it. I refused to believe it, let alone acknowledge it.  
"So let's not talk about that. Let's talk about something else."  
"I got the distinct impression you were bored by me this morning."  
"I was." I glared. "Then I saw your little outbreak and now I'm interested."  
"In me?" I reply dryly.

Tony shrugged and stands to open the door. "You can sit in here and mope or you can come with me for a walk."

Hurriedly I stand up and follow him out, thankful to get out of the bland room. He takes me to an elevator and we shoot up. He gives me the courtesy of not looking at me. It helps. It makes me feel more normal not to have people staring. When the doors slide open we come out into a large lounge, most of the Avengers are about the place, busying themselves. They all stop to stare at me.

"Guys, meet Jessica. Jessica, you've met the others." He directed himself to the group. "I thought it'd be better for her to hang out here than cooped up in that room." Turning to me. "Books are over there, help yourself to anything from the kitchen, we have the latest consoles. Have fun." He smiled before walking over to a redheaded woman waiting for him that I haven't been introduced to. I watch as Barton picks up his mug and jumps off the counter he was sat on before storming out. Romanoff follows him. Captain America returns to his book, shaking his head. It's Dr Banner that approaches me. "Cup of coffee?"  
"Yeah, sure." I follow him to the counters and he starts brewing.

"Don't take it too personally; they're just on edge after everything with Loki." He tells me.  
"And with me?"  
"Yeah." He smiles weakly.  
"But you're happy to talk to me?" I ask him.  
"I know what it's like having people stare."  
"Thank you." I tell him sincerely. He smiles. "I mean that. Thank you."

"So where are you from?" He asks. We spend the next few minutes chatting over our coffees, I even found myself laughing at points. The occasional page turns from Captain America was the only reminder he was in the room at all. Until he cut in.  
"You really remember nothing about Loki?"

"No." I turn to him, shaken. "I woke up in a sewer. Last thing I remember was going home with some groceries."  
"When?" Bruce asked softly.  
"I don't know, Thursday?"  
"The date?" Cap asked irritably. I told him and he looked up from his book. "That was weeks ago."  
"Weeks?" I squeak. His eyes widen and soften.  
"Yes, you didn't know?"

"No." I grip the counter for support. I'm having trouble breathing. Bruce is saying something but I can't hear it, I'm spiralling. The headache is back, splitting mind numbing pain. Suddenly, great arms embrace me against a warm chest. The sound of a heartbeat regulates me. I inhale, I exhale. As I'm released, I realise it was Cap who had been holding me. Bashfully I pull away.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know." He says meekly. "They tried to cushion me when I woke up from the ice. Made it look like a 1940s hospital, nurse, radio and all. Barton had Nat there after he got free of whatever hold Loki had on him. Guess waking up on your own was pretty tough."

"I woke up in a sewer with bruises and surrounded by men how do you think I reacted?" I answer through gritted teeth. "I was followed around a ruined New York and tackled to the ground." I turn to him. "I was interrogated and forced in front of some alien overlord!" My voice has got way too high now. I turn away, trying to hide my face, trying not to cry.

"You're safe now." Cap said softly. Composing myself I look at him, he looks upset, downright apologetic.  
"What is this room for?" I ask, changing tact.

"They like to give us somewhere to relax." Said Banner. "Originally it just had coffee and a TV but it didn't take Tony long to kit it out." He handed me a mug, the heat radiating from him was soothing. Cap helped me over to a chair, walking me as if I was some fragile old woman. I don't stop him like I would've liked to because part of me is so shaken up that this comforting is everything I need and want right now. Bruce sits in the chair next to me, Captain America opposite me. I notice his expression has changed, he's watching me intently, he looks concerned, more so that Bruce whose face is sympathetic.

"Where are you from?" Cap asks softly.  
"I was living in my university city." I begin hesitantly. They're listen patiently. I tell them everything. How excited I had been to go to Uni. Dating Jake. Losing Jake. Graduation. Working. Then what it was like waking up in that sewer. The interrogation. Seeing Loki for the first time with Thor. Today. By the time I finish, I'm almost choking down some tears; Bruce reaches over and gives my shoulder a rub. Cap is sat stiffly, his body language tightened as soon as I mentioned the men in the sewer, his fists clenched when I told them about the bruises and other injuries. He sits silently.

"You're safe now." Bruce tells me.  
"I just want to go home." I tell him in a small voice. He bows his head but doesn't say anything. I take a deep sip of my coffee, I've been talking so long its gone a little cold.  
"Loki is being sent back to Asgard to be tried by his father." Cap' told me formally. I wonder if he thinks this is meant to comfort me.  
"Odin?" I ask, he nods. "Life was so much easier when there weren't gods involved." I lament. Cap' chuckles, Bruce smiles.

The elevator opens and Black Widow steps out in gym wear, "Cap', you coming?"  
"Sure." He gets up and pauses to flash me a reassuring smile before following the woman into the elevator.

Bruce stays with me for a bit, we have another cup of coffee, talk, and laugh and then he has to go and work on some lab reports. He leaves me in the rec room and I pick up the book Cap' had been reading, I can't be bothered to get up and go to the shelves to pick something else, this is just close by.

I get into a pattern; someone must have been digging through my social media and taken pity on me because I wake up one morning to a new yoga mat in my room. I wake up, do some yoga, take a shower, and read Cap's book I took from the rec room. No one visits me, no one talks to me. Sometimes it gets a little lonely, but my door locks from the outside, I couldn't get out even if I wanted to. Sometimes I'm glad I'm alone, because I'm not sure I would want anyone to see me crying so much.

About a week later there's a knock at my door, it doesn't open. "Hello?" The door opens only after I had called out and Cap stands at my door in his suit. My eyes travel down his body, it fits him like a glove. "Everything alright?"

He gestures to the book in my hands and smiles slightly. "I'd wondered where that'd got to."  
"Oh, I'm sorry," I glance at the book, "I just couldn't put it down." I get up and hold it out to him but he shakes his head smiling. "You might as well finish it, I've read it before."  
"You sure?"  
"Yeah, what do you think of it?"  
I hesitate. "Not the usual kind of book I go for but it's interesting." To be honest I just like that there's something to stop me thinking about everything else.

"It was one of my favourites when I was a kid." He tells me. "Found it was like a slice of home when I started reading it again here."  
I nod.

"Hows the mat?" He asks.  
"That was you?"  
"Yeah, I hope you don't mind. I felt bad about the other day." He scratches behind his head. "I was a little cold." Understatement I think, trying not to smile.  
"Thank you, Captain."  
"Please, call me Steve."  
"Okay, thank you Steve." I smile.  
"We're going to send Loki to Asgard today, you're welcome to come."  
Immediately my eyes look for anywhere but him. "I'm not sure that's a good idea."  
"Thor was hoping to say goodbye."  
I shake my head, still not looking at him. "I can't."

Steve nods. "Okay, well we're going to have drinks in the tower tonight, would you be interested in that?" He hesitates then quickly follows with, "Team celebration of stopping Loki. Thought you could do with a bit of a party and it'd be a great way for you to meet everybody if you're going to be with us for a while."  
I nod. "That sounds great." I smile at him. I haven't got anything else to do.  
"Okay, I'll send an agent to bring you tonight." He turns to leave.  
"Steve?"  
"Yeah?"  
"How fancy are these drinks going to be because this is literally all they've given me to wear." I look down at my blue dress, and he does too.  
"I'll talk to someone."  
"Thanks."


	7. Chapter 7

The super soldier was good to his word. About half of my wardrobe from back home appears that evening while I'm in the bathroom. It seems like a gross misuse of funds to send over the wardrobe of a possible fugitive from England but I'm not complaining.

I decide to go with my black bodycon dress. All of my evening dresses are sleeveless, and none of my jackets have been brought, guess my bruises will be on show tonight. Hopefully the dress would be sleek, formal, but not too dressy. I had washed my hair after Steve left so I just applied my make-up and got changed. There had been a lot of supplies appearing in my room recently. Wax strips being one of them. I was thankful for that, my legs were in need of a good shave but I guess with all my moodswings and crying I wasn't trusted with a razor just yet. I tried to admire myself in the small bathroom mirror but I couldn't see more than my face and upper body. I just had to hope I looked ok.

The doctor who had examined me was the one to come and collect me. Again, I was thankful to SHEILD, they had sent someone familiar to me. His eyes lit up when he saw me. "Hey, you look great, how are you feeling?" I look at what he's wearing. A shirt and trousers; there is absolutely no way of telling how formal that is, was I overdressed?  
"A bit better, thanks."  
"Bruises and cuts are looking better." He comments as we head down the corridor.  
"I have a good doctor." I smile.  
He looks a little guiltily at me. "I really haven't been visiting as much as I should have done. I'm sorry. I've been swamped with work."  
"It's fine. I wasn't expecting to be a priority, it's only a few scratches."  
"My name's Dean Morgan by the way." He tells me as we enter the elevator. "I should have introduced myself when we met."  
"I was so shaken up I probably wouldn't have remembered anyway." I tell him. "You had my file, but, hi, I'm Jess."  
"A pleasure to meet you." He shakes my hand, grinning.

We step out of the elevator and he leads me through a crisp and clean reception area and through glass doors outside. There's a big black van waiting to take us but I take a moment to stretch my arms and take a deep breath of fresh air, Doctor Morgan waits as I do this before ushering me into the back seat. As the door closes behind him he pulls out restraints built into the car. "Security measure, sorry, something Fury wouldn't let up on."

I put my wrists out and let him cuff me to the chair. I'm in a better mood than I've been in for weeks, I almost feel like myself again. "Kinky, shouldn't you buy me dinner first though?" He laughs and I'm not sure but I think I heard the driver chuckle as we pulled out and away from my prison.

It's not long before we reach the Stark tower, the doctor leaning over to uncuff me. As I step out I'm dazzled by a few camera flares. Doctor Morgan takes my arm and steers me to the tower. "I probably should have mentioned that sorry, the pap' are always trying to sneak a few shots of the Avengers since the invasion."

The reception is filled with security, Dean sorts out our names on the guest list, we're each given a glass of champagne and we take the nearest elevator up to the party. I let out a sigh of relief as the doors open and I see some women in full length gowns and others in short cocktail dresses. There were some who hadn't even changed from the smart clothes they obviously wore to work. Like a child I follow Dean around, I don't know anyone and while not many people look my way, out of those that do, some shoot me pointedly disgusted looks. He makes polite conversation with most of the people, going to the bar for drinks occasionally, eventually settling near the middle of the room talking to a group of other doctors who he seems much more comfortable with.

I look around the room, sipping the same drink I had when I entered, suddenly feeling alone again. Finally my eyes settle on someone I recognise, Steve, chatting to several female coworkers. I don't know, why but I feel a bit of a flush of what, jealousy? There was no denying Steve Rogers was attractive, but this feeling was completely unwarranted. They probably knew him better, they were probably his friends, and even if he was dating one of them, I had no claim to him, I had only met him a few times and besides that why would he ever be interested in someone that half the people in this room hated. His eyes make contact with mine and he waves me over. Two of the women look around, one giving me the briefest of glances, the other looking me up and down. I tap Dean's shoulder and let him know, he smiles, nods and waves me off.

Awkwardly, I make my way over to Steve and the women and come to realise the circle goes further along than I had seen next to Dean, with Barton, Romanoff and some other agents. As I come to join them Barton glares at me and leaves.

"Nice dress." The girl next to me says. She's a blonde bombshell, tall, slender and wearing a midnight blue satin cocktail dress.  
"Thanks." I smile. I nod over to where Barton had been. "He always do that?"  
"Nah, he's usually the life of the party, don't know what's got him in so much of a huff recently. My name's Lucy."  
"Jess."  
"What department are you in?" I freeze, what am I supposed to tell people? "I saw you come in with Dean, are you a nurse or something?"  
"Something like that." I reply quickly, taking a drink. "What about you?"  
"Logistics." She half-heartedly groaned, then laughed. "It's quite boring really. I'd much rather be on the dream team."  
"The Avengers?"  
"Duh." She smiled. "What, have you been living under a rock or something?"  
"Work keeps me busy." I lied.  
"Same." She sighed. "This might be a bit of a weird question, but is there something going on between you and Doctor Morgan?"  
"Nothing." I smile, her face lights up, "Only met him a few days ago, he was just my ride here."  
"Cool." She clinked our glasses together, "I was thinking of asking him out next week."  
"Best of luck to you."  
"Thanks." She grinned. She opens her mouth to say something but a friend of hers runs over giggling and trying to drag her away. "I'll catch you again sometime!" She calls back as she runs off.

I turn and try to listen to what Steve is telling the girls but the music just got turned up and I can't quite hear him. A few other guests wander over, and I get jostled back a bit as whatever story he was telling reaches its climax and they all erupt into laughter.

I down the rest of my drink and head over to the bar. One of Tony's bots is supplying the alcohol. I take my next glass and head over to the wall near the elevator, watching everyone. I would talk to someone but chatting to Lucy has worried me about what I can and can't tell people about myself. I can see Stark with who I assume is his girlfriend as he tells some story. Barton is sat on the walkway above the bar, watching everyone, Romanoff is getting a drink and talking to someone, I've lost sight of Steve. Bruce doesn't seem to be here at all.

I turn and go down the corridor, wondering where the bathroom is. I pass by a few agents talking in the corridor and head down past the rooms. Curious, I push one of the doors open and slip inside. It's a large bedroom, complete with flatscreen television mounted on one wall, I turn to the door on the left and peak through into an ensuite.

"Madam, this room is off-limits to guests."  
I jump, startled, but I can't see anyone in the room. "Hello?" I ask, "Sorry, I was looking for the bathroom."  
The television lights up with a floor plan and a small room on the other side of the party is lit up in yellow. "The bathroom is located on the other side of the complex."  
"Thanks." I scowl. "Who am I actually talking to?"  
"My name is JARVIS, madam, I am a fully operational AI and PA to Tony Stark."  
"You're a robot?" I look around the room. "That's pretty amazing, did Tony build you?"

The door I had used to come in shakes and I run into the ensuite as it opens and closes. I can hear a woman saying something and a man's throaty chuckle. There's a thud, I have to get out of here now. I step out from the room, hand over my eyes. "I'm sorry, I was looking for the bathroom and I got lost, I'll just be going…"  
"Jess?!"  
I lower my hand, Steve is draped across a young brunette woman, who was still kissing his neck.  
"Sorry!" I run straight out to the corridor and push my way past the partiers and to the bathroom. Luckily there wasn't a queue, I lock the door behind me and sit against it. Well I fucked that up didn't I? He's going to think I was waiting in there or something. I groan and put my head against my knees. Knowing other people are going to want the bathroom, I look up, "JARVIS? Where can I go just to be alone for a bit?"

"It's a bit cold out here isn't it?" Dean asked. I was leaning against the wall around the roof, looking out over the city. JARVIS had been kind enough to let the elevator go to the roof.  
"It's not too bad." I'm lying, I'm freezing, I just don't want to go back down to the party. I look back to him, his hair is being swept by the wind and his hands are in his pockets. "Well I think it's cold and you don't even have a jacket on. Come back inside."

"No." I say quickly, looking back out. "I don't fit in; I'm fine up here, really."  
He sighs and slips his jacket off putting it around my shoulders and standing next to me.  
"You can go back to the party, I'm fine." I tell him.  
"They won't even let you have razors or pencil sharpeners in your room, you think I'm leaving you alone on a roof?"  
"I'm not suicidal."  
"Yeah, but we don't know what else Loki did to your mind, its better just to have some precautions until we know what we're dealing with."  
"I guess." I sigh.  
"What really happened?" He asked. "Down at the party, I mean. You seemed excited when we left."  
"Nothing."  
"Jessica, we have patient, doctor confidentiality."  
"I don't want to talk about it." I turn to him. "A girl named Lucy likes you by the way."  
"Really? What was her last name?"  
"I don't know, she was blonde. You should ask her out."  
"Nah she was probably just drunk." He waited a moment. "Honestly, you can tell me."  
"Barton leaves every time I'm around, what's with that?" I ask, it wasn't the only thing that was bothering me but I wasn't about to tell him about Steve's escapades.

Dean shrugged. "He was under Loki's control too. Maybe he's wary about being around you? He's the reason we were alerted about your presence, he remembered you being brought in."  
"Whoever he thinks I am, that's not me, I don't know Loki."  
"I know, I believe you." He folded his arms. "With Loki gone though, it's probably just easier to project his frustration onto you."  
"Should I stay away from him?"  
"He wouldn't hurt you but he's in a bad place right now, just try to give him some slack." I nod. "Look, just come back down, okay? Steve's down there, I heard you, him and Doctor Banner got on well the other day."  
"I'd rather stay up here. Where is Doctor Banner?"  
"Something happened today and he was worried he might hulk out during the party, he's excused himself for the evening." He watched me a moment. "Is it something to do with Cap'?"  
"No."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yes."  
"Alright."

We stay there in silence for quite some time, I can tell he's bored and I start to feel bad so we head back to the party. By then, people had begun to leave, I can't see any of the Avengers hanging around. I stick by Dean, saying nothing, keeping my head down, and finally we leave. The same routine, cuffed, drive, uncuffed, led to my room and locked in. "Goodnight." He tells me as he closes the door. I strip off and jump in the shower, letting the water cascade over me for ages. When I get out, I dry off, change and go straight to bed.


	8. Chapter 8

The next day is rather dull; I spend the whole day in bed, curled up with Steve's book. When I finish it, I just start reading it again. I have notification that I am now allowed to go to the rec room and the library but I don't really want to. It wasn't until a few days later that I had a visitor.

"Come for the book?" I ask quietly as he entered.  
"Actually I was going to ask you to lunch." Steve mumbled.  
"Just give me a few minutes to get dressed." I tell him with a weak smile, passing him the book and taking some of my clothes into the bathroom. Once I'm dressed I follow him to the elevator in an awkward silence and we head to the reception area. He collects his jacket from the desk and passes me a helmet. I give him a look. "I took the bike here." He explains, walking out. A Harley sits on the forecourt. He swings a leg over, "You coming?"  
"I've never been on a bike before."  
"We can walk?"  
"No, it's fine."  
"Just," he reaches up and puts the helmet on me, "hold on tight."

I sit behind him and that's exactly what I do, pressing my body against his tightly before the bikes even moved. He takes us to a little café, parking the bike and helping me out of my helmet. "Lunch is my treat, okay?" I'd argue but I haven't got any money on me, when he had asked me to lunch I assumed he meant in some kind of cafeteria.

He holds the door open for me like a gentleman and we head over to a table near the windows. "This is one of my favourite places to come for lunch." He tells me, passing me a menu and taking one for himself, "The eggs are good."  
"I've never really been a fan of eggs." I laugh as he gives me a look like I'm insane.  
"Well that rules out about half the menu."  
"I'm fine with just a tuna sandwich." I pick the first thing I see without egg.  
"Tuna it is." He pushes his menu back into the table stand. "Look, Jess I wanted to talk to you about the other night."

The waitress comes over, "Alright hun, what can I get for you today, omelette and coffee?"  
"Not today Katie, we'll have two tuna sandwiches and waters, thanks."  
The woman was clearly a little put out at there being little conversation with the superhero but she took the order down and left without showing her disappointment too much.

"The other night," He begins again.  
"I shouldn't have wandered into your room, I'm sorry, I had no idea, I was just looking for the bathroom and I didn't know there was an AI I could've just asked, I'm really embarrassed, I'm so sorry, I…"  
"Whoa, whoa!" He laughs. "Calm down, I was going to apologise to you."  
"To me? Why?"  
"I don't want you getting the wrong idea about me. I'm not the sort of guy to go around… with women on a whim."  
"Whether that was your girlfriend or not, I'm just sorry I interrupted." I tell him.  
He shakes his head. "She is not my girlfriend."

Katie brings over our drinks and he waits, thanking her, before continuing. "I mean she is beautiful, but it would have been a mistake. I knew she liked me and I guess some of the things Stark had been saying to me had begun to get the better of me. It would have been for all the wrong reasons. I'm kinda glad you were there."  
"You're glad I cockblocked you?"  
He raises his eyebrows, "I guess, yeah."  
"What sort of things does Stark say?" I ask quietly as Katie brings over our food.  
"It doesn't matter."  
"It's obviously affecting you, I just wondered if talking about it might help."  
He looks at me for a moment and smiles, "It's alright Jess, just try the sandwich."

We eat and discuss a range of topics, he asks about yoga, I ask about his work outs, we discuss more books, some films, occasionally he makes note of one of them in a notebook he has on him. "What is that?" I ask as he writes Star Wars down.  
"Just a list of stuff to catch up on." He smiles.  
"Well while you're enjoying the classics don't forget all the great stuff coming out at the moment." I take another bite of my sandwich.  
"Good point. Fancy coming to the cinema with me tonight?"  
"Like a date?"  
"Not exactly what I had in mind." He laughs, "It'd be good to take a friend though and I haven't got anything to do tonight, what about you?"  
I take a deep breath and look out as if thinking really hard. "Oh, I don't know Steve, I have a long night of staring at walls ahead of me, I just don't know if I can tear myself away from that… Of course I'll come." He smiles and we finish our food.

I feel bad as he pays the bill but I had nothing else to offer. When we get back to the building the fireworks kick off. "What do you think you are doing?" An elderly lady comes storming out to greet us. "Sorry Eleanor, just taking Jess out to lunch." He told her as he climbed off the bike, helping down.

"We told you that was an unnecessary security risk!" Eleanor growled, waving some SHEILD agents to escort me back in. I look back over my shoulder and Cap' waves while Eleanor continues to snap at him.

I get led back to my room but I don't stay there. I go out to the library, it's not very big but they've stocked it with books relevant to the research they're doing. I wander the shelves, and stop when I hit the mythology section. It's huge. I walk down the aisles, scanning the books until I come across one that makes my headache flare up again. _"Norse Myths". _It's a pretty generic title. I take the book down and flick through the pages. The headache gets worse but I power through.

A few hours later and I've made a habitat out of the aisle. I sit with my back against the shelf, book cracked open across my knees, books spread around me. For some reason I find the headache gets worse with certain passages on Loki, but not all of them. I should probably mention it to Dean; he did say they didn't know what Loki had done to me.

Eventually an agent collects me and takes me back to my room. I shower, get changed and wait for Steve. He doesn't show up.


	9. Chapter 9

It doesn't take long before Eleanor invites me to her office. Agent Lopez takes me up to it without making conversation. Eleanor sits at a glass desk sipping coffee, she gestures for me to sit opposite her. Once seated, she begins, picking up a folder with her spare hand, "I've been looking into your file… Archaeology?"  
"Err yeah," I nod, "That was my degree."  
"And it didn't lead to a career?" she glances over the paperwork.  
"Not many careers in archaeology pay well."  
She nods, taking another sip of coffee. "SHIELD could do with some more researchers in your field with all these Norse gods showing up." She lowers the file and leans forward with a sigh. "And you do have personal experience with Loki whether you're aware of it or not. How does doing some research for us sound to you?"  
I stare at her blankly for a moment. "Could I-"  
"We can't send you home." She pre-emptively knows what I was going to ask. "But I will see to some liberties. An allowance maybe. How does it sound to you? You'll have unrestricted access to certain areas of the base." She hesitates. "I've heard you've been making use of the library anyway, so why not make it an official role?"  
Swallowing hard, I nod. Maybe taking on this job, Eleanor will see to it that I actually get to leave the building and don't have to be escorted everywhere. Maybe this will get me a step closer to going home.

I do occasionally use the rec room. I try not to take it personally when Barton glares at me, at least he doesn't leave when I enter anymore. Bruce tells me about his research, Tony plays video games with me, I get introduced to Pepper, his girlfriend and we talk about current events. It feels good to be catching up again. I don't speak much with Black Widow. We smile at each other now, but she still feels a little intimidating.  
I haven't seen Steve in ages. When I ask the others, they just tell me he's out or that I must have just missed him or something.  
When I finally do run into him, it's in the corridor on my way back to my room from the library one day. I am painfully aware of how untidy I look. He quickly finishes his conversation with the agent he was talking to and jogs over. "Hey, Jessica!"  
"Hi, Steve." He's in the suit again. With difficulty I make the effort to keep eye contact and not to gawk at him.  
"Sorry about the other day, Eleanor's had me locked out from this floor for the past few days." He explained.  
"Why?"  
"Well I wasn't actually supposed to take you to lunch."  
"So why did you?"  
His face cringes as he smiles. "Because I don't think you're the threat SHEILD makes you out to be."  
"Ah, a rebel I see." I smile, he chuckles slightly.  
"I managed to convince the director to allow you to the Avengers Tower since you're doing all this research to help us stop any further attacks by Loki." He gestured to the books in my arms. I had almost forgotten that was the deal, at this point I was more interested in finding out which stories brought on the headaches and which didn't. "Anytime you want to go, you should be able to arrange for an agent to take you." He smiled. "It's not much, I know, but we all live there and I guessed you might enjoy the change of scene."  
"Thanks Steve."  
"So, how about it?" He asks. I give him a blank look, he continues. "Turns out Barton had some of those films you were talking about, still up for a movie night?"

The agent drops me off outside the tower building and watches until I'm inside before driving away. At least they hadn't walked me in like a child.  
I had asked Eleanor for an allowance as promised and she had begrudgingly given it to me. I used it to stop and buy some pizzas on the way to the tower. Security lets me in, gesturing me towards the elevator.  
"Which floor?" JARVIS' voice asks.  
"I'm here to see Steve? I don't know which floor that is, sorry."  
The elevator begins to move up. "No need to apologise, madam, I know where Captain Rogers is."  
"Thanks." It feels silly to thank a computer but it also seems rude not to.  
The doors slide open and I exit out, realising Steve's floor was where the party had been. Putting the pizzas down, I wonder why it was held on Cap's floor instead of Tony's since it's his tower. I walk over to the large wall length windows; there were so many people in the way that I didn't get to look out of them properly the other night. Everything looks so small from up here.  
"Jess! You're early!" I turn and see Steve in a towel. I can feel myself blush as I turn around, he was dripping wet. "Sorry!" I tell him turning back to the window, "I wanted to stop off to grab some pizzas for us and thought it'd take longer than it did!"  
I turn around again, but he's still there, he's opened one of the boxes and is munching on a slice. "This is good pizza. I'll just go get changed."  
_You don't have to_, I think wistfully as he walks off, pizza in hand. I kick off my shoes and take a slice, closing the box to keep it warm as I sit down on a settee. It was good pizza.  
When Steve comes back in, he's dressed but his hair is still a little damp. He takes another slice and sits next to me. "Where did you get this from?"  
"No idea, I just asked the agent driving me to stop off at a pizza place to grab some food."  
"I could have cooked something."  
"Consider this me paying you back for lunch." Though, now I wonder how well he cooks. "So what films were you thinking?"  
"You said Star Wars was good, right?"  
"Nothing to Star Trek in my opinion, but yes, it's pretty cool."  
"Well it's a good thing I have Star Trek here too then." He picked up a boxset of Next Generation and passed it to me with a little throw. "Barton's a trekkie?" I ask grinning.  
"No, I asked JARVIS to recommend some stuff based on Star Wars and he suggested that."  
"JARVIS has good taste." I murmur into my pizza. "So where's the TV?"  
Steve cringed. "I did have one in here, until about last week. Tony thought it was a good joke to move it to my room, told me it might help me with the ladies."  
I almost choke on my pizza.  
"That's not what I'm trying to do I just…"  
I start laughing. "It's cool, I know the way." I get up and grab the pizzas, heading down the corridor. Slowly, he gets up and follows me in. Steve sets the DVD to play and turns to see me stood awkwardly by the bed. "You can sit down." Slowly and stiffly I sit on the edge of the bed. He comes and sits by me. "Are you okay?"  
"Yeah, fine." _I'm just sat on Captain America's bed that's all_.  
He leans back. "If you're uncomfortable we could go use someone else's living room."  
"It's fine." I lean back too. Now we're both lying on the bed. "Just play the show, hero."  
We end up opening a few beers and finishing both large pizzas. Since its cold, I've curled up closer to him, he doesn't seem to mind. I started shivering at one point and he put his arm around me. I don't know how it happened but I must have fallen asleep. I wake up alone in his bed, covered with a blanket. I check the alarm clock next to me; it's three in the morning. I get up and head to the bar in the living room for some water.  
Steve is in the living room, trying to sleep on the settee, squashed in on himself; he's too big for it. "Are you alright?" He asks quietly, sitting up as I come into the dark room.  
"Yeah," I stop and stare at him across the room in the dark. "Were you sleeping in here?"  
"I didn't want to wake you up."  
I pause. "You could have stayed with me."  
"I didn't want to seem like I was taking advantage of you. You had had a few beers. And after waking up surrounded by people after Loki… I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."  
I walk over and stand in front of him. I didn't have the words to say what I wanted to. So instead I just took his hand and pulled him up to his feet and led him back to his bed. I climbed under the covers still holding his hand and he cautiously joined me. I snuggled up to him without a word and his arms wrapped around me.

We wake up the next morning with a palpable mixed sense of contentedness and awkwardness. The beer had definitely made me bold. I look up to him cautiously. "Morning."  
"Morning."  
Neither of us say anything for a while. It's not like we had slept together but for some reason it felt like a line had been crossed. "Sorry." I look down.  
His hand reaches under my chin and tips my face up to look at him. "You keep apologising for things you don't need to." My eyes flicker to his lips and I think he noticed because we both start to lean in for a kiss. Our lips are almost touching when the intercom goes off.  
"Cap', Eleanor's calling for you, something about Jessica not returning last night?" Romanoff's cool voice asked.  
His eyes still locked with mine, Steve replies "Tell Eleanor not to worry."  
"Is that all I should tell her?"  
"Yes." He rolled out of bed and walked over to the intercom. "It got late so she took the couch to crash on. Everything is fine." The intercom buzzed out. He kept his back to me. "I'll make some breakfast, if you want to go use the bathroom or something."

I curse Eleanor on the way to the bathroom. When I come out, Steve's made eggs, pancakes and toast laid out on the bar. "Thanks." I take a barstool and take some toast.  
"I've called Agent Lopez to come and collect you soon." He told me.  
"Really? You didn't want to hang out for a bit or…"  
"I need to sort some stuff out today."  
"Oh, okay, sure, yeah, I'll catch you in the rec room again or something."  
He nods, still not looking at me. Downing his glass of orange juice he turned to go to the shower but stops. He turned and walks to me, taking my waist, looking deeply at me. Quickly, he leans down and presses his lips to mine in fevered wanting; I wrap my arms around his neck, trying not to moan into the kiss. He pushes against me and I feel my back press into the bar. His hands squeeze my hips as he breaks away from my face, breathing heavily as he looks at me. He opens his mouth to say something but I smile and pull him down into another kiss, slower than the first one, gentler, less passionate and with more care. This time we break away and he smiles. "Are you sure you want me to go?" I laugh.  
"No." He smiles, "but then again I feel like we should take this slowly."  
"Hey, you're the one who just tried to eat my face when there's all this food here."  
"I didn't want you leaving thinking last night was awkward for me."  
"You barely know me."  
"I know enough." He gave me another quick kiss. "I'm going to be busy the next few days but how about I make us dinner on Wednesday and we can talk this through a bit more?"  
"You're not going to change your mind?" I'm thinking to all the times Daws messed me around.  
"Not about this."  
That's all I needed to hear. I kiss him again and we hear the intercom. "Cap', Jessica, there's an Agent Lopez to see you."


	10. Chapter 10

**Smut warning**

* * *

I work hard for the next few days on my research but it's all I can do not to think about my date with Cap'. I can't help but think about those kisses. I find myself rereading passages because I wasn't paying attention the first time around. In the rec room, Steve and I talk as friends, but we smile at each other when we think no one can see us. No one seems to notice, or at least haven't mentioned it. Dean has started giving me regular physicals; he's been great, sorting me out with creams for the scratches and prescribing me more of the pill. I had been getting a little worried about that. I stay on it to regulate my periods. He uses the time to talk about how his dates with Lucy are going. Things seem to be falling into place.  
That Wednesday I take the elevator with a pounding heart. Steve is waiting by the doors. He takes me by the hand and leads me to the kitchen. Pristine and almost clinical, Steve has managed to get food all over the counters in his attempts to cook for us. "What are we having tonight, chef?"  
"Chicken cord en bleu." He tells me with a peck to the cheek. "How have you been?"

The dates passed in very much the same way for a few months. Since we were limited to the building I stay in and the Avengers Tower, we took it in turns to cook. We'd watch films, or play a game. When we met up relied heavily on Steve's schedule, he would often come to see me, complaining about being a publicity monkey like he had been during the war. We didn't tell anyone we were seeing each other, and in fact I would often find news articles left in the rec room suggesting Steve was seeing this woman or another.  
One night after we had finished dinner and were sat together on the settee. I sat on his lap, he ran a hand up and down my back slowly. "You're being very unfair right now." I told him.  
"What about you, you're sat on me!" He laughed.  
Slowly I turned my body so I was straddling his lap; I leant in and gave him a long, deep kiss. "Now, I'm being unfair." I tell him, our lips brushing over each other's. He groaned, holding my hips tightly, I could feel his hardness through his trousers and I gently started moving my hips, moving it against it slightly.  
"Very unfair." He agreed.  
I leant in and kissed him again, god I wanted him. His hands lowered around to cup my arse and I moved to kiss his neck. Slowly, his hands ran up from my arse to rest on my thighs, I parted them a little further and his hands slid up to the tops of my thighs. Cautiously, I slipped my hands under his shirt, still kissing him, lifting his tee-shirt up as my hands ran up his body. I felt his hands start to find the hem of my shirt.  
The doorbell rang. With a sigh, I rolled myself off his lap, giving him a pleading look as he stood up to answer it. "Hey, Tony, now's not a good time." Steve began, popping his head around the door, keeping his body hidden.  
"Don't be silly, it's not late."  
"We're in the middle of a film."  
"Which film?" Tony asked, sauntering in.  
"Sleeping Beauty." I lie, "It's why he didn't want you to come in. Disney doesn't exactly scream macho does it?"  
Tony looked at the blank wall where the TV used to be. "And how are you watching that?"  
"The TV in Steve's room, we came out here to grab some drinks when the doorbell rang."  
Tony just nodded. I don't think he bought it because he turned and winked at Steve who was now sat on a barstool, legs crossed. "What do you want Tony?" Steve asked.  
"Well Sleeping Beauty, I came down to tell you I'm cutting power in a few minutes to patch a few systems."  
"You couldn't have just called?"  
"And missed this? Not for the world." He grinned, heading back to the elevator, "Have fun kids, I'm sure you'll find something to entertain yourselves while the powers out." As the elevator door closed, Steve rolled his head back with frustration.  
"Stark. Always has to get involved. And now he's going to think…"  
"Think what? That we're dating?" I ask with humour in my voice. I get up and walk over to him, he uncrosses his legs and I plant a hand on either thigh, leaning in, "let him think what he wants, but he was right about one thing."  
"And that was?"  
"I'm sure we can find something to entertain ourselves." I wink.  
"You don't think the mood's a little ruined?"  
"Because of Tony? Please. It'll take more than that to put me off." I kiss him again. His hands pull me close as he stands up, slipping under my shirt and slowly peeling it from my body. He takes a moment to appreciate me in my bra, with a soft sigh, before kissing me again, lifting me against his hips and walking us to his bedroom. He kicked the door shut behind us and threw me down onto the bed with vigour. He pressed his body against me, kissing all over my torso and chest, pulling him up to kiss my lips again, I reached and pulled his shirt off too. He wrapped his arms around me, kissing deeply, and I pushed my hips up against his, he moaned into the kiss, and we both fumbled trying to undo each other's jeans. I kicked free of mine as he pulled his off and pressed against me kissing again, he lowered a hand and rubbed me through my pants, eventually sliding a hand down them to play with me properly, pushing a finger in as he used his thumb to play with my clit.  
I gasped, "For some reason I thought you would be like a virgin or something, with the comments Tony makes?"  
"I haven't actually had sex but I've been intimate with women before." He chuckled. "Sex wasn't invented in the late 2000's." He pulls my pants down and leaves a trail of kisses, culminating in a soft lick. "Are you sure you want to do this?" I ask.  
"Oh yeah." He tells me, makes my hips buck a little, grinning, as he slips two fingers in, resuming licking and sucking me.  
"Oh god, Steve." I croon. He continues for a while until I'm dripping wet. He comes back up to kiss me deeply and I can taste myself on him. I roll him over onto his back and pull off his underwear, revealing his large and impressive erection. Watching him, I ran my tongue over its length, enjoying the whimper he let out. Closing my eyes, I began sucking and stroking him, rolling my tongue over his head occasionally, being rewarded with soft sighs and moans. He sat up and stopped me to kiss me, reaching down to finger me a little more while I played with him. "I need you." He whispered. I reach over to the nightstand and pulls out a condom, open it, unrolling it down over him.  
He takes me in his arms again, kissing me as he lays me down, I take his penis in my hand and guide him to my entrance, rubbing his head against my folds for a moment before he pushed slowly into me. A delightful ache spread up me and I moaned with a mixture of pain and pleasure. Matching the pace he entered with, he pulls out, and pushes back in, letting me adjust to the size of him. As the pain begins to subside I nod for him to speed up. The pace picks up and he buries his face into my neck to kiss and nibble. Slowing, he pulls out, and takes a breast in each hand, sucking on my nipples one at a time. He used his hands to gently roll me onto my front; I eagerly waited on all fours, savouring the feeling as he pushed back into me. From this angle, from every swing of his hips he hit something inside of me producing a gasp, and his balls slapped against my clit. He takes me fast and hard, eventually reaching around to rub my clit, sending me over the edge. Feeling my vagina tightening around him, he came too with a moan. Slowing to a stop, he kissed my back and slid out of me, holding me from behind in his warm arms. He lay on his back and I turned to snuggle up to him, he seemed to be out of breath but personally I felt like I wouldn't even be able to walk.  
He used a finger to push my chin up to look at him. "I love you, you know." He told me.  
"I know, and I love you too." I whisper, struggling to lean on my arms to kiss him with everything those words meant to me.


	11. Chapter 11

The next morning we awoke, naked and entangled. "Hello." He smiled down at me.  
"Morning sexy." I leant up to kiss him. My body ached, Steve certainly hadn't held back, and with the super serum in his blood, he was a little rougher than he probably meant to be.  
He rolled over me, still kissing, and I could feel his morning wood pressed against me. I laugh, "Why good morning solider." I gave it a little squeeze. "I'm a little sore this morning but it does seem like a shame to waste this. Be gentle, okay?"  
He looks at me anxiously, "Did I hurt you last night?"  
"It's just been a while for me, so I feel a little sore today, I'll be fine." I kiss him again, reaching below the covers to stroke him.

Leaving to go back to the building I was staying in was awful. I didn't want to leave Steve, I wanted to spend all day with him in bed, ordering in a takeaway if we had to. I sighed as I entered my room, taking off the coat I had bought with my allowance. It seemed the longer I was here, the more they trusted me. It'd been months, not once had I tried to run away, or fight. I had been co-operative. I had been helping. I had fallen in love with their poster boy, not that they knew that last part. But they had started letting me venture outside so long as I was escorted by an agent. The agents they usually put me with were friendly too.  
There was a soft knock at my door. "Come in!"  
Dean entered, "You asked for a physician the other day?"  
"The other month." I corrected him, not that it was an important detail. "Look I've been having these headaches since I woke up and I noticed that they only happen when Loki's involved. Certain passages in the books," I walked over and opened one, I had dogearred the page, "seem to trigger something." Dean sat me down and began asking medical questions as well as questions about Loki, which, of course I had no answers to other than what I could quote from books.  
"I can prescribe you something for the headaches but I can't block them out. If you're doing research it might be useful because of your connection to him."  
"I've been writing down every time the headaches happen." I held out a sheet of paper for him with a list of books and page numbers. "I don't quite know what information to be looking for from it though."  
He nods, his eyes glazing over the list, "I'll pass this onto Fury. Just look after yourself alright?"  
I nod. "How's Lucy?"  
This launches him into an almost fangirl like state. She had asked him out last week and of course he had said yes. Since then they had been on only a handful of dates but it seemed to be going well.  
When he finally left, I went to the rec room to relax. Agent Romanoff was sprawled out on one the settees reading a magazine. "Afternoon." She greeted me without looking.  
"How are you?" I asked, making myself a cup of tea.  
"Fine." She looked to me with a smirk. "How's Steve?"  
Knowing we had agreed to keep our relationship a secret, I shrugged. "I don't know, have you not seen him today?"  
She didn't say anything, but went back to her magazine.  
"Is there anything more on the Mandarin?" I ask her, stirring the milk in, if we ever spoke it was small talk, like the news.  
"Nothing in the papers."  
I shoot her a look as I drink, I know she means that she knows more than what's in the papers, but she's not going to tell me.  
Steve enters with a towel round his neck in his gym clothes. I found it sweet that he had taken to working out here rather than at the tower so he could "accidently" bump into me, even if he denied that was the reason, saying that he found Tony too competitive and was worried Tony was going to injure himself trying to keep up.  
He comes behind the counter to join me, sweeping a hand across my arse as he walks past, hidden by the counter. I expect him to remove it but he doesn't. He fills his glass at the sink next to me one handed, and downs it. "How are you?" He asks.  
"Fine thanks, you?" I tried to ignore his hand.  
"Just went for a run."  
"How was that?"  
With a loud sigh, Romanoff gets up and leaves. Steve smirks and puts the glass down, sweeping me into a kiss. "How are you really?" He asks.  
"Fine, I saw Doctor Morgans today."  
His eyes widen slightly. "Is everything okay?"  
"Yeah, yeah, fine, I've just been getting these headaches since I woke up and I wanted him to check me out, it's nothing to worry about."  
He nods but he doesn't look convinced. "Are you drinking enough water?" He asks laughing.  
"Yes Mr-Know-It-All-Fitness." I smirk giving him a little shove. "How are you anyway?"  
"Fine, things have been a little quiet recently."  
"Yeah I am a little surprised you guys haven't been sent to deal with that Mandarin guy."  
"He's a terrorist, he's the army's problem."  
"So what, you just specialise in aliens?"  
"Something like that." He kisses me again. "We still on for tonight?"  
"Wouldn't miss it for the world." I would have kissed him again but Bruce entered and Steve's hands fell from my waist.

As I'm leaving, Dean drops off the pain pills; I thank him and go to catch the van to the tower. Agent Lopez had started joking about threatening to drive off without me if I wasn't there at precisely the time she told me. I wasn't cuffed to the van this time either, a massive step up.  
Steve was waiting for me at the elevator again; he scooped me into his arms for a kiss. I giggle like a girl as we break apart. He makes me feel so giddy and so alive. He leads me to the bar where he has hot chocolate waiting for both of us. I curl up next to him on the settee as we drink and talk about our days and what we have planned for the week ahead. I was telling him about my research when he stopped me to grab his laptop, he shows me a link he had saved to his computer a few days before. As I'm reading it I feel one of the headaches coming on, so I pop one of the pills Dean gave me. "For the headaches." I explain when he looks at me with concern.  
"You're not getting sick are you?" He asks.  
"I don't think so, I said it's just the headaches, why?"  
"I was going to ask you to spend Christmas with me."  
"Oh."  
"You don't have to, I just thought it would be nice. Your family is in England, I'm here…"  
"I wasn't saying no, I just… aren't you worried about the others finding out?"  
"I think we can make an exception for Christmas." He smiled, leaning in and kissing me.


	12. Chapter 12

I ration my time outside so I can find Steve the perfect Christmas present; he is not an easy person to buy for. I end up buying him a compilation cd of songs from before he was frozen, memorabilia of his favourite baseball team and a couple of films from his era that he had mentioned to me. I buy a big tub of sweets to leave in the rec room for the Avengers and grab a bottle of wine each for Dean and Agent Lopez. I even buy myself some nice new underwear when I get a moment free from my escort.  
While I don't have my tree to decorate or my music to listen to, there's something comfortingly familiar in the routine of Christmas. For the first time in a long time, I'm excited for it.

I turn up to see Steve on Christmas Eve, Lopez waves me off, happy not to have to babysit me over Christmas. He's waiting for me in the lobby. He takes my hand and doesn't let go until we reach his floor. "I thought we could make some mince pies." I begin, stepping out of the elevator, but he grabs me and kisses me hard against the wall. It doesn't take us long to end up in the bedroom.  
"Wow." I say as we finish.  
"Wow." He agreed into my neck, kissing me softly. "What were you saying at the elevator?"  
"Something about mince pies but that's probably the best way to get interrupted." He smiles at me.  
"What about them?"  
"We should make some, I brought the stuff with me."  
"You did?"  
"Of course." I roll off the bed and get dressed, throwing his pants at his head. "Come on, Cassanova."  
The baking doesn't go exactly as I planned, flour gets over more surfaces than it should and I boop Steve's nose, whitening it with flour, which only convinced him to make more of a mess. JARVIS plays some Christmas music for us and it turns out Steve had even bought some mistletoe, which he brought out as I was checking the mince pies in the oven.  
We have a simple dinner while we watch Christmas films. He had bought and thawed a turkey for us for tomorrow. How did I get so lucky? We have sex again before bed, falling asleep in each other's arms.  
I wake up to tiny kisses up my arm. I turn to see Steve spooning me. "Morning." I say sleepily.  
"Merry Christmas." He smiles, kissing me. I roll over and we kiss for a bit, neither of us making a move to do anything else. Slowly we rise and I head to the shower, pulling Steve in with me. After we both get dressed we go to the living room and open gifts. I feel awful when I find he's bought me a beautiful necklace, though he insists he loves his presents. We eat dinner candlelit and that evening we make love again, slowly, and passionately without rushed and desperate pawing at each other. We take our time to enjoy each other's bodies, slowly and sensually.  
My dreams are odd though. A golden room with monsters surrounding it locked in their own rooms. The room I am in is sparsely decorated and furnished. And then I see the raven haired man stood in front of me with his back to me.  
As soon as I wake up I knew who I had dreamt of, I shifted uncomfortably in Steve's arms. He would want to know, but I didn't want to upset him, especially on Christmas.

"And did he say anything?"  
"No, his back was turned to me; I don't even think he knew I was there." I felt like a conspirator telling Dean this over a morning coffee. According to SHEILD records I was meant to be at the tower for a few days longer but I had asked Steve that morning to call Doctor Morgan's private number to come and collect me. He was concerned but I managed to pass it off as I was feeling under the weather. Which, admittedly, had just made him more concerned.  
"Did you tell Steve about this?" From my blanching, he can guess the answer. "Jess, he won't like that you've kept this from him."  
"I know but what am I supposed to tell him? Hey remember that psychopath alien god that you fought that nearly destroyed the city and took over the world that everyone thinks I slept with? Well, great news, I had a dream about the back of his head!"  
Dean sighed and took a long drink of his coffee. "Fair point. But I'm going to have to bring this up for SHEILD's attention, it could be a security risk."  
"Can I tell Steve first?" I ask in a small voice. "You're right, I shouldn't keep this from him, I just don't want to scare or upset him."  
"Steve's a tough guy." Dean tells me firmly, "And as much as you both pretend nothing's going on between you, we all know you're a thing. He deserves the truth." He hesitates. "I can drive you back to his now if you want."  
I freeze. "Now?"  
"Well yeah, we should probably look into this as soon as possible and if you need to tell Steve you should probably do it before I walk into headquarters today and become Doctor Morgan Agent of Shield again." I bow my head, I know he's right.

Dean lets me go in alone. "Is everything alright Miss?" JARVIS asks as I step into the elevator.  
"Yeah," I sigh, "could you just send me up to Steve's floor please?"  
The elevator ride isn't exactly long enough to gather myself, by the time the doors slide open I'm shaking. Steve is already there, damp, topless and with his pj bottoms on and a towel around his neck. "Is everything okay? JARVIS said you sounded upset."  
Before he says anything else I grab him and hug him tightly. "Don't be mad." I whisper.  
"Why would I be mad?" He asked, pulling me away gently, "What's wrong?"  
I swallow but my mouths still dry. "I saw Loki."  
He doesn't say anything for a moment, his expression doesn't change. But then his hands tighten slightly. "Where?" He asks quietly.  
"In my dream last night." I shake my head. "At least it looked like him from the pictures. It was his back, he was in some kind of prison cell…" I falter. "I didn't talk to him or anything… Steve, I… I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I just didn't want to upset you." My eyes are welling up.  
He pulls me into an embrace and kisses the top of my head. "I'm glad you told me. SHIELD can look into this; I won't let him hurt you again." He squeezes me then lets me go and walks away. I stand a bit lost, eventually walking over to and sitting on his settee. When he comes back he's brought me a cup of tea. I take it awkwardly as he grabs a phone and calls Eleanor. Once he's done that he sits by me and takes my hand. "It's going to be okay."  
And I know it is. But not because of him saying it. I just didn't feel like Loki had posed a threat to me. We don't really talk. I bring my feet up and curl next to him, head on his shoulder; he wraps an arm around me. We just sit there, staring at the wall.

It doesn't take long for the agents to turn up. Three of them go to Steve's room with a lot of equipment; apparently they didn't need to be told where I was when I had had this dream. Eleanor walks over to us, her face set in grim displeasure. She sits on the coffee table, legs crossed, hands folded in her lap. She stared at Steve until he took the hint, and kissed my forehead before leaving the room. She turned back to me. "We need you to come in for questioning."  
"Steve told you everything on the phone."  
"I believe you."  
"Then why do I need to come in for questioning?" I almost squeak.  
The woman sighs. "Believe me I don't want to do this. You work hard researching for us and from your case file it's pretty obvious you have no connection to Loki that you know of. Unfortunately this is protocol." The words ring in my head. _That you know of._ "Fury has ordered an investigation of your case. We need to know if this dream is a resurfacing memory, just a bad dream, or some form of link to him in Asgard. We need to know if this was an isolated incident or if this is going to keep happening, or worse, get stronger." I blink back any tears that threaten to emerge. Eleanor doesn't hold back, she keeps things blunt and to the point. I've come to respect that about her. And I wasn't about to blubber in front of her, she wouldn't hold any respect for that. She would leave and wouldn't answer my questions. I'd be left to be dealt with by some agent who wouldn't know the answers.  
"I'm not going back to the base, am I?"  
"No." She shakes her head. "We can't afford any secrets being leaked. You'll be moved to a safehouse for now and will be visited by agents you don't know to avoid any one of the ones you've befriended from becoming a target."  
I know she means Dean, Lucy and Lopez but I need to know more. "The Avengers?" I ask quietly but I think I know the answer.  
Her lips tighten. "You can't visit the tower until we know more about what's going on."  
"And them visiting me?"  
She hesitates, and that's all I needed to know. I look down to my feet. "I know you and Captain America have become close." She says carefully. "As you have with many of the others. But until we know what's happening, we can't risk them being in danger."  
"You think I could hurt Steve?" I ask.  
"No, but if this is a connection to Loki and he knows it he could use your body to hurt him." I shudder at the thought. "That's why we need to run these tests."  
"How long will they take?"  
"We don't know." Eleanor doesn't look pleased to give me this news. I think she's genuinely upset for me. She waits. And I realise.  
"We have to go now don't we?"  
She nods. "We need to minimise the risk to our assets."  
"Can I say goodbye to Steve?"  
She pauses, but she does nod. Immediately I'm on my feet and walking to the elevator. JARVIS doesn't even ask. I wonder if he's programmed to listen to conversations to know people's needs before they do. Whatever it was, I appreciate it as the elevator glides up. The doors open and Steve is stood in a lounge leaning forwards on a chair as he talks to Tony and Bruce. He straightens and his expression softens when he sees me. "What did she say?"  
I realise how intently Tony and Bruce are watching me. Tony outright stares at me, Bruce at least attempts to hide him behind his glasses and a book he's holding. "I have to go, right now." I tell him. "I can't see you…" I glance at the others. "I can't see you guys for a while." I walk over to stand by him. "I have to go a safehouse for a bit."  
He takes my hand. "It's going to be okay."  
"Yeah." Tony interrupts. "It will. Because I'm going to get to the bottom of this."  
"How?" I'm not sure if Steve sounds relieved or snide.  
"I don't know yet. But I'll think of something."  
"I'll help." Bruce volunteers. "If Loki's coming back we need to be prepared."  
"See? Nothing to worry about." Tony tells me.  
"Thanks." I just about manage.  
"I'll walk you out." Steve offers, leading me to the elevator. As the doors close on us, he turns to me. "Hold the elevator JARVIS." We come to a stop. "Are you okay?" He asks me.  
"Fine, why wouldn't I be, you?"  
"Jessica."  
"Okay I'm terrified." I tell him. "I'm upending my life again because apparently I have some connection to some man I don't even know. And this time I won't have you guys to talk to. I won't have _you_ there. And they're bringing in different agents each time so no one gets targeted. I will have no one to talk to Steve, I'm going to be alone."  
"We'll figure something out." He cups my cheek. "I invited you to the party even though people told me it was a mistake, took you out for lunch even though Eleanor told me not to, and I kept coming back to that base every day despite being banned from seeing you. You think this is going to get in the way?"  
I smile. "I really don't deserve you."  
"I know." He teased, "but I won't hold that against you." He turned and pressed the button for the elevator to begin moving again. "I'll find you if I have to."  
We reach the ground floor and the doors open. A female agent waits to take me to a black SUV. I'm strapped into the chair again. Given the situation she's probably more afraid of me than I am of her. As we pull away, Steve waves, and more than anything, I want to be able to wave back.


	13. Chapter 13

The house they take me to is outside the city. It takes a few hours to get there and I end up dozing in the back of the car a few times on the journey since the agent wouldn't make conversation. Once we reach the house I'm impressed. Glass panelling and a seaside view.  
An older man with glasses and a white coat stand in the door smiling; his arms are folded around a clipboard against his chest. As soon as I'm unstrapped and let out of the vehicle, the agent gets back in to leave.  
I raise a hand to shield my eyes from the light. "Who are you?"  
"Doctor Collin Farthing." He extends a hand walking towards me. Awkwardly I shake it. His large hands are calloused. "I'm assigned as your physician."  
"I thought I was going to be assigned different agents?"  
He laughs. "Agents, yes. I convinced them that for more precise tests that I should be the sole attendant to your case." He steps to the side and gestures, "Would you like to see the house?"  
Cautiously I walk up the porch steps and enter the magnificent house. Polished wooden flooring and modern furniture, there's even a free-standing fireplace. "It's lovely." I tell him, looking around.  
"Yes, I thought so." He smiles. "Jessica, do you mind if I ask you a few questions before you settle in?"  
While it's a lovely house, the thought of settling in felt alien to me. "Sure." He gestures to the settee and I sit down, he sits on the settee opposite me.  
"They tell me you don't remember Loki?"  
"No."  
"And that," He glanced at his chart, "it is entirely possible that he used some form of mind control on you?"  
I shrug. "Makes sense to me."  
"And now, you're in a relationship with Captain America."  
I stare at him.  
"It's no real secret." He assures me happily. "We have doctor-patient confidentiality, for the parameters of my tests, I will need to know your personal life in detail, I'm afraid."  
I can't help but feel this man gets a certain glee from invading people's personal lives. "We're friends." I reply flatly.  
"Come now," He tuts, clicking a pen, "more than that, surely?"  
I narrow my eyes at him. I didn't mind Dean saying it, but this guy was a total stranger. "Why is this important to your tests?" Then I add. "I feel like you're looking for a particular answer."  
He flashes me another queasy smile. "To find out if this is a connection to Loki I could end up employing hypnosis and other means, it really would be best if you just answered me truthfully now."  
"That doesn't answer my question."  
"You didn't answer mine."  
I pause. "What if I refuse to take these tests?"  
"Then I will report back to Eleanor, she will tell Director Fury, and you will be seen as a hostile and all rights and privileges will be revoked. You do enjoy seeing your boyfriend, don't you?"  
I grit my teeth. He's baiting me and I know it, but I also know he's probably right. "Yes."  
"And who is your boyfriend?"  
"Steve Rogers."  
He nods. "Excellent. Now, tell me about when you woke up."

The questions that followed seemed to revolve around my home life, the time before the sewer and waking up. Steve barely gets noted as a subject though he is touched on occasionally. In a way I'm glad he didn't ask too much about Steve because those questions were always the most personal. Once he's happy he tells me he has some data to type out in his office, the room next to what is going to be my bedroom. He tells me to look around and to make myself at home.  
I go to my new room and curl up on the bed. I wish I had a phone to call Steve. I was so tired, after last night's dream I had barely slept and slowly I felt myself sinking to sleep.

I open my eyes. The gold shimmer around the walls was all I needed to see to know I wasn't awake.  
"Fuck." I mouth.  
"Jessica?" His voice is smooth, alien and yet strangely familiar.  
I turn to see Loki stare at me in bewilderment. "What are you? _How_ are you? Is this some form of trick?" He narrows his eyes. "It will not have an effect on me I assure you."  
I swallow. Here is the man who has ruined my life. Here lies everything I have to fear. "It's me." I answer quietly. I ball my hands up into fists.  
"Tell me about the first time we met." He says softly, standing.  
I can feel my heart pound. "I don't know." My head buzzes with the oncoming headache.  
"You don't know?"  
I shake my head.  
He sweeps over to me, completely in my personal space, my face close to his chest. I look up and he sizes me up with curious eyes. "May I?" He raises his hands to touch my face. I jump back. "I will not harm you." He tells me. I don't answer; I just stand there, shaking, unsure if it was from fear or rage. He looks at me with what appears to be sadness. "I would never harm you." He sighs, walking back to and sitting on his bed. "How did you come to be here?"  
"I must be asleep."  
"You are sure of this?"  
"I was the last time I saw you."  
This makes him hesitate. "When did you see me?"  
"A few nights ago, when I was dreaming."  
"I did not sense your presence." He scowls. "In fact, I cannot sense it now."  
"Is that a bad thing?"  
"It is highly irregular. Not many people can sneak up on me. And fewer still could cast an illusion this strongly without my detecting it. I do not know how you have come to be here, Jessica."  
"Neither do I. It wasn't by choice." I tell him quietly. I glance around. The room is sparsely decorated, if it can be called a room. There's a bed, some furniture, some books. But the walls have a golden transparency, I reach to the one behind me.  
"Don't." He commands me. "Even in a dream you could be hurt."  
"What is this?"  
"My prison cell." He almost sounds smug.  
I don't look at him. "In Asgourd?"  
"Asgard." He corrects me. "And yes, we are in the dungeons of Odin's kingdom."  
"So even your snooty space family think you fucked up?" I look at him. His expression changes for a moment, but too quickly to register the emotion he was feeling.  
"I am to be punished to atone for my crimes against Midgard, yes."  
"Midgard?"  
"Earth."  
"Oh." I nod. "Fancy prisons they keep here. My cell back on earth was grey with a bed and a stool."  
"You were imprisoned?"  
"You sound surprised. They think I was your accomplice."  
He licks his lips with uncertainty. "And they will not release you?"  
"They were letting me do more until I started having these dreams."  
He cringes. "Jessica, I offer you my sincerest apologies."  
I just glare at him. No one really knows what my relationship to him was aside from him, and for whatever that was, he's sorry? An apology is all he can offer me and it's not enough. He knows this, it's written all over his face. It feels strange, talking with the man that's ruined my life, but it feels good to blame him openly to his face.  
"Where are you now?"  
"I don't know." I tell him honestly. "They're trying to find out if these dreams are old memories, which, given that we're talking, I'd guess not."  
"No, I do not believe so." He agrees quietly. He watches me. "You truly remember nothing?"  
"No."  
He lets out a breath. "Good."  
I open my mouth but no words come out. Suddenly I wake up in my cold room, Doctor Farthing watching me.

"What are you doing here?" I jump out of bed.  
"Please, stay calm."  
"Get out!" I snap.  
"I had to see what it was like, whether there was a tell when you were sleeping. I only came in because the equipment in my office went haywire."  
"Oh and did you collect enough data?" I snarl.  
"Some."  
"You _never_ come into my room while I'm sleeping. Do you understand?"  
"Jessica, this research has to be done…"  
"I don't care. I'm doing your stupid questions, you've told me you're going to be hypnotising me. Now I'm telling you that _this_ is where I draw the line. Don't you _ever_ do that again."  
He opens his mouth to argue but I interrupt. "If Fury has a problem with this he can talk to me."

I avoid Farthing the next day, the man is loathsome. When I eat breakfast he's there, he tries to talk to me but I only respond with short, blunt answers without looking at him. I will be here for the research. As soon as I can I will leave to be with Steve again. So long as they can give me something to stop the dreams I'll be fine. Aside from meals I spend the rest of the time in my room. There are only a few books in the house but I've gathered them up and taken them to my room.  
About midday there's a knock at my door. "You said we weren't starting until tomorrow." I growl, lying on my bed, reading. The door opens and Director Fury stands there, Farthing snooping in the background. I sit up and Fury enters, closing the door on Farthing.  
"I heard there was a problem last night."  
"I wouldn't have expected the Director to come." I reply, sitting up.  
"This case interests me." He folded his hands behind his back.  
"I dreamt about Loki again."  
"And?"  
"And they're not memories. Either it's just a dream or he's communicating with me somehow. He seemed as confused as I was."  
Fury sighs. "I'm sorry to tell you but they're not dreams. Tests so far show disturbances which are similar to Thor and Loki's appearances on earth."  
I nod. That was what I was worried about.  
"Now, do you want to tell me what happened with Doctor Farthing?"  
"He was watching me sleep. It was creepy. I didn't like it. Look, I'll co-operate, but only to a point. This room has to be my space."  
"Farthing's a pain in the ass, I know." He sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I'll tell him this room is your space, but if there's a particular reading on his equipment, I have to let him, the dreams could be a danger to your health."  
"Fine."  
"I'm glad that's sorted." He stands, handing me a key to my door.  
"Sir?" I feel strange calling him that, he turns to me. "Would it be possible to have a phone or something? I miss my friends. And it's really boring here."  
"When we know more about these dreams, if it's safe, I'll see what I can do."  
"Thank you, sir."  
He nods and opens the door, Farthing is waiting for him. "Sir, if I could just-" The door closes before I can catch the rest.


	14. Chapter 14

"It isn't working." I growl. "We've been here for two hours."  
"Just lie back down, please." Farthing crooned, filling a new syringe.  
"Look, I'm pretty fed up of having you stab me with needles today."  
"Last one." He promised. "I'll have the pills made by next week once we know what works."  
I'd argue but then I feel like he'd bump the number up. Reluctantly I lie back and let him swab my arm before pushing the needle in. "Just relax."  
"Yeah, like you would in this situation." I scoff.  
"Just try." He gritted his teeth. That he's annoyed by this amuses me. I'm finally wearing down his upbeat demeanour. Unlike the others he's given me, I can feel the sedative working. I close my eyes as he presses play on the music he's brought in. Something to help with the hypnosis he's been giving me apparently. He says something but I don't catch it, I'm already drifting away.

"You really shouldn't keep dropping by unexpectedly. It's rude." Loki drawls as I appear in his cell. He's sat on a small chair, reading.  
I glance around. "You know I've been meaning to ask. Why can't they see me?" I thumb over to the prisoners in other cells.  
He closes his book. "I'm casting an illusion so they cannot see or hear us. Sometimes it gives me much needed privacy." I dread to think what he does with this alone time. "Doctor Farthing's medication is getting stronger then?"  
"Seems like. Only took two hours this time."  
Loki whistled. "Why is he even trying to force it? You were seeing me in your dreams anyway. Anyone would think you miss me."  
"People will talk; they'll say that we're in love." I quoted. I doubted he had seen _Silence of the Lambs_ but it made me feel better. Besides, he had goaded me about it every time I had shown up so far. It was good to see his face flush with displeasure. "In your dreams, maybe." I tell him. I rolled my eyes.  
"But that's the point, it's in yours." He sneers.  
I tilt my head and glare at him. I was starting to get too comfortable talking to Loki, and that was worrying me. "Have you figured out why yet?" I ask.  
"Can't it just be an inevitable connection between us?" He asked, standing up and walking over to me. Once uncomfortably close he ran a finger just over above my lips. I didn't flinch. I didn't want to show any weakness. "This bond?"  
"I'm serious."  
"So am I."  
Sighing I step back and fold my arms. "I'll take that as a no then. No, the great and powerful Loki Odinson can't figure out why a girl on earth is able to telepathically connect to him across the universe."  
"I am not Odinson."  
I didn't care. "Look, not that I don't love these little chats, but they're really pissing me off now. I'd like to see someone's face other than yours in my dreams again."  
"What like your boyfriend's?" He sneered. Then his face fell slightly. "You have a boyfriend?"  
"No." I shook my head. I wasn't getting Steve involved in this.  
"Don't lie to me." He snarled, clenching his fists.  
"Maybe." I spat out.  
He turned his back to me. "Leave."  
"It's not like I have a choice on when I wake up."  
He turned around to face me. "Wake up now, or I will fill your dreams with every agonising, torturous pain possibly imaginable to someone of your pathetic race."  
"I can't."  
Loki hesitated then he groaned and sat down again. He ran a hand over his face. "Who is the wretch?"  
"Tell me why you took me." I counter. "Why was I in that sewer? What happened to me?"  
As he removes his hand, my eyes flicker open.

"Not as long this time but I think that serum is on the right track." Farthing told me as he noted it down. "What did Loki say?"  
"That he doesn't know why I'm able to talk to him."  
"What else?"  
"Nothing." I sit up. "I'm going to my room."  
"But we're not done for today!"  
"Trust me." I snap. "We are done."  
I storm into my room, slamming the door. I rub my arm. It hurts. I am so angry and I have nowhere to direct it. Talking to Farthing wound me up. Talking to Loki was infuriating. It had been days and there was still no word from Steve or any of the other Avengers. I lay down on my bed and closed my eyes. The last thing I wanted to do was sleep some more, but whatever had been in that last serum was having a secondary effect.

"I told you to leave." Loki groaned.  
"Not like I chose to come back." I grumble, sitting down against a wall. I look down, rubbing my face. He watched me from his bed.  
"I asked you to come with me."  
"What?" My head snaps up to look at him.  
"To Manhattan. I asked you to come with me." I stare at him. "When you did not answer, I brought you there anyway. It wasn't long before I…"  
"Before you what?"  
"I made the biggest mistake of my life."  
"Which was?"  
He hesitated. "I took your freedom from you. Your willpower. Gone. You were mine." His eyes flicker away from me. "I put a safeguard in place. I hid your memories of me from you."  
My eyes narrow. "And what were those? Why me, Loki? What happened before and after you asked me about Manhattan?"  
He opened his mouth to speak but there was an explosion. The connection destabilised and I awoke in my bed with yet another pounding headache. Farthing's taken my painkillers. Said they interfered with his work. All I can try to do is sleep it off and pray I don't have another dream about Loki.


	15. Chapter 15

"Hey." I can hear his smile and it sets me off grinning like a child.  
"Hey yourself." I say back. "You haven't forgotten about me yet?"  
"Never." The word hugs me. "I miss you too much. When are you coming back?"  
"No clue. Not a word from Farthing yet. Says his serums are getting better but…" I trail off.  
"But?"  
"Never mind. I miss you too, Steve."  
He hesitates but his warm voice soon comes back. "Tony's been working in the labs on suits. It's like he doesn't have time to do anything else. Bruce was looking into what was going on with you but he got ordered to stop by Fury." I can almost hear his eyes roll. "How are you?"  
"Well the company's not great." I laugh. "How are you though, I need to hear about something other than these dreams."  
He tells me about Doctor Morgan's dates with Lucy. He tells me about Natasha trying to set him up with other agents because he's so obviously single. He tells me that he's been on a few missions lately but when he tells me some of the fights he's been in and I go quiet, he insists that he's fine. I believe him but I wish I had been there to take care of him when he had come back.  
"You will be soon." He tells me when I tell him this.  
"Hopefully." I see Farthing wave at me frantically. I scowl at him and shake my head but he starts tapping his watch. "I have to go." I sigh. I lower my voice. "I really hate this guy."  
"I feel like we've barely spoken." He says quietly. "But I get it. I do. I'll talk to you as soon as I can. I love you."  
"I love you too."  
As we hang up, I stride over to Farthing. "I haven't been able to speak to Steve in weeks. What is so important?" I snap. He waves a new syringe at me. I blanche. "I haven't had a dream in over a week. It's why they're letting me talk to Steve. What could you possibly be testing for?"  
He doesn't answer, writing on his clipboard. With a sigh, I sit down and roll my sleeve up. Farthing hasn't really been in a talking mood recently. So much for the company. He sets up his equipment and injects me, monitoring his machines as I drift off.

The world is suddenly a grey desert. Loki stands next to me. "Loki," I start but realising I'm next to him, his hand claps over my mouth. I move to struggle against it until I see the scene unfolding below us in the grey sand that he's been watching so intently. Thor holds Loki's body, a woman next to him.  
"You do pick your times." Loki hissed into my ear as we watched the pair stand and walk away from the body. As soon as they disappear, it melts into nothing.  
"They left you." I murmur as he lets go of me.  
"They have other business to attend to." He brushes down his outfit. He's back into his black and green. I repress my shudder at the sight of him. How much he looks like he did in those photos of us together. "As do I." He gives me a look. "I thought you were going to stay on Midgard."  
"It's not like I want to be here."  
"Then why are you?" He sneers. "You follow me about like a lost child."  
I look down at my shoes. "I don't know. I'm trying to get down to the bottom of it actually. They're running tests on me. Trying to figure out how to stop it."  
He scowls, reaching up to my temples. I freeze and he stops. "Please." Awkwardly I nod and he presses his fingers to my temple. I'm surprised at how cold they are. I know I shouldn't let this madman touch me, but there's something almost like genuine concern in his eyes.  
A pain shoots through my skull, I gasp, I try to pull away but he holds me in place somehow with those cold fingers. My eyes are screwed up tight and I can feel the hot tears run down my face. Suddenly the pain is gone. Just as quickly as it had come. He lets me go, his expression is a mixture of quiet rage and shock.  
"They are experimenting on you." He tells me quietly.  
"What?"  
"Whatever they are giving you, whatever they are doing to you. It is not making these dreams weaker, it's making them stronger."  
"What are you talking about?" I shake my head.  
"I can sense you now. As if you were here with me. Jessica, they may be trying to use you to get to me. You have to run."  
I shake my head again. "How can you know it's what they're doing? Maybe these dreams are just getting stronger."  
"Because I could sense the toxins inside of you." He waved a hand about. "If you were here I could try to expel them, heal you as it were, but I cannot when you are but a dream." He cups my face softly, I shiver. He brings his voice to a whisper "They are poisoning you. They are killing you."  
"I don't believe you." I whisper back.  
But he knows. "You're lying." He tells me softly. "You're afraid." He stares into my eyes. "You need to get away from them."  
"I can't."  
His eyes narrow. "You are being held captive?"  
"Sort of," I pull back from his hand "but I agreed to it… I guess."  
"A prisoner is still a prisoner no matter the cage." His voice darkens. "If they are hurting you, I swear, I will…"  
"You'll what?" I ask, laughing slightly. "_If_ they're hurting me. Loki, I don't know what you did but I'm pretty sure that hurt me. I woke up with bruises, cuts, my life was turned upside down."  
He scowled. "This is not the time. You have to go. You need to run from them and I have my own things to see to."  
I laugh again. "Are you kicking me out?"  
"Yes." He reaches forward with two fingers and presses them to my forehead. In a flash of white I am alone in darkness. And I stay there until I wake up.

When I finally do wake up, I'm shivering. Farthing is hurriedly scribbling something down in his notepad. "What happened?" He asks me.  
"I don't know. He kicked me out, I think."  
"Hrmm." Farthing nods and writes something else before waving me off.  
I try not to run, I walk to the counter and make some coffee as he collects his stuff and disappears into his study. Heart pounding I grab the phone and punch in Steve's number. It begins ringing. Please be in, please be in, I beg in my head. It clicks, "Hello?"  
I sigh with relief. "Steve?" I ask quietly.  
"Jess? What's wrong?" He asks.  
"I don't know if I can stay here." I whisper, watching the corridor and listening for the sound of the study door opening.  
"Why? What happened?"  
I swallow hard. "Loki told me they're poisoning me."  
He pauses. "Loki." He repeats. "You trust Loki?"  
"No, but I don't think he was lying to me." The words stumble out of my mouth.  
"Jess, he's the god of lies." Steve tells me quietly. "That's all he does."  
I hesitate. "But what if he's right? The dream was so vivid today… They're getting stronger."  
"Then SHIELD are going to work harder to stop them." He tells me firmly. "I'm going to call Fury, okay?"  
"Okay." I really wish he wouldn't, I shouldn't be calling him now. I'm just too frightened to tell him that. Whatever that darkness was, I can feel a panic attack brewing. He must have realised something was wrong because he continues.  
"I'll talk to Tony. See if he can look into your file or something." I nod. "Everything is going to be alright." He tells me. "I promise."  
"I miss you." I say weakly.  
"I miss you too. I'm going to speak to Fury, see if I can come see you soon."  
"Okay."  
"I promise you." He repeated.


	16. Chapter 16

The next few weeks are hell. Phone privileges have been revoked because I called Steve without the line being cleared. It's a security risk, I'm told. He hasn't come to see me. Fury probably won't let him. I don't blame him. The last few weeks, I feel like I'm losing my mind, unravelling slowly. I think its sleep deprivation. Whenever I try to sleep, I go back to that blackness. It's empty, it's terrifying, and I wake up screaming. Unless of course I go there when Farthing sedates me, then I'm stuck until the sedative wears off or he gives me something to wake me up. He always promises to wake me though I feel like sometimes he leaves me there just out of curiosity. I'm losing weight, my skin is paling and I can't stop crying. In a way, I'm happy Steve hasn't visited, I would hate for him to see me like this.  
"Are you ready to try again?" Farthing smiles at me as I walk into the kitchen/living room.  
"I don't want to go back." I manage to get out.  
"Maybe Loki will be there this time? We have to be sure these dreams have stopped."  
I glare at him but say nothing as I walk over to the settee. The longer I'm here, the more I believe what Loki had told me was true. But there was no way to prove it, I'm not a doctor, I wouldn't know what he's giving me or its effects. I keep trying to tell myself I'm just being paranoid, but it's getting harder to believe that with each day.  
Farthing once again gives me the sedative and I lie back, struggling to stay awake, desperate not to go back there. But of course, I lose that battle and my eyes slowly shut.

When I open them, I'm in the most ornate bedroom I have ever seen. I nearly cry out with relief not to be in that abyss anymore. The bed in the centre of the room is gold and lavish, carvings of ravens around the posts. I begin to walk around the room, admiring and cherishing every detail. I cringe as a headache begins.  
The door leading into the room opens and I dart behind the wardrobe. An old man enters; he has an eyepatch and longish hair. He says something to someone outside then closes the door. He turns, looking about the room. "I know you are in here. Come out." He commands.  
Nervously, I lick my lips and step out. Upon seeing me the old man melts into the air, revealing Loki. He looks at me with pure horror and walks over to me, sweeping me into a hug. I say nothing, I don't hug him back.  
"What have they done to you?" I think I hear him whisper. He lets go of me and looks me up and down. "How are you here?" He asks. "I cut off our connection."  
"That's what you did?" I almost spit the words out.  
"Yes, why?"  
"Every night I woke up to a dream of darkness, every time he's sedated me." I glower.  
His mouth opens slightly and he turns his back to me "I did not realise that would happen. I am sorry."  
"What was it?"  
He glances at me over his shoulder. "I cannot say. I have been there though." He walked over to a golden table and poured out two goblets of wine, passing me one. "It is a hellish place." He knocked back his glass and poured himself another. "How did you come back?" He asked me.  
I shrug and down my glass also, holding it out for him to refill, which he obliges. "Farthing's still testing me. Must be something he's giving me."  
He watches me as he pours and hands me the glass. I take a long drink, as does he. "What is he testing for?"  
I stare at my goblet then look to Loki. "I don't know anymore."  
He nods, his black hair bobbing slightly. "Do you want me to come and find you?"  
My eyes water. "No." I shake my head. I want to leave but not with Loki. He was insane. He was a killer.  
"It could be your only chance." He says quietly as I take a few steps away, pretending to look around the room while I tried to stop crying.  
"I'll be fine." I tell him weakly. I know he doesn't believe me, I don't even believe me. He doesn't say this though. I can feel him staring at the back of my head though.  
"You need to try and get away from them." He reminds me.  
"I know." I sigh. "I know that now."  
He walks over and gently takes my arm, turning me to face him. He reaches up and brushes a stray tear aside. I hate him. But he's the only source of comfort I have at the moment. So I let him scoop me into a hug, I let him carry me to the bed and hold me while I cry. I let him stroke my hair and whisper to me, even if I can't hear what he's saying over my sobs. I let him comfort me.  
There's something about the smell of him. Being this close, the scent I breathe in with my face buried in his chest, it triggers something. Not a memory per se, but a feeling. I feel safe with him. I don't fall asleep, that would be strange to do in a dream, but I manage to doze. When I open my eyes I'm still in his arms, curled up by his chest. He's looking out the window to the right, behind him, staring at the dark clouds.  
"How do I get away?" I ask him quietly.  
He looks back to me with a soft smile, in the dim light, warm against his body; I can see how someone could find him attractive. I could see how someone could forget who he really is. With a pang, I remember Steve. Nothing had happened between me and Loki but I knew he would still disapprove. I untangle myself from him and sit up, wrapping my arms around my knees and resting my chin on them.  
He sits himself up too. "You have to get out of where they are keeping you. I know you don't want me to save you, but I can watch out for you. Protect you while you sleep, find you shelter, food."  
"Like a guardian angel?" I try not to laugh.  
"If you will have me." He bowed his head.  
I narrow my eyes. "You called me a quim to Thor. Why are you being so nice to me?"  
He frowned and opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. "Maybe I'm not the person I was before, or perhaps I'm turning back into him." He sighed, closing his eyes. "Our lives before…" He trailed off and opened his eyes, looking at me. He shook his head. "You have bigger things to focus on right now, Jessica."


	17. Chapter 17

It was 3pm, I was sat in the living room reading. Since returning to dreams with Loki, rather than those without, I found life a little more bearable. I started eating a bit more again with his encouragement. He started me on dream food, he told me it wouldn't sustain me but he had enchanted it so that I would want more when I woke up. It worked. I have no idea whether he had cast a spell on it or whether he was just telling me that to help me.  
I still had no phone privileges, and I was missing Steve dreadfully. More security had been placed around the house and it made me nervous. Farthing kept me under a close eye. I think he was aware that I was lying to him now. Whenever I saw Loki, he would coach me through what I was going to tell Farthing when I woke up as not to tell him any of Loki's secrets. In return, he saw to it I ate and that I kept my spirits up with good conversation and that if the fear of that abyss overtook me as it so often did recently, he would hold me until it subsided. I found that while he never admitted to it, sometimes he would have similar, minor reactions. Sometimes in the middle of a task he would freeze, standing still, tense, breathing heavier until he calmed himself down or I came over to hold him for a change.  
My hands tightened around the book as I felt the panic start to rise in me. It always felt worse when I was asleep but that didn't mean it wasn't bad while I was awake. I struggled not to shake. Farthing was in the room. I wasn't supposed to let him know about the darkness.  
He had stopped giving me things to take to sedate me. The dreams came easily now. Sometimes that worried me. How easy it was to slip out of my body and somehow be in Asgard. Sometimes I was scared I wouldn't wake up. Sometimes when I had had a particularly bad day I was scared about when I would.  
Two of the agents stepped inside, one waved Farthing into the study with him. I narrowed my eyes. They had been doing that a lot recently. I got up and headed towards the corridor. "Where are you going?" The other agent asked.  
"To my bedroom. I'm going to take a nap."  
"Doesn't Farthing need to watch you sleep?"  
"He has equipment set up in my room to monitor and record my dreaming." Oh how I wish I was lying.  
The agent nodded and stretched out on the settee I had just been curled up on. Rolling my eyes I went to my room and shut the door. Slowly I eased the shelves from the wall and wiggled in behind them. Loki had suggested I try to listen in on Farthing's conversations. So far it had been a waste of time, about a week ago I had discovered that behind my shelves was a small grate that if opened carefully, I could hear some of what he was doing in the study. Awkwardly, I opened the grate, ignoring the quiet squeak of the metal.  
"He's on the run?" Farthing asked in shock. "What happened to the plan?"  
"Plan failed. He took all of 'em out in the elevator."  
"I thought the elevator was going to be on lockdown in case of that."  
"It was. He jumped out."  
There was a pause.  
"Do they know where he is now?"  
"Last I heard they're tracking him. Think he's at some mall or something. You should check on the girl. If she hears about this…"  
"How would she hear about this?" Farthing drawled. "You've seen her, she's broken. Quiet and obedient. If he turned up here tomorrow she wouldn't go with him."  
"Just keep her hidden." The agent told him. "We can't have Cap' turning up and busting this place open to get her back." He hesitated. "You've got a breakthrough?"  
"I think. It's hard when the subject won't be honest with you."  
"Keep trying doc'. Loki would be an excellent asset."  
I scowl as I slide the grate shut. I climb out and push the shelves back. Steve was on the run? What had he done? As for Loki, it didn't make sense. Why would SHEILD recruit him?

I don't go to sleep that night. I lie awake in the darkness until I hear Farthing's bedroom door lock and even then I don't get up until I hear his snoring. I slide out of bed and start getting dressed. I don't have time to go to sleep and tell Loki my plan. I have to get out. It didn't take me long to put it together. SHIELD wouldn't be recruiting Loki. So whoever I was with, it wasn't SHIELD.  
I take the key Fury gave me when the locks were installed and push it gently into the lock, turning ever so carefully. As it clicks, I turn the handle and creep out into the hall. I reach the kitchen and grab the phone. It's a wild shot but I have to give it a go.  
"Hello?" His voice is tense.  
"Steve!" I crouch and press my hand to my mouth in disbelief. "How did you…? Steve where are you? No, don't answer that, what is happening?"  
"Jess!" I can hear the relief in his voice. "I can't tell you everything right now. You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice. They told me that…"  
"Who told you what?"  
"They told me they have you."  
"Who did?" I ask. "I'm still at the house they took me to, I don't know where I am, Steve I overheard them talking about you, are you okay?"  
He hesitates. "HYDRA." He tells me bitterly. "They're back, they were in SHIELD, and you have to get out. Loki was right they…" I don't hear the rest of what he says because Farthing strides out into the kitchen, I didn't even hear his door. He snatches the phone from me and I sprint for the door, I can hear Steve's crackled voice on the phone shouting something. I throw the doors open and run out. The agents positioned on the door grab me though, lifting me kicking and struggling back into the building. They throw me into an armchair and one of them presses a gun to the side of my neck, using his other hand to pin me to the chair. The other switches the main light on.  
Farthing switches the phone to speakerphone. "Ah, Captain America, a pleasure."  
"Where is she?" I hear him ask. "If you've hurt her."  
Farthing nods at me. "I'm here." I say weakly, the gun presses harder against me. "I'm here, Steve." I repeat louder, my voice wobbling. "I'm okay."  
"She's okay for now." Farthing corrects. "That could always change."  
"Let her go."  
"We might."  
"This is between HYDRA and me. Leave her out of it." Steve growled.  
"This was between HYDRA and you." Farthing nods, keeping his eyes locked onto mine. "But there's something very interesting about your girlfriend's little dreams. We might keep her a while longer." He waves to the second agent who leaves.  
"I swear, if you touch even one hair on her head." The second agent returns with some equipment. I recognise it from crime shows and I feel a pit in my stomach. They're going to trace the call.  
"Hang up Steve!" I scream. And that's when I get hit by the agent with the gun. It doesn't knock me out, but I scream with the pain and I feel blood drip from my nose. There is one little victory though; the phone beeps with a dial tone. He had ended the call. Hopefully he's thrown away the phone too.  
Farthing walks over and grabs my face. "Well, at least we don't have to play nice anymore." He grins. He turns to the other agent, "Fetch the equipment." I watch the man leave, the first one still pinning me to the chair. "Guess I was wrong about you." Farthing smiles. "You've held on longer than I thought you would."  
"What were you giving me?" I ask quietly as the man returns with Farthing's briefcase. He snaps it open.  
"Oh, a little of this, a little of that." He fills a syringe and I go to move, only to be pushed back by the HYDRA agent with the gun to me. "The Convergence did most of the work really." Farthing saunters over, and pushes the needle into me. "Let's see how this makes you feel."


	18. Chapter 18

"Jessica?" Loki asks watching me stand in the middle of the room. I turn and grab the goblet on the table waiting for me and hurl it at the nearest wall as I begin sobbing. I slide down the wall and in an instant Loki is kneeling by me. "What happened?"  
I'm too angry to explain, it comes in blubbers. I explain what I had heard and how I tried to escape, that they caught me, that currently I was sedated and not safe at all. He looked like he would kill someone by the time I finished. "Where are you?" He asked quietly. "I'm going to get you."  
"I don't know." I tell him quietly.  
He sighs angrily and stands up, expression neutral as he morphs into the old man again. "Stay here." He tells me, striding out of the room.

I don't know how long Loki was gone for. I drank most of the wine he had out and cried. Eventually though I found out how right he was that you can be hurt in a dream. I drank too much, vomiting into the golden toilet in the adjoining room. I must have been passed out when he found me because I woke up on the bathroom floor, clutching the bottle with his cool hands on my shoulder. Everything was fuzzy. He sighed, taking the bottle from me and pressing his fingers to my head again. The fuzziness dissipated quickly and I felt fine.  
"Thanks." I say quietly.  
"It's not the first time I've seen you drunk." He told me, helping me to my feet. He wrapped an arm around my waist and led me back into the bedroom. I was a little unsteady on my feet. "I've cleared your head but you'll have to wait for the alcohol to wear off naturally I'm afraid." He tells me. "I must say, I am impressed you managed a whole bottle of Asgardian wine, it's much stronger than your Midgardian version."  
He leads me to the bed and my mouth opens in shock. I'm lying on the bed, my hair is tangled, there's dried blood on my face and it looks like my wrist might be broken. "That's what I look like?"  
"Usually there's less blood." Loki tells me darkly.  
"What did you do to them?" I ask quietly.  
He raises a chin. "What do you think?"  
I sigh and sit down on the bed next to myself, freeing myself from his arm. "Did you kill them?"  
"Yes."  
I hesitate, I don't look at him. "Good."  
"You can wake up now." He tells me. "You're safe."  
"Just a minute longer." I tell him, looking at him. Again, he wasn't being the callous murderer that SHIELD had told me he was. Had they been wrong about him? Or was this a ploy? I nod. "Okay, wake me up."

My eyes flicker open, the bed is soft and I don't want to get up, but the dried blood on my face is irritating me. I move to push myself up but shriek when I try to put pressure on my wrist. It's broken. Loki is by my side in a flash, helping me up and walking me to the bathroom. A hot, steaming bubble bath is waiting. He goes to help me with my clothes.  
"Woah, what do you think you're doing?" I try to pull away. The slur in my voice scares me and I almost fall over as I try to pull back, he catches me and steadies me.  
"Whatever they gave you it's strong. The water will soothe your body and while you're in there I can fix your wrist." He tells me.  
"I am not getting in a bath with you in the room." I growl.  
He rolls his eyes. "As if it would be the first time." He pauses, softening. "The spell for your wrist will hurt; trust me, a bath will help."  
I narrow my eyes as he gently rolls my shirt up over my head and eases my arms out. Likewise he slowly takes off my trousers. "I can take off the underwear myself." I glare. He raises an eyebrow and turns his back. One handed, I unclasp my bra and pull off my pants. I'm unsteady on my feet but I'm not going to ask him for help. Carefully, I climb into the bath and arrange the thick layer bubbles to cover me. They smell amazing, like lavender and jasmine. "Okay, I'm in."  
He turns to me and kneels by the side of the great bath. He rolls up his sleeves and takes my broken wrist, gently lowering it into the water, watching my expression as I flinch. His face is grim, as he does this; he is trying to be as careful with me as possible. He wraps his hands around my wrist, the back of one of his hands resting against my thigh. I'm about to mention this with pain shoots through my wrist and I gasp. He lets go and brings his hands out, drying them on the towel next to him. I lift my wrist out of the water and move it about. "Better?" He asks. I nod.  
He sits down, back against the wall. "Thank you Loki." I tell him. He was right, the bath was soothing. I cup some water in my hands and begin washing the blood away. "What's going to happen to SHIELD?" I ask.  
"Why should I care?" He leant his head back against the ornate tiles.  
I shrug, the water splashing slightly. "I'm going to have to go back you know." I tell him.  
"You could stay." He replies coolly. "I can keep you safe."  
I shake my head, thinking of Steve. "I can't stay."  
"Your boyfriend?" He says the word with disgust. "Whoever he is, he can't protect you like I can."  
"Why would you even try?" I ask, turning my head to the side to look at him. "Loki, who am I to you?" He watches me wearily for a moment. "It's no good just staring at me." I tell him. "You can't just wait for me to wake up anymore."  
He sighs. "I feel responsible for you." He tells me. "I have robbed you of your memories, of your life. Allow me to do you these simple kindnesses."  
"Loki,"  
"Yes?"  
"For the god of lies, you're a shit liar."  
He smiles. We don't talk for a while, he leans his head back, closes his eyes. I do likewise, enjoying the warmth of the water. When I make a move to get out of the bath he grabs the plush towel nearby and stands waiting for me, eyes averted. I take it from him and wrap it around myself, taking his hand to step out the bath. He doesn't wait for me to take another step; he lifts me into his arms and carries me to the bed. It was a good call; I'm suddenly overcome with tiredness.  
He morphs back into the old man and leaves without giving me a reason. I slip off the towel and climb into the bed naked; he hasn't given me anything to change into. I expected the sheets to be cool but they're quite warm. As soon as I close my eyes I drift to sleep. Not to darkness, or to Loki's side, but to a gentle and uneventful rest.


	19. Chapter 19

When I wake up there's a beautiful gown laid out on the bed with fresh underwear, Loki is still not around. Gingerly, I climb out and get changed. The dress fits me like a glove. As if on cue, Loki enters the room in the old man's guise. The door closes and he resumes his normal form.  
"Why the old man?" I ask.  
He looks me up and down. "Jessica, you look beautiful." He pauses. "That old man, is Odin, the Allfather."  
"Your dad?"  
"He was never my father."  
I don't feel like annoying him about it like I did in the dreams. I gingerly walk over to him and take his hand, giving it a little squeeze. He flashes me a weak smile. Pulling his hand free, he produces a necklace from his pocket. A large crystal entwined with metal on a leather cord. "It doesn't look like much." He tells me, placing it around my neck. "But it will stop others from sensing you are from Midgard. You'll appear Asgardian. You will be able to walk around the palace with me."  
I sigh, frowning at it. "Loki, I meant it when I said I can't stay here."  
He pressed his lips together in a hard line. "Just a little longer." He pleaded.  
I shake my head. "I need to go home, Loki."  
He sighs, taking my hand again. "Promise me then, at least, you will visit me in your dreams." His gaze is intense, it is concerned. "Wear the necklace when you sleep. That way if you happened to appear in an unexpected place you will not be questioned by others."  
I nod. "Okay."  
"You must not tell anyone about this." He tells me quietly.  
"I know." I nod. "You think after being experimented on, I'd want to?" I laugh gently.  
He smiles weakly but it fades quickly. "I mean it. You cannot tell anyone. It would put us both in danger."  
"I understand." I smile at him. "I promise." I lean up and kiss his cheek.  
With a pained expression he waves a hand across my face, and everything goes dark.

When I open my eyes I'm back in the beach house on my bed. I get up and try the switch, but the power is out. I realise I'm no longer in the gown I was in. I'm back in the clothes I was in when I had tried to leave. But I still have the necklace. I know it wasn't a dream.  
I open my door and step into the hallway. The smell is awful. One of the agents lies slumped next to the study door, a knife in his back. The walls are bloodstained. I make my way to the living room and find the other agent in a similar fashion. Farthing, Loki had especially made suffer. His body was in the armchair I had been pinned to and his eyes were burned out, his mouth agape showing his tongue had been ripped out. I ran to the bathroom to throw up.  
I stayed in my room for a while, avoiding leaving. Eventually though I knew I had to go out to the kitchen for food. I pinched my nose and tried not to look at the bodies. Even so, I could feel myself gagging. I took some bread and cheese to my room but I barely ate. I didn't sleep either. I sat holding myself next to the window in my room, staring out at the sea.  
A day later, I heard a car pull up and a light was flashing outside, and slowly, I eased myself under the bed, afraid that HYDRA had come for me. A man walked past the window, shining his light in. Not long later the door opened and someone walked in. "Jessica?" Barton's voice called. "Cap' sent me, I'm here to get you." He waited. "I know you're under the bed."  
Reluctantly, I crawl out. Hawkeye's eyes widened when he saw me. Gathering himself he held out a hand to me. "Come on, I'll take you to Cap'."  
"Prove it." I tell him quietly.  
"You think I'm HYDRA?" He raised his eyebrow. "Well, I'm not. But you don't exactly have a weapon anyway."  
"You saw the bodies." I say quietly. "Didn't have a weapon then, either."  
He doesn't say anything. He just waits with his hand outstretched. Finally I take it and let him walk me to his car. I close my eyes tightly as we walk past the bodies, holding my nose. It probably gives away that I didn't kill them, but at this point I'm letting him take me away anyway.  
Barton didn't bring an SUV. A convertible sits waiting. He helps me into the front passenger seat and climbs into the driver's seat, stashing his gun. He pulls away from the house and glances at me anxiously. "You okay, kid?"  
"Mm." I nod, staring out the window.  
He scowls. "Looks like they did a number on you, you're flesh and bone."  
I shrug. "I think it's the drugs they were using on me."  
He took a deep intake of breath. "Your dreams about Loki." He acknowledged.  
"Yeah." I look at him, he's glaring at the road, gripping the wheel tightly.  
"I'm sorry about before." He tells me coolly. "I just look at you and…" He glances at me.  
"And I remind you of him." I finish lamely. "I get it. I mean, I don't remember it, but I get it."  
He grunts, giving a brief nod. "You can sleep if you like, it's a long journey."  
I shake my head. "I've slept enough."  
"There's a difference between sleep and induced comas."  
"I'd still rather stay awake."  
He doesn't argue but I can tell he's not happy about it. He doesn't turn the radio on so neither do I, we sit in an uncomfortable yet established silence and I watch the world pass by. It wasn't long before we started to hit more built up areas. It surprised me that even this early in the morning there were cars passing by. Eventually he takes us into the city focusing on every turn, every stop more carefully.  
We arrive at a base, going under a seemingly random building. We pull up and he comes around to help me out. An arm around my waist to steady me, he walks me to an elevator. I lean on the bar while he punches in a code. We go down.

"She'll need to see a doctor." Hawkeye tells one of the agents as he helps me out, passing me onto them. The woman goes to put an arm around me but I straighten and awkwardly walk by myself. She shrugs and leads me down a few different corridors. This place is so dark and dingy it reminds me of the sewer I woke up in. She leads me to a small room and leaves. She locks the door.  
Gripping the table in the room for support, I check around for anything I could use. I still wasn't sure I could trust these people. Not until I saw Steve.  
The door unlocked and Dean Morgan smiled at me. "Jess!" I don't smile back. He faltered. "They said you were a bit quiet…" He gestured to the chair for me to sit but I didn't move. He sat down instead. "Jess, you have to trust me, you're safe now."  
"Safe?" I almost laugh. "I'll believe that when I see it."  
"You mean Steve."  
"Only way I can trust you people."  
"They're bringing him in now." Doctor Morgan tells me. "He'll be here soon. In the meantime, why don't you let me give you a physical?"  
I shake my head slowly. "Not until I see Steve."  
"Are you sure? You really want him to see you looking so… ill?"  
I just stare at him. He sighs. "Alright." He gets up. "He'll be here soon."  
Morgan, I notice, doesn't lock the door. I feel like it's a test. They want to see how much trust I'll give them so they'll know how much to give me. I sit down, back against the desk leg. Soon. I stretch my legs out, preparing for a long wait.


	20. Chapter 20

The door swung open. "Jess?"  
I peered over the table, his face immediately softened, in a spilt second I saw the tension Steve had been carrying. Almost slamming the door, he sped around to sit by me and I crawled quickly into his arms, burying my face into his neck.  
We held each other for a long time, eventually he let me go, holding my face between his hands, staring into my eyes, I did likewise. "Are you okay?" He finally asked.  
"Me?" I laugh, "What about you, apparently you're a fugitive now?"  
He smiles, and kisses me tenderly. My heart flutters and I wrap my arms around his neck, increasing the intensity of the kiss. He's smiling as we break apart. But his smile falls when he looks at me properly. He lets go of me, glaring as he realises how thin I've become, how pale.  
"What did they do to you?"  
"It's okay." I cup his cheek. "I'm here now with you, I'm okay." I press my forehead to his and close my eyes.  
He pulls me into his arms, my head resting on his chest. "If I ever catch them…"  
"They're dead." I whisper, clutching his suit.  
He doesn't answer but I feel his arms tighten around me and his lips press to the top of my head. We sit there for a while until there's a knock at the door and Black Widow walks in.  
"Steve, we gotta go." She tells him.  
"I'll be there in a minute." He tells her, she nods, leaving.  
I pull free of his arms to look at him. "Where are you going?"  
"Back to SHIELD. We have to stop HYDRA."  
I must have looked worried because he kisses my forehead again. "It's going to be alright, Agent Hill has a plan."  
"I want to come with you, I want to help."  
He shakes his head. "It's too dangerous."  
"There's not some computer job I could be doing?" He stares at me. "Promise me you'll be safe." I sigh finally.  
He looks down, guiltily.  
"Please." I beg.  
He looks back to me. "They have Bucky."  
I take a deep breath and wrap my arms around his neck again. "Just be safe." I murmur. I know how much Bucky meant to him. I can't even begin to imagine how HYDRA has Bucky. But he's still someone I've never met, as selfish as it sounds; Steve is the one I care about.  
He kisses me on the cheek and gets up, he hovers for a moment by the door before he leaves and my heart aches. I want to help. I just don't have the skills. And right now, with everything Farthing was doing I might as well be dead on my feet.

It wasn't long before Morgan came back to check in on me. I nod to him, now I've seen Steve I trust this base a lot more. Much like the first time we met, he inspects me, checks on me, asking each time he goes to do something new. "I think you're going to be okay." He nods, smiling. I manage to give him a weak smile back.  
I feel so tired all of a sudden. After he leaves, I curl up under the desk, taking my jumper off to use as a pillow. I drift off easily.  
"Are you safe?" Loki asks immediately. I nod and he smiles. "Good." He takes my hand and leads me to the balcony, taking on his guise as Odin again. I follow him out, realising I'm in the gown I had been wearing when he had taken me back.  
"I'm worried." I tell him.  
"About?"  
"SHIELD."  
"If they crumble, something else will spring up in their place I'm sure." He replied. "Look at your world's Avengers for example."  
"I'm worried about them too."  
He glances to me. "Why?"  
"They're good people." I look at him. "Is there any way I can help them, Loki? I need to know."  
He stared at me through Odin's one good eye. "Why?"  
"It's important to me." I tell him.  
Odin's eye narrowed. "Tell me why." He growled.  
I shake my head and I can see the unbridled fury in his eyes. There is the Loki I know. Not the gentleman who helps injured girls sleep and bathe. The rage. The fear. No, this was Loki. I step back.  
"You recoil?"  
"Yes."  
He licked his lips uncertainly. "I would not harm you."  
"I know." I tell him carefully. "But you are terrifying."  
Odin turned to face over the balcony with a sigh. "Always, I must scare you away."  
"Excuse me?"  
He shakes his head. "You cannot fight HYDRA. You're too weak right now, too tired." He reaches for my hand and after a moment I give it to him. Loki leads me inside, becoming himself again, leads me to the bed. "Rest." He tells me, lying down and pulling me down to lie on him, my body between his legs, and my head on his abdomen. He strokes my hair. "Sleep now."

When I wake up my muscles are stiff. I unfold myself from under the desk and find that while I'm still weak, I feel a little better than I did before. Hesitantly, I pull on my hoodie and walk over to and try the door. It opens with ease. A couple of agents bustle around.  
I wander down the corridor towards the elevator, this time taking the opposite turning, following where Barton had gone. No one stops me, no one even questions who I am. I just follow the lights and the wires.  
Agent Lopez spots me as I'm about to turn another corner. "Jessica!" She calls to me, I stop as she marches over. "I'm sorry what happened to you."  
I nod, "It's okay."  
"No, it is not okay." She grimaced. "I spoke for Farthing when he was advocating to be in charge. I had no idea he was working for HYDRA." I shrug non-committedly. "How are you?"  
"Not the best I've been." I admit to her. I look around at the agents running around. "Is there anything I can do to help?"  
Lopez glanced around. "Err, I don't think so. Not unless you can do applied mathematics or you're secretly a doctor?"  
"I don't and I'm not." I frown. "I'm an archaeologist and a historian. Not really much use in that I guess, is there?"  
Lopez chewed her lip. "You could organise the files we have here? We lost a lot of the paper copies on the move here." She begins leading further into the complex but as we pass a particular room I freeze and turn.  
Director Fury. "HYDRA tried to kill him." Lopez explains, she came to stand by me by the glass. "He's strong. It'd take more than the Winter Soldier to kill him." Fury notices us and waves us in.  
Lopez hesitates, I don't. I open the door. "Quit staring and get in here." He growls. I look back but he quickly follows up "Just you." Slowly, I do what he said, closing the door, making eye contact with Lopez as I close the door. I turn to face him. We look almost as bad as each other. He's up and about but he doesn't look healthy. He's thinned.  
"Loki?" He raises an eyebrow.  
"Gone," I tell him. "just gone."  
He nods. "Farthing?"  
"Dead."  
If he suspects anything, he doesn't say it. "Who brought you here?"  
"Agent Barton."  
"You should send him a gift basket or something."  
I feel the smile tug at the corners of my lips. "Probably." I'm pretty sure if anyone sent him to get me, it'd have been Fury. By the look of Steve, he was as much shocked to see me as he was relieved.  
"Is there anything I can do to help?" I ask quietly. "I'm guessing you're on your way to help Steve take down HYDRA… I want to help."  
"You should rest."  
"So should you."  
He doesn't smile. "Tell you what. You train with Barton, and I'll look at his report when I get back."  
"I can do that."  
"Good."  
There's an awkward silence when I realise he's waiting for me to leave. I turn and hurriedly exit, Lopez watching me expectantly. "Well?"  
"Where's Barton? I'm meant to get some training or something."  
Lopez squinted as she began leading me. "Really? Sounds like a bad idea, you two together, could get volatile."  
"Maybe he's expecting that? Maybe he thinks it'll push me to train harder?"  
Lopez shrugs, pointing to a space they had cleared for crash mats. Hawkeye was shooting arrows into targets. "Well, better find out." She leant in to me as she walked away. "Be careful. He's in a bad mood since he's not helping the Captain and the others."


	21. Chapter 21

"Ooff!" The sound is involuntary as he flips me onto another mat. My body aches all over but there's no way I'm going to quit right now.  
"Watch your surroundings." Barton tells me, stretching. He's barely broken a sweat. I roll onto my front and struggle to push myself up so I'm on my knees. "Are you done?" He asks, lowering his chin and raising his eyebrows.  
"No."  
"Good. Because if you were, you'd be dead."  
"I wouldn't be already?" I scoffed.  
He shrugged. "Maybe a little."  
I sigh, rubbing my arms. "How do you all put up with doing all this?"  
"Why are you doing it now?" He's looks at me carefully, knowingly.  
Thinking of Steve, I stand up and stretch with a grunt. "Bring it."  
He takes a swing at me and I dodge it. "You know, I think this is the longest conversation we've had." I gasp just avoiding the impact.  
"Possibly. You weren't exactly chatty when you were with Loki."  
I was about to throw a punch, this throws me off and I stumble, he trips me expertly. "What?" I snap, getting back up.  
"Loki, you know, greasy black hair, likes green, ego the size of a planet?" He answered a little sarcastically.  
"You remember being with him?" I narrow my eyes.  
"Sure I do. That's the thing about possession, you're aware of it. Hell, I bet you could tell some stories."  
I shake my head. "I don't remember anything about him."  
"Forgive me if I don't believe you." He scoffed. "I've been controlled by him, I know what it's like first hand, it's why I'm here training you instead of kicking ass out there with Nat." In explanation, he raises his hands to air quote. "Rest period."  
"Tell me about him."  
"Why should I?" He walked over to the side and grabbed a water bottle, opening it slowly. "You were there."  
"But I really don't remember it." I walked over to him as he drank. "Honestly, I don't."  
He watches me for a moment, sizing me up. "Say I believe you," He took another swig, "tell me why I should tell you anything."  
I hesitate. "Because I need to know what I did; if I did anything. I need to know how bad things were that you hate me so much."  
He stares at me a while longer then shrugs going back to the mat. I stand waiting for an answer that doesn't come. Instead he glares at me from the mat. "Are you coming back to finish what you started?"

Everything hurts, but I don't regret a single moment of it. I flex gingerly, avoiding any movement I know will hurt too much. I tried to go see Fury again but he was gone by the time I got to his room. Barton has gone to meet some doctor. Lopez and Dean are nowhere nearby and I don't fancy searching the area for them in case I get lost.  
I opt for returning to the office/room I had been in when they brought me in. I'm sat under the desk again. It feels cosier. Less open, less vulnerable as a position. I think it's night-time, of course, I have no idea though since we're underground and there's no windows. I probably only think it's night-time because it was when Hawkeye came to get me. With all the exercise I've just put myself through; I know I should probably sleep. But that's the last thing I want to do.  
Loki will be mad I'm trying to avoid him. I don't care. All I want now is to know Steve's okay. Whatever comfort Loki had been giving me, it had to be a lie. It just had to be. I curl and uncurl my fingers tentatively; punching had definitely hurt more than I thought it would. I felt guilty. Nothing had happened between me and Loki, but there was a connection that I didn't care to admit to. There was no way Steve would let that slide if he found out, how could he? I leant my head back against the wood. Was it something _I_ could let slide? Loki had to be manipulating me for his own advantage, it was in his nature, but yet, I felt a yearning to talk to him. Dare I say it, I missed him.  
With a groan, I lean my head back against the wood and close my eyes. How could I miss him? He was a monster. He had taken my memories so I didn't even know if I was a monster too. What did that make me? What did that make my relationship with Steve?  
I try to fight the sleep I can feel coming on but it doesn't take long for me to drift off. Finding myself back in the Asgardian palace feels like defeat.

A cool hand takes my arm gently, I turn expecting Loki, Odin's face flashes me a smile, I note the other Asgardians behind him glancing at me with curiosity. "You must be lost, my dear." Loki tells me in Odin's voice. He waves over a guard to escort me. "Take this girl to the courtyard, perhaps some fresh air will help."  
I let the guard take my arm and lead me away from the golden room. Everything is golden here. It's so gaudy. He leads me through an arched and open corridor and releases me once we reach a courtyard. Once he exits, I sit down and sigh. Back again.  
It's a good thing Loki transformed that dress for my dream self to wear, clearly he was right about others being able to see me. But that made no sense. Surely it was his mind I was connected to? I glance about the courtyard, there are plenty of flowers, and while its not entirely golden, there is a yellowish tinge to the warm stones that pave the area. I reach to touch one of the flowers when Odin's voice makes me hesitate. I listen, frozen to my seat as he says goodbye to the others and their chatter dying down. Then came the sound of his boots as he came to me.  
"I believe I made the right choice." He said, sitting by me. He lowered his voice "About the dress."  
"Looks like." I watch lazily as two guards saunter past us through the corridor. Loki glances over Odin's shoulder. He turns back to face me.  
"So… Did I just appear or something?" I ask slowly. "And everyone saw me? I didn't think that was possible."  
"I was not sure, I thought the dress was a wise precaution. Whatever is binding us, it's getting stronger."  
I don't reply. There's a pause between us and then he sighs. "You're acting more formal than usual."  
"You still look like your dad." I reply coolly.  
"Regardless," He looks at me puzzled through Odin's one good eye, "Something is troubling you."  
"I'm fine."  
"You didn't want to come." He presses.  
"No."  
"Why not?"  
I glare at him. "Why do you think?" I shake my head. "Lo-" I remember his disguise. "I have bigger problems right now. Awake. In my real life."  
Odin frowned at me. "This is your real life. Whether you admit it or not."  
"I don't belong here."  
He grabbed my hand suddenly, his cold fingers grasped tightly around my hand. "You belong with me."  
I pull my hand away roughly. "No. I don't."  
"You used to tell me I was your world."  
"I don't remember that." I hiss.  
"Jessica, I still love you."  
There was something laughable about hearing that from Odin's lips. I knew Loki had said it but something didn't quite ring true for me. Though, there was a slight ache, as if my heart was taking on the headaches I had had while reading about him. "It's time to wake up." I tell him.  
"Stay, please."  
"I was trying to stay awake, Loki, I was trying to stay away from you." I can see the hurt in his eyes. "I love someone else."  
"No, you don't."  
"I'm thankful for what you did for me. I really am. But I can't keep dreaming like this. Its not fair to either of us."  
"I don't think you have a choice." He growled.  
"No? I can choose not to acknowledge you." I sigh. "Maybe I'll try exploring Asgard or something."  
"Jessica, please." There was almost desperation in his voice.  
I softly cup his wrinkled face. "Goodbye Loki."


	22. Chapter 22

I wake up to the sound of the door opening, I curl up tighter under the desk, wishing I had a weapon of some kind, until I hear his voice and see him crouch in front of me.  
"There you are." He smiles.  
"Steve." I breathe with delight, climbing out to embrace him properly.  
He's covered in grime and sweat, and his Captain America suit is different. As we reel back from the hug, I check over the cuts and scratches over his face and hands. "What happened?" I ask worriedly.  
"I'm fine." He tells me.  
"What happened?" I repeat more forcefully.  
His face falls and I scoop him back into a cuddle. His face nuzzles my neck. Whatever happened, he isn't ready to talk about it yet, and I'm not going to push him. "Do you wanna get out of here?" I ask quietly. I feel him nod against me.  
Carefully, I untangle myself from him and stand, taking his hand and pulling him up with me. I walk him to and out of the door, with no real idea of where we're going. I just know wherever he needs to be right now isn't some underground office.  
Outside the office, I glance around for anyone in an authoritative capacity. Then I realise, _to hell with it_, so far following orders hadn't got me anywhere much better. I pull Steve past a few SHIELD agents packing up equipment, studiously ignoring them.  
I lead him to the elevator and Steve presses the floor button. I'm a little relieved; he has more of a plan than I do. When the doors open, we exit into a car park. He pulls me along now, leading me out towards a car parked. He hesitates before letting go of my hand and opening the door, it's unlocked. I climb in and he walks to the other side to climb into the driver's seat. He reaches under the steering wheel and hotwires the engine into life. I flash him a curious look, but he doesn't explain.  
He pulls out of the complex onto the road, weaving in and out of other cars. It doesn't take too long for us to reach the Avenger's Tower. He still hasn't spoken a word. As he parks up, I reach across and place my hand over his, gripping firmly. He turns to look at me with sad eyes. "I lost Bucky." He explains weakly.  
"I'm so sorry."  
"He's not dead." He elaborates. "I have to find him."  
"Let me help." I offer.  
He shakes his head, pulling his hand free and getting out of the car. I quickly follow suit. He waits for me and as I reach him I slip my hand back into his and we walk into the building together and take the elevator in silence. When we reach his floor he heads to the ensuite, I help him out of his Captain America suit and he gets into the shower, standing there while the water cascades over him. I stand there awkwardly for a moment before leaving and sitting on his bed. This was not the kind of reunion I had hoped for.  
I pull his laptop over from the end of the bed and turn it on. I hit the web and search "Winter Soldier" It's a matter of moments before I'm trawling through conspiracy article after conspiracy article reading about Cap's best friend. My heart aches for him. Lost in time, alone, and he finds his best friend is alive and fighting on the wrong side. I turn the laptop off as I hear the shower switch off. I glance at the time on the screen before it powers down, he's been in there a long time, I'd lost track of time while reading. Quickly, I pull off Loki's necklace and stash it under the bed. I have a feeling Steve is ready to drop with exhaustion.  
Steve practically drags himself into the room and dresses miserably into jogging bottoms before lying on the bed next to me. I sigh, "Roll over." He obliges and I curl around him, unable to properly surround him. "It's gonna be okay." I whisper to him. His breathing is slowing, he must be falling asleep. "It's gonna be okay." I whisper again softly.

When I wake up I'm relieved that I hadn't dreamt of Loki. I had begun to wonder if that was even possible. Steve was still in my arms. I could tell from the way he was breathing though that he had been awake for a while.  
"I have to look for him." He tells me quietly.  
"Let me help." I reply.  
He rolls over to face me, his expression pained. "It's too dangerous."  
"I'll learn to fight. How to shoot a gun. Anything to stay with you." I promise.  
He smiles slightly, his face softening. "I can't risk losing you too."  
"And you think I'd be happy to wait here until I hear that you're coming back either alive or…?" I can't say the word.  
"I'll be fine."  
"I would be too."  
He leans over and kisses me tenderly. I melt into the kiss. "I love you." He tells me.  
"I love you too. Please don't leave." I plead quietly.  
He takes a deep breath. "Jess, Bucky doesn't remember anything about himself. He needs me."  
_I don't remember anything about myself. I need you._ I want to say but I don't. The hurt in his eyes is too great. It would be selfish of me to stop him. Oh god, how I wanted to be selfish. I sigh. "You have to do what you have to do."  
Scowling, he kisses me harder for a moment. "I'm so sorry."  
"You're coming back." I tell him, concerned.  
"I meant for this." He sighs. "We don't see each other for so long and now I'm leaving."  
"I get it." I cup his cheek, searching his eyes for confirmation that he knows I mean it. "I do."  
He rests his forehead against mine. "I'll be here a little longer, I need to research, use SHIELD and HYDRA's databases before they go."  
"Go?"  
He looks at me a moment. "They didn't tell you… SHIELD is gone, Jess."  
I open and close my mouth a few times. "What does that mean for me?"  
"I guess it means you could go home, see your family."  
"Or?"  
"Or you could stay here, I'm sure Stark could find you a job."  
I pause. "As much as I'd like to go home, I want to be here to be sure you're okay."  
"Well I'll have to if you'll be here waiting for me." He smiles.  
I smile back, but it's not a full smile.


	23. Chapter 23

"You alright kid?" Asks Tony as he walks into the gym. I'm stood repeatedly punching a punch bag. The throws aren't skilled, or even well aimed for that matter, but there's force put behind every one. "You've been spending a lot of time down here." He notes. I only grunt in reply, focusing on continuing to hit the bag.  
Since SHIELD had gone my living arrangements had also disappeared. My apartment in England had been passed on to a new tenant a while ago I found out. Technically I was homeless until Steve had suggested I took his floor while he was looking for Bucky. As it was at the moment, he was still following up leads and looking information up so he hadn't gone anywhere. We were pretty much living together. For now anyway. We were happy, until someone brought up the topic of him leaving. We were together, but not together. We were in limbo. That was why I had started to come down to the gym so often. Barton had been giving me a few tips and training sessions since HYDRA was taken down. We still weren't friends, but at least we talked now. I found that working out gave me something else to think about whenever it looked like Steve was about to make a breakthrough on finding Bucky.  
"Jess?"  
I sigh, grabbing the bag to stop it swinging. "I'm fine." I wipe the sweat from my brow.  
"Yeah, you seem it." Tony rolled his eyes, leaning against the boxing ring. "I've noticed you're down here a lot, forgive me if I'm wrong but are you training for something?" I turn to face him and he nods, seeing my expression. "Stupid question."  
"I'm in a world of superheroes, evil organisations and gods, what do you think?" I raise an eyebrow.  
"Yeah I get it," He paused, "But are you though? I mean, he's not going to take you with him if that's what you're hoping… I mean did you see the tapes? That guy is insane, he's-"  
"Steve's best friend who needs his help." I finish quickly. It was a knee-jerk reaction. I'd heard Steve defend the guy enough times.  
Tony nods, looking away. He's waiting for me to make the first move and I'm not really in the mood to play games. "Steve needs him as much as he needs Steve." I tell him quietly.  
"And where do you factor into that equation?"  
I hesitate and shrug. I'd considered the question plenty of times and I still didn't have an answer. All I could do was hope Steve needed me too.  
"You should find something to do, occupy your time with something other than this." He waves at the punch bag. "What were you doing before Manhattan?"  
"Administrative assistant." I sigh, "God, it feels like a lifetime ago."  
"And then you were doing research for SHIELD." He continues. "The assistant job; were you any good at it?"  
"Honestly? Not particularly, I hadn't had the job long when… well, you know. Aliens."  
He nods, "Well it just so happens Pepper needs a new assistant, know anyone who'd like the job?"  
"I thought Pepper was your assistant?"  
He laughs, folding his arms. "Was. Key word there. Gave her the company a while back, she was doing most of the work anyway. She's been doing great on her own but I'd like to spend a little more free time with her. Things have been a little tense since Christmas…" He trails off.  
"I'd love the job." I tell him, snapping him out of whatever thought he was disappearing with.  
He flashed me one of those award winning smiles. "Great, I'll set it up, you can start next week."  
"Thanks." I nod. There's a pause between us.  
"You know Cap's looking for you."  
I sigh. "Yeah."  
"Just making sure." He tells me getting up and crossing the gym to exit through the other door.  
I stand for a while, catching my breath and summoning the strength to go find Steve. Every time someone told me he was looking for me I always worried that today was the day he was leaving me.

"Tony said you were looking for me?" I ask, running a hand nervously through my unruly hair. I had asked JARVIS where to find Steve, he's in his, I mean, our living room. He's practically commandeered most of it with newspaper clippings and possible Winter Soldier sightings.  
"Yeah," He says timidly, "take a seat." He gestures to the chair in front of him.  
Taking a deep breath, I sit down. "You're always down that gym, I feel like you've been avoiding me recently." He sighs. "I know it's been tough with me looking for Bucky but…"  
"I don't begrudge you looking for him if you think that's the problem." I tell him quickly.  
"Then what is it?" He asks with a searching gaze.  
"I'm terrified about you leaving."  
"I'm coming back."  
"Yeah and how long will you be gone for?" I countered. "Weeks? Months? Years? Am I meant to wait around for you, Steve, because you know I will and by the time you get back who's to say either of us will be the same as we are now? Or feel like we do now? And that's all assuming you don't die. Steve, if you die, I don't know what I'd do."  
"I'm coming back." He repeated more quietly, he wasn't looking at me.  
"Yeah and what if you don't?"  
His eyes snapped back to mine. "I have to. I wouldn't leave you. I can't leave you. I love you too damn much."  
I take another deep breath. "Then let me go with you."  
"We've talked about this."  
"No, you talked about this. Take me seriously for once. I don't have to be out there with you fighting and doing whatever else. I'll stay in hotel rooms, I'll research, I'll patch you up if you get hurt."  
"Jessica, if something happened…"  
"I can take care of myself. Well, more than I could. You said yourself, I'm always down that gym. What do you think I do down there because it sure as hell isn't pampering myself." To underline my point I flash him a pit stain. "Gross, I know, but the point stands."  
"If something happened to you…"  
"If anything happened to either of us the other's gonna be upset." I interrupt. "Don't expect me to feel anything less than what you'd feel if it was me."  
"Yeah but if you got hurt, it'd be because you came with me after my friend."  
"And if you left and I wasn't with you I'd never forgive myself for not spending as much time as with you as I could, Steve."  
"Neither of us are gonna back down on this are we?" He sighed with a smile, glancing down at his hands.  
"Nope." I grin back.  
"Alright." He concedes finally. "But you stay put in the hotels and if I tell you that you have to go, you do exactly as I say."  
I leap to my feet and jump onto his lap, showering his lips, jaw and neck with kisses. Laughing, he holds me back. "That was all it took?" I respond with a long and sensual kiss. "I guess that's a yes." He smiles pulling me tight against him as he kissed me back. As we pulled apart, grinning like fools, he reached up and brushed some stray hair behind my ear with a contended sigh.  
A forced cough makes me turn and Steve to look over my shoulder. Natasha and Clint stand there with smug faces. "Well by all means, don't stop on our account." Clint said. I roll my eyes and reluctantly climb off my boyfriend's lap. "We found something we thought you'd be interested in." Barton explains as he and Nat come over to talk about Bucky. I get up and wink at Steve as I head to the shower. With the agents backs to me I hover in the doorway and tease Steve by slowly peeling off my shirt before closing the door behind me. His expression is priceless.


	24. Chapter 24

Clint sits down next to me and takes a swig out of his water bottle. Since he started training me he's started to relax around me. "So how's the job going?" He asks.  
"Fine, Pepper's got me running around for some press conference soon at the moment."  
He nods. "And Cap'?"  
"He's still not convinced that was Bucky in that picture." I tell him, stretching. "He appreciated the info though."  
He nods again then turns to me. "It was, you know."  
"Yeah, I know." I look away from him. "I'm not sure what's holding him back."  
"Aren't you?" He raises an eyebrow. I don't answer. "It's not like you asked him to stay, you don't have to feel guilty."  
"I don't." I lie, facing him again. "I'm just thinking about this business conference."  
"Hrmm." He takes another drink. "Ready for another round?" He asks, gesturing to the crash mats. I cringe. I was improving, but so slowly. It wasn't fast enough. With a sigh I push myself up and head over to them. "You're determined, I'll give you that." He tells me as he follows me over.  
"Have to be." I tell him, rolling my shoulders. "How else am I going to convince Steve to let me go with him?"  
"I thought you guys were agreed on that now?"  
"You really think Steve will let me go where he thinks I'm gonna get hurt?" I almost laugh. It's enough of a distraction that I almost miss blocking his first punch.  
He shrugs as I take a swing at him, missing him widely. "He knows you've been in worse scrapes."  
"Loki?" I ask. He still wouldn't tell me everything he remembered, but Barton had begun to mention one or two things. He nods grimly, swinging again.  
"He had you do some training then too." Barton tells me. "In case his base was found."  
"And that's something he couldn't have let me remember?" I scowl.  
"You'd have wondered where you'd learnt it." He tells me. This time he launches at me, tackling me to the ground unexpectedly. I wrench myself free and roll to the side.  
"What was that?" I snap. "I thought were were just doing punches today!"  
"You wouldn't have rolled away that quickly before." He points out, getting up. "I just wanted to test your reflexes."  
I sigh, straightening up, a little more wary. "So no more dreams about him?" He asks.  
"None."  
"Probably for the best, creeped me out to think you could be seeing him every night."  
As it is, I realise I haven't had a dream about Loki since I took off the necklace. I frown, Farthing had mentioned the Convergence being why I was linked to him. Had that worn off in association with whatever he had done to me to wipe my memories? Had this necklace been a way to keep the link after the Convergence had ended? Or was it all just a coincidence? Maybe Loki had just forgotten about me. Maybe he accepted me saying goodbye. I'm thinking about it so in-depth that I miss Barton's next swing and I go down hard.

"She zoned out entirely, don't blame me!" Barton's voice sounded defensive.  
"What were you even doing hitting that hard?" Steve was angry.  
"She's gonna be fine guys, chill out." Dean's voice.  
I opened my eyes and Steve did a double take at me, rushing over. "Are you okay, what do you need?"  
"What I need is for you guys not to yell at each other." I laughed gently, rubbing my temples. "It's doing nothing for this headache. It was my fault, Steve; I should have been paying more attention." I hear Clint grunt in agreement as I move to sit up, cringing as the wave of dizziness hits me.  
"You need to be more careful." Steve tells me. I flash him a weak smile and he shakes his head, looking up with a soft smile.  
"I will be." I promise him. I lean over and plant a gentle kiss on his cheek.  
"I'll stay with her for a bit." Dean offers. "You should probably get back to the…" He trails off at the look Steve flashes him.  
"Back to the what?" I scowl.  
"Nothing." Steve smiles, kissing me tenderly on the lips. "I'll be back in a few hours." Without another word he got up and left, Clint following him after a brief nod to me.  
I turn to Dean with pursed lips. "What are they doing?"  
"Nothing, Jess, no need to worry."  
"Dean?" There's warning in my voice.  
"Bucky stuff." He sighs, sitting next to me. "It's fine. Steve will tell you about it later, I'm sure."  
Scooting up to sitting, I lean my head back against the headboard, glad that Clint had brought me back to my room. I run a hand over my face. "So how's everything with you?" I sigh. "How's Lucy?"  
"She's fine…" He tells me, avoiding my eyes. "We broke up."  
"What?"  
He shrugged. "Things got a little complicated. They always do. We still talk, hang out… She's working for Stark too actually. You should go see her sometime."  
"You guys can't work it out?"  
He shrugs again. I curse under my breath. "I'm so sorry, Dean." I place a hand on his arm. "It'll be okay."  
"Yeah, I know." He stared out in front of him for a moment. "So, anything new with you?" He asks with a sigh.  
It doesn't take long before we're talking and laughing like old friends. I'm glad. Since everything with Farthing, I hadn't seen much of Doctor Martins, and had started to miss his company. The time passes quickly and before I know it, Steve's back.  
By this time I'm starting to feel ready for bed. Dean gives me the all clear to sleep, I hadn't wanted to risk it if I had a concussion or something, and says his goodbyes. Steve gives me a quick peck on the cheek and tells me he's heading for the shower without explaining where he's been.  
I reach under the bed, curious after remembering it during training and pull out the necklace Loki had given me. It has a simple design but it's elegant. I roll the crystal between my fingers admiring it in the light.  
"What's that?" Steve asked, arms wrapping around my waist as he came to sit behind me on the bed.  
"Just a necklace."  
"It's pretty." He said, taking it from my hands, I turned and he slipped it over my head. "It suits you."  
I flush a little and he leans in to kiss me softly. "So where were you?" I ask quietly, forehead pressed against his.  
"Looking into where Bucky is." He replies just as quietly.  
"Did you find him?"  
"Not yet."  
He kisses me again, just as gently, his fingers brushing under the hem of my shirt against my skin.

I wake up with an uncomfortable prickling running down my flesh. I sit up in the darkness, Steve sleeping heavily by my side. My breath catches in my throat as I see the reason I woke up. Standing at the end of the bed is Loki. And he looks pissed.  
"This?" He snarls. "This is your boyfriend?" The words spit off his tongue, loaded with venom.  
I shudder, clutching the duvet up against my chest, trying to cover my body. "You're not really here." I whisper to myself.  
"No." His eyes narrow, focusing on my neck. My hand flies up and I grasp the necklace. "But I can see everything." As I move he continues. "If you wake him up, he dies."  
I freeze, uncertain. "You can't kill him, you're in Asgard."  
"The necklace has a little bonus feature; I can control your body if I need to. Thought it would come in handy. I was right I see, but for entirely different reasons." He paused. "If you try to wake him up, he will die, and you will kill him."  
"Loki, please…"  
"That's right, beg." He raised his chin, expression neutral. "Beg for your boyfriend's miserable life."  
For a moment I wasn't sure if he was being serious or not, but he just kept watching me with those dangerous eyes. "Please." I ask quietly, voice strained. "Please don't kill Steve… Please don't make me kill him. I love him."  
Apparently this was not the right thing to say, I saw the anger flare up in his eyes. "Love?" He sneered, swooping forward and grabbing me by the throat. I felt like I couldn't breathe. "You _love_ him?"  
"Yes." I manage to squeak through his fingers.  
He bared his teeth, fingers tightening around my throat as he lifted me up from the bed. "Loki…" I whispered through the pain.  
Something flashed in his eyes and he loosened his grip lowering me back to the bed. "Love…" He muttered, searching my eyes. "You love him." He hesitated. "And will he love you back when he knows what you have done? When you know what you have done." He presses two fingers to my head and I gasp in pain, writhing in his grasp as the searing headache shot through me, white hot heat surging through my limbs. "Don't worry." I just about heard him through the intense pain. "I'll be coming for you shortly."  
With a shudder it was all over, he had gone. I was sat drenched in a cold sweat in the bed. He had given me back my memories. A strangled cry tore through me and I curled up on myself, choking on tears. Steve woke up suddenly by my crying scooping me into his warm and comforting arms. Loki must have been a dream, but what he did was not.  
"What's wrong?" Steve kept asking me but all I could do was shake my head and hold him. When he had finally calmed me down I explained. I told him everything. He deserved to know. His arms tightened around me and he kissed my hair. "It's going to be okay." He told me. "I promise."


	25. Chapter 25

"What does that mean? Everything?" Nat asked with a scowl.  
"It means I can remember meeting him, being with him, and after he brainwashed me." I sigh. "He and I… dated… for a while before the attack on Manhattan." I note Steve's fists clench and I reach to hold his hand. He takes it, holding my hand firmly.  
"How did he even get in your room? Is this something we should be looking into?" Bruce asked.  
Steve held up the necklace and threw it to him. He caught it with ease and adjusted his glasses, staring at it. "This?"  
"Yeah." I answer weakly. "He gave it to me in a dream… asked me to keep seeing him."  
"And you agreed?" Tony raised his eyebrows.  
"Okay, firstly, I took the necklace off. Secondly, even with everything you guys had told me about him, he had been nothing but caring towards me… he _saved _me… I had no idea…" I trail off with everyone's eyes on me. Even with what I was saying being true, I knew how stupid I had been. I knew the disappointment they were all feeling in me because I felt it too. The only person not looking at me was Steve, and that almost hurt more than being stared at.  
The only person who hadn't spoken up was Barton, and I feel that was more because he knew what I knew about our time with Loki. He wasn't judging me; he understood what it was like to be controlled by him. He had made his peace with me and Loki before this. For the others though, this was new. Before I was just a plain girl he had made a target out of with his memory wipe. Now, I was potentially dangerous again.  
"We're gonna need Thor in on this." Bruce sighed, passing the necklace to Tony. "Maybe he'll know more on this."  
It didn't take them long to call him, he was with Jane Foster after the Convergence. Steve stayed by my side the entire time, squeezing my hand. We waited quite some time for him to arrive though. The others shuffled in and out of the room making drinks or getting books. I rested my head on Steve's shoulder and he finally released my hand, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

Thor entered with big smiles and even greater embraces for the team. When he sees me, his gaze softens and I too am scooped into a hug. He turns and introduces me to the woman with him, Jane, his girlfriend. "It's nice to meet you." I tell her sincerely. She gives me an awkward nod, I'm not surprised, I'd be the same if I met my boyfriend's evil brother's ex. It's a weird situation to be in.  
"How are you?" She finally asks.  
"Okay." I reply quietly.  
"He gave her her memories back." Steve tells them. Jane's eyes widen, Thor scowls.  
"Loki?"  
"Of course, who else?" Steve asks.  
"Loki is dead." Thor narrowed his eyes, turning to me. "We watched him die."  
I swallow hard. "I don't know what you watched die, Thor, but I was there with him watching you… The convergence… linked us somehow. He was in my dreams…"  
"He tricked us again." Thors fists tightened. Jane laid a protective hand on his arm and said something gently to him. He strode out of the room. Jane turned to Steve, "You should probably go after him, I'll talk to Jessica."  
The Captain followed her orders, leaving us alone in the room together. She gestured to the settee and I sat down, she sat with me. "It can't have been him, Jessica… he's dead. We watched him die."  
"I'm telling you he's not dead." I sigh, leaning back. "He cast an illusion or something. I was with him. I watched you both leave his body."  
Jane looked away for a moment, digesting the information. "Are you sure you weren't dreaming?"  
"Jane," I shake my head, "HYDRA were monitoring me, drugging me, they said that the dreams were giving off readings similar to when Thor touched down in New Mexico."  
She took a deep breath. Apparently that cinched it for her. "And he came back?"  
"He came back." I nod. "I was looking at the necklace he gave me when Steve came in and put it on me… things got… heated… and I forgot to take it off. I woke up in the middle of the night and he gave me my memories back."  
"Which memories?"  
"All of them." I shut my eyes tightly and rubbed my face. How many times would I have to go through this today? "I met him at university, I thought he was a student and he asked me out. We dated for a while and then things got serious. He'd come down for periods of time before going back to Asgard. Yes, he told me about Asgard. Took me a while to believe him though. I thought it was some joke." I sigh again. "He went back for some ceremony for Thor and told me he was going to be gone for a while. I can only assume that's when New Mexico went down. When he came back he was different… changed. But he was still _my _Loki, you know? He took me to Manhattan with him. When I changed my mind he used the staff on me like he had the others…"  
I opened my eyes, Jane was watching me with great concern. "Then what happened?"  
I bite my lip, eyes watering. "He made me a monster… The things I did as his _queen_…" The word is bitter on my tongue, "… were despicable… I can understand why Barton avoided me so much. I was as bad as Loki was."  
"He was controlling you."  
"I should have fought it." I pause. "I mean, I did fight it to begin with, I didn't want to hurt those people, do those things… but the longer it was happening, the more I switched off to it, the more I let it happen."  
Jane nods and takes my hand gently. "You couldn't have fought it, Agent Barton couldn't even fight it." I nod. "This was not your fault Jess."  
"It feels like it." I groan. "He was an alien. How did I think it was going to end?"  
"Better than this." She nods. I realise she's probably the only one who could understand what Loki made me feel back then, it's how Thor makes her feel.  
Uncomfortably I lick my lips. "I never thought he would try to hurt me."  
"Maybe that's why he erased the memories? Spare you the pain?" She suggested quietly.  
I can't help but scoff a little, "Or maybe he was trying to protect himself."  
She nodded and shrugged a little. "I can't say I have a positive outlook on Loki, but it sounds like he did care about you at one point. Maybe this was just him lashing out?"  
"He threatened to have me kill my boyfriend." I raise an eyebrow. "Now come on, that's beyond the normal psycho-ex kinda stories."  
Jane sighed. "Yeah, a bit, this whole situation is messed up."  
"You're telling me." I rest my head back against the settee.


	26. Chapter 26

Thor had finally calmed down enough to see me. He sat down opposite me, his hunched figure an indication of the weight on his shoulders. We're the only two people in the room. Jane thought it would be best to give us some time, taking Steve out despite his evident disagreement on the idea.  
"So… Loki is alive." He said, breaking the silence. I simply nod in reply. He sighs, sweeping a large hand across his face. "And he returned your memories?" Again, I just nod, still staring at my hands in my lap. "He always did pick his moments for a tantrum." I glance up to him with a slight smile that he returns. "Let's be honest, for someone with a lot of ambition, he's not exactly level-headed."  
"That's one way of putting it." I agree.  
He stops again for a moment, staring at the coffee table between us. "I truly thought he was dead, I mourned for him."  
"Thor if I had known you were back on earth…"  
He gives me a gentle smile, "If you had not been given the crystal, I would not have believed you."  
"The crystal?" I frown, "Why did the necklace convince you?"  
"It was a spell our mother taught him as a child, so that if he travelled far distances he could still communicate with her back home. She made us one each. I could never master the skills to make one, but to Loki, magic was almost second nature." He explains with a soft smile as he remembered. His face hardened again. "He must have remembered it after she…" He didn't finish the sentence and I didn't push him to continue.  
He looks back to me. "The spell would have cost him a great deal of energy. Please, Jessica, you must tell me where he is."  
I bite my lips. "I don't want to say."  
"Please, he is my brother."  
"Thor, he threatened to make me kill Steve, I can't… I just want this to be over…" I shake my head, putting my face in my hands. "The memories he gave me back… I can't begin to explain to any of you what that was like… the things I did under the influence… I killed people… he taught me to torture them…" A sob nearly comes out as I remember their screams.  
"Without the crystal, he cannot contact you." Thor tells me firmly.  
I stare up at him through my hands. "I shouldn't have put it back on."  
"No." He admits. "But you were not to know that."  
"I should have guessed."  
"It's too late to be berating yourself over the past. You need to focus on now." He tells me. "The Captain needs you. He confided to me how you've been a rock the last few weeks with his search for Bucky."  
I look down again guiltily. I hadn't been there for Steve as much as I probably should have been. I had been too scared of losing him to even discuss Bucky. I had just been there to cuddle him and talk about his past with Bucky in the evenings. Even after he had agreed to let me go with him, discussion on finding Bucky had been kept to a minimum.  
He hesitates, "Forgive me, this will be personal but, did you love Loki?"  
"With all my heart." I reply coolly.  
"And now?"  
I scowl at him. "And now?"

The others seem a little more wary around me now, except for Clint. Steve treats me the same though he seems to worry more. He often accompanies me places, as if I could be spirited away by Loki at any moment. My new boss, Pepper, even seems to worry about me. She still gives me work, but now the more important paperwork gets assigned to others in the department. I can understand why but it still hurts a little bit to not be trusted. In my work I get along as quietly and as efficiently as possible. Pepper has two assistants and the other tends to be louder and more used to talking to clients so I let her. Steve has started to make breakthroughs in his search for Bucky.  
As for me, personally, I struggle along trying not to let the memories Loki gave me get to me. It's a little harder done than said. Some days I can go without so much as a thought about my past with Loki before breaking down crying the next day over every little thing.  
I don't know where the necklace has gone, Tony and Bruce are experimenting on it, I think. I shouldn't want to know where it is but I do. Part of me wants to give that alien bastard a piece of my mind, though, not in the literal sense.  
It's one of my better days. I'm cooking pasta, not really focusing on the article in front of me on my laptop screen as Steve comes in. "Jess?"  
"In here."  
He enters, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my cheek softly. "What's cooking?"  
"Spaghetti, nothing fancy." I turn to face him, tiptoeing to kiss his lips.  
He sighed, resting his forehead against mine. "We think we found him."  
"Bucky?"  
"Yeah."  
I bite my lip for a moment, staring into his chest. "So when do you go?"  
"You mean when do we go?" He tipped my head up to look at him.  
"I thought with everything that happened you wouldn't want me there."  
He shrugged with a sigh, dropping his hand to my waist again. "I wouldn't want you hurt. But I don't think you should be alone right now, you've seemed on edge since it happened. I want to be there for you. Plus, talking to Barton, sounds like Loki had you trained up; you should be better at defending yourself than any of us expected."  
With a squeal I pepper him in kisses, he laughs pushing me back a little to turn down the heat on stove. He turns so my back is against the counter and his head dips to press a soft kiss to my lips. "I will want to see that you can defend yourself though, now you have your memories back."  
"Not a problem, you wanna go right now?"  
He laughs, "I was thinking maybe tomorrow morning. Besides, you've made us dinner." He nods to the pots. "It'd be a shame to waste it."  
"I said, it's only spaghetti."  
"Yeah," He leant in nuzzling my neck. "And I love your spaghetti." He began kissing up my neck to my jaw. I can't help but giggle, twisting to face him, kissing him back passionately.  
He sighs as we break apart. "I love you."  
"I know, I love you too." I smile.


	27. Chapter 27

His fingers twist coyly in my hair and I smile rolling over to face him. His black locks of hair frame his face perfectly. "Good morning, my love." He smiles. I wriggle up closer to him and press my naked body against his. Loki holds me tight and presses a gentle and loving kiss to my forehead, and I let out a sigh of content.  
"Last night was perfect." I murmur against his chest. He hummed in agreement and I smiled against him. My eyes still closed, I felt his fingers trail across my cheek. I let out a slight groan, "I really wish I didn't have to go."  
"I could send an illusion of you so you can stay?" I can hear the smirk in his voice.  
"With how much I'm paying for Uni'? Nah, I should probably go." I sigh.  
With a sudden growl, he whips out from next to me and pins my wrists above me, straddling me. "What if I made you stay?" He chuckled, kissing my face all over between every word. I squeal and squirm beneath his kisses but he holds me tight below him. He lingers to kiss me deeply.  
His grip softened and his hands began to wander over my naked body. "I really wish you didn't have to go too." He gazed into my eyes for a moment before rolling off of me and allowing me to get dressed. I blush slightly realising he's lounging on the bed watching me.  
"See something you like?" I ask raising my eyebrows. He replies with a soft grunt and I can't help but laugh as I pull on my dress.  
There's a knock at my door from my housemate. "You coming?"  
"Yeah, I'll be there now! Just need a few minutes" I call back. I turn to Loki, "Believe me, I'd stay all day in bed with you if I could." I turn to grab my bag by my desk and when I turn I jump finding him close enough that his body is almost against mine. "When did you?" I begin to ask but he hushes me with a hand, stroking back my hair.  
I frown, he's staring at me so intently. "Is everything okay?"  
Still stroking my hair he hushes me again, beginning to stroke back harder, fiercer, suddenly he's gripping me by the hair and pulling me up to stand on my toes. "What are you doing?" I shout. He doesn't answer, his face contorted into a snarl.  
"What if I made you stay?" He sneers, suddenly holding some kind of glowing staff. He presses the point of it to my chest and I scream as pain engulfs my body.

Arms are suddenly around me. "Jess, you're having a nightmare!" I stop screaming, still shivering against Steve. "Are you okay?" He asks, turning me to face him, still holding me tightly. Worry is etched onto his face, his eyes filled with concern. He cups my cheek with one of his large hands, stroking my cheek carefully with his thumb.  
I can't help the tears that burst out, I wrap my arms around him and he holds me, resting his head against mine while I ride out the aftermath of the dream. I can't find words to explain to him right now.  
The dream had started so sweetly, it was so realistic it could have been a memory. I could still smell Loki on my skin. But the transition… It was like when he had taken my memories from me and like when he had given them back. I was terrified. He was terrifying. But at the same time there was another underlying emotion; I missed him. I didn't want to. He had taken my memories from me, my autonomy, my life. And I had Steve now, I loved him so much and I would never give him up for the world, he was so sweet and considerate and kind. But it was clear now that I still had feelings for Loki too.  
What the hell was so wrong with me that I still loved Loki? We had had a loving and passionate relationship, yes. But he had left me alone so often. He abandoned me for so long with no explanation. He took away who I was and he used me. The good he had done after didn't wipe out the bad he did then. And recent interactions didn't exactly put him in my good books either. He hadn't given me my memories back to remind me of him, or to protect me, or help me. He had done it to torture me. It was vindictive and it was selfish.  
Loving him made no sense. But there it was; that underlying affection bubbling away under the surface, the ache in my heart that it wasn't him I was waking up next to every morning even though waking up by Steve filled me with nothing but delight. I felt so conflicted.  
Steve brought me back from my thoughts with a gentle kiss to my cheek. "Are you okay, Jess?" He asked softly. I glanced around our room in the darkness and guilt started to seep in. I nod weakly and he kisses my cheek again. "Do you want to talk about it?"  
"It was just a stupid dream." I whisper, surprised to find myself a little hoarse.  
He reaches around behind him and passes me a glass of water, gratefully I take a sip. "Loki again?" He asks quietly, there's no judgement in his voice. When I don't reply he sighs with concern. "It was just a dream." He tells me as I take another sip. "Do you think you'll be able to sleep again?" I shake my head. "Okay," He nods and takes the glass from me before pulling me down to the bed against his chest and holds me in his arms, "just rest with me then." He presses a kiss to my head and I listen to his heartbeat.


	28. Chapter 28

Steve watches me cautiously over breakfast. He's tried talking to me all morning and so far I still haven't said a word. I simply nod, shake my head or shrug. I can see the worry in his eyes and its breaking my heart; I just can't bring myself to talk about it with him, to explain what the dream was about and how I felt after.  
Once I finish eating I shuffle to the shower and lock the door behind me. I know it was only a dream but for some reason I can still smell him, I can still feel him pulling my hair and my bones ache with whatever he made the staff do to me in my dream. I shudder as I turn the shower on, waiting for it to heat up.  
My skin was red and sore by the time I climbed out. I had turned the heat way up and scrubbed madly, desperate to get rid of whatever kept his smell lingering around me. I felt clean at least but for some reason I could still smell Loki. It was driving me crazy.  
Towel tucked tightly around me, I opened the bathroom door, pausing when I heard Steve's voice. "I'm just worried about her."  
"Steve, she's a big girl she can take care of herself." I heard Nat's voice reply. "It was only a nightmare, how bad could it be?"  
"You didn't see her Nat, it was like seeing her after Farthing again. She hasn't said a word all morning."  
"I'm sure she'll snap out of it, she probably just needs a while."  
"But we're meant to make a move soon. I'm worried she won't be up for it."  
I heard Natasha sigh. "You won't be able to convince her not to come, Steve. She's been training with Barton as much as she can. And now she has her memories back, Barton thinks she'll remember all the training Loki gave her." There was a pause. "She's determined to stay with you."  
"I just don't want to see her get hurt."  
I must have leant too far forwards listening or something because the floorboard creaked and they stopped talking. I froze for a moment. Realising they weren't going to continue I tightened my towel and headed out towards the bedroom past them in the living room, nodding to Nat. "Morning." She smiled and greeted me likewise as I hurried away.  
With the door of the bedroom closed so I could get changed I couldn't hear the rest of their conversation. It wasn't long before Steve came and joined me in the bedroom. I was sat on our bed, dressed, clutching the necklace he had bought me for Christmas.  
He knelt by my legs, hands curling softly around my own. "Jess?"  
I sigh. "I'm sorry about earlier Steve, I just…"  
He shook his head, getting up and pulling my head to his chest as he kissed my head. He sat down next to me. "I'm just glad you're okay."  
I pull back to look at him carefully. "I am sorry though." I sigh. "I know I'm not the easiest person to be with right now."  
He stroked my hair softly. "It's fine, I get it." He paused. "Would it really be the best idea to come with me?"  
"You're not getting rid of me that easily." I smile as I get up and start packing a bag. Unzipping it on the bed next to him I hesitate, darkness taking over my vision momentarily. It didn't send me into the panic induced frenzy the abyss used to, but it still caused fear to tighten my heart and leave me a little breathless.  
Another of the little things that annoyed me about not seeing Loki, he had seemed to experience this too. Since our dream connection the abyss had featured in many of my nightmares. While the nightmares had stopped it occasionally did flare up in my waking life. I hadn't brought it up with Dean; I doubted there was anything he could do about it. Loki was probably the only person I could talk to about it.  
Steve laid a hand on my arm. "You're sure about this?"  
"I'm not letting you go find Bucky on your own." I tell him as I start collecting my things. "I'll be fine, I can handle it."  
"I know you can." He flashes me a weak smile. We had set to training in the gym. There was no way I could ever hope to beat him in a real fight but with Loki's lessons now remembered and Barton's training I could at least hold my own while Steve went easy on me.  
He pushes himself off the bed and also begins packing. While we move about the room gathering our things he runs through a bit about the city we're going to, the plan he has to get to Bucky, the information he has on him so far. It doesn't take long until I'm bored though, I end up throwing a roll of socks at his head and before long there are more clothes scattered across the room than there are packed. Laughing, he comes over to me and scoops my face between his large hands, bringing me forwards to kiss his lips.  
"What would I do without you?" He sighs contentedly.  
"Mope?" I joke, kissing him again as I zipped up the final bag. I glance about us. "We've made a bit of a mess, haven't we?"  
"I'll clean it, you take the bags downstairs." He offers.  
"Nah, I got it, you've got bigger muscles than me, all the better for carrying bags. I'll clean this, it won't take too long."  
He nods, pressing a quick kiss to my cheek as he gathers the bags. "See you downstairs."  
"Yeah." I watch him leave with a goofy smile still plastered over my face. Turning, I start to fold some of the clothes when a sharp pain shoots through my skull. I gasp, doubling over, clutching my head. The pain begins to subside and I move to continue packing only for the attack to flare up again, sharper this time. I screw my eyes shut tightly, waiting for it to end. It hurts so badly I can barely even breathe.


	29. Chapter 29

"Jessica…"  
Suddenly the pain is gone; it takes only a moment to register the voice. It leaves both fear and longing coiling around my heart.  
"Loki." I whisper, staring up at him. I'm still on my knees from where I doubled over in pain. But I'm no longer in Steve's and my room.  
His expression is dark, despite having my memories back, I can't read it even slightly. "I told you I would come for you." He said neutrally.  
I try to keep my breathing steady, swallowing, I push myself to my feet. "Take me back."  
"No." He sneered, leaning towards me. "No, I think I'll keep you here a while longer. Tell me," He sauntered around me in a wide circle. "Does he still love you?" When I don't answer, he's suddenly holding me by my hair. "Does he?" He bellows into my ear.  
"Yes." I hiss back, clenching my fists against my sides. If I go to hit him, I won't be getting out of this alive.  
"And do you love him?" He asked in a sickly sweet tone. "Does he make you quiver with delight?"  
"I still love him." I growl back.  
Loki leant close by my ear, breathing softly on it. It did nothing but cause me further panic. He was holding my hair so tightly I could feel tears building but I refused to start crying, not here, not for him.  
"You seemed so entranced by how my Asgardian cell differed from yours." He said, leaning back, "I decided to give you one of your very own." He released my hair, dropping it with disgust and stepped back. I glanced around and realised where we were. I had been so intently focused on Loki I hadn't realised the golden glimmer around us wasn't his room or another area of the palace. We were in the cell he had been locked in when our dreams became interwoven.  
"You can't just lock me up in here." I tell him, I'm trying to sound strong, but there's definitely a wavering of pleading in my tone. "You can't."  
"I can do what I please." He snarled. "You certainly did."  
"You took away my memories!" I almost shout at him. "What did you think would happen? That's I'd die alone waiting? I didn't even know you existed!"  
He opens his mouth to reply but he stops himself. "It matters not."  
"Of course it bloody well matters, you're imprisoning me!"  
He hesitates, staring at the ground.  
"Well?" I demand.  
His eyes flash up to look at mine, almost black with anger. I falter, what if I've pushed him too far.  
"I thought you would choose me!" He croaks out.  
There's a pause between us. "I thought you would remember and choose me." He says more softly.  
I shake my head slowly, taking a step back. "You came to me in the middle of the night, threatened me, threatened the man I love and you gave me these _horrible_ memories of things you had me do. You made me a monster, Loki. And you thought I'd willing run back into your arms at the snap of your fingers?"  
His eyes soften, he's thinking about what I'm saying, he's weakening on his resolve. "You're not a monster. Not you. You could never be…"  
"You had me torture people." I cut him off. "You had me kill people. You took away my free will but I still did those things, Loki. I still have to live with them."  
He pauses. "I love you." He whispers.  
"No," I shake my head, biting my lip. "You love power. You love power so much you were willing to sacrifice me, the real me, who loved you entirely, for the type of queen you wanted." He doesn't answer, looking away from me. I raise my arms up. "Well did I do the job well?" I ask bitterly. "Did I exceed expectations?"  
"You will remain here." He tells me quietly.  
"For what? Until when?" I snap.  
"You will remain here." He repeats, fading away. Of course it was only an illusion. The golden walls become a little more transparent and I can see the other prisoners now. Uncomfortably I sit down on the floor and wrap my arms around my knees. A prison cell in Asgard; who would think to look for me here? When would Steve realise I wasn't coming downstairs to meet him to start the search for Bucky? I didn't even get to say goodbye to Steve.


	30. Chapter 30

"Please! No more!" The man screams as I carve my knife through the soft flesh on his thigh. I watch the blood bloom out of the wound.  
"You know, I'm going easy on you." I tell him as I walk to the tray on the side full of utensils. I put the knife down and examine one of the other items slowly. "The last man had lost an eye by this point."  
"Please." He whimpered behind me. When I don't answer he almost shouts at me "Why are you doing this?"  
I glance to Barton by the doors. He watches with a neutral expression, the piercing blue of his eyes drilling me. "The King commands it." I reply coolly, putting the tool down and picking up the next one. It was taking everything I had not to go back over to the man in the chair and peel his flesh from his bones as Loki had ordered me to do. This man thought I was being unusually cruel, dragging out his torture. I was trying to be kind, giving him rest periods as I appeared to select new instruments and devices to break him with. Sometimes I wondered why I even bothered, they never cared, and by the end they were too dead for it to have mattered anyway.  
I was taking too long, Barton was sure to notice something was wrong. I grabbed the tweezers and headed back over to the man slowly. I knelt down by the thigh I had just cut into. "Please don't," He pleaded, his eyes widening, "Please!" If I could stop, I would. I was numb to my actions, all I could do was delay them, or watch them happen in front of me. Gripping the flap of skin at the edge of the cut, I began peeling the skin back, ignoring his howls of pain. "You fucking bitch!" He screamed, struggling against the bonds holding his arms back.  
"Watch your language." I pause glaring up at him.  
"Like you fucking care!" He snapped, "If I ever get out of here I'm going to kill you, you psychotic bitch!"  
I plunge the tweezers into the wound, silencing him with a scream. "That wasn't very nice." I snarl. I push myself to my feet, walking back to the items on the tray.  
"You don't even know why you're doing this do you?" He stifles a laugh, still so full of panic. He's right, but Loki had commanded me to torture him and so that was what I was doing. He hadn't told me to get information out of this man, or to make his death painful. Just torture him. I didn't even know his name. I didn't need to know his name. But part of me wished I did.  
How many had I hurt and slaughtered because Loki had simply willed it? I could count them, but he had ordered me not to. I just knew the answer was a lot. Maybe there was a reason he didn't give me their names. It wasn't my place to question it.  
There was something wrong about that though, wasn't there? I was his Queen. Shouldn't I know these things? If he was King and I was Queen, shouldn't I be his equal? But here I was, carrying out his orders. I couldn't stop myself. I didn't exactly derive any pleasure from it. It certainly didn't seem to make him happy when I reported back to him. But that was what I did. Because he wanted it done.  
I walked over and hit him in the face. His head lolled back. Returning to the tray, I switched the burner on and began heating up the oil when there was a knock at the door. I turn to Barton who opens it. Another of Loki's lackeys. "The King wants his Queen by his side." I turned the burner off.  
"I'm in the middle of something."  
Barton turned to face me, giving me the same blank face the other was. They were catching on. I should have just dropped what I was doing and left. Now, I was going to have to think of an excuse in case one of them told Loki I had attempted to stay here. It would be so much easier if I could think straight.  
"I will need someone to come and finish this." I continue coolly, wiping my hands on the towel by the door.  
"We will send someone immediately." The man tells me before heading off.  
I turn to Barton. "Are you staying here?"  
"Someone will need to watch him." He nodded to the man in the chair. The man's head was dipped, he was completely knocked out.  
"I don't think he'll be going anywhere." I tell him, looking at Barton's face carefully. Loki had told me the archer had been a top assassin, working for a government organisation called SHIELD. If anyone could break free of this mind-control it had to be him. Even if he could just get to the point I was at, delaying action and thinking for myself. I needed someone, anyone.  
"I will stay with the prisoner until they bring someone else." He informs me without looking at me.  
I feel my jaw tighten slightly. "Very well." I nod, heading out into the corridor. I knew where Loki would be, I walk directly to our room, just past the glass office. When Loki sees me, he strides over, about to sweep me into a kiss when he freezes, seeing the blood.  
"Jessica, you are covered in blood."  
"My King requested I join him, I thought best not to leave him waiting."  
His green eyes bore into my newly blue ones for a moment. "Very well." He grits his teeth. "Go, shower, and get changed."  
I nod and I'm about to take my leave when he grabs my arm, halting me. I turn and he leans in, kissing me softly. We part and I see the blood on his lips. Letting go of me, he wipes it off with the back of his sleeve. "Go, get ready, my Queen." He says dully.

I don't take long in the shower. I barely find them relaxing at all anymore. I wash out the blood, the dirt from my hair and skin; I even scrub under my nails. I get out and dry my hair before applying my makeup and shimmying into the green gown Loki has left out on the bed. Floor-length and silk, it hugs my curves perfectly. I slip on the bracelet he gave me before he left for Asgard. I'd keep it on all day if I could, a reminder of what he used to be like, but I worry about it getting damaged while I'm doing the work he orders me to do. He likes me to be hands-on.  
During the day, I choose my outfit from the large wardrobe by the bed. All my clothes are now black and green. In the evening, after doing whatever he has commanded, I take my shower and come out to find a dress he has chosen laid out for me. There is never underwear in the evening. He says he prefers having access to me whenever he pleases in the evening.  
After strapping on the heels he's left for me, I walk out into the office to find him giving orders to the lackey who came to see me earlier. Once he leaves, Loki flashes me a concerned look. "You were in the middle of something?" He asks quietly.  
I raise my chin slightly, "You had asked me to torture the man. I was doing as you commanded. I did not see it fit to leave the task unfinished." Lying had become so much easier since he had done whatever it was he did to me. My face was almost always neutral.  
"I didn't tell you when the task would be finished." He replied coolly, drumming his fingers on the desk behind him.  
"And so I ordered someone to take over for me, my King." I tell him.  
He smiled and scooped me into his arms close to him, kissing me passionately. "What would I do without you?" I reply with one of my practiced smiles. He brushed aside some of my stray hair and leant in to my ear. "The things I'm going to do to you tonight." He nibbled my ear and kissed my neck. I sighed, leaning to give him better access to my neck. Sex was one of the only few things Loki had left me to find pleasurable.  
He pulled his lips from me, smirking. I smile back. He waves to one of the guards at the door, gesturing for me to sit next to him. As I take my seat, he pours me a glass of wine from the cabinet next to me. Returning to stand in front of the desk, he passes me the drink and three men walk in with two girls. They certainly dressed to show. Their dresses taught against their bodies, hair styled to perfection.  
"Loki!" One of the men greets him warmly, extending his arms for an embrace. When Loki makes no move towards him, he falters, and his arms drop to his sides.  
Loki nods to the women who have both settled down in the couch by the door. "Who are they?"  
"Gifts!" The man's face lights up. "To celebrate our alliance!"  
The blonde woman stands up and sashays over to Loki, curtsying low. On her way back up, she pressed a hand to his chest. "My King." She giggles.  
Loki says nothing for a moment, appraising her with his eyes and a slight smile. Slowly I drum my fingers against the crystal glass. The girl turns to me and I stop, raising an eyebrow; daring her.  
"And who is this?" She asks sweetly, removing her hand from Loki's chest. "A friend?"  
"His Queen." I reply evenly. "A pleasure to make your acquaintance." I stand and move close to him. He wraps an arm around my waist, looking at me. I can't see his expression. I'm too busy staring out the woman in front of me.  
She flashes me her pearly white teeth in another smile. "His Queen? How lovely. I had just been hearing about how… restless… he's been recently. I must have been mistaken."  
"You must have." I replied.  
The other woman gets up, staking over to us. "My King," She also curtsied low. "It is the greatest honour to meet you." On one hand, at least this one didn't try to touch him. On the other, she was obviously the more subtle of the two, meaning it would be more difficult to see if she was genuinely sniffing about Loki. "I must say," She continued, "it is a surprise that no one had lied about how handsome you are. You are truly out of this world." Her eyes sparkled at her pun. "And your friend," She said, turning to me, "also quite the gem."  
"His Queen." I corrected.  
"Excuse me?"  
"Both of you have asserted that I am nothing more than his friend. I have told you, I am his Queen."  
The blonde one giggled. "Does that mean I can be his little princess?"  
My grip tightened around the glass as Loki let out a dark chuckle. "I wouldn't push her if I were you." Loki tells them quietly.  
The brunette looks me up and down, sizing me up. "Why? Is she your bodyguard."  
"His Queen." I repeated. "Though I am more than capable of defending him if I need to. Would you like a demonstration?" I go to move forward but Loki holds me firmly by his side, fingers digging into my hip as he keeps me in place.  
I look to him; he's giving me a warning look. "I don't think these are appropriate gifts." He tells the men, still glaring at me. "Though I fully appreciate the good will behind them."  
"Of course." The man who had tried to hug Loki half-laughed as he ushered the girls out. "I should have realised your Queen would be here, I should have realised."  
Loki turns finally to face him, letting go of me. "Regardless of whether Jessica was here, I would not accept women as gifts. Next time, if one of your gifts is so forward as those, I will let my Queen practice her demonstration on you."  
The man swallowed hard, sizing me up quickly. He had no way of telling whether I would be able to take him or not. "Of course, I apologise Loki… Jessica…" He bowed his head.  
Loki waved a hand in the air to dismiss it. "Tell me more about the plans."

I took another sip of the wine as the men left, leaning back against the desk. "You were rude to our guests." Loki growls in my ear as he brushes back my hair.  
"Those women wanted you." I reply coolly, not looking at him.  
He mumbled into my neck gently. "I am a god and their future king, many women will want me."  
"I am your Queen." I raise my eyebrows.  
"I didn't say those other women would get me." He said, spinning me to face him. A smirk plays on his lips. "I liked seeing you like that." He tells me planting his hands on my hips, pressing into the bruise his fingers had made earlier. "I liked seeing you so assertive. It was like the old you."  
"You are mine." I tell him, running a finger over his lips. "I am your Queen, I am your lover, your confidante and your servant, and I will do whatever you command, but I will not share you."  
His eyes narrowed momentarily. "I am a King, I do as I please."  
"If you want me as your Queen, if you want me to stay, then you are mine." Fuck. The words were just coming out. I had just threatened to leave him. Would he realise now that I still retained some of my free will?  
"If I want you to stay?" My heart caught in my throat. "What if I made you stay?" I remained neutral. He laughed. "Well, I guess I'd better behave then." He began kissing my neck fervently.


	31. Chapter 31

Sometimes, since Loki had returned my memories, just after I woke, I wouldn't be sure if it was memories or dreams that I had imagined in my sleep. It usually took a little while to work out which was which. This was one of those times. I lay in the Asgardian cot and waited for the slight headache to dissipate. Usually that was a sign it was a memory resurfacing.  
His _Queen_. The idea sickened me. Ruling over humanity, how could he be so heartless? I ran a hand over my face. That man I had tortured, had he survived? Or had the next torturer come along and slit his throat? That's how I would have done it if I had… oh god… I shook my head trying to clear it of thoughts like that. I am not a killer. I'm not.  
I wonder if what his name was, or if he had a family. I wonder what he did to anger Loki so much. Wondering wasn't about to get me anywhere though. I could think and worry about that man another day. Right now, I had to figure a way out of this cell.  
I roll out of the bed and pace, looking for any kind of visible weakness in the golden walls. I wasn't seeing anything though. My next move was to take one of the wooden stools and attempt to knock it against the golden walls for any weaknesses I couldn't see.  
A throaty chuckle behind me made me look around. In the cell adjoining mine was another woman. Her skin was silvery and her hair was white. Her eyes were large and dark. "You won't find a way out." She told me with a smirk.  
"Have you tried?" I ask, rolling my eyes.  
"Yes, actually. Many times. I'm telling you that's not going to work. Face it," She kicked off her boots and laid back on her cot. "you're here for the long haul."  
I believe her but I still try. She was right though, testing the wall got me nothing but burns on the ends of the wooden stool. With a grunt, I sit down on the stool. It wobbles slightly from where one of the legs has been burnt more than the rest.  
"If someone put you here, you're not getting out." The woman called over, eyes closed. How she looked so at peace with herself in a prison cell, I'll never know.  
"I'll find a way." I said, promising myself more than anything. I wrapped my arms about me and leant forward.  
"I've been here for two years." She tells me chirpily. "Two long, miserable years. You get used to it."  
"Yeah well this isn't my first time being locked up." I grumble. "Call me crazy, but I'm a little done with the whole life behind bars kind of lifestyle."  
She opens one eye and peers at me. "You don't look the sort to be a wanted criminal. Guess there's more to you than meets the eye, huh kid?"  
"You have no idea." I flash her a grin, earning a laugh from her.  
A clanging begins down the hall. I rise to my feet slowly and with a sigh she jumps up too. Seeing my concerned look she laughs again. "Cool it breather, it's just dinner." Sure enough, a guard marches down the hall pushing trays of food into each cell via a little compartment I hadn't noticed before. He hesitates once he reaches me, and glanced me up and down once before shrugging and shoving the little tray through the drawer and sending through a different shaped object through the drawer to the woman in the cell next to me.  
Once he's gone around the corner she rushes forward to it, quickly discarding the black choker I hadn't previously noticed from around her neck and replacing it with the one the guard had brought. She sighed with relief, returning to her bed.  
Cautiously, I wander over to my drawer. Opening it, I find a covered tray with some plastic cutlery. I open the lid and find some grilled chicken and rice. Or at least, that's what I assumed it was. I took the tray to my bed and set it down, returning to the drawer. I tried pushing it back the other way but it wouldn't budge from the inside. I scowl, carefully searching its edges for any kind of screw or fitting. It appeared there weren't any.  
Defeated for now, I go back to my bed and begin eating the food slowly, hoping it wasn't poisoned. Then again, Loki had no reason to poison me. Not at the moment anyway. Knowing him, he'd probably find ways to torture me and keep me here forever unless I found a way out. The food wasn't great but it also wasn't the worst meal I had had so I ate. I was surprised how hungry I was. I guess the panic from earlier had used more energy than I had thought.  
"What did they give you, breather?" The woman asks from her bed. I glance over my shoulder at her. If she hadn't spoken, I'd have assumed she was sleeping.  
"Chicken… I think…"  
She nods fractionally. "Chicken." She said it as if she was testing the word.


	32. Chapter 32

"Like this." The creature clicked, holding the knife awkwardly in my hand. It glanced back to Loki, who stood arms folded and grim-faced watching us. "Now, take the knife and begin carving feather light." It cooed, gesturing to the person tied up and gagged in the chair in front of us.  
It hadn't taken too many lessons to learn what I needed to torture the way Loki needed me to. I knew exactly where to apply pressure on people and how. Whether it be via a few choice cuts or a few choice words, I could have them screaming, crying and begging for death by the end of my lessons.  
We were in bed, he stroked my face as I lay there, watching him with my new bright blue eyes. A gift from the staff. "Jess," He whispered, "I'm sorry, I am so sorry." I didn't reply, I could barely think straight. It was taking my body longer to respond than it should do. I couldn't feel a thing. Not fear from losing myself. Not my love for Loki, or any hatred for what he had done to me. He had used the staff on me only a few days ago, and I hadn't quite adjusted to it yet.  
"I'll bring you back," He whispered in the dark blank space between us. "I promise. I just need time to figure this out." All I can do is watch him. "You were going to leave me. Do you understand why I couldn't let that happen? I need you here with me. To remind me… Because without you I do things like…" He trailed off, staring into my lifeless eyes.  
He closed his eyes and his lips drew into a thin line. Looking back up at the ceiling he whispered to himself, "What have I done?"  
My body responded before I did. My hand went to his chest and I laid it over his heart. His gaze snapped back to me, but my eyes were still soullessly watching him. Slowly, he reached up and laid a hand over mine. I opened my fingers a little wider and he looped his fingers through mine. He studied my expressionless face with curiosity.  
It was the first time I had expressed anything autonomous since he had used the staff on me. Until that point, he had had to tell me when to eat, drink, move and even relieve myself. I was nothing but a human doll.  
He brought my hand up from his heart and kissed my fingers softly, eyes shut. It triggered something in me. Before, it was like I was dreaming, not in control of my own movements, but seeing the heartbreak written all over his face, I was determined to fight it and wake up.  
It wasn't easy. I found myself forgetting, or switching off to tasks and allowing my body to move for me. Things that did trigger me to be more alert still didn't let me control myself, only to be aware of what I was doing. But I was determined. I was not going to let this by my life.  
Loki was having me trained in fighting against Agent Barton. "He's a government agent," Loki cooed in my ear as Barton and another man set up some crash mats. "SHIELD operative. He'll train you up nicely." He squeezed my shoulders gently, sighing when I didn't react the way he wanted. "I'm sure he will." I reply evenly. Everything I said was monotone now. I had no passion, no life in my voice as I said things I didn't mean to say.  
A few swings in, Barton managed to knock me back, I stumbled, off the edge of the mat and slipped backwards, smacking my head against a nearby table. When I came to everything was different. I knew that from the get go.  
When I opened my eyes, there wasn't the dull ache of the dream pain I would feel when I got hurt, the pain was real, but I couldn't express it with my face. I sat up. Loki was at the end of the bed, he opened his mouth, surprised that I was up before crashing his lips against mine.  
"I should have Barton flayed for this." He growled against my mouth.  
I felt concern build up in me for Barton, I was a surprised to feel anything at all, but even still my emotions were dampened down. "No," I say softly, still speaking as evenly as when the mind-control was in full possession of me. "He's a good fighter, you will need him."  
Loki stares at me for a moment. Then his face widens into a smile. "I knew I just had to give it time to work." He says quietly, kissing me again deeply, running his tongue along my lips. For a moment I wondered if he thought I had returned to my usual self, but after he excused himself to attend to business I went into the bathroom and saw the truth for myself.  
In the mirror, staring back at me were two still very blue piercing eyes. He thought I was still under the staff's control. My heart fell a little. He didn't intend to let me go at all. No, he just wanted someone like me but still within his control. If I could feel my emotions as intensely as I used to, I'm almost certain I would have smashed that mirror then and there. But I didn't. Instead, I turned and returned to the bed, waiting for Loki to come back. Waiting for orders. But it was too late, the change had happened. Whatever orders he gave me now, it didn't matter. The spell had cracked slightly with that hit to the head. I had a fighting chance now.


	33. Chapter 33

It was the early hours of the morning when the gold evaporated in front of me. I was about to reach out to touch it when it vanished. I stayed sat, cross-legged, staring at the gap in front of me, open-mouthed for a moment, until I realised it wasn't just my cell, it was all the cells.  
The woman in the cell next to me had leapt out as soon as her wall opened. "What's happening?" I ask, clambering out.  
"The guards do this sometimes, let the prisoners out to fight each other, place bets. They have ways of getting them back in the pens after, don't worry." She told me glancing about as other aliens began waking up and emerging. "You might want to find a safe place to hide, girly. This is about to get ugly." She cracked her knuckles a I noted the webbing between her shimmering fingers.  
"They can't be allowed to do this? Surely? Odin can't be letting this happen." I squeak, climbing out.  
"I bet Odin doesn't know." She turns and stares at me a moment. "You heard me, get gone. You won't be safe out here. Brutes like these will eat you up, a pretty little thing like you." She thumbs over behind her where in the other cell next to hers a large stone looking creature has begun to emerge.  
I didn't need to be told a third time, I ran. And I kept running. I ignored the jeers of other inmates whose cells hadn't opened, and I wove and darted between the freed ones. I was exhausted but the woman had been right, I wasn't safe where we had been. The screams and crashes behind me confirm that the woman had given me the best advice to get out of there. Our cells were right in the thick of the escaped convicts, and I wasn't about to get caught. I figured that so long as I ran in a straight line, I'd eventually come to the end of the prison, from there, if I followed the walls I might find some kind of exit.  
But the cells kept going on and on and there didn't seem to be an end to them. When the noises started to come from in front of me rather than from behind, I stopped. I was never meant to get out. With a cringe I realise, _magic_. I had seen Loki use it enough times, it stood to reason that one of the guards, or maybe more, could also use it. They wanted us to fight. So they were going to keep us together to make that happen.  
Quickly, I darted into the cell to my right, it was empty. I leant over, heaving and panting. There was no way I was ready for a fight with aliens. Steve wouldn't even fight me properly in training. I was going to get slaughtered. Maybe if I waited here long enough, I could dart back to my cell as they sent everyone back to their prisons?  
Before long, the fighting died down. Hefty feet shuffled down the corridor. Panicking, I scrabbled under the bed. "Where is she?" A voice boomed.  
"I don't know, why don't you ask her where she went?" A woman's voice sneered. Not just any woman, the woman from the cell next to me. I struggled to get a glimpse from under the bed but a party of the aliens had stopped just outside of the cell I was in. A large and hulking dark alien was dragging my neighbour by her hair. He was companioned by a muscular male with four arms who held a makeshift club over his shoulder and another woman with red skin and curled hair.  
The dark alien tugged on my neighbour's hair causing her to let out a little scream. She was holding onto her own hair at the scalp, trying to lessen the strain of him pulling her hair, but his brute strength wasn't in her favour. "Tell us where the bitch went." The four armed man snarled.  
"Yeah," smiled the woman, her teeth pointed like daggers, "we only want to have a little fun with her."  
"Go screw yourselves." The silver woman hissed. "Why is she even so damn important to you anyways?"  
"Some Midgardian Odin himself sent down here?" The woman laughed. "She must be pretty important to piss off the All-Father himself, we just want to see what all the fuss is about."  
They're talking about me I realise. Loki must have brought me here while in his Odin's guise before appearing to me as himself. I watch as they tug the silver woman's hair again. Perhaps I moved or maybe my time had simply run out, but the red woman saw me.  
"There you are." She sneered striding over and gripping my shirt collar, dragging me out from under the bed. She smelt sickly sweet. There was something about that scent. "What do you say we have a little girl fun, hrmm?"  
The first punch hits me hard before I even realise she's gone to hit me. I can feel blood dripping from my nose, over my lips. I gasp as she tightens her grip on my shirt, as I turn to look at her I realise she's moving to headbutt me. I kick her back and in her surprise she drops me. Immediately I stand ready to fight, I guess Loki's lessons are paying off. I feel a little dizzy but I can't lose focus now.  
"No!" The red woman cries over to the other two, I glance over and realise the four-armed man had begun to head towards me. "Bitch is mine." She warned him. She launches herself at me and I roll to the side, avoiding her narrowly. I grab the nearest object to hand and hurl it at her, not caring what it was as it smashes next to her head, what I care about is that it smashes next to her head rather than on her head, I've wasted my shot.  
With a growl she walks over quickly before I can get up and grabs me by the neck lifting me up. I try kicking but she swings me like a ragdoll until I stop. She pins me against the floor, teeth bared. The smell that clings to her is so overpowering, why do I know it?  
She leans in as if she's about to kiss me when an alarm goes. Letting me go she pins her hands to her ears in pain. I can understand why, the noise is terrible. It's so high-pitched and so loud that I feel like my brain is quaking from the mere sound of it. I look up to my neighbour, now released from the large alien's grip. She nods to me and begins running. Hurriedly, I chase after her, hands still pinned to my head in a vain attempt to cancel out the noise. I watch her dart into her cell, the gold closing up around her and I practically throw myself back into my cell. As soon as the golden wall seals up the sound is blocked.  
"What was that?" I ask the woman, but when I look over to her she's watching out her wall to something going on further down the hallway. I guess if the sound was blocked getting into the cells, it makes sense that the cells would be soundproofed against each other until the alarm finished.  
I walk over to the water basin in my room and grab the wash cloth, holding it to my nose and tipping my head as I sit down, back against the bed. There was something about that smell. It was so familiar and I could barely recall why.


	34. Chapter 34

The scent was the first thing I noticed. It made my blood boil with rage. I practically kicked down the bedroom door when I got to it. The blonde woman that had tried to be a "gift" to Loki was lying on our bed naked.  
"Evening, sweetheart." She winked.  
"Get out." I hissed, fists clenched.  
"I'd rather not." She smirked. "I think the king could do with a bit of a show if you know what I mean. He's just looked so down, so _lonely_ recently."  
I took a deep breath. She was trying to lure me into a fight. And god damn it was working. "I won't ask you again. In fact, I'm not asking, I'm telling you to get out."  
"We'll see what the King has to say, shall we?" She giggled.  
Enough was enough. I had given her plenty of opportunity to leave. I walked forwards and collected her clothes, throwing them at her in a heap. She laughed at me and threw them back down, to the side, still lounging on the bed. "Worried the King will want to trade up?"  
With a sigh, I reached down and yanked her off the bed by her wrist. Standing, she struggled against my vice-like grip for a moment then smiled wider. Her teeth were jagged. Standing this close to her, I almost gagged. It was sickening how sweet she smelt.  
"Well, well, well, kitty has claws." She winked, ripping her arm from my hand and kicking me in the stomach. I step back, a little winded at her surprise attack. She elbowed me hard in the back and I fell flat to the floor, rolling to the side away from her. Wheezing, I stand up, ready to fight.  
She throws a punch my way, I avoid it, and then another, and another. I try to kick her but she catches my foot and attempts to flip me over, I only just manage to pull free and regain my balance in time to block a few more blows.  
Somehow though I make contact with her face as I swing a punch of my own. She stumbles back, turning back to me with nothing short of murder in her eyes. She's about to launch at me when she's suddenly thrown back against the wall by the bed with an invisible force.  
I turn to the door, Loki stands, hand raised. "Are you alright my love?" He asks me, watching the woman writhe with pain under his hand. I nod, turning to face the woman, watching as her skin begins to glow a hellish red. Loki chuckles darkly, "I thought as much." He released her, letting her drop to the floor, gasping for air. He walks over to her in a stately manner and leans close to her ear, still speaking loud enough for me to hear. "I told your master I didn't approve of his gifts."  
"I'm not here for him." She almost spat out, lunging for her clothes. From under of them she pulls a weapon. It doesn't take me even a moment to grab the nearest object and hurl it at her, as the bowl smashes against her arm she moves, giving Loki enough of a distraction to snatch it from her and grab her. They both disappeared.  
By the time Loki has reappeared, I've cleaned up most of the room but haven't had a chance to clean myself up. I'm still wearing the outfit I wore to torture more of Loki's supposed enemies but now on top of their blood there's some of the red woman's too.  
He looks deflated when he returns, but as soon as he sees me his lips curve up into a smile. "You did wonderfully." He tells me, scooping me into his arms and carrying me to the bed.  
"Where is she?" I ask a little darkly as he laid me down upon it. The change of tone in my voice is new.  
"About to be locked up, for now. I called in a few favours." He tells me, leaning over me and stroking back my hair. "She will be judged accordingly."  
"You wouldn't rather trade up?" I ask quietly.  
"From perfection? Impossible." He leant to kiss me. Maybe it was the adrenaline or maybe it was something else but I kissed him back for the first time in a long time the way I used to, with passion behind my lips.  
He groaned against my lips. "Jessica?" He opened his eyes, studying mine, searching for the original me, the me that was kissing him right now. I kept my face like a mask; I couldn't let him know how far gone his spell had been broken in case he cast it again. I couldn't lose this progress, not now I had come so far.

"You'll sleep your life away at this rate." The woman's voice called over. I shrugged, pulling the thin blanket tighter over me. I hadn't got up today, and I didn't intend to for a long while.  
"One fight and you're done?" She asked. "Come on, breather, I was counting on you for a while then."  
"You said yourself, it's impossible to get out of here, so why even try?" I mutter.  
She pauses, considering it. "Gives you something to do."  
I roll over on my cot to face her. "Then you do it."  
"Different cells." She shrugged. "I've checked every corner of mine, you haven't finished checking yours yet though."  
"Maybe I don't want to get out again just yet."  
"What because of her?" If I could tell where the woman's pupils were in her black eyes I'm sure I would have seen her roll them at me. "Please, she's no bother. You put her in her place yesterday."  
"I got lucky."  
"Yeah but she doesn't know that." The woman winked at me.  
When I didn't respond she sighed. "Come on breather, talk to me. You're the most fun I've had in months."  
"Why do you keep calling me that?" I scowl. "I have a name."  
"I have yet to hear it." She sat on her bed, crossing her legs. She reached up and lowered the black collar around her neck slightly, I sat up to look. I caught only a glimpse before she pulled it back up.  
"Gills?" I ask. She simply nods. I sit up slowly, letting the blanket fall. "I'm Jess."  
"Gilly." She grins.  
"Seriously?" I raise an eyebrow.  
"It means something else in my native language, but you have to admit it's a pretty fun cross-universal pun." I can't help but smirk back at her.


	35. Chapter 35

There's not exactly a lot to do in the cell Loki's left me in. I resort to taking my socks off and rolling them into a crude ball to throw about. The tray drawer turned out to be a bust. Can't seem to pry it from its golden wall and even if I could I doubt I'd fit through the tiny gap. However these prisons were made, the designers did a damn good job of making sure nothing would be getting in or out.  
"So," Gilly started between her press-ups, "what on Midgard did you do to get here?"  
"I thought you weren't meant to ask that in prison?" I smirk.  
"You've been here for days sweetheart, I'm tired of hiding my interest." She waited for my response but it doesn't come. I just keep lying on my bed, tossing the ball in the air above me. "Alright, I'll guess then." She sighed, moving to do squats.  
"Your cell blacked out and soundproofed, then boom, there you are, crying. Not a great first impression I might add. You sleep all the time. You sulk. You don't seem like the type to be a killer." She waited. No reply.  
"You talk to me comfortably. Either you're that chatty, which in most lines of work that would get you in a cell here, isn't good for your job, or you're used to talking to people like us." Still no reply. "I mean, surely that's weird for a Midgardian… I mean…" She stopped to gesture to herself, "I don't exactly have the doughy figure of a midgardian, and neither do a lot of off-worlders here. Yet you don't seem shocked by us. I thought for the most part that Midgard had that aliens aren't real vibe going on?"  
I stop tossing the ball to sit up and look at her. Really look at her. "Then why am I here?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.  
She grunted, stretching out her muscles. "Tricky." She paused to size me up and down before returning to her stretches. "You were able to hold your own with that bitch yesterday. So you know how to fight." I don't comment. "But something tells me you ain't a merc. There was something about the way that woman was looking at you. She wanted a one on one fight. There was something personal about that."  
"Who knows." I shrug. "Maybe she was just looking for a fight with someone she thought she could take. She doesn't look that well versed in fighting."  
"You'd be surprised." Gilly puffs, bending over. "I actually panicked a little for you, breather, when she leant over you." She raises herself, stretching back with her arms out in front of her. "Her teeth are filed for a reason. She'd have ripped your tongue out given half a chance." I shudder, remembering how close she had got to my face.  
She stopped stretching to give me a curious look. "That does remind me though. The big one. He said Odin himself brought you here."  
"Nah, can't have." I shrugged. "You'd have seen, right? Besides, why would the King of Asgard put a Midgardian in prison?"  
Gilly nodded slowly, she didn't believe me, it was written all over her face. "You're a curious one, breather, guess I'll have to keep an eye on you."


	36. Chapter 36

Warily, I watch Gilly get taken from her cell from my bed. She doesn't kick or scream or put up a fight, she just resigns herself to going to the guards that come to her cell, flashing me a wink before she leaves. I figure it must be some form of interrogation or something.  
Once they're out of my line of sight I get up and pace. I had no plan at all. Even if I did break out of this cell, then what? Where would I go? How would I get back home? It's not like I could rely on Thor for help either, he was probably still on earth. If I did break out, would I even get as far as to need to wonder how I would get home? That fight with the red woman hadn't exactly given me a confidence boost. If I ran across any of the guards I doubt I'd be able to hold my own even with my memories back. Not keeping up the training for so long had left me weakened and out of practice. Training with Barton for Steve had helped but it wasn't enough. I drop to the floor and begin press-ups.  
"Interesting." Cooed a cool and crisp voice behind me. I kept doing my press-ups, feeling his gaze run up and down my back. "I would have thought you'd have been begging for my forgiveness by now."  
"Forgiveness for what?" I grunt between press-ups. "I did nothing wrong."  
Getting up I start stretching out, still avoiding facing Loki. "Nothing wrong and yet you're in prison?"  
"You put me here. Wrongfully, I might add." I lift my arms and bend down starting a sun salutation sequence.  
He doesn't answer for a moment, watching me move through a couple of poses. "What is that?" He asked suddenly. I paused and looked back over my shoulder to him. He was pointing to my hip where my shirt had ridden up. Standing, I checked.  
"A bruise."  
"Where did you get it?" He asked, stepping forward. I turned to face him, moving it out of his grasp. A grimace settled on his face. "What happened?"  
"I fell." I lie as I start jogging on the spot.  
He grabbed my arm tightly. "What happened?" He growled.  
I pulled my arm roughly from him. "A fight."  
"A fight?" He scowled. "With who? How?"  
"You should know, _Odin_." I hiss. His expression is confused though, concerned. I sigh. "Your guards let open some of the cells occasionally for fights apparently."  
Loki's eyes widened. "And you were injured in one of these fights."  
"Barely." I lie. My throat had hurt like a bitch for days after that woman tossed me about like a rag doll. "I can handle myself."  
"I know," He nods softly. He moves to stroke my hair. I stiffen, uncomfortable with his touch, but I let him do it. "Tell me the name of the person who did this to you."  
"No."  
His eyes narrow, softness fading as his hand slips from my hair. "Please." His jaw tightens at saying the word.  
"I'm not a snitch." I reply firmly.  
"If they hurt you before then they will aim to do it again." He tells me.  
"Oh, believe me, I know, and I'm counting on it." I tell him, meeting his gaze sharply.  
He knows I'm not talking about my assailant anymore and I watch as his scowl deepens.  
"Do you still miss him?" He sneered, changing tact. "Your boyfriend?"  
"Yes." I swallow hard, a little worried about where this was going.  
There was no flash or snap of his fingers to show he had used magic, we were just suddenly there, back in Steve's apartment as if nothing had happened. I glance around at the clothes strewn around us and the rumpled sheets on the bed.  
"Ten minutes after you left, after I took you." Loki tells me, interrupting my thoughts.  
I reach forward to touch one of the shirts hanging half off the bed, but my hand goes straight through like I was a ghost. "Why?" I ask quietly.  
"Aren't you even a little curious to see what your beloved Captain America did when he discovered you missing?" He said through a forced smile, hands behind his back.  
As if on cue, the door was flung open. "Jess?" Steve looked around, checking the ensuite. My heart was wrenched at the sight of him. He turned around, wandering towards the living room and I practically ran after him, my heart in my throat.  
"Steve," I try, but it's obvious he can't hear me.  
"Jess?" He calls. He hesitates, frowning at the elevator momentarily, a little crease forming between his brow.  
Without a word he headed back to the bedroom, walking straight past me and Loki, I hurried after him like a lost puppy. "JARVIS, do you know where Jessica went?"  
"Miss Taylor is not in the building." The computer informed him.  
"Then where did she go?" He asked.  
The television flickered into life, security footage playing. I watched our final moments together, our little kiss and a quick discussion before he gathered the bags and disappeared off screen. I turn to look at him, trying to slip my hand into his, but it goes straight through. I turn back to the screen and watch myself double over in pain, clutching my head. Steve moves forward slightly at this, as if he could somehow comfort the image of me. There's a flash and then the room is empty on the screen before us.  
"Could you rewind that?" Steve asks. "To the beginning of the flash and then pause." When JARVIS obliges I can see why, Steve had excellent eyesight. Within the bright white light expanding on the screen before me was a shadowed figure reaching towards me. "Loki." Steve hissed between gritted teeth, before bolting out of the room.  
Instinctively I chased after him, suddenly finding myself about to run into a golden wall. I manage to stop just in time, before I collided with it, my hands out in front of me. I turn to Loki with tears brewing.  
"Wasn't that fun?" He asked with a smirk.  
"Take me back." I pleaded; my voice cracking. "Please."  
His smile fell and he shook his head, avoiding my eyes. "No." He told me quietly. And then he was gone.  
I slumped down onto the floor, feeling defeated. I had been right; Loki wanted to make me suffer as much as he could while I was here.


	37. Chapter 37

Maybe something went wrong. He should have been back with Barton by now. To get us to help in the fight at the very least. I chew the inside of my cheek, staring at the woman strapped to the chair before me. Since Loki had left me in charge I had ordered not to be disturbed while I tortured this one. My free will was getting stronger; I wasn't torturing this one like I had been ordered to. I cocked my head to the side, glancing at the tools on the tray. I wanted to obey though.  
My fingers twitched with the thought. I clenched them, digging my nails into my palms, in attempts to hold onto what little self-control I had clawed back. Loki said his plan was to get captured. I was still concerned, but it gave me my best opportunity to get out. I could wait for him, see if he won the battle and become his Queen. Or I could escape and continue trying to regain who I was.  
With a sigh, I walked over and picked up the knife, twisting it in my hands. The woman in the chair whimpered slightly. I headed over to her, she was shaking, and knelt behind her. With a sharp cut, I broke the rope holding her down. Walking to face her again, I pulled the gag from her mouth as she rubbed her wrists, watching me with caution as I stepped back. "What's your name?" I ask.  
"Lucy Matthews." She says quietly.  
"Why are you here, Lucy?"  
She frowns, reaching back to sweep some of her blonde hair back. "I thought you were going to interrogate me." She's lying and we both know it.  
"Little hard to do that with a gag in your mouth."  
She eyes the knife in my hand. "I thought you were going to torture me."  
"There's still time." I admit. "But I'd prefer not to. Why are you here?"  
"Like you don't know." She scoffs.  
"I don't." I tell her. "I never get told. Just get my orders."  
She eyes me for a moment. "Nice dress you had when I was brought in." She's testing me, gauging my reactions. I figure honesty is the best way to deal with it.  
"Loki demands I wear dresses of his choosing in the evenings."  
"You're different to the others."  
I shrug. "To an extent. I still feel the need to obey but I can just delay it, or find loopholes. If I don't hurt you then it'll be the first time I've been able to disobey."  
Lucy studied me carefully from her seat for a moment. "I'm a SHIELD agent." She told me. "Logistics."  
"That'll be why he wanted you here then." I nod. "Information on SHIELD."  
"He won't get much." She scoffed. "I'm not a high ranking operative."  
"You will be." I say slowly. "You're about to break out of Loki's base with an informant."  
Her eyes widened slightly. "You?"  
"He wants me to be his Queen. No one has more access to his plans than I do."  
"Why on earth would you want to betray him?" She asked.  
I take a deep breath. "You're right." I tell her. "I am different from the others. I seem to be able to control it better. I don't know why, might have been a knock to my head or something. But believe me, I didn't choose to be here. I want out."  
"When he was here, he said the fight would begin soon." Lucy said grimly.  
"He plans to fight the Avengers. If you can get me to them I can tell them exactly what they're up against."  
"Tell me and let me go." She argues.  
"I can't."  
"Why not?"  
"Because if you go and he comes back he'll find out what I did and he will likely brainwash me again and have me torture and kill myself. Take me with you and I stand a fighting chance at surviving too."  
She bit her lip. "I don't trust you."  
"I'm not asking you to." I tell her. "I'm just asking you to help me get out of here. Believe it or not I'm as much a prisoner as you are. More so than you actually, considering I've released you from your bonds."  
She weighed up her options for a moment. "How do I know I can believe you?"  
"You don't." I sigh. "Either I'm telling you the truth, and this is your chance to escape with an ally, or this is going to turn out to be some kind of psychological torture where I somehow lead you back here."  
"What's your plan?"  
"I ordered no one to come to this room today, it's at the end of a long corridor connected to the central chamber. We'll have to fight our way through probably before we can get to the side tunnels to access one of the ladders up to the city."  
"So not too dangerous then." She rolls her eyes.  
"I've thought it through, there aren't any other options. I can't sneak you out, I can't disguise you, we can't take a different route. We'll have to fight our way out."  
"In case you hadn't noticed, I'm in pretty bad shape."  
I glance cuts on her hips and ribs the last torturer made. He had avoided the arms and legs and there was no bruising. The cuts weren't even too deep. "You'll be fine." I told her, tossing her the knife, she caught it easily. I wandered back to the tray and selected a few of the scalpels. "Follow me, keep close."  
Opening the door I feel the first true pang of fear I've felt in a while. It's a raw and sharp emotion that momentarily consumes me. I'm almost relieved to feel it, to feel anything properly really. Taking a deep breath, I start forward, leading the way. I don't scamper down the corridor, I don't run, I stride. I am a Queen, this is my castle and this is my cage.  
I'm coming up behind the first man in my way when someone further along the room shouts, noticing my companion. Before the guy in front of me can turn around I slice his throat watching his body crumble with a gurgle. It doesn't take long for the fight to start. I'm blocking left, right and centre, dealing out blows whenever I can. Loki had taken the best soldiers with him to help him destroy the helicarrier the Avengers would be on. The last Logistics officer we had taken had told him about that.  
A clatter alerted me that Lucy had dropped the knife. As I glance over, she's pinned to a wall by one of the larger men, the knife on the floor. I throw the scalpel at him, giving her the distraction she needed to kick him off of her. Realising my companion was starting to flag I ran over to help her. As I reach her a mix of emotions take over, disappointment, rage, heartbreak. She could barely keep fighting. I couldn't let her keep going like this. "You need to go, now." I snap over my shoulder. I manoeuvre the fight so she stays behind me and we edge to the other side of the room to the tunnel that will lead her to the ladder.  
"What about you?" She strains to ask. I roundhouse kick the man behind me who was about to reach her.  
"Doesn't matter about me, just go!" I shout before I'm kicked in the stomach. Someone grabs my hair and punches me hard in the stomach. The man I had knocked to the floor reaches for me, scratching my back hard.  
Lucy knocks him to the floor with a hard punch and forcefully pushes the man who grabbed my hair away from me. She grabs my hand, "Let's go!"  
I pull my hand free and shake my head, turning to fight two more of the guys. "Get out of here!" I shout to her, swinging another punch, missing. I get kneed in the ribs, where I had an old injury no less, and I let out a scream.  
Looking up, I see her fleeing down the corridor. Now all I had to do was put up enough of a fight that they didn't follow her.  
The fight didn't last that much longer. I was being overpowered and I was severely outnumbered. I was about to give up when something curious happened. The men started to fall, one by one like dominoes until I was the last standing. I moved to head towards the corridor when a flash of heat hit my mind and I too fell into unconsciousness.


	38. Chapter 38

"Jewel heist." Gilly said suddenly, loudly. It made me jump; we hadn't been in a conversation. She was still laid up in bed after her interrogation, her purple bruises had only got worse, now a menagerie of colours, vivid, like a sunset on her skin. I had been rebuilding my sock ball.  
"What?" I frown.  
"I was part of a jewel heist." She grunts, trying to move to sit up. I want to help her but the whole being in different cells thing kind of makes simple kindnesses like that a little difficult. She knows that though.

Finally sitting, she takes a deep sigh, not looking at me. "Five men, in and out job. Simple. Except one of them got it in his head he could take the whole damn thing for himself. Ender Gems. How he thought he could carry one of those alone let alone…" She trails off, I wonder if she realises I have no idea what one of those is. "He left us in a bad situation. Lockdown on the palace, sirens going off. We bolted only to find he had taken the ship, bastard." She spat. "Finally we managed to steal a merchant ship. Didn't get that far before we found out the ship was in a bad way. Had to dump most of the reserves to keep going. We crash landed near Asgard. They caught us and locked us in here. The Asgardians are allies of the Enderians."

I watch her for a moment, the dark eyes under lids without lashes, the pale hair, the skin the colour of moonlight. "Where are the others?" She shrugs. "They didn't help you when the cells were opened." I say aloud slowly. She nods.  
"I think they must be on another level, or in another part of the prison; a less intense part I hope." She glances up, seeing my narrowed eyes. "The prison is segregated by severity of crime." She explains. "This area," She waves a webbed hand about, "one of the most serious areas."

"Why are you here and they're not?" I ask, shuffling closer to the wall dividing our cells.  
"Because I said I was the ringleader?" She shrugged. "I was taking a fall for someone else. Couldn't have them locked up here, she'd never be able to handle it." Gilly shivers a little. "Plus, I have a lot in my past I'm not proud of. Stuff that gets me on a lot of wanted lists. Whether I was the ringleader or not, I've done enough to have earned my place here."

"So what were they interrogating you about? The jewel heist or the other stuff?"  
She laughs. "I think you know the answer to that."

There's a pause between us. "Do you regret taking the fall?"  
She shrugged. "It's what you do for the people you love." This, of course, only leads to another pause.  
"I'm still not telling you why I'm here." I smile.  
She bursts out laughing. "Damn breather, why do I even try?"  
"Was any of that true?"  
"Every word."


	39. Chapter 39

It feels like a punch to the gut when I see the gap open up in my cell wall again. I turn to Gilly to make some snarky comment about these fights the guards push us into but my stomach sinks even lower to realise her wall hasn't opened at all. She's watching me wide-eyed. She's afraid. Slowly, she shakes her head at me, a warning. I feel my jaw tighten and I swallow hard. I didn't have a choice.

Fists clenched, I stepped out into the corridor. Silence buzzes around me. As I begin pacing the cells I realise that it appears mine was the only one to open. Other prisoners watch me with a mix of expressions, confusion, rage, indifference, pity. It's the looks of pity that frighten me the most.  
I'm pushed to the hard white floor before I even realise there's someone behind me. I turn, still on the floor. The red woman stands above me, sneering. "Let's finish this."

Hurriedly I gather myself and stand up. I don't raise my fists to fight. I don't want to fight. "Who are you?" I ask, trying desperately to sound calm. Punch one went to the stomach, I doubled over for a moment, she didn't chase it up with another blow right away, she was going to make this last, take her time and enjoy it. Once I had regained my breath I tried to stand straight again, ignoring the pain blooming in me. "Why do you hate me so much?" Punch number two landed in the exact same spot, this time I fell to my knees, holding myself, struggling to breathe at all. I don't really have a third question. I know what I've done to her. I've humiliated her twice. Once in front of Loki and once in here. And I stopped her from killing Loki.

I look up at her, her expression is neutral as she looks down at me. "Beg." She sneers.  
"No."  
"Beg." She reaffirms.  
"No!" I snarl.

The third blow was meant to be a kick, she swings at me but I manage to grab her foot, rolling to the side and giving her a sharp tug, causing her to slip and fall. We both climb to our feet quickly. The look she gives me is nothing short of murderous. I don't fear this woman. I'm curious. "Who are you?" I ask again, more loudly. "Why do you hate me?"

With a snarl she throws herself at me, the prisoners around us crying out and cheering. She knocks me back against the floor and I cry out as my head connects with the floor. I scrabble at her, pushing at her, kicking, trying to get her off of me. She makes to hit my face but I manage to block a few punches. Eventually my foot meets something important and she leaps back with a yelp.

This time I throw myself at her, pinning her against one of the cell dividers made of real wall and not these golden glowing force fields. "Who?! Why?!" I shout as she spins us trying to get the upper hand. I kick her back, breaking free from our entanglement.

I spit while we have this little reprieve. "Who and why?"  
"I could have had him, you little bitch." She snarls. "I could have killed him! I could have saved so many people! I was saving your fucking planet!"  
"Why would you even care?"  
"More importantly, why don't you?" She growled, going at me again, ending the little breakthrough we had had.

She gets in a few more punches, and suddenly my nose is bleeding again after a particularly hideous crack. Pain flashes through me so badly I'm finding it hard to focus on her. I think she's broken it. I don't have time to check. The jeering of the crowded prisoners is nothing but white noise to the fight, just like this pain. She's bitten my shoulder too. I can feel the blood soaking through my shirt. One of my toes is screaming in pain, it might be broken too. I'm going to have so many bruises.

I can't keep this up; I've barely even given her a scratch. In a last ditch attempt, I hurl myself at her again, throwing us both onto the floor. Pinning her arms with my knees, I begin hitting her again and again and again. She struggles against me but I won't give up, not for anything, this is all the fight in me I have left. Eventually her struggles weaken, but I can't stop hitting her. I can her someone calling my name behind me, I think it's Gilly, she's shouting for me to stop but I just can't.

I'm thrown back by a force I can't see. I slide back even further along the floor. As I jump up and begin running back to the red woman it happens again. "Jessica!" I hear an old voice holler at me. There's so much authority packed into saying my name that it rings in my head. I stop, gasping for breath raggedly, exhausted from the fight. I raise my gaze from the woman still twitching on the floor in a pool of her own blood to the man stood at the other end of the hall. Odin. He has the same expression Loki does when he's pissed.

I take one more disgusted look at the woman on the floor. I did that to her. I watch as some of the guards take her dragging her away, probably to an infirmary. Two of them make towards me but stop when Odin lifts a hand. I spit out a mouthful of blood before turning and heading to my own cell. The other prisoners, I realise, have been quiet for a while, silently they watch as I walk back to my cell. They watch me with a mix of expressions, confusion, rage, pity and admiration. It's the looks of admiration that frighten me the most.


	40. Chapter 40

I sit in my cell on the end of my bed staring at my hands in a sullen silence, watching the blood drip from them onto the floor. I can feel Gilly's eyes on my back. I don't want to look at her. I don't want to even begin to consider what she's thinking about me now.

The walls darken and Loki appears in front of me. I don't need to look to know he's there. I'd recognise that scent anywhere. He stands there for a moment, his legs in my peripheral vision as I keep staring at my hands in silence. Slowly, he comes closer and lowers to his knees, taking my hands in his. Now the fight is over, I can feel tired aches creep over my muscles, my toe and nose feels like they're on fire and my shoulder emits occasional sharp pangs.

He uses one hand to cup my cheek and gently guide my face so I'm looking at him. My expression is blank, my eyes watering. He looks so hurt, so apologetic, so tired. "I'm sorry." He says quietly. I don't answer. He moves to pull me close but I stay still like a statue so he stops trying.

Loki gets up and walks behind me, I hear water running and then he's back, gently wiping the blood from my face. He pauses, putting the cloth down, I give him the slightest of nods, I know what he's going to do. Carefully he positions his hands on my face and with a painful snap; he sets my nose back into place. I swear, loudly. But suddenly he's back, cleaning my face so gently, the cloth such a perfect temperature to ease my pain.

Once satisfied with the face, he fingers the hem of my shirt, when I don't stop him; he slowly and carefully peels the shirt off, cringing when he sees the bite. I turn to look at it properly for the first time. Holes puncture the flesh, one for each of that woman's perfectly filed teeth. Dried blood cakes the skin with fresh blood running in between. Briefly getting up to clean the cloth, he returns to gently wash away the blood and apply some cream he had brought with him before bandaging it up with the kit he had brought. Next came the toe, he slipped off my boot, scowling at the state of my toe, swollen, purple. He straps two of them together.

He stops to take my hands again, cupping my cheek again. I simply stare into his eyes. He's giving me a weak and encouraging smile. I can see my own expression reflected in his eyes. Disgust, anger, disappointment, and I think we both know its directed at myself.

"She's in the infirmary." He confirms to me quietly. "She'll be fine."  
"I shouldn't have kept going." I whisper weakly. "I couldn't stop."  
He nods, it almost looks like there are tears budding in his eyes but I can't tell through my own tears threatening to spill over. "I had the guards who pitted you two punished." Small comfort when you've nearly killed someone. He seems to realise this though, running a thumb over my cheekbone. "This wasn't your fault. She would have killed you."  
"And instead I nearly killed her." I mumbled looking down again.  
"She would have killed you." He repeated, as if that made what I did any less ugly.  
"Please take me home." I plead even quieter, still avoiding his eyes. "Please."

Without looking, I can see him shake his head. "I cannot."  
"Why not?"  
"Because I cannot lose you again."  
I look at him now, taking in the once innocent face. "You lost me a long time ago." I whisper.  
"I know." He sighs. Still, I can see it in his eyes, hope.

I'm aware of our sudden change of scenery. My living room with Steve. Loki moves to my side, still clutching my hand tightly. Steve is in front of us in the darkened room, it's evening but he hasn't put the lights on yet. A bottle of whiskey is on the coffee table, his head is in his hands, he takes a pause from his melancholy to down the glass in front of him.

The elevator opens and Tony steps out. He notices the half empty bottle and his eyes widen slightly. "Didn't take you as a hard drinker, Cap'."  
"It doesn't affect me." Steve replies, he sounds so tired.  
"Can't say the same myself." Says Tony, grabbing a glass from the bar and pouring himself a glass, collapsing next to Steve on the couch. He sits there for a moment and takes a gulp staring ahead. "We'll find her."  
"How can you say that? We don't even have the slightest clue where she's gone."  
Tony shrugged. "You heard Thor, he can't have taken her far. We'll get her back."  
"And if we can't?" Steve asked, glancing up. Seeing Tony open his mouth he shook his head, "Don't you dare say we'll avenge her."

Tony smirked, taking another sip of his drink. "We'll get her back." He promised. When Steve didn't answer, Tony nodded to the bags by the elevator. "Don't you have a plane to catch?"

Steve gave Tony a look. "Don't you think I have more important things to worry about right now?"  
"We know where Bucky is right now, we don't know where Jess is. If you don't catch that plane you'll risk losing both of them." I can see from Steve's expression he knows Tony's right, even if he would never admit it. "We'll keep looking for her." Tony promised.  
"I love her." Steve says quietly.  
"I know."

I don't care that he can't see me, I get up, pulling free of Loki, and walk over to him, kneeling in front of him, balancing my hands over where his should be, imagining just for a moment that I was holding them. "I love you too." I whisper, staring up at him, wishing more than anything he could see me.  
"He can't-" Loki began.  
"I know." I sigh, getting up and coming to sit by him again. I can feel Loki's eyes on me again, I keep staring at Steve. Partly because of how much I miss Steve, and partly because I know that if I look at Loki my heart might just break for him. I can tell how much it hurts him to know I love someone else, especially someone he considers an enemy. But I don't want to hide my feelings. Loki has done so much to hurt me, there's a little vindictive part of me that wants him to know what that's like.

I watch as Tony gets up, patting Steve's shoulder as he leaves him in the darkness. He sits alone for a minute and runs a hand down his face. Looking up he whispers, "Wherever you are, please be safe." He waits for a moment then looking back towards us but not quite at us he calls JARVIS. "Could you please call Sam for me?"

The scene melts slowly away from us, placing us back in my Asgardian cell. Loki reaches hesitantly over, taking my hand in his again. I let him. He stays with me for a little while but neither of us make conversation. We just both hold hands, staring ahead, lost in our own thoughts. After a while though he sighs, shifting uncomfortably. He leans over, planting a soft kiss to my cheek.

When I don't respond, when I don't even look at him, he takes his hand from mine and vanishes, the golden walls lightening again as they became visible to the outside world again. But I still didn't move, not yet.


	41. Chapter 41

"So who are they?" Gilly asks quietly. We're the only two around us that are still awake. Despite having no clock or view of the sun, I guessed it was around the early hours of the morning since everyone had been asleep for a considerable amount of time by now. I glance over to her from my bed, she's also lying in bed. We're both too injured to train today. "Who's who?" I ask with a sigh.  
"People who fight that hard have a cause." Gilly said quietly. "And you're upset often. I can only assume there's someone keeping you fighting." I shake my head but her voice deepens. "Don't lie to me."

I sigh, leaning my head back against the pillow. "It doesn't matter now, I'm never going to be with him again."  
"Why not?"  
"Lots of reasons." Like the fact that I nearly killed someone yesterday, I finish in my head.  
"So you're giving up?"  
I look at her carefully. "It's a lot of reasons."

Gilly shook her head, running a silver hand over her face. "Breathers." She muttered under her breath. "You think I've given up on my gal? Of course I haven't. I know I can't break out of this prison, I know I can't just walk out of here with her but god damn the day they make a mistake and let me loose I'm going to dismantle this palace piece by piece trying to find her." She scowled at the ceiling above her. "I've been here for two years, breather, I don't know if she's still here, hell, I don't even know if she's still alive. But don't you even think for one second I'm giving up on her. Not even for a second."  
"I'm not giving up on him." I mutter. But honestly, I don't know if I'm lying to her again or not.  
"Tell me about him." It's not a request.  
"It's not a him. It's a they." I sigh. This grabs her attention. With difficulty, she sits up. I follow suit, grunting with the strain on my shoulder, feeling the bite marks pull. "It's a long story."  
"I've been here for two years already, I think we have time."

So I launch into it. I explain everything to Gilly. I explain about my relationship with a prominent Asgardian and she smirks, proud she had guessed at least part of my story previously. When I explain his taking my freewill she sucks in a breath, scowling. I don't hide anything from her; she's seen what I can do. I explain what Loki had me do under his control. If she passes judgement, she doesn't show it to me. I tell her about the sewer, about my early days in SHIELD's care, and slowly I start describing how Steve and I came to be together. How much I loved him. I tell her about Farthing and his experiments, which has her mutter "Breathers" again in an angry tone. I explain about Loki and how he saved me. How much he cared for me. How I had started to find myself falling for him again without even knowing it. She nods, for me to continue at this point. I explain about how I chose Steve, how I said goodbye to Loki. I told her how he had found out about Steve and his giving my memories back. The tough times that followed with the Avengers while Steve was still looking for Bucky, how we had begun to drift apart. I explained about Steve finally conceding on letting me go with him to find Bucky, how happy I had been. And then how I had got to Asgard. I don't explain that Loki is the Asgardian I fell in love with in case people still don't realise he's still alive. I don't explain how he's using Odin as a disguise. I figured that wasn't my part of the story to tell.

When I finish my story she whistles outwardly. "Well now I'm thinking all that fight in you is just built up frustration." I smile slightly. "Sounds like your Asgardian lover still has feelings for you."  
"He does." I nod.  
"Sounds like you still have feelings for him." I open my mouth to argue but she raises her hands, "I'm not saying you don't love this Steve guy, I'm just saying, it's pretty clear you still love this other guy too."  
"I chose Steve."  
"I know, but are you absolutely sure about that decision?"  
"Of course!" I snap defensively. "I love him."  
"Yes, you keep saying that." Gilly replied dryly. "But what you're not saying is that you don't love the other guy anymore."  
I shake my head. "I've made my decision."  
"Have you?" She leans forward. "Because if so, you need to start telling yourself that."

I guess it was harder to let Loki go than I thought. I didn't want him; I wanted Steve that much I was certain on. Loki had changed too much, he had done too much. But I did still have feelings for him. Unless I allowed myself to stop loving him, I was never going to.  
"So what now?" I sigh. "Do you see why I can't be with him?"  
"This," She gestures around the cells, "is a minor setback. You'll be in the arms of at least one of your beloved's soon enough."  
"This minor setback seems pretty big." I sigh, wrapping my arms about myself. Gilly doesn't reply with anything that helpful, just a wink. To be honest, I wouldn't have expected anything more from her.


	42. Chapter 42

"Get up breather." I heard Gilly hiss, I was only starting to drift off to sleep, I didn't want to. "Breather, get up!" Slowly, I push myself up, intrigued by the desperation in her tone, the anger in it. When I look up I feel my heart catch in my throat, standing in front of our cells are three others, all alien, all the same species as Gilly.

"Gilly, it's been a long time." One of them drawled, her hair had golden highlights strewn throughout the silver.  
"It has." She replies, standing by the golden wall. As I climb out of bed, I realise its still the dead of night, the aliens are whispering, everyone else is asleep. "It took you long enough to find me." Gilly told them.  
"Quit complaining. If you hadn't let that scrawny little sh'turgg take your ship, you wouldn't have even been in this mess." The golden female snarled.  
"So, what? You've come to take me home?" Gilly sneered.  
"You'd rather stay here?" The male asked sarcastically.

Gilly chanced a glance at me. "Bring her with us." I froze as the other aliens looked at me for the first time.  
"Her?" The male frowned. "Why?"  
"Don't ask me why, just do it." Gilly snapped. "Have you found the others?"  
The other female nodded timidly, staring at the computer pad in her hands. "Garne has them boarding the ship now."  
"All of them?" Gilly asked quietly. The girl nodded and I saw Gilly give the slightest sigh of relief. "Alright, get us out of here."

The smaller female presses the pad up to the food drawer and presses a few unseen features. A gap appears in the wall and Gilly steps out. "Now her." She thumbs over to me.  
"She's a breather." Growled the male.  
"I didn't ask for an identification I demanded a rescue." Gilly growled back.

The smaller female looks to the golden one who's appraising me with her eyes. She gives a brief nod and the small one scurries over to open the wall of my cell too. Gilly holds a hand out to help me out but I stay still. "Come on, breather, this could be your chance to see your soldier again."  
"He'll find me again." I whisper. "He always finds me."  
"So, what? Better to stay here where he can keep you as a pet?" She asks. "Come with us. Make him pay for it; for everything."

Hesitantly, I take her cool and clammy hand and step out into the corridor, the cell wall closing up behind me. Gilly keeps my hand in hers, I don't know if the gesture is to calm me or to defend me from her new companions but she nods at them, not looking at me. "Lead the way." 

* * *

It was dark outside, I didn't really get a look at the outside of the ship as we stepped out into the night, but I didn't need to. The cold air greeted me, swirling my hair in the breeze. I let go of Gilly's hand and ran forward a few paces, arms outstretched. I could feel the goose bumps beginning to prickle my skin. Gilly's people had landed near a body of water that I couldn't see in the dark, but I could feel the water spittle carried in the breeze hit my flesh, I could hear the water sloshing and I could smell the freshness of it in the wind.

"Do you want to get your pet breather, or should I?" I heard the male asked bemusedly.  
A gentle cold hand pressed to my arm. "Come on, breather." Gilly pulled me softly with her. "Time to go."  
It's still dark until the ships doors open, light flooding out, and I'm quickly ushered inside with Gilly. The doors close behind us and I look around. Soft, flickering lighting like water on the top of water bounces around the navy room. Tubes with violet liquid pumping through are littered throughout the room. Strapped in to some of the chairs are who I can only assume to be the rest of Gilly's crew. Seeing one particular member, Gilly lets go of my arm and runs over, the two of them embracing and chattering away excitedly in their native language.  
"Might want to strap in." The male who had been part of the team to collect us tells me. "Take off can be a little bumpy."

The others all start to unbuckle and move about the cabin. Gilly and her girlfriend have exited to another room of the ship so I follow the lead of my new travelling companions and get out of the chair, stretching. "So, what's a breather doing here?" One of them asked their friends, gesturing to me, stood right next to them.  
"Gilly saved me." I answer. He turns and looks me up and down, turning back to the others, talking in their language again. I roll my eyes but I don't say anything, I begin to look around the ship.

"Can you fight?" One of them asked, I turned when I realised she was talking to me.  
"Yeah." I nod.  
"Do you want to spar right now?" She flashed a grin.

At this point the male that had been part of the touch down team reappeared. "Don't be rude to our guests." He told her. "Go on, make yourselves useful then." He ordered the group. Grumbling, they all set to whatever tasks they had. "So, a breather." He said turning to me, arms folded.  
"A breather." I nodded. "Whatever the hell that means."  
He chuckled, pointing to the black band around his neck, it matched Gilly's. "We're amphibious. We breathe, same as you, only, not like you." He shrugged. "I don't know, it's a term we've used for years, I try not to get too bogged down in lexicon."  
"Jessica." I outstretch my hand to him, unsure if Gilly's people used handshakes. He must have known what I was doing because he smirked and took my hand.  
"Gabriel."  
I can't help but scoff. "Like the angel?" He frowns, clearly not aware of… I shake my head. "Never mind." I glance about. "So, who's ship?"  
"Mine." He tells me, folding his arms again. "Built it myself."  
"Impressive." I nod. "I can't even make a decent paper airplane." He smiles. "Where are we going?"  
"Well originally to our planet, but given most of it is under water it makes bringing you there a little bit difficult. I'll be talking to Gilly when she's done getting reacquainted with Astrith." He pauses. "I mean, is there anywhere you wanted to go?"  
"Home. Home would be good." I tell him. "Earth."  
He nods. "It's a bit out of our way but I'll see what I can do."  
"Thanks." I nod.

He hesitates, running one of his silver hands down the back of his neck. "Are you hungry?"  
I smile. "I could eat." He nods, leading me down some stairs to the kitchens. One of the others is preparing a meal and shoots Gabriel a strange look as he rummages in the cupboards to make something for us to eat. The two of them mutter at each other in their language, ending with the other one sending me a dirty look and storming out.  
"I'm getting the feeling I'm not exactly welcome here."  
"Ignore them, it's what I do." He tells me as he switches on a hob.  
"Did I do something or?"  
"Not you." He shrugs, heating up the pan and dumping ingredients in. "But that job they were on when they got caught, it was a breather that screwed them over. Two years is a long time to stew over something like that."  
"Gilly didn't take it out on me." I muse.  
"Gilly wouldn't have spoken to you and broke you out unless she thought you were worth saving. She's been in enough sticky situations not to be too hung up when a job goes wrong." I nod, wrapping my arms around me. "So once you're home what are you going to do?" He asks.  
"I don't know" I admit. "I have a boyfriend. I think he can help me."  
"With the Asgardian prison situation or?" He raises an eyebrow.  
"Yeah." I sigh, leaning back against a counter. "That."

He stirred the pot. "How did you end up there?" He asked quietly. I shrug and he nods. "I didn't think you'd tell me. I am curious though. Whoever put you there will be coming after you. Are you sure this boyfriend can protect you?"  
"Yes." No. I'm not. Not even a little bit certain that going back to Steve would be the best thing for either of us.

Gabriel fetches two bowls out of another cupboard. "Are you sure I can't convince you to stay with us?" I watch as he pours the contents of the pot into the bowls, he passes me one and takes a sip from his bowl. Awkwardly I follow his lead. The liquid is nearly scalding which in itself made me struggle to put it back down quickly but secondly the food itself tastes so foreign, and so alien I don't know if I can even digest it.

"This breather boyfriend, anyone I might have heard of?" He smiles gently, changing tact.  
"Maybe." I smile back. I'm not going to tell him though. I don't want to risk anything jeopardising my chance to get home. If they know I'm dating Captain America, who's to say they won't try to ransom me. I know that's a cynical thought, but with the memories of the training Loki gave me in case his base was taken, it's a good thought to have as something to bear in mind.


	43. Chapter 43

Gilly wakes me with a gentle shake of my shoulder. "C'mon breather, get up, we're here."  
Blearily I blink, "Here, where?"  
"Where do you think? Earth." She tells me. This wakes me up immediately. I scrabble to get out of the small bed they had provided me with and follow her out to the console room. Gabriel is sat at the helm, he looks exhausted.

"How long have you been awake?" I ask quietly behind him.  
"Long enough. I wanted to get this done."  
I'm confused why they're going out of their way to help me, considering all I'm aware of doing is being a bit of a burden to Gilly. I don't question it though because I'm too afraid they'll change their minds or ask me for something I won't be prepared to give.  
"Anywhere in particular you want us to drop you off?" Gabriel asks.  
"The Avengers Tower." I answer immediately.

Gilly taps me on the shoulder and I follow her out to the cargo deck with the seats, she gestures to some weird platform in the hull and I step onto it. "Thank you Gilly." I tell her sincerely. "Thank you."

* * *

If she has a reply, I don't hear it because in a flash I'm outside the tower on the balcony outside of Pepper and Tony's floor. It's freezing out here and the clouds are dark above me, my hair whips about in the wind. I check the sky around me for any sign of the ship but it's nowhere to be seen. I wonder what the range of the ship is. I wander up to the door and knock cautiously.

When Pepper spots me her jaw almost drops in shock, she says something, I assume to JARVIS and after she gets her response she hurries over to let me in. "You must be freezing!" She says as she lets me in. I rub my hands over my arms, teeth chattering.  
"Just a bit, yeah." I agree. "Is Steve…?"  
"He's on his way." She flashes me a weak smile. "What happened to you?" She gestures towards the settees and I sit down. The cushions are much softer than the beds in the prison or on the ship. It feels strange, almost dreamlike to be sat with my boss now in her living room, especially on something so plush.  
"Loki abducted me." I confirm to her. "He trapped me in a prison cell and-"

I'm interrupted by the elevator doors opening and Steve bursting out, pausing when he saw me. Tony and Bruce step out from behind him, I wonder if they all just came from the lab. Steve's eyes rake over me. I can't quite tell which emotion is strongest on his face; relief, concern or love. It takes only a moment for me to get up for him to rush over and embrace me tightly. I bury my face against his warm chest, breathing in his comforting scent.  
"Loki." I confirm to him in a small voice, his arms tighten slightly about me.

Tony gives a slight cough from behind Steve and he releases me, keeping an arm about my waist, pulling me close to him. "Not that I'm not happy to have you back, but how did you get back?" Of course, they must wonder if it's really me. Pepper gives a little cough of her own and nods up. Evidently the empty room she had spoken to earlier had been her checking with JARVIS that I was myself.

"Loki had me trapped in a cell in Asgard. I befriended another inmate and when I escaped she took me with her." I explain quickly.  
"Are you hurt?" Bruce asked, I realise that I must still be bruised and cut from my fight. There's not been many chances to look into a mirror since it happened.  
"I'm fine." I tell him. Given his questioning gaze I surmise I'm expected to explain a little more. "They pit the prisoners against each other. There was a woman who had a problem with me… someone from my time with Loki."  
"She did this to you?" Steve asks, taking my chin softly in one hand to turn my face to him.  
"You should have seen how she looked after." I tell him. "Trust me, I won. I'm not proud of it, but I won."  
He leans down to give me a chaste and soft kiss on the lips. "I'm so happy you're back, safe."

* * *

The bed is too soft.

I roll over to stare at the clock. 2AM. I turn to look at Steve, he's fast asleep, arms wrapped around my waist. But it's too hot, it's too comfortable. I slip out of his arms, careful not to wake him and grab the blanket from the bed, heading to the bathroom past the living room, taking some of the cushions from the settee with me.

I wake up next from a shout and some crashing, the bathroom door is flung open and Steve sighs once he sees me, shoulders sloping with relief. "I thought he had taken you again." He explained.  
"I'm sorry, the bed was too soft." I murmur, still half-asleep.  
He lets out a soft chuckle, "Move over."

I don't know how he manages it, but somehow Steve slips into the bath-bed with me and curls his large form around me. He kisses my head softly.  
"You don't think this is weird?" I ask quietly in the dark.  
"If this helps you then this is fine." He tells me, stroking back my hair. "I'm here for you, Jess, you know that." I squeeze his hand gently and he pulls me closer. I feel him run a thumb carefully over the bite marks on my shoulder. He had been mortified when he had seen that, kissing me again and again, kissing the mark even to try and comfort me. "It's going to be okay."

"It doesn't feel real." I admit. "I keep thinking I'm going to wake up in my cell; that this will be a trick by Loki. None of this feels real."  
He sighs calmly, patiently. I feel his hand cup my cheek. "I'm here for you, however long it takes. And I swear to you, this is real."  
"He made me watch you. After he had taken me." I whisper.  
"Then you know I'm not about to give up on you." He whispers back with another soft kiss to my head. "I love you."  
"I love you too." I nuzzle against him. "I missed you so much."  
"No way that you missed me more than I missed you." He chuckles softly, his chest rumbling. There was a pause, after a while I thought he had fallen asleep but then he speaks even more gently, disturbing the lull. "Do you think he'll come back after you?" There's no fear in his voice, just a weariness.  
"He might." I admit quietly. "Once he finds out I'm gone. I don't know how to stop him, Steve." He presses a small kiss on my head again. "If he takes me back there, I can't win another fight against that woman. She'll kill me or I'll kill her; either way, I'm going to die, literally or metaphorically."

"Thor's been looking into that necklace." He tells me. "He thinks there's a way to reverse the spell on it, to block you from him, to protect you."  
"I hope so." I mutter, leading us into another lull. This time I fall asleep, comforted by finally being back in his arms.


	44. Chapter 44

When I wake up the next morning, I'm in our bed. Steve must have carried me back after I had fallen asleep, aware that if we spent any longer in that tub we were going to wake up with stiff and uncomfortable joints. I took a deep breath, still lying back, taking in the smell of Steve from the sheets. Slowly sitting up I glanced around the room, trying to prove to myself that I was really home and even more so that this was where I should be.

The door cracked open slightly and Steve's blond head popped in, he beamed when he saw me. "Oh good, you're up." He pushed the door open more and entered with a tray of breakfast for us both.  
I can't help but laugh. "What would I do without you?"  
"Mope?" He jokes, but it only serves to remind me of our last conversation before Loki trapped me. I feign a weak smile and before he can question it I grab a slice of toast from the tray.

"Pepper called earlier, asked if you'd like to help out with some business meeting today, find your feet again. She thought it might be good for you to be out doing something."  
I thought for a moment as I chewed my breakfast. "Sounds like a good idea." I agree. "Better than sitting here and being miserable. What are your plans for today?"

He shifted a little uncomfortably, taking a sip of his coffee. "We think we have a lead on the location of that staff Loki had."  
"Be safe." I grab his hand tightly. I'm not going to tell him not to go. He needs to go, and honestly for me, the sooner the traces of Loki are gone the better.  
He smiles softly and kisses the top of my head, hand resting warmly on the back of my neck. "You be safe."  
"Always am." I wink, winning a chuckle from him.  
"Yeah, that's why I always worry about you."

I leant over, catching him in a soft kiss into which I tried to pour all the love I felt for him. "I'll be fine." I promise.

* * *

I had been a little worried to see Steve off, I'd only just got back, I wasn't ready to say goodbye again. Still, it would only be for a little while and then he'd be back. I had work to do.

Pepper was trying to start me off easily, a few simple tasks before she set me to work properly. I was thankful, while my confidence had increased with gaining my memories back, the idea of making phone calls to high end professionals and setting up some of the more important meetings felt daunting. I was out of practice to say the least.

"Two sounds great, bye." I turned to the woman stepping out of the elevator. Lucy. She clicks off her phone and flashes me a smile. Surely she remembered the base before we met at the party, why didn't she mention it? "How are you?" She asked with a smile.  
"Fine, thanks." I nod, looking back down to the paperwork in front of me.  
With a confused look she comes over to my desk. "Earth to Jessica, I know it's been a while and there was that whole to do with Dean, but we're still friends, right?"

I sigh and look to her with a forced smile. "Yeah, definitely."  
"Then why are you being so spacey right now?" She hesitated. "Is it the whole Loki thing… Dean filled me in."  
"You two still talk?"  
She shrugged. "Occasionally."

I debate myself on whether I should bring it up with her, eventually my curiosity won out. "Lucy, do you remember the base?" She shifts from one foot to the other; swapping the files she was carrying to her other hip. I wonder if it's from being uncomfortable at the topic change or whether she's poising herself ready in case I try to fight her. "I got my memories back recently and I remembered you." I explain. "I wondered why you never brought it up."

She hesitated, "Was there a reason to? You had no memory of it; you might as well have been a different person."  
I understand the point she's making but it raises the question. "And now?"  
"And now, what?"  
"Now I have my memories back, am I still that lost girl at the party to you? Or am I Loki's pet again?"

"That's up to you really, isn't it?" She purses her lips for a moment. "For what it's worth, you did save me. You were able to push past whatever programming he had set into you. You were never his pet." When I don't answer, she nods, pushing on. "Whatever these memories have shown you, whatever he made you do that's making you question why I didn't tell you, ignore them. I don't know, maybe you just saved me, maybe you saved more of his prisoners. Either way, you fought against it. You're not the monster you're setting yourself up to think you are or were."

I nod, unable to meet her gaze. "Thanks."  
"So you do have them back then? All of your memories?"  
"Pretty much." I answer glumly, turning back to her. "Why?"  
Lucy chews the inside of her cheek for a moment. "Come with me." She turns back to the elevator.  
"What about work?"  
"Ms Potts will understand, please." She gestures me to join her and cautiously I do so.  
As the doors close in front of us I ask, "Where are we going?"  
She stood, not looking at me. "We can't talk here." I glance up to the corner of the elevator and note the camera.

When the doors finally do open she leads me out into a corridor and further out onto the roof. "There are some of us who think he could come back." She tells me, turning to face me as the door closes behind us.  
"He already did." I raise my chin. "He took me."  
"I mean to try and take over the planet again." She insisted. Her eyes briefly size me up. "We need fighters."  
"The Avengers?"

She shakes her head. "Not for then, not for after the earth is burnt to the ground. We need good fighters for now." I don't answer, narrowing my eyes, unsure what she's getting at. "We found traces of intergalactic resonance. We need a team to investigate."  
"Intergalactic what?"  
"The magnetic waves and such that occur when Thor or Loki came through to earth. Sort of readings we got off the Tesseract."  
"That could have been me coming back. Besides, how are you still reading those? SHIELD is gone."  
"SHIELD is gone, but we're not; the people who want to make a difference. What I need to know is whether you're in. Whether we can count on you to help us."  
"What would that include?"  
She shrugged. "For now, we just need you to go with a team to look at the site where the readings happened. There's some markings and you're pretty familiar with the culture from what I understand. Other experts will be going too."  
"I don't know if that's a good idea…" I step back towards the door.

"Don't you want to put your mind at ease?" She steps towards me. "Now you know about the readings, don't you want to make sure it's not him?" She knows how to play me. "You've worked so hard to push back, to fight him, to get away from him even. Don't you want to be safe in the knowledge it's not him?"  
"Lucy…"  
"I'm not saying that you have to leave right away, or that…"  
"Lucy." I cut her off. I sigh. "I'm in."


	45. Chapter 45

It was easy to get the time off work, I just told Pepper that I wasn't up for it right away after everything with Loki and she said she understood completely. I'll be honest, I felt bad lying to her, she was being so considerate and understanding and I here I was taking advantage of her good nature. Then again, if it is Loki that's given off those readings, I'll be doing her a favour by sorting this problem out early on.

The truck wobbled again and I turned to watch the red sand flare up against the window. New Mexico, somehow I doubt Loki would chose to touch down here given its where his brother came, but it's still a possibility I'm not ready to rule out. I rest my head back against the headrest and glance about my companions. Two ex-SHIELD agents and a specialist in some kind of relevant science.

"Nearly at the drop site!" Lucy calls back to me and the scientist as she folds the map.  
"Good," The scientist next to me says over the roar of the engine as the car bucks again, "I don't think I could handle being in here for much longer!" She turns to me "What about you?"  
"It doesn't bother me." I call back. She nods with a confused look on her face as she looks back to the front window.

I hadn't been able to get a hold of Barton to let him know where I was going. He was the only one I had planned on telling. Steve would have begged me not to go and it would have only served as a distraction to him and the others. Clint, as tense as our relationship could be, would have understood why I had to do this, he also wouldn't have underestimated my abilities.

It didn't take much longer to get to the readings site. Like most of the journey, the silence between us was only broken by the noise of the engine and the wind, sometimes the sand hitting the glass as we sped through the desert. When we jumped out the vehicle, I pulled my sunglasses down to protect my eyes from both the sun and sand.

The female scientist, I hadn't caught her name when she told me it, she was so timid and quiet that most of what she said came out no louder than a mutter, grabbed some equipment out the back of the truck and began scanning. The driver, another ex-SHIELD operative, Billy, scratched the back of his neck and surveyed the area. "Not much seems to be here. You sure we got the right co-ordinates?"  
"Have you ever known me to make a mistake?" Lucy raised an eyebrow.  
The machine the scientist was carrying made a few beeps. "No, we're definitely in the right place." She confirmed. "The readings are going crazy out here."  
I could see him narrow his eyes through his sunglasses. "But there ain't anything here. I saw the patterns at New Mexico the last time, and there aren't any here."  
"Maybe they were using a different form of transport or something." The scientist suggested, bolder now she was enraptured by the data on her handheld device.  
"That possible?" Lucy asked, turning to me.  
I shrug. "When Gilly brought me back I was on some kind of platform and then I was outside the Avengers Tower, not a mark behind me. I don't see why Loki couldn't use something like that."

Lucy nods, biting her lips. "Okay, so if he could be using new tech, there's always the possibility he's got new weapons too."  
"Maybe we shoulda waited for the Avengers." Billy sighs.  
Lucy shakes her head. "They're busy; besides, it's nothing we can't handle, right?" She glances to me anxiously. I can't help but remember her telling me how she wished she was part of the dream team when we were at the party at the tower. Ambition, I feel, is getting the better of her.

"This way." The woman interrupted, striding off away from the group without looking up from her device.  
"That thing tracks too?" Billy asked as we followed.  
"Roughly, it's looking for the most recent movements in residue from the resonance." She tried to explain. "But the signal's getting weaker the longer it's wearing off so we need to hurry."

I can feel my heart begin to pound in my chest with each beep of her machine. Every step could be bringing us closer to Loki, and I didn't know whether that was something I wanted or not. It wasn't until we headed over one dune that my heart calmed when I saw it; the thing we were looking for. A strangled noise came from me as I saw the flash of silver in the dirt and I began running, kicking sand behind me.

Closer, my heart only sped up again. It was humanoid, silver and crumpled in the dust. I scrabbled to turn the body over, brushing the hair from the thin scaled face. "Gabriel." I breathed.

* * *

We had loaded Gabriel into the back of the truck, he's breathing, but only just. The black neck band I had seen on his people had been torn, his gills exposed to the sand and they looked raw. He was passed out completely, I had tried giving him water but it didn't seem to help too much, he needed to be in a body of it, his skin was drying out.

"So you know him?" The scientist asked as we climbed into the car. I looked back over my shoulder at him, ready to check on him with each jolt to see if he had woken up or needed me to go back and help him.  
"He was part of the team that helped me escape Loki's prison." I tell her. "They were on their way home."  
"Then how did he get here?" She asked, brow furrowing.  
"I don't know. I'll ask him when he wakes up." She gave me an uncomfortable look. "What?"  
"It's just that… he's an extra-terrestrial… and no one has ever studied…" She trails off with the glare I'm giving her.  
"I owe this man my life." I almost snarl. "He saved my life and now I'm going to save his."  
"But if I study him, we'll know his physiology better and…"  
"Save it." Lucy tells her, looking at me. "I don't think you can change Jessica's mind on this one. And trust me, I've seen her fight, you do not want to take her on."

The scientist pouts as the engine rumbles into life, let her. Gabriel's life is more important than her research. The sooner I can get him to water, the sooner I can start trying to help him. I wonder how long it will take for the Avengers to get back. Steve might be surprised to see we have a houseguest and the others will be fascinated, but more importantly, Tony might be able to fix his neckband.


	46. Chapter 46

"Where am I?" He barely garbled out, flinching from the incessant beeping from the machine next to him. Now we've cleaned off some of the dirt, you can see the bruises mottling his silver flesh and one of his eyes has swollen shut. His question wasn't directed at me, or to anyone in particular, I was sat to the side with the swollen eye, he didn't even know I was in the room.  
"Earth." I say quietly, unsure if taking his hand would be considered a comforting gesture. Gabriel turns his head to face me, his good eye widening a little in surprise. "We're just as shocked as you are that you're here." I chew my lip a little. "What happened?"

He rested his head back against the pillows and sighed, shutting his eye. "We were on our way home when a transmission came in. I wasn't on comm's, I have no idea what the message was but somehow it led to the others… there was a mutiny." He paused. "We headed back here, the closest planet to dump me off before they went on to do whatever they were doing."

I scowled. "Why would they mutiny?"  
"Like I said," His eyes flickered open, "there was something in that message. They took the officers to the brig and dumped me here while they were plotting a course back to Asgard."  
"Asgard?"  
He nodded. "It's where the message came from. I don't know who sent it though."

I felt a surge of panic run through me. While I had no evidence I had more than an inkling of who could have sent such a manipulative message. I watched as Gabriel glanced about the room. "We're at the Avengers Tower." I explained. "This room was the closest thing to a hospital I could get you to without someone trying to take you away for some governmental reason or another. To be honest I'm surprised that no one's tried anyway."  
"That's where we dropped you off isn't it?"  
"Yeah, I live here with my boyfriend."  
"Where is he now?"  
I shrug. "On business. I'm hoping him and the team will be back soon to look at that neck thing of yours."

His hand immediately flew to the gills usually covered by the black band, his breathing quickened. "I cleaned your gills." I tell him, "I don't know if that's weird or not but they were covered in dirt and it looked like it was affecting you."  
He nods but doesn't answer for a moment. "When will they be back to fix it?"  
"I don't know. Is there anything I can do to help in the meantime?"  
He nods awkwardly, his voice still a little croaky. "They need to be kept damp."

Without a word I get up and move to the adjoining bathroom, taking the towel and soaking it under the tap, when I come back I hand it to him, he folds it over his neck, sudden relief washing over his features. "I'm sorry if that's a little heavy, it's all I have to hand right now." He simply flashes me a thankful smile.

There's a knock at the door and the scientist woman shuffles in. So far she's been helpful and not leaked any information about Gabriel. I'm beginning to think I should probably learn her name. Her eyes light up when she sees Gabriel, just like the whole trip home and the whole time we spent getting him cleaned up and into the bed. "You're awake!" She squeaked excitedly. I glance to Gabriel who's assessing her at ease with mild curiosity. "I was wondering if you could tell me a little about your species so I could help treat you better."  
"Sure." He shrugged.  
I smile at him as I get up. "You need anything you can ask me or JARVIS."  
"JARVIS?"  
The panel on the wall lights up. "Hello Gabriel, I'm glad you've started to recover." The AI's voice sounded. Gabriel gave another look of pleasant surprise.  
"I'll catch up to you later." I laugh softly, leaving the room.

Lucy and Billy wait outside, she stands as soon as I exit the room, Billy follows suit but at a more leisurely pace. He looks anxious as he scratches the back of his neck. "Well?" Lucy asks folding her arms and raising an eyebrow.  
"Well?" I ask, copying her stance.  
"He's awake now, right?"  
"Yes."  
"What did he say? Why is he here?"

I smile slightly. "Oh you know, he wants to eat the brains of our leaders and colonise the planet in order to take advantage of fossil fuels." Her expression goes stony, clearly she doesn't appreciate a good joke. Billy on the other hand smirks behind her. "He got marooned. The crew mutinied and this was the nearest planet." I explain.  
"So he says. We've had alien visitors before and look how that went."

I try not to flinch at her tone. I know she's not directing the comment at me but her ferocity and my own part in Loki's antics aren't exactly something that I'm not aware of. "I trust him, he's the reason I got back home."  
"We have to call this in." She turns to Billy.  
"To who?" I interrupt. "SHIELD is gone." I pause. "You were really calm out in the field, what's got into you?"  
"That might be my fault." Dean stepped out from around the corner, the nurse he had been chatting to glanced at us nervously before scurrying into Gabriel's room. "They needed a doctor urgently and here I am." He checked in on Gabriel through the window, observing the nurse's actions in association with the scientist. "I'm strongly advising you pass this one over to the authorities."  
"What authorities?" I almost growl.  
"Whoever deals with aliens." He waved a hand. "I get it, I do, he helped you. But Jess, we don't have the resources here for taking care of him. And what if he has lied to you? Maybe Loki got in touch with this group to stage a rescue to bring you here and…" He trails off.  
"And what?"  
"I don't know… spy? He knows you wouldn't betray us but he could have got this Gabriel to win your trust, to come here and get you to give him access to whatever Loki needs."

I shake my head. If I'm totally honest with myself it's entirely possible. But I didn't believe it. Maybe I didn't want to believe it. Gabriel had helped me and here he was, marooned on an alien planet and I couldn't help but feel responsible. It was my planet, he had gone out of his way to bring me here, and the message was from Asgard, Loki had to have known I had broken out. He needed my help right now, spy or not, he was in bad shape.  
"We keep him here." I tell them firmly.  
"Jess," Dean began, trying to reason with me. I shook my head again and he sighed. "Two days." He warns me. "Then I'm informing someone." Before I can argue he heads into the room.  
"Maybe we should tell someone." Billy begins. "We were never field operatives, we're in way over our heads here."  
"I'm not." I say, staring through the window, watching as Dean introduces himself to Gabriel. I wonder if he advised caution before coming to see me the first time. "Two days, like Dean said. Give me two days to prove he's not a threat and to figure something out."  
"Promise me." Lucy said firmly. "Promise me this is going to work out."  
"If it doesn't, it can be all my fault." I tell her calmly.


	47. Chapter 47

I sigh as the phone rings out, switching it off. I knew he'd be busy but with what was going on I felt like I desperately needed to talk to Steve. This was my fourth call to him and still no answer. We had already had Gabriel in the tower for a full day, leaving me 24 hours left to figure something out. He had improved in the time he had been here, getting on well with Dean and the scientist who I found out was called Emily.

Frustrated, I run a hand through my hair. If I could contact Gilly maybe I could sort something out, but when I had asked Gabriel about it he had informed me she was one of the officers that had been incarcerated during the mutiny. I don't imagine she'd have been too pleased about that; freed from one prison cell only to be put into another. Even if she had been available to contact I still had no means of talking to her.

Suddenly my phone screen flickers to life, I grab it immediately. "Steve?"  
"Not really the best time, Jessica." He sounds strained, not angry, but tense. "What's wrong?" He asks, softening his tone.  
"There's a bit of a situation back here, I can handle it for now, but do you guys know how long you're going to be?"

He hesitates; I can hear Nat's voice in the background. "Sorry what?" He asks me. I repeat what I had said. "I'm sorry. I really don't know. Soon hopefully." I know he can't give me too much information in case the lines being tapped. With Stark's technology it should be fine, but you can never be too careful. "How big is this situation."  
"Pretty big." I laugh. "Umm, I can explain when you get home, soon, hopefully."  
He hesitates. "Are you…?"  
"Am I…?" I frown.  
Another pause. "I'll be home as soon as I can. I have to go. Love you."  
"Love you too." I smile weakly as he hangs up. I hated being away from him again so recently after having been away from him for so long. "Stay safe." I add on, staring at the phone as if he'll somehow hear me even though our call had ended.

I make a move to head to the shower when a bell rings out. "Ms Pepper Potts to see you." JARVIS informs me. Bollocks, she must have heard that I'd ditched work to find Gabriel instead of resting like I was supposed to.  
"Let her in." I say nervously. Was I about to lose my job?

The elevator opens and Pepper steps into the apartment with a warm smile. "How are you feeling?" She asks. I struggle to remember the last time I didn't see her with a folder in her arms.  
"Better." I smile weakly. "Err…"

She raises a hand to stop me. "I already know about Gabriel." My heart races. "JARVIS told me."  
"Snitch." I mutter under my breath, glancing about the ceiling, not that I'd find any eyes to glower into.  
"So how is he?" She asks, straightening herself up. I gesture to the settee and she comes to sit by me.  
"Better than he was." I begin. "I don't know him that well so I've no idea whether he's just putting on a brave face or not. He's in bad shape."  
"He was the one you were imprisoned with, right?"  
"Nah, but he was one of the rescuers and the captain of the ship that brought me back." I explain quickly.  
"Does he need anything?" This threw me a little. Pepper didn't even know this guy and she was being very considerate.  
"I think Tony or Bruce might need to take a look at his neckband but otherwise I think he's okay for now." I smile, showing my appreciation at her question.

She nods, smiling gently. "Well they should be home soon, maybe by morning? Tony thinks they've found the base where the staffs being held." Trust Tony to give up that much information. The prospect of them all being back so soon comforts me greatly.  
"That's fantastic." I beam. "I'm not going to lie, I'm missing Steve terribly."  
"I bet," She laughs, "he's been missing you too I imagine."


	48. Chapter 48

"So how does your species mate?" I raise my eyebrow at Emily's question, I can't tell with half her questions if she's just blunt or really bad at flirting. As Gabriel launches into the full description of the practice I watch Emily's jaw drop with horror, I attempt to cover my laughter with coughing and exit the room earning a disapproving look from Gabriel.

My timing couldn't have been better, as I step out Steve rounds the corner, his face lighting up when he sees me. I run over to him, leaping into his arms and kissing him passionately. As we break apart and he lowers me to the floor he wraps one arm around me, the other pressed to my abdomen. I assume he's hurt in some way and this is a more comfortable position to be in. He gives me another peck, bending down so I can keep my arms wrapped around his neck.

"You're back!" I grin.  
"I said soon." He chuckles.  
"You didn't say how soon." I also laugh.  
"Well it sounded like you needed me." He teased. "What's this big situation then?"  
I hesitate, smile fading. "Well, there's a bit of an addition at the tower."  
"Yeah?" He asked, smile growing.  
"Don't get mad." I begged. "I went to New Mexico with Lucy Matthews, oh, by the way it turns out we met before the party, small world right? Ok so we went to New Mexico and…" I trail off. "Why are you looking at me like that?"  
"You're cute when you're flustered." He tells me sweetly. "Go on."  
"Well we found the alien captain who brought me home in the desert and now he's in that room over there." I thumb behind me.  
He stares at me for a moment. "What?"  
"His name is Gabriel." I tell him.

I don't know what falls first, the smile from his lips or his hand from my abdomen. "So you're not…?"  
"I'm not what?"  
"Not… you know…"  
I frown slightly at him. "Steve, I'm not what?"  
"Pregnant." He finally blurts out.  
My eyes widen. "God no!"  
"Oh…"  
"Did you think I was…"  
"You just sounded so unsure and flustered and for some reason I assumed…"  
"Oh." We both stood there for a moment, not quite sure where to go from there.

At that moment, Tony and Bruce come around the corner also. "We interrupting anything?" Tony asks.  
"No, no we're good." Steve says awkwardly, still holding me, just not as tightly.  
"We heard you wanted to talk to us?" Bruce asks, he nods to the room behind me. "About our new guest?"  
"Yes!" I turn slightly away from Steve, glad he still keeps a hand around my waist. "He was wearing a neckband, I don't know if it was to help with breathing or what but its broken and I was wondering if you weren't too busy if the science bros had time to fix it?"

Tony chuckles at the name. "Guess we should go meet the new guy and ask him about it." He said, walking past me.  
"You don't think it'd be a good idea to check in on him first with JARVIS?" Bruce asked, following. Ever polite, that man.  
"Nah, it'll be fine." Said Tony opening the door and immediately greeting Gabriel and Emily.

Once the door had closed behind them, I turned to Steve. "Are you okay?"  
"Yeah, sorry, just a bit surprised, was expecting one kind of news and got another."  
I feel a flash of guilt, though to my knowledge I didn't do anything to specifically give him the idea that I could be pregnant. "Do you want to talk about it?" I ask quietly.

He shook his head with a weak smile and kissed my head. "We got the staff." He tells me. "We're having drinks tonight. Also there's a bit more to tell you, but can we go to our apartment first? I need a shower."

* * *

"It sounds like something out of a bad scifi movie." I reply, glancing up to Steve walking around the upper floor with.  
"You can say that again." Clint grunted, pouring another drink.  
"So do you think they'll be a problem?" I ask anxiously. Steve had informed me about the Maximoff twins in our room, at the party now, they had just been brought up.  
"Who knows." He shrugged. "One thing I do know is that I'm not letting someone take over my head again." I give him a weak smile, trying not to shudder at the thought. The idea of losing myself like that again was utterly repulsive.

The party went on for a bit and it was a while before I found myself back with Steve. He was stood leaning against a table, drinking his beer and watching Natasha flirting with Bruce at the bar. I came to stand by him, looping my hand in his. "How long's that been going on for?" I smile. "Or am I that unobservant?"  
"Not too long, probably about the time you got taken." He takes another drink.  
"I would never have put them together."  
"Me neither." He smiles.  
"I always thought she liked Clint."  
"Me too." He chuckles, freeing his hand from mine in order to wrap his arm around my waist. I leant my head against his shoulder, closing my eyes momentarily, sighing with content.

"About earlier," He started cautiously, "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable… you know… with the whole kids thing?"  
"I should have been clearer on the phone."  
"Well it is a little difficult to say 'Hey, there's an alien crashing at our place' over the phone isn't it?" He smiled.  
"Just a smidgeon." I agree. "Were you disappointed?"  
"A bit." He admitted. "But now's not really the time for it, is it?"  
"Not really." I agreed. "I'll be honest, I don't know if I want kids. But if I did have them, I wouldn't want them with all the crap we've got going on at the moment."  
"I suppose the other way to look at it is when are we ever not going to have this crap going on?" He said quietly, taking another drink, not looking at me.  
"Do you want kids now?" I ask with a frown.  
"I don't know." He sighed, turning to me. "I agree, now isn't the best time. But looking at this critically, with the super serum, with Loki… when will we have a time that's right? I'm not saying I want them right away, or that we should start trying right now, just that if you had been pregnant, I would have been okay with it."

I turn so I can wrap my arms around his waist and he turns to face me, his head dips down and I give him a long and sensual kiss. "Maybe eventually." I tell him, "I just can't right now." He nods, completely accepting. I don't add that I don't know if I ever will. Not only because I'm not a fan of children but also with my memories back I don't know if I see myself fit to raise children. This was not the sort of conversation I had been intending to have with him when he came back. Kids were the furthest thing from my mind at the moment. My main priorities were Steve, getting my life back into some kind of order, Gabriel, what happened to Gilly and whether or not I was totally free of Loki.

My heart gave a pang with that thought. I had been ready to have kids with Loki, before Manhattan, of course. I wanted to settle down with him first, get married, find a nice place, maybe meet that mysterious family of his. But I knew for a long time that if he had wanted to, I'd have had kids with him in an instant.  
It wasn't that I didn't love Steve the same way, it was more about how my own life had changed to an unrecognisable and much more dangerous position. Steve obviously knew and respected that; something which made me love him even more if that was even possible. I squeezed, my arms still around him and he smiled at the cuddle.

He gave me yet another long and deep kiss, I could feel myself stirring with desire for him. "Woah, break it up, kids." Tony came up to us, Pepper on his arm. He turns to me. "So, Jess, tell me, does grandpa over here berate you for your language too?"  
"What?" I smile, knowing there was going to be a good story behind this.  
Steve cringed next to me. "Tony, please don't."


	49. Chapter 49

"Jessica?" Thor waves towards the hammer in the middle of the table. I laugh and shake my head, attempting to lift it like the others just had, just as I had expected I also couldn't lift it. I shrug and take my seat next to Steve who's next to try. I couldn't tell but for a split second it almost appeared to shift a little.

The party had wound down for the night leaving myself and the Avengers to chill with a few drinks. Steve had his arm around me and I leaned into his chest, legs draped over his lap. Being here with him just felt right, so relaxed, so comfortable.

"That's not a question I need answering." Nat replied to the challenge when asked, causing some laughs. Thor's hammer was more than an enigma. I had wondered if it had been something to do with his DNA but seeing Steve possibly shift it had peaked my interest in the mystery.

The evening had gone well, was going well, right up until an unfamiliar voice broke the party. Steve gently pushed my legs from his lap as he went to stand. A silver figure stood at the other side of the room, and it wasn't Gabriel.

* * *

Everyone stood up slowly, Steve gently pushing me behind him. I gripped his arm nervously. The robotic figure, slumped to one side examined his arm. He must have been paying more attention to what the figure was saying than I had been because he suddenly asked "You killed someone."  
"It wouldn't have been my first call." The metallic voice replied.  
"Who sent you?" Thor asked.  
The robot played some kind of recording, Tony's voice, and then Bruce turned to Tony with a look of horror. "Ultron."  
"In the flesh. Well…" As he kept talking I noted the looks the Avengers were giving each other, preparing themselves for a fight. There was a faint click of Maria Hill's gun being cocked.  
"What mission?"  
"Peace in our time."

And with that all hell broke loose. The wall behind him exploded as other robots flew out, attacking the others. In an instant, Steve had pushed, well, practically hurled, me to the side and out of the way. There was no way I was going to be able to fight these, even with Loki's training. I ran for the door, sprinting, all the while dodging debris or the attack.

I didn't make it to the door. One of the robots under Ultron's orders landed before me, tossing me against the wall as if I weighed no more than a pillow. By the instant my body hit the floor it kicked out at me, I moved, but not nearly enough. It's foot connected with me, crushing my wrist against the wall, crushing the bones underneath with a crunch. I screamed.

Someone, I don't see who, manages to tear the thing away from me, I clutch my wrist close to my body, tears burning my eyes and cheeks. I scrabble for cover, crouching in a corner as I watch the others fight. Before long Ultron and his new found friends have gone.

I watch Steve. He stands there for a moment, still poised ready to fight before he calms down enough to come over to me, checking my wrist. I wince as he tries to gently turn it to look at it. As Thor takes Tony by the neck he tells me to go, turning around to deal with the new tensions within the group.

Awkwardly I get up and hurry for the medical station I left Gabriel at. Hopefully someone doing a late shift would be able to do something about my wrist. I don't really want to stay in the room with them anyway, I hadn't been any help in the fight and this was clearly something they needed to sort out between themselves.

The elevator doesn't open as I reach it. "JARVIS?" I call out, voice strained from the pain in my wrist. No answer. I frown and call him again. "JARVIS can you open the elevator, please?" But there was still no reply and the doors remained firmly shut. I'd have to ask Tony later what he did with JARVIS, right now I needed to get checked out.


	50. Chapter 50

The stairs were a pain in the ass to climb. When I opened the door into the hallway the lights flickered into life. Not the best sign that I'd be able to find someone to help me. Still, the light was on in Gabriel's room so I decided to try there.

I was more than surprised to find Dean laughing and drinking coffee as he talked to Gabriel. "I thought you went home." I muttered, trying to pull a stool out with my foot. He rushed up to help me, seeing the strange angle at which I was holding my arm. Immediately in doctor mode, he began examining it.

"I decided to stay, keep Gabriel company."  
"Jessica, what happened?" Gabriel asked, sitting up and alert in his bed.  
I shake my head. "Something called Ultron. He took Loki's sceptor. I think he somehow took a hold of something Tony was working on. One of his minions did this."

"How are the others?" Dean asked without looking, hands quick to sort out my injury.  
"Fine…" I hesitate, "I think they're arguing, I don't know, Steve sent me out."

He nods, and begins bandaging my wrist to a splint. "It's a clean break, it'll heal." He told me quietly. He glanced at Gabriel, who returned his worried gaze.  
"What?" I ask, looking between them.  
"Nothing." Dean shook his head.  
"Tell me." But he didn't. I sigh, letting him finish up his work. Once he's done, I test it out, moving my arm. The pain is still intense, but as long as I kept it straight and in line with the splint without too much muscle effort, it was manageable.

"Stay here, I'm going to go see if anyone else is hurt." Dean warned us.  
"The elevator doesn't work." I tell him. He nods and sets off leaving me and Gabriel in the room.

"You should take a pain killer." He tells me.  
"I'm fine." I lie, leaning my head back against the wall behind me.  
"You're giving off a lot of pain, please take something."  
My expression was pretty neutral now Dean had strapped my wrist up. "Do you mean I'm coming across as in a lot of pain or?"  
"No." He shook his head. "Jessica, my people are telepathic to a degree, I've met others who are similar and you're not giving off a normal amount of an 'I'm in pain vibe', it's amplified, please take something."

I frown, easing off the stool and heading to the packets of painkillers on the side. I grab two ibuprofen and knock it back with some of the coffee Dean had left. Slowly I return to my seat. "What do you mean amplified?"  
"As if you yourself are a telepath." He replied sternly. "That level of pain, it's distracting, frustrating even, it's something I can feel without it even being a part of me, like an itch I can't scratch." He paused. "Are you a telepath?"  
"No!"  
"It would explain a lot." He raised his brow.  
"Like what?"

He shrugged. "I've never seen Gilly take an instant like to any breather except you. It's like she knew there was something different about you."  
"I'm not a telepath." I told him firmly. "That's completely science-fiction, it's ridiculous…"  
"Yes but talking to an alien who saved your life while your superhero boyfriend who was trapped in ice during the turn of the century is downstairs with his friends who include a man who changes into a green monster when angry like some strange hyped up version of Dr. Jekyll and Dr. Hyde and another alien who is also a prince and moreover a god, that's just average completely day to day life."

He makes a valid point. "When I first met you I could almost taste your emotions, that's how strongly they were coming across. The others could too. I think it might be why some of them were goaded into fighting you. They could sense how strong you were despite your fears of being on an alien ship. It made them nervous."  
"I've never been able to read someone's mind."  
"Neither can we, my species is empathic. Emotions only."  
"And you've not met any other humans who can…"  
"I've not met many humans full stop, but no, I haven't met any others like you."

I run a hand through my hair, my bad wrist bouncing slightly on my knee as it jitters up and down with nerves. "How? I'm not anything special."  
"Well something must have happened to you." He told me sceptically, as if he thought I knew what had caused this.

I tried to think back, maybe it was the dreams with Loki? Being that connected to another individual could have…? But surely I'd have noticed something by now? Maybe then it was something in the food at Asgard? But why would they have…?

The longer I struggled to come up with an answer, a pain began to swell and grow in my mind until suddenly there was a sharp pain and I was back in that dark abyss I found myself in after Loki had broken the connection to me. I try not to scream, I feel like I'm drowning in this darkness, it's so empty and so vast.

Where was I? Two seconds ago I was in that room with Gabriel, why am I here, again? It'd been so long, I'd nearly forgotten the panic that came with it. I could feel it rising in me, choking me. My heart was beating so loudly I could feel it, every pulse of the muscle. My limbs felt tight as if I was being restricted by some invisible force and I couldn't stop my breaths from coming in ragged busts.

And then it was gone. I was collapsed on the floor, Gabriel and sprung from his bed to catch me and was holding me. He looked terrified. "Where did you go?" He asked. "You fell as if you fainted but your emotions… you were terrified."  
"I don't know." I could hear the tremor in my own voice. "I've been there before, but not in a very long time." I try to push myself up to sit, my body is shaking. "Loki said he knew it."  
"Loki? The Asgardian Prince?"

I remember that Gabriel doesn't know about my entanglement with Loki. I nod gently. "I knew him." Is all I tell him.  
"Doctor Morgan said he tried to take over this planet."  
"I knew him before that." I wonder if Dean told him anything else.

Gabriel gets up, helping me to my stool before climbing back into his bed. "I was thinking about Loki." I explained. "Trying to work out if it was something to do with him that made me… telepathic… as you said." I can feel a dull ache begin to build in my head again. "I think it must have done."  
"What did he do?"  
"I can't say."  
He frowned. "Why not?"  
I look at him now with tears threating to wash over me. "Because I don't want you looking at me differently. This, it changed how the others see me. They're still lovely, but they treat me differently. I can't have that from you too."

His silver features look pained. "Very well. I only hoped to help you."  
I smile softly at him. "I know, thank you."  
He smiled back. "So, was Loki a friend?"  
"I guess you could say that."  
"So why not ask for his help?"  
"What?"

He gave me an encouraging smile, unaware of the implications of what he was talking about. "Maybe he can help you? Either reverse what he did or teach you to control it."  
"Loki and I don't talk anymore."

Before he can answer the door opens and Dean comes back with Steve. He glances between us. "Is everything alright?"  
"Peachy." I say, getting up and walking over to Steve. I take a final look over my shoulder at Gabriel, too uncomfortable to continue our conversation.

We head for the stairs but he stops me before we go down. "JARVIS is gone." He tells me.  
"What do you mean gone?"  
"Ultron, he did something to him, he's gone."


	51. Chapter 51

"You're leaving." I finish for him.  
"I have to." He sighs, kissing my forehead. Steve pulls me closer, I'm not complaining. Since the reappearance of that nightmarish vision of darkness, the darkness in our own bedroom seems to have even intensified.

"Am I coming?" I ask softly. I feel him move as he shakes his head. He places one of his great hands over the splint around my wrist, resting on his chest.  
"It's too dangerous. Especially with you like this."

Usually I'd argue, but right now I'm too frightened by what Gabriel told me. I run some gentle kisses over Steve's chest, working my way up past his jaw and to his lips. His fingers tangle in my hair and his hand tightens slightly around my wrist on his chest. "Be careful."  
"Yes Ma'am." He kisses me again, hand lowering to my waist.

* * *

By the time I wake up the next morning, Steve's already gone. Despite how strange it was sharing a bed again after being in the prison cell, even though I wanted nothing more than to be next to him, it feels weird again waking up alone. You'd think that with all this change that I would be used to sleeping with or without someone. But neither are something you get used to easily.

I pad sleepily in my pjs to the bathroom after taking some painkillers for my wrist. This whole telepathy thing still confuses me. Part of me thinks that Gabriel must be confused, and that the darkness was a reaction to straining too hard to think back. I mean, it had given me a headache, which was exactly what used to happen to me if I tried to remember Loki too hard when he had blocked my memories.

The only real way to find out would be to talk to Loki, but I had no way to do that. Or did I? The necklace he had given me, I could only assume, was still down in Tony's lab. The real question was how badly did I want to know this information? I wasn't sure if I could bring myself to see him again.

Reaching the bathroom I stop to look in the mirror. I fix myself a hard stare. Surely knowing would be better than not. But also this could give me the opportunity to find out what happened to Gabriel's ship and see whether that message came from Loki.

Resolved, I quickly showered, ate and got ready before taking the elevator down to the lab. Tony had managed to fix the electrical systems that had been fried by Ultron before they left. Still, it was eerie not to hear JARVIS ask and direct me around the building.

Tony's lab was bizarrely quiet too. Not having him or Banner here, it seemed a little lifeless and a whole lot more sinister. This was where Ultron had been conceived and where he had killed JARVIS. I tried to ignore the disconcertment in my gut as I moved about the room, searching. If JARVIS had been up and running it would have been easy to ask him to locate it, but without him it was an old school look about.

It took longer than it should have done to find it, considering it was being kept perched inside a long glass tube on one of the desks. I tried to prize open the lid but it wouldn't budge. Twisting, pulling, turning, pushing, nothing was working. Exhausted I left it on the counter and sat, back to the desk with a sigh. I must have nudged the table though, the container knocked over and rolled off the edge, smashing on the floor before I could catch it.

I sat there for a moment staring at that necklace. The crystal almost seems to shimmer in the dark of the labs. I hadn't bothered to turn the lights on, I didn't want anyone walking past to find me in here stealing the only form of communication I had to a murderous god. It didn't seem like something I could explain well.

I slipped it about my neck before I set to clearing up the glass. So much for trying to borrow the necklace without them knowing. The pendent felt heavy on my neck, but at the same time its weightiness felt soothing somehow. There was something solid about it. Something that felt like an anchor considering I felt so lost right now.

Disposing of the glass, I almost ran back to the elevator to get back to the bedroom. The lift seemed to take forever. Even getting from it to my room took too long. I lay back on my bed and shut my eyes. Perhaps I was a little too eager to fall asleep. I twisted and turned, struggling to drift off. Nothing seemed to work.

I lay there, staring at the ceiling willing myself to sleep. But it just didn't seem to be happening. With a sigh, I pushed myself up and headed to go see Gabriel. He was alone today, Dean had gone somewhere else and Emily was busy as well.

"I'm going mad just sitting here." He told me as I came to sit next to him. "I have no ship, no way to contact anyone, and I have no idea what happened to the crew."  
"Join the team." I reply, stretching my legs out in front of me.

He seemed to do a double take. "That gem in your necklace."  
"Yes?" I lift the crystal, twirling it between my fingers, watching the light bounce off from the metal encasing it.  
"Where did you get an Ender gem?"


	52. Chapter 52

"An Ender gem?" The words are familiar. It takes me a moment but suddenly I realise. "Isn't that what Gilly was put in prison for stealing?"  
"For attempting to steal." He corrects, he holds his hand out. "May I see it?"

Cautiously I slide it from around my neck and hand it to him. His dark eyes move over it rapidly as he studies it. Holding it by the chain, he spins it, watching the crystal spin around and around. Abruptly he stops it, holds it for a moment and then passes it back to me.  
"It's a fragment, but it's certainly Ender."  
"What does that mean?" I ask pulling it back on. "Is it dangerous?"  
"Not at all. Well, it depends. They're very powerful receptacles. You have to be careful with Ender gems in case someone's already used it for something which could be harmful to you. They hold a lot of energy. Does that one have any special properties?"

I check the door as if someone was about to walk in. "It connected my mind to Loki's, allowed me to see him in my dreams a while ago."  
"You hoped to speak to him about what I said." Gabriel nodded.  
"And to find out what happened to your ship." I add.  
"Be careful with that." He tells me. "It's rare to find a perfectly clean and unused Ender gem. I have no way of telling if Loki gave you a clean one with only the enchantment he used to communicate with you imbued. Their effects aren't always so pleasant."  
"I wouldn't call what happened pleasant." I muttered.

Whatever you do, be careful with it." He told me firmly. "That gem alone could be what's caused this telepathy."

* * *

I stayed talking to Gabriel for a while. A while later a nurse came in asking me to leave. By the time I left I was in a much better mood, but I was still anxious about trying to contact Loki with the necklace.

I returned to our apartment and fixed up a little lunch, working up the courage to go and try for a nap after I had eaten. It was as I was finishing that there was a knock at the door. I tucked the necklace under my shirt and went to answer, confused to see Dean at the door. "What's up?"  
"You need to come with me, now." He said, pushing the door further open.  
"Why, what's happened?"

He shook his head. "Steve's called. Gave me this address and told me you need to go there, now." He passed me a slip of paper.  
"Why?" I asked again.  
"I don't know, something with Ultron, I think. He just said you need to get there, now."  
"Why didn't Steve call me and tell me this?"  
"He tried! You didn't answer."

I pull my mobile phone out of my pocket and realise with a cringe that it was muted. Three missed calls from Steve. "I don't think I'm legally allowed to drive in America." I told Dean quietly.  
"I don't think it matters right now. You're a good driver usually?"  
"It's been a while, but yes."  
"You'll be fine then, just take it easy. Tony said to take anything from the garage apparently."  
"You don't think this will be an issue?" I raised my splinted hand.  
"Take one of the automatics and drive very carefully."

* * *

I packed a quick overnight bag and headed to the garage with Dean. Most of the cars were ostentatious but there were several which seemed more normal. "You'll take care of Gabriel while I'm gone, won't you?" I ask, climbing into one of the less flashy models.  
"Of course." He promised. I nodded and closed the door behind me. "See you soon." He smiled.

The engine roared into life and I exited the tower pulling out onto the road. Dean had helped set up the Satnav for me while I had packed a bag. I followed the instructions the woman read out, confused to find I was heading out of the city.

* * *

It was a long journey; I even began to wonder if I should stop for petrol. As I pulled up by a farm I started to worry how bad things had gone with Ultron, afraid that Steve had sent me to some kind of safe house.

I pulled up and climbed out, taking in the fields around me before I headed up to the house. Nervously, I knocked the door. A woman answered with a soft smile. "Jessica?"  
"Err yes." I answer, she steps aside to let me in.  
"I can imagine this is a little strange, huh? Trust me, it's weird for me too." She gestures to the next room. I head in, several children's toys are scattered about and I can hear someone running about upstairs.

"I'm sorry, have I come to the right place?" I ask, turning to face her. "I'm not sure what's going on."  
"You're in the right place." Barton tells me, coming in through what I assume is the kitchen. "Steve's just out back." He thumbed behind him.  
"Thanks." I try to smile at both of them as I head in the direction he had pointed.

The backdoor was already open, I followed it out to see two familiar figures by piles of logs. Whatever they were discussing, they seemed tense by their body language. Steve picked up one of the stumps and ripped it in two with his bare hands. There was a little more conversation between them and then Tony walked away, calling something back to him.

He gave me a wave as he headed towards me. "Took you long enough to get here."  
"Some of us aren't able to fly, Tony." I smile as I keep walking to Steve.

He still looks tense, his shoulders are a little raised. "Hey stranger." I smile as I come up behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist. He freezes a little then turns to me giving me a chaste kiss. "Is everything alright?"  
"Fine." He tells me. "We ran into some trouble with Ultron. He got the Maximoffs working for him. I just wanted to know you were safe."

I stand on my toes to give him more of a kiss, he hesitates but eventually his lips mould to mine, kissing me softly. "I'm safe." I tell him as we break apart. "Are you okay?"  
"Yeah, I'm fine, I just-" He can see from my expression that I don't believe him. "Wanda, the girl, she did something to all of us. Visions or hallucinations of some kind. I saw Peggy, we were back just after the war and…"  
"Oh." I take his hand gently. I can't imagine what that was even like for him. I squeeze his hand softly. This seems to be what he needed because he pulls me into a tight embrace.

When he pulls back I press another kiss to his cheek, taking his hand again. "Where are the others?" I ask, changing the subject.  
"Nat's upstairs talking to Bruce, Thor went to go see an old friend."  
"And whose place is this?"  
"Barton's."  
"Blimey, didn't have him pegged as the farm type." I laugh.


	53. Chapter 53

As the evening progressed and the Avengers began to work on their plans, I felt sleep begin to overtake me. Once Barton's wife had put the kids to bed I said goodnight to the others, taking up the blow up mattress put up for me and Steve in the living room. I hadn't quite drifted off when they all finished their discussions and went to bed. Steve wrapped his arms around me and I turned to snuggle him.

Sleep overtook me and before long I was dreaming of golden palaces again.

* * *

"Loki?" I half-whisper, he turned, his dark hair swinging.  
"Jessica." He met my hushed tone, surprised.

Something inside me itched to run into his arms and hold him. I resisted though. He looked tired, as if ruling was changing him. "What are you doing here?" He asked.  
"I needed to see you."

The room is dimly light, light only just making the golden adornments glow rather than shine. Loki stands before me topless, bathed in the light. I'll admit, he looks rather regal. His eyes run up and down me, appraising me.

"The connection, this necklace," I said, lifting it slightly from my chest, "I think it did something to me." There's a brief flicker of confusion in his eyes, he has no idea what I'm talking about. "Was this a clean Ender gem?"

He shook his head as if to clear it from thoughts, he looked slightly panicked. "How do you know of Ender gems?" He asked.  
"You put me in prison next to someone in jail for trying to steal one. Girls talk."  
"Not usually about crime." He muttered to himself. "To my knowledge, it was clean when I acquired it."  
"To your knowledge." I repeated. "So there's every possibility that this gem has done something, is doing something entirely different to me?"  
"Jessica, I would never have given you it if I thought that. I had it checked thoroughly I assure you."

I tip my head to the side to look better into his eyes. If he's lying, I can't see it. "Maybe you didn't check it out thoroughly enough." I take a deep breath. "Someone thinks I'm a telepath. They think maybe this thing caused it."  
"Impossible, I would never have used a gem which would harm you."  
"I didn't say it wasn't a mistake." I sigh, glancing around the place. Something is certainly different about the room, but I can't put my finger on it.

"If you're having side-effects, you should see me immediately; perhaps there is some way to reverse it." He said softly, taking a single step towards me.  
"Loki, I'm not even sure there are side-effects to worry about." Before he could say anything else I raised my hand to show him I meant to continue.

"You obviously know I escaped," I acknowledge, "I need to know what happened on the ship. Did you send that message? What happened to the crew?"  
"How do you know about that?" His brow furrowed.  
"The captain was marooned on earth, he's under our protection." I watched Loki tense at the word 'our'. "He's the one who told me I have telepathic abilities."

He took a brief pause to think before he spoke again, turning slightly away from me and running a hand through his sleek hair. "Jessica, I do not know what he has told you but it is a lie. I know what message you're talking about and I assure you, it had nothing to do with me." He turns to face me, eyes full of pleading, begging me to believe him.

"He didn't say you had anything to do with it."  
He frowned. "Then why do you assume I did?"  
I sigh, "Because it seemed like something you'd do. You took away my free will when I tried to leave in Manhattan, you stole and imprisoned me when you found out I was dating Steve, manipulating the crew of the ship that helped me escape seemed, I don't know, logical."

His hand twitches by his side, his body leaning towards me, face still full of anguish. "Never have I regretted anything more than those actions." He whispers. "Jessica, I love you, I still love you. What I wouldn't give to have you back in my arms!" He extended an arm to me, I didn't answer, watching it wearily before it dropped back to his side with a sigh. "Those were the actions of a desperate man. I couldn't have you leave me, I couldn't let you."  
"But now?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. "I get away and you're telling me you weren't the one to send that message to the ship?"

Loki shook his head. "Being here any longer would have got you killed. Seeing you after both fights with _her_…" He almost shudders. "I couldn't let that happen again. I couldn't bear to see you like that again."  
"You're saying you let me go? Completely? Out of the goodness of your heart?"  
"Not at all, I let you go for selfish reasons. Watching you lose yourself to this, this madness, in there, to see you hurt by others… it was too painful for me."

There's honesty in his eyes to what he's saying, but that doesn't mean he's telling the whole truth. I know him too well to believe he would be totally honest with me on something like this. And besides that there's this clenched feeling in my heart which warns me there's more to the story.  
"What happened to the ship, Loki? What happened to the officers?"  
"I do not know."  
He's lying. I know it. His face gives none of it away but I just know it. "What happened?" I repeated more firmly.  
"Jessica," He shook his head as if in confusion, "I already told you, I don't know."  
"Tell me." I hiss.

He blinks, waiting for me to cave and believe him. He'll be waiting for a long time. I know he's lying. "The officers were taken to the cells." He finally tells me, slowly and reluctantly. His eyes narrow slightly. "As for the rest of the ship, they were sent home."

I wonder how Gilly is doing back in prison. Somehow I was going to have to return the favour and help her escape the Asgardian prison for a second and hopefully for the last time. "Why?"  
"They were criminals, it seemed only right to imprison them."  
"No, Loki, why did they come back here."  
"I don't know."  
"Yes, you do." I growl. "Stop lying to me."

"Very well, yes, I sent the message." He raised his chin. "Are you satisfied?"  
"Why?"  
"I wanted you back." He sighed. "I did have every intention of letting you escape. I was not lying when I said that seeing you hurt was killing me. But then I changed my mind. Life without you has been difficult to say the least. I miss you. It's horribly selfish but I need you. I need you by my side. I love you."

This time, I can feel my heart ache with those words. There was nothing dishonest or motivated behind them, they were utterly the truth, plain and simple. I would be lying myself if I said they didn't have an effect on me. Loki had been terrible, but he had also been so wonderful. Loving him felt like balancing on a tightrope, always one wrong-foot away from falling, still knowing there was a safety net to catch you.

For every misdeed he had done me, he had always been there to pick up the pieces afterwards. After he wiped my memories and had found out what HYDRA was doing to me under the guise of SHIELD he had protected me in my dreams, eventually hunting down and killing Farthing and his men. Those dreams had been a lifeline to me at such a dark time. When he found out about the darkness he had comforted me, confiding in me he was haunted by it too though he never did explain it. And when he cursed me by returning my memories and stealing me, he visited me often, even if it was to torture me with visions of Steve. When I had been hurt by the red woman, when I nearly killed the red woman, pain was evident in every aspect of him.

Even now, I had escaped and by some foolishness come back to talk to him, he tried his best to give me no reason to fear him, even if he was lying. It was wrong but I knew I still loved him. I wanted to shut that part of myself down, to make a life with Steve work, but how could I when Loki was merely a dream away? I couldn't go back to Loki, not after what he had done, could I?

"I love you." He repeated quietly, taking another step towards me. Slowly a hand reached out and stroked the back of my head, running down my hair, pulling me towards him gently. Cautiously I let him pull me close and hold me. "I love you." He said again, pressing a cool kiss to the top of my head. "Forgive me."

Slowly, I let my arms wrap around his body and lay my head against his cold chest, closing my eyes and listening to the rhythm of his heart. "I wish I could." I whisper. "I love you too and I wish I could forgive you, but Loki, what you've done… how can I possibly ignore that?"  
"I'm not asking you to ignore it, but to accept it and move on. Please. Come home to me." His hand running down my hair is soothing, a familiar mannerism of his. It only serves to amplify the pain blooming in my chest.

"How can I accept it?" I ask quietly, tears burning my eyes. "When you can't even accept me saying goodbye?"  
"Because you are my better half." He joked just as quietly but with less than half the humour in his voice. "Because we both need this."

I wish I could. I truly wish I could. Perhaps we would have both been happier for it. Not a single part of me wanted to let him go. But the question kept coming back to me, what would he do the next time I tried to leave? It was bordering on insanity to stay with him, surely. The words he used before he took me to Manhattan, before all of this started were brought back to mind. 'That inevitable pull between you and I? Is that not enough?' Was it?

Before I really had a chance to put the question to thought, I spied movement behind him, towards the bedroom. I pulled away from him, heading there when the darkness struck me again. As I fell he surged forward to catch me, but deep in my mind I still fell into that oblivion. I knew that when I woke up I would be back in reality, with Steve, I knew I would be fine, I just had to wait it out.


	54. Chapter 54

I woke up in a cold sweat in Steve's arms. It was still dark out; his hushed breathing with minute snores told me he was still asleep. Aware that the necklace had slipped out during the night, I tucked the crystal back under my shirt. He grunted something, nuzzling my neck from behind me. I ran a soothing hand over one of his arms, hoping to calm him, still trying to calm myself.

I had just told Loki I still loved him, and meant it. What the hell was I thinking? Awkwardly, I slipped out from Steve's arms, especially careful not to wake him and slipped on a cardigan and shoes before heading outside for some air.

The stars are very clear out here. I hadn't seen much of them in the city, the sky tended to be full of light pollution. I wrap my arms about me, it's not too cold but the air is certainly crisper here, cleaner. I take deep breaths of it, staring out at the sky.

There's a faint buzzing in my pocket, I pull my phone out, two missed calls. I guess the haphazard way I'd thrown my cardigan down, I hadn't heard it go off while I was asleep. I don't recognise the number but I answer anyway.

"Jess?" Dean sounds worried.  
"Is everything alright?" I ask.  
"Not really no."  
"Who's phone is this?"  
"Emily's, mine got taken."  
"Taken by who?" I frown.  
"Some government officials. They're trying to take Gabriel."  
"You can't let them." My voice has nearly doubled in volume.  
"We're trying not to but it's a little difficult at the moment." He hesitates, I can hear someone else talking. "I have to go, they're coming back. I just thought you should know."  
"Dean," I start, but the phone cuts out before I can finish my sentence.

I head back inside and start gathering my things together and get changed before I wake Steve up.  
"What time is it?" He mumbled softly as I shook his shoulder.  
"Three." I whisper back, checking my phone. As the screen lights up he grunts and rolls slightly to move the pillow onto his head.  
"Come back to bed." He murmurs, reaching out to me.

I take his hand but I don't climb in with him. "I have to go. Dean's called. Some government types are trying to take Gabriel. I have to go."  
He lifts the pillow. "Now?"  
"Right now. It sounded pretty bad."  
"Do you need me to come with you?"

I smile and shake my head, he's so adorable when he's still half asleep. Sure, being Captain America had given him the usual power to wake up on cue as most military personnel find, but occasionally he did have sleepiness hit him like everyone else. "Nah, you need to stay here and help the others fight Ultron, remember? I'll be back as soon as I can." I peck his cheek. "Or I can meet you at the Tower."

"I don't like this." He tells me, coming to a bit more. "I don't like not knowing you're safe."  
"I'll be fine," I tell him, "I just can't leave Gabriel to be carted off to god knows where."  
"Call me as soon as you arrive." He instructs me.  
"Of course." I kiss his lips. "Love you."

* * *

The roads are dark out here, being out in the countryside there's less lights leading out to the highway. I didn't have a plan; I just knew I needed to go there to defend Gabriel. He wasn't a criminal, he wasn't a threat. He was just lost. The road was a blur in the window; I couldn't help but drive fast; this was an emergency.

The speedometer is just going up and up. I'm weaving between other cars too quickly and too recklessly. But it's automatic, I'm calm, collected. I'm too calm. Too collected.

"Pull over." Loki commands, sat next to me.  
His sudden appearance makes me jump and almost lose control of the steering wheel. "Where the hell did you come from?"  
"You're still wearing the necklace, we're still linked. Pull over."  
"I've never seen you while I've been awake before."  
"Pull over or this might be the last time you see me at all." He barked as I swerve past another car. "Jessica!"

Slowly, the car begins to decline in speed and I bring the vehicle over to stop at the side of the road. "Loki, I need to go back to the Tower." I tell him, trying not to meet his eyes.  
"You need to look at me."  
"Why?" I hiss.  
"Because there is something very wrong and I need you to hold still while I figure out what it is."  
"There's nothing wrong except for the fact that I'm now having these hallucinations of an ex-boyfriend."  
"Jessica." He chides me. "Look at me."

Reluctantly, I turn my head to face him. In the dim lighting, he seems almost real, as if Loki really was sat next to me and not communicating to me solely by my mind. He frowns, giving me a hard stare, his gaze piercing. I feel a little uncomfortable with the intensity of it, but I can't bring myself to look away now I have looked at him.

"Why do you need to go to the Tower so urgently?"  
"To save Gabriel, there are these government officials who are trying to take him and-"  
"Keep looking at me." He interrupted. I hadn't even realised I had looked away. I frown a little.  
"I have to get to Gabriel."  
"Who is Gabriel?" I could see him stop himself from rolling his eyes.  
"The captain of the ship that helped me escape. I told you, he got marooned on earth and I've been helping him." I fired up the engine. "So you can understand why I have to get back, it's important and-"  
"Look at me." He almost thunders.

I cut power to the engine and turn to him. "What is your problem?" I snarl.  
"Every time you mention him your eyes glaze over." He tells me darkly.  
"I'm worried about my friend."  
"The friend who told you that you're a telepath?" He puts together slowly. I nod. "I told you, he is lying to you."  
"No Loki, you were the one lying to me."  
"Not about everything. Not about this." He sighs when I don't reply, leaning his head back against the seat. "Did he give you anything?"

Thinking of the necklace, my hand reaches for it; his eyes flicker down to the movement but soften when they see that I'm going for the necklace he gave me. I shake my head.  
"No gifts? No presents? No gestures of good will? Nothing to drink or to eat?"  
"Loki, he's been bedridden the whole time he's been here."  
"You didn't meet him here." He pointed out.

I thought back. "On the ship, he made me something to eat."  
"And did you know what it was? Did you recognise the ingredients?"  
"No."

I don't think I've seen Loki look more exasperated. "I would have thought you had more common sense." He growled. "This Gabriel could have put anything in that food."  
"You think he drugged me?"  
"It's more than likely at this point." He reached towards me but I flinched, with an angry sigh he placed his fingers on my temples.  
"What are you doing?"  
"Be quiet."

After a minute or so he releases me. "You have heightened emotions regarding him. Are you attracted to him?"  
"No." He seems to be relieved by my answer.  
"Then somehow he is manipulating you. You cannot go to that Tower, Jessica."  
"Gabriel didn't call me, Dean did."  
"Perhaps whoever this Dean is, he too is being manipulated by Gabriel."  
"Another reason for me to go then." I asserted. "Dean needs my help."

Loki took a deep breath, eyes closed and pinching his nose. "Turn this car around."  
"No."  
"Please." He stared at me a moment, begging.  
"No." I repeated more softly.  
He sighed. "Clearly I will not be able to dissuade you from going." He turned back to me. "Keep the necklace on, I want to be able to help you if I can."


	55. Chapter 55

I slid off of the leather seat and the cool air of the garage prickled my skin. A row of flashy cars not belonging to Tony caught my eye. Black and grey, nothing to identify them with. If these were government cars, they were the part of the government that didn't want to be known or associated to the face of the government.

The door locked behind me and I started forwards towards the stairwell and elevator. I dialled Steve's number but I only got the answer machine. "Back safe, speak to you soon." Was all I could tell him with Loki hovering about me. "Can anyone see you?" I ask him.  
"No, like it was for you before I gave you the crystal, I have no real permanence in this realm."  
"Good." I push the door open. "I don't want to attract any unnecessary attention." We pass through another door and I smile at the guard on duty.

"Thought you weren't coming back 'til whenever the rest did." He grunts, lifting his feet from the desk in front of him.  
"Well I am, could you let me in please." I act as if I'm in a bad mood, at the raising of his eyebrows, I fold my arms and hurriedly add on, "I forgot the folder I need for the launch Pepper is setting up. Can you open the door now?"

He glances at the floor uneasily. "Well see the thing is-"  
"Yes?" I ask, tapping my foot impatiently.  
"Oh, very good." Loki says. "I see what you're doing, and moreover he believes it, I'm impressed." I try not to roll my eyes, knowing the guard couldn't see him.  
"I've been told not to let anyone in." The guard finishes lamely.

I smirk, "You've been told not to let anyone in? I live here. On whose authority have you been told to bar me entry?"  
"You're overacting, rein it in." Loki growls in my ear.  
"I can't say." He almost stammers in reply.

I raise my chin, sensing Loki's approval, and give him my most regal look, modelled of course from what I had seen of Loki when he gave commands. "You're going to let me in and let me tell you why. If you don't let me into this building in the next thirty seconds, I won't get that folder back to Ms Potts on time. And then she can't make that business deal before her client flies back to Paris. When that happens I'll be at risk of losing my job, and do you know who I'll be bringing down right alongside me?" I pause for effect. "Do you really want to piss off Iron Man and Captain America's girlfriends in one night?"

He doesn't take long to consider me. Immediately he opens the doors, apologising to no end. Ignoring him, I sweep into the building, Loki following at my heels. "My Queen!" He laughs as the doors shut. "And oh what a magnificent queen you would have made."  
"Shut up." I hiss, marching forward. I don't have time to think about what type of queen I would have been. Under his enchantment, in my own head, I was a queen in my own right. I knew exactly what kind of queen I would have been.

I glance over my shoulder to make sure the guard has closed the door behind us. I can feel my heartrate increase and I clench my hands to stop them from shaking. I had no idea what I was about to walk into. I was completely unprepared even if I did have a god by my side.

"Are you nervous?" Loki asked as the elevator doors closed on us.  
"Yes." I muttered, pressing the button to head up.  
"Good." His hand fluttered briefly by mine, as if he was going to take my hand in his. He couldn't, not in this form anyway, but it was a kind gesture, even if it was only a comforting thought. "I would be concerned if you were not."

I hesitated. "Do you really think Gabriel drugged me?"  
"With your sudden and apparent willingness to throw yourself into an unknown situation to save the man you hardly know? Yes. I do." I don't make another remark as the elevator nears its destination. "I am right beside you." He whispered in my ear as the doors opened.

I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe some kind of fight, coils falling from the ceiling in a shower of electric sparks, with broken glass lining the floor? It was oddly peaceful in the hallway. It was neat and tidy, just as I had left it. I'm not sure which was more menacing, what I was expecting or what I had found.

Loki and I stepped out together as if part of a team and headed down the hallway towards Gabriel's room. Along with how impossibly neat it was, the hallway was eerily quiet. Terrified, I pushed open the door.


	56. Chapter 56

Gabriel was stood, strapping something to his arm; he smiled to me as I entered the room, Loki following, invisible, at my heels. Dean sat on the bed, typing furiously into a laptop. "What's going on?" I asked. "Where are the government officials?"  
"Taken care of." Gabriel told me. I felt tension begin to release from my body until I heard Loki tut behind me. "We won't need to worry about them."  
"Why not, where are they?"  
"So many questions!" Gabriel laughed, slapping a hand onto my shoulder. "Relax! It's all been taken care of!" He turned away, starting to build something he had laid out parts for on the end of the bed.  
"That's not a very comforting answer." I reply quietly. I watch as his shoulders tense a little and he turns to me with a big smile.  
"They left. We lied to them about something they should check out and they left."  
"There were cars downstairs."  
"They left on foot."

When I don't argue this time, he returns to the task he had set himself. I risk a quick look at Loki, he's grim faced, jaw tightened as he glares at Gabriel's back. "He is lying." He growls.  
"I guess there wasn't a reason for me to come back." I say airily to Gabriel. I note that Dean hasn't once looked up since I entered the room.  
"Well actually," Gabriel replies without turning around, "we think we've found a way for me to get home!"  
"Oh?" I raise an eyebrow.  
"Yes!" He turned to me and paused, face falling, "It's a difficult thing to ask, but I was wondering if you would come with me? I need to get the others back, and you've been inside the prison… please, Jess, help me."

I try to glance at what he was building but the position he's standing in doesn't allow me to see past him. "How does it work?"  
He waves a hand. "Trust me, you don't need to know all the mumbo-jumbo jargony bits."  
"I'd like to."  
"It's very complicated." He smiles. "Please, just say you'll come with me. I need your help."

"What do you think, Dean?" I ask, looking to the doctor. Still not even a blink from him, his fingers racing around the keyboard. "Dean?"  
"He's a little preoccupied."  
"I can see that." I try not to let my temper slip into my voice. "What's he doing?"  
"Setting up a remote call to my ship. It'll come to these co-ordinates on auto-pilot and I can get on board."

Slowly, I walk over to Doctor Martins. "Jessica," I hear Loki warn, "be very careful." In the corner of my eye, I see Gabriel tense up again. I kneel down by Dean, putting my hand on his knee.  
"Dean?" I half-whisper. He doesn't respond at all, still staring at the screen that he's pumping information into.

"What did you do to him?" I ask dryly.  
"Jess," Gabriel laughed softly, "I've been in bed for days, what could I have done? What are you talking about? He's fine."  
"I don't like liars, Gabriel."  
"Jessica." Loki warned again less softly. "I would not push him."  
"He's fine." Gabriel repeated.

I stood up, meeting his firm gaze with my own. "Let him go." I say slowly. "Whatever this is, he doesn't need to get hurt."  
"No one is going to get hurt." He replied darkly. "So long as you don't do anything stupid." He reaches for the thing he's now finished building on the bed. "You spoke to Loki?"  
"Yes." I could sense Loki tense even if I wasn't facing him to see him.  
"Gilly said you still love him."  
"Gilly doesn't know who I was talking about."  
"Gilly said you still loved _someone_." He corrected himself. "Was he happy to see you? Did he make a big show of protecting you again after imprisoning you? I bet he told you I've been lying to you!"  
"Have you?" I raise my eyebrows.  
"Jess, it's me." He laughed, raising an arm. "What possible reason could I have for lying to you?"

"What's in your hand?" I ask, nodding to the contraption he had assembled on the bed.  
"It's nothing, it's just-"  
"What is it?"

He sighed, lifting the weapon to point at me. "You know I really had hoped this would have gone differently."  
"Are you going to kill me?" I ask calmly.  
"He wouldn't dare." Loki growls quietly behind me.

He shrugs, light shimmering along the scales on his shoulder blades. "I hadn't intended to. Not so long as you followed what I said."  
"And went with you to god knows where?"  
"Yes."  
"Where?"  
"You don't need to know." He looked at me with sincerity. "I never intended to hurt you. But I will if I must."

A little defeated, I decided to keep him talking. "What did you do to Dean?"  
"Nothing too offensive, Doctor Martins is just dealing with a stronger dose of what I gave you."  
"So you did drug me."  
He narrowed his eyes with a sickening smirk as he appraised me. "Worked that out all by yourself, I'm proud of you."  
"What did you give us?"  
"Just a little something to make you more compliant to me. To trust me more easily."

My fists tightened a little. I had trusted him. "Did Gilly know?"  
"Not at all. But the moment she wanted to bring a breather aboard my ship, I knew you had to be important. So I decided to slip you a little something, keep you sweet to me, an ace in my pocket as it were."

So Loki had been right, Gabriel wasn't to be trusted. I'm not sure how to feel. Disappointed in myself, angry? I stare down the barrel of the weapon he's pointing at me. No idea what it was; it was made of medical equipment and whatever Tony left about I suppose.

If it had just been me and Gabriel in the room, I'd have tried fighting him. Maybe attempted to wrestle the weapon off of him. But I couldn't risk such a rash move with Dean in the room. It wasn't just my life at stake.

"So when did my concoction wear off?" He asked, changing the topic. "I should probably know so I don't let it affect the next person I intoxicate."  
"It just did."  
"I thought you didn't like liars." He gave me a forced smile, his patience wearing thin.  
"I don't know."

He tutted and moved around the bed to be closer to me. I repressed a shudder as his clammy fingers reached forward to brush some of my hair behind my ear, trailing across my cheek. The makeshift gun type thing was pressed against my chest. Gabriel lent in towards my ear. "I don't like liars either."

And with that, he pulled the trigger.


	57. Chapter 57

It was all a bit of a blur really. Everything happened at once. There was a gunshot; I had shut my eyes tight, expecting agonising pain. Loki had roared, surging forward but without any ability to catch me as I fell. And I did fall. But there was no pain. As I landed, I opened my eyes again, now staring at Gabriel's and Dean's feet. I could feel that, the ground and how cold it was. But I didn't feel cold. Surely you're meant to feel cold as you die.

I was still breathing, and there still wasn't any pain. Loki bent over me, kneeling, and his voice sounded muffled, like I was hearing him through a wall. Catching only odd words, I couldn't work out what he was telling me. Nor could I work out what Gabriel was saying as he strode around the room. Lying at this angle I couldn't see what he was doing. I couldn't move.

There was still no pain. I still couldn't move. I struggled to look down without moving my head, I couldn't see any blood. He had shot me. There should be blood.

I just felt so tired. Loki moved so he faced me. He laid down next to me, talking to me, trying in vain to hold me, to stroke my hair, to do anything. He looked so afraid. I wanted to tell him I felt fine, not to worry, but I still couldn't move. I started to drift, that familiar abyss calling me. This time though, there was no heart-wrenching fear, the darkness was comforting. I felt like a blanket was being wrapped around me, I felt safe.

* * *

It was freezing when I opened my eyes, I could see my breath appearing in little puffs. I still couldn't move my limbs, but I could move my mouth a little, bend my fingers if I tried hard enough. I was on something metal and grated; floor, it was a floor. The light was dim but I could make out a window, some large chairs, a silver figure.

Gabriel looked over his shoulder and smiled at me. "Ah, you're awake. Nothing to worry about, as I said, I had hoped you'd have come willingly."  
"Dean?" I just about managed to mumble out.  
"Safe." He told me, returning to the panel, lit up in front of him. "He's in the hold. Sleeping."

The hold. I felt fear pool in the pit of my stomach. "Ship?" I whispered.  
"Yes, we're on board my ship." He informed me. "Not far to go now." He climbed out of his seat and sauntered over to me, checking my pulse and limbs. "You're fine. Good." He flashed me a toothy smile. "Gave me quite the scare when you passed out. I must have had the intensity a little high. DIY weapons, what can you do?"

The ship shakes around us, he grabs me and holds me in position while the turbulence hits, making sure I don't roll about the floor. "Can't have you damaged before we arrive." He tells me before returning to his seat.

While I still can't turn my head, my eyes rapidly search about, looking for a weapon of some kind. Hopefully when whatever this was wore off properly, I could defend myself. I also looked for any sign of Loki, but there wasn't any.

I tried to ask where we were heading but all I got out was "Whe-", something Gabriel decided to ignore. I tried again. "Where?" He chose to ignore that too. Sullen, I shut my mouth and settle back into my body. The lights on the panels around Gabriel flicker intermittently and he responds with no obvious pattern.


	58. Chapter 58

I must have fallen into a brief and dreamless sleep. I wake up by another, lesser, jostle of the ship. I try to stretch, pleased to see a little more function had spread into my body, though still not enough to get up and try and fight Gabriel or to try and find Dean.

Some kind of intercom buzzes into life and Gabriel speaks to someone in a language I don't know. He glances back at me, no humour in his face before talking to the other person some more. The conversation seems to quickly wrap up and the screen goes dark. Gabriel saunters over to me and hoists me over his shoulder, marching us out of the room.

"What are you doing?" I slur.  
"We have a little conversation to make." He throws me roughly into one of the seats on the side of the room and pulls some contraption down out of the wall, pointing it at me. Quickly he then sets up the screen behind the device on the wall and another person appears. Whoever they are, they're dressed in gold and certainly not the same species as Gabriel.  
"See, she's fine." He fixes me with a cold stare. "Not even a hair plucked from her little human scalp." He turns to the screen, silver hair swishing around his body. "Now when do I speak to someone important?"

I forced myself to move, my body was sluggish and each movement caused my body to scream in pain. I slumped quietly to the nearest table, grabbing whatever the hell was on it. Some kind of rod. Slower than I would have like, I launched myself at Gabriel. My reflection in the screen gave me away and fluidly he spun around and ripped the weapon from my hands before shoving me back to the ground.

"Plenty of fighting spirit still in her." Gabriel grinned at the man on the screen. "So what do you say, do we have a deal?"  
"She's slow." The man remarked as I climbed to my feet awkwardly. With a grunt, Gabriel grabbed my arm and steered my back to the seat, forcing me down into it. He gripped my chin, moving my face side to side in front of the device. It must have been a camera.  
"But completely undamaged." Gabriel growled.  
"I'm not sure. My clients tend to like them less… human."  
"This girl is as inhuman as generic human stock comes." He runs a hand down my face softly. "Imprisoned on Asgard, dating one of the so-called Avengers, and, she had this around her pretty little neck." Gabriel lifts my necklace up from out of his pocket. I make a grab for it but he slaps my hands away.  
"An Ender gem?" The man raises an eyebrow.  
"I told you. She's a very unusual case."  
"Does the gem come with her?"  
"If it gets me the price I want." He swings the pendant slowly in front of me. "Who knows what this little piece of jewellery does to her."

"I'm not for sale." I hiss. Gabriel grabs my chin again, holding me still, unable to talk.  
"Do we have a deal?"  
The man on the screen seems to ponder a while. "The girl and the gem for all that fuel? Feels like I'm robbing you."

Gabriel laughs and switches back to the other language. After a while he lets go of me and turns off the screen. "I'm not for sale." I growl.  
"Yes, actually, you are." He glares at me. "You've been nothing but trouble for me since you got on board my ship. I lost my ship, my crew, not to mention some investments while I was stranded on that lump of rock you call a planet. Consider this paying off your debt."  
"There is no debt!" I bark. He watches me with an amused expression. "Where are your crew anyway?" I ask quietly.  
"Asgard. There was footage on the computer systems showing that when they went back they were all recaptured."  
"Is the fuel so you can go save them?"

He scoffs. "The fuel is so I can go home. They abandoned me. Now I'm doing the same."  
"Your people won't ask where they are?"  
He smirks, leaning back against the wall. "It's a big planet, full of millions of billions of people. People go missing every day. No one will miss them. And besides, do you really think the crew of someone who is selling another sentient being is a crew that operates under legal systems and is registered to even have a crew?"

"What about Dean?"  
"Doctor Morgans will stay with me. I could do with a new doctor if I'm going to rebuild a crew from scratch."  
"Please send him home."  
"You know I won't, why even try begging?" He shrugged. "I'd worry more about yourself if I were you. We're coming into range of your new owners any second now."

* * *

The man from the video was the first to step onto the ship. He had a strong jaw, large muscles and he had changed from gold to black before boarding. A long scar ran down the side of his face. Along with him he brought an old man, silver, I could only assume he was the same species as Gabriel and a red woman, not dissimilar to the woman I had fought in the prison and at Loki's base.

The elderly man shuffled up to me, gripping my face and turning it to check me over as Gabriel had done on the video. He nods over his shoulder to the man with the scar before heading back to the ship with the red woman who flashes me a curious look.

The scarred man holds out his hand to Gabriel. "The gem." As Gabriel drops the necklace into his palm, the red woman begins rolling barrels onto the ship from theirs. The scarred man takes hold of the rope Gabriel has bound my hands with and gives it a tug. I hold my ground, glaring at Gabriel.  
"I'm coming back for you." I growl.  
"Good luck with that." He smirks as the man pulls on the rope again, almost dragging me onto the platforms to be transported to his ship.

In a flash, we're on board the new ship. It's a lot smaller than Gabriel's.  
"Is he still scanning us?" The scarred man calls to the elderly man at the control panels as the red woman also blinks into existence next to us. She runs her eyes up and down me before joining the old man.  
"He's just finished. He wanted to make sure he got all the fuel he was promised."  
The man nods and turns to me, pulling out a knife. I flinch, surprised to find him cutting my hands free. He takes my shoulder and steers me to a seat next to the one obviously reserved for him.

"Do you recognise her?" He thumbs over to the red woman. I shake my head. "She's the sister of the woman sent to seduce Loki. We're taking you back to Odin for her release. We may need you but make no mistake though, try anything and we will start hacking bits off. We don't need all of you." I nod and he slips the necklace around my neck before taking his seat.

It was like Loki had been waiting for that. As soon as the gem was around my neck, he appeared in front of me. He knelt down in front of me, twitching a little as if uncomfortable. "You're safe." He sighed. His kingly tone returning to his voice after that bout of relief he ordered me, "Tell them I have what they seek ready."  
"He says he has what you want ready." I tell him, my eyes not leaving Loki's. He reaches out to my face, hand lightly hovering over my cheek. "Will we be there soon?" I ask quietly.


	59. Chapter 59

It didn't surprise me that Loki wasn't the one to come collect me when we reached Asgard. Rather, some of his men were after having escorted the red woman to us. As she and I passed each other she spat at my feet and grabbed my arm. I stared directly into her eyes for a moment before raising my chin and pulling my arm free to join the Asgardians.

They led me through a series of courtyards and passages and roads. My body ached with whatever still hadn't worn off from whatever Gabriel had shot me with but I forced myself to match their pace. I refused to humiliate myself when Loki had obviously gone to so much trouble to rescue me. Some people stopped to watch us pass. It was a little unnerving having their attention. All of the Asgardians seemed so beautiful, so mystical even. I began to wonder why Loki had chosen me over one of the countless women here.

The walk took a while but finally we entered the palace and headed through corridors and rooms that would put any building on earth to shame. Eventually we came to one large door and they stopped. I stepped towards the door and before I could follow them they left. I realised their quick pace had actually been slowed down for my benefit.

Hesitantly, I knocked the door. My fist was tiny in comparison to the door and I was surprised to hear the knock at all. I jumped back as the doors widened and Odin smiled at me, gesturing me to enter. As soon as the door closed behind us, Odin's face and body melted away, revealing Loki.

I practically threw myself into his arms, he held me tightly against his firm chest. He pressed a firm but tender kiss to the top of my head as he held me. "You're safe now." He whispered, stroking my hair.  
"He has Dean, my friend."  
Loki stiffened as he thought for a moment, his body softened as he kissed my head again. "I will send someone to take him home. By force if necessary."

"You bargained a prisoner for me." I noted.  
"I would have given him anything he wanted to have you back but I knew there was nothing I personally could offer without putting you more at risk. It was better to let him think he could sell you off into obscurity, far away from me."  
"Thank you for saving me." If only I could pull him closer.

His fingers gently tangle in my hair and I tip my head back to look up at him, his eyes are tender, his lips soft. "I love you." He tells me again.  
"I love you too."  
His gaze briefly slips down to my lips and he leans down, kissing me softly. I wrap an arm around his neck, pulling him closer and I part my lips as his tongue brushes against them, deepening the kiss.

His hand lowers from my hair to join his other around my waist. Tightening his grip slightly, he lifts me up, only breaking our kiss for a moment as he walks us over to the bed. He lays me down and I pull him over me, not wanting to stop.

"I love you, I love you, I love you." He mumbles as he nuzzles my neck, kissing and sucking at it gently. I let out a gently gasp, a hand on his cheek, bringing his lips back to mine. This time as we part I shake my head a little.  
"I can't do this."  
His brow furrows, his hands take my face carefully. "Are you hurt?"  
"No," I shake my head, "Steve… I can't do this to him."

Loki stares at me for a moment as we both breathe heavily, then slowly; he rolls off of me to the side, sitting on the bed. I sit up and turn to him, cupping his cheek with one hand. He turns to me with large eyes. "You truly love him more?"  
"No." I admit. "But I can't do this when I'm meant to be with him. He's a good man. And I do love him." Pain flashes across Loki's face. "He doesn't deserve this. Loki, I love you, I love you so much, but I can't be with you."

"Leave him." Loki begs me softly, clutching my hand still against his cheek. "Leave him and live with me here."  
"Loki…"  
"Why not?" He asks me. I don't have an answer, and he knows it. He runs a slender finger across my lips. "Jessica, I know I have made mistakes, I have regrets, please don't let me regret losing you too." His hand falls from my face. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry for everything that I did."

Squeezing my hand slightly, he lowers our hands from his cheek and brings his forehead to rest on my shoulder. "I am so sorry." He whispers into my neck as he turns his head. I run a hand through his black hair. "Forgive me." He whispers, planting a kiss.

I twist my face towards his and he lifts from my shoulder to meet my lips. His hands find my shoulders and he lies me down again, not quite over me this time, his body to my side. I run my hands up and down his strong arms, feeling the muscles beneath the leather he's wearing. "Stay with me." He whispers. "Please." His lips graze over mine. "We can begin again." He promises quietly. "I love you. I love you. Stay with me."


	60. Chapter 60

After he had healed my wrist, we spent most of the time kissing and holding each other, nothing more. Loki was as loving as he had been when we had met, possibly more so. For the first time in a long while, he fell asleep in my arms. I however, couldn't sleep. I ran my fingers through his hair, breathing slowly as not to wake him as his head was resting on my chest.

I chose Steve, or at least I had chosen Steve. But Loki had been right all along, there was inevitability about us. Unavoidably and irrevocably we were always on some level meant to be together.

He took a deep breath and looked up to me with a smile; I couldn't help but return it. "You did not sleep?"  
"I was too busy thinking."

He pulls himself from my chest and props himself up by an elbow. "About?" He sweeps back some of my hair, still smiling at me. He looked at me as if there was nothing more precious to him in the universe.  
"About the future."  
"What about it, my love?"  
"Loki, I'm going to die one day."  
"A morbid thought." His nose wrinkled.  
"It's true though."  
"And?"  
"Why be with me? Loki, you're going to live… I don't know, a long time. Me? Humans have short lifespans compared. I'm going to die and you want to be with me?"

Frowning, he swept more hair back. "Love is not measured by time." He kissed me, despite how our lips had swollen a little from earlier. "I will love you until the sands of time run out and the universe itself collapses. I would spend each day of my life with you if I could. Forever and ever."  
"But you can't. Wouldn't you rather find an Asgardian woman to spend your life with?"

"There is no life to spend if it's not with you." He whispered, kissing me again. "Jessica, I have loved you for so long and so passionately, I cannot envision a life without you. I want you; even if it is only for a short time. I love _you_."

"I'll get old." I warned him with a smirk. "I'll get wrinkly."  
He rolled his eyes with a smile. "You can never let me have a nice moment can you?"

* * *

When I stepped out of the golden bathroom, food had been delivered to the room, Loki smiled at me as he poured us some tea. A sinking feeling began in my chest. "I can't stay."  
"Whyever not?" He handed me the cup.  
I took it, trying not to shake. "Because they think you're Odin. Because I'm not Asgardian."  
"We would leave." He told me seriously. "I would take you far away from anyone who could harm you and we could live our lives together in peace." He could see the doubt in my eyes. "I will protect you."  
"I don't need a protector."  
His face falls a little. "You would from the enemies I have made."

I take a sip of my tea and sit down on the plush seat nearest me. The tea is too hot, it burns my tongue. "What enemies?"  
"The ones that had me attack your planet. The ones that…"  
"The abyss?" I asked softly. "The ones that had you see that?" He nods. "Does it still bother you?"  
"Yes. You?" I nod. He shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. "That was my fault, what I did-"  
"Loki?" I put my tea down and stand, walking slowly to him.  
"Yes?" He asks cautiously.  
I raise myself to balance on my toes, a hand on each of his shoulders. I press my lips to his carefully before telling him. "I forgive you."


	61. Chapter 61

He spins me with one hand to the gentle music. Golden light shines through the large open doors leading out to the balcony, and reflects across the golden embellishments of the room. He brings me close to him, swaying as I press a hand to his chest and rest my head against it, letting him wrap his arms around me.

"This could be our entirety." He mumbles in my ear as he leans down to me. "We could be like this forever."

Since I had explained to Loki that my forgiveness did not actually equal to my agreeing to stay, he had done everything in his power to try and convince me to stay. He ran a gentle hand down my hair, kissing my head softly. He made it hard to disagree. He slipped the hand running down my hair down my back slowly and lightly, causing me to shiver slightly. Very hard to disagree.

"I know of a very lovely planet not too far from here. Crystal waters, sandy beaches, and they make excellent drinks." He says with a smile. I make a hum of content at the thought.

The room morphs around us into another of Loki's illusions and we're standing entwined on a magnificent shoreline. Soft, white, warm sand cushions my feet and the heat warms me wonderfully. The silver sea laps against the sand lazily and the sound of those miniature rolling waves is mingled with that of some birds flying overhead in a clear blue sky.

Loki pulls free of me but holds tightly onto my hand, leading me down towards the water. No longer in his black and green leather he stands in much looser clothing, much more suited to the climate. He almost looks relaxed.

"It's beautiful." I breathe.  
"Yes," He smiles, "stay with me and we need never leave. Forget your life on Midgard and stay with me, please."  
"It's not that simple." I sigh.  
"It could be. You only need to say the word and I can send you back to terminate your relationship with Captain America."

I bite my lip thinking of him again. I look about shore around us and the colours begin to change subtly. The now golden sand around us but all it reminds me of is the way his blonde hair shines in the light, the newly blue ocean is now the colour of his eyes. I shut my eyes tightly, trying to hold myself back from crying. What was I doing? He cared about me so much and here I was, fully prepared to abandon him for Loki.

"What are you doing?" I turn, Loki is frowning at me, mouth opened slightly in confusion. "How are you doing this?"  
"I'm not doing anything."  
"You're changing the illusion, and I can't change it back." He shakes his head, voice faltering. "Tell me how you are doing this."  
"I'm not."  
"Yes, you are." He growls slightly, glancing around with annoyance. I realise the sand and water colours are not the only things to have changed. The sky has darkened with thick cloud coverage and the wind has started to pick up about us. "How are you doing this?" He asks again, temper rising.

As a flash of moderate fear pulses through me, a crack of lightening flares in the distance, followed by the slow roll of thunder. I watch Loki's eyes widen before he turns to me, expression softening. "I did not mean to frighten you, I am not angry, merely concerned." I squeeze his hand a little, he returns the gesture.

The clouds appear to dissipate a little and he pulls me into another embrace, stroking my hair. By the time he stops and I pull away, the clouds have almost entirely gone, leaving the original clear sky, though the sands and sea are still miscoloured.

"I do not mean to worry you," Loki said carefully, staring into my eyes, "but I fear that Gabriel was right about you being different." I open my mouth to ask him, but he quickly presses a finger to my neck, above my pulse and I fall asleep into his arms.

* * *

When I wake up, it's dark and I'm lying in Loki's bed, uncovered. I sit up to find him seated near the foot of the bed, watching me, fingers pressed to his lips. Given how dark it is, I can't really read his expression.

"What do you mean Gabriel was right?" I ask slowly, not sure I wanted to hear the answer.  
"Something about you has changed." He hesitated before taking a sigh and running a hand down his face. "You have some sort of ability. You should not have been able to change my spell like that."  
I move back slightly until I'm flat against the headboard. "No, you're wrong. You must have done it, or someone else must have found…"  
"Jessica!" He interrupted. "It was you. The power came from you."  
I twist the sheets between my fingers. "It can't… I don't…"  
"It was you." He tells me softly. "I will fix this."

I stare down at my hands, shaking a little. I never wanted this. "Am I dangerous?"  
"Only while you cannot control it." He admitted. "I will teach you. So you can control it until we figure out how to rid you of it."

He stood up and walked over to me, sitting down next to me on the bed, pulling me gently into his arms and pressing my head to his chest, stroking my hair. I let the soft thudding of his heartbeat lull me. "This is going to be alright." He tells me, his chest humming with the words. "You are going to be alright. Nothing is going to happen to you, I swear." He continues to stroke my hair cautiously. "Not again."


	62. Chapter 62

Weeks pass quickly.

I miss Steve but with time and with Loki by my side, he slowly gets pushed to the back of my mind. When I remember him, I feel terribly guilty, though I know if I went home without learning to control this power I could endanger him. Sometimes I try and convince Loki to give me an illusion of him, just to see how he is, or to let me send him a message, but every time Loki manages to successfully change the topic or distract me.

"What are you reading?" Loki asks, curling up around me on the settee, casting off his Odin image as he enters the room.  
"Nothing important." I lie, letting the illusion go, the book melting into thin air. I had been trying to conjure the book Steve had lent me when SHIELD had captured me, but I wasn't ready to let Loki know that, besides, the book was a poor spell. The ink was faded, the font mismatched and the story jumbled. Still, it was an improvement.

He pressed a quick kiss to the top of my head. "I was thinking we could go out for dinner. I could cast an illusion around us to make us look like peasants or some such. No one would know it was us."  
"We do a lot of that here. Hiding, I mean."  
He curled a finger around some of my hair, twisting it back behind my ear. "My love, if they knew it was us, they would throw us both back into that dreadful dungeon."  
"Maybe you could ask for your brother to forgive you?"  
He scoffs at the idea. "Thor could never forgive me, I am a monster to him."  
"When I spoke to Thor he never spoke unfairly about you. He loves you, Loki."  
"Very well, I shall correct myself. Thor _should_ never forgive me." He gives me a pointed look and I know that that is the end of the discussion. "If you stay with me, I could create new identities for us; you would forget about that life, we would be happy."

I can't tell by the slight desperation in his tone whether he's trying to convince me, or himself. "You're very suited to ruling." I sigh, twisting to put my feet on the floor. "You sure you want to give it up so quickly? Loki, this is everything you ever wanted."  
"Not everything." He mutters. "I never dreamt that I'd become king by…" He shakes his head. "I never thought that my mother, that Odin…" I grab his hand, letting him fall into silence for a moment. "What I want is to rule with you by my side, what I need is you. If I can't have what I want, surely I should have what I need?"

His eyes are full of a need for understanding. I pull him in close to me, his forehead resting against my collarbone as I ran a hand through his hair. "Dinner would be lovely." I tell him weakly.

* * *

I still can't get over how different he's made me look. To each other, we look the same as we always have, but looking at myself in the reflection, I'm leaner, thinner without my hourglass shape and my hair is longer and a shade lighter than it was. It's curled delicately around the beautiful face he's given me. I have larger eyes and my lashes are much darker and thicker. I mean, I thought I was alright before but this look frightens me, it looks like a model that has been photo-shopped. The only downside is the prickle I can feel running across my skin every time I move, the illusion feels almost like an itchy jumper.

Loki's new look is a tall, muscular blond. I wonder partly if it's a test to see if I'm more attracted to that image because of my relationship with Steve, but I'll never know for sure. I'm certainly not going to ask and find out.

His tanned, large hand falls on my petite pale shoulder and I turn, he lets go, taking my hand instead and he leads me out into the palace. Once we leave via the servant's entrance I'm overcome by the look of the city. Little lights float along the streets, lighting the way softly with a glow. People bustle about, overlooked by the palace. It's all so alien, even from the golden glow in the day. It even smells different.

I keep expecting people to stop and stare at us, but we blend in wonderfully. Loki's done an excellent job with these glamours, even if they are uncomfortable. I squeeze his hand gently and when he turns to look at me I flash him a smile. He returns it, pausing to kiss me quickly before he continues to lead us on to wherever he had decided we were going to eat tonight.

* * *

The tavern he brings us to isn't exactly what I had in mind when Loki had asked me to dinner. The patrons were loud and some of them were a little boisterous. The type of place he'd wanted to go to when we had been together on earth were high-end restaurants, though I wonder if he's chosen this place so we don't draw attention to ourselves.

I find us a table while he goes to get us some drinks and to ask about food. I choose a table by the corner, hoping he won't take too long. I shuffle down in my chair, a little uncomfortable. Then I remember I don't look like me and this probably looks suspicious so I reluctantly sit up straight and begin inspecting the room.

It's like something out of a book with Vikings drawn in. An open fire crackles and splutters nearby heating the room. I can feel my cheeks become pinker with the warmth. I note a few of the men eye me up and I stare down at the table uncomfortably.

It doesn't take long for Loki to join me, sliding a flagon to me across the table as he seated himself opposite me. I glance back up to the men from earlier, still watching me, smiling. Loki follows my gaze and sneers, catching his eyes the men turn away and Loki turns back to me with a smile.

"We're too obvious like this." I complain quietly.  
"Nonsense." He leant back took a sip of his drink. "We blend in beautifully."  
"You made this image way too pretty. People are looking at me."  
He raises his eyebrows a little. "It's hardly my fault, you're always pretty. If anything this is a mar on perfection."  
I roll my eyes a little with a smirk. "Creep." He winks taking another sip.

* * *

Dinner is a little strange but I manage it. Loki knows what I like well enough to have navigated Asgardian cuisine to order things he'd think I'd like. Overall it's unfamiliar but pleasant. Eventually though one of the men from earlier wanders over, taking a seat and dragging it to a spot next to me and Loki.

"Well hello," He winks at me. "I do not believe I've had the pleasure of making your acquaintance before."  
Before I can open my mouth to answer, Loki jumps in. "We don't often pass through this part of town."  
"Your sister is very beautiful." The man tells Loki, his eyes fixed on me.  
"My wife." Loki growled.  
"Wife?" The man looked over his shoulder at Loki, "This goddess? You're a lucky man."  
"Very." I watch his fists clench.  
The man turned back to me. "Surely a beautiful woman like yourself should have a finer match?"  
"Like you?" I ask bitterly, eyes narrowing.  
He laughed. "I don't know," he leans in "do you like what you see?"

"Alright, that's quite enough." Loki told him firmly.  
The man looked lazily back at him. "What are you going to do? Fight me?" He lifts up his cloak a little to reveal a dagger. He tips his head back in the direction of the friends he had been with only a moment ago, they're watching, and probably also carrying weapons.

"I was hoping for a rather quiet evening with my wife, but if that's what it takes."  
"Wife." The man laughs again. "I don't even see a ring!" I focus carefully and when he turns back around to me to gesture, he's surprised to see the silver band I've materialised around my finger. I don't know if I've ever seen Loki look so smug.  
"You were saying?" He challenged.

The man looks a little dumbfounded but not dissuaded. "I…" He shakes his head and then draws himself up. "Would you care for an evening stroll my dear?"  
"Not particularly." I take a sip of my own drink.  
"Are you sure? The moon is beautiful this time of year. Hardly as beautiful as you but still."

I flash him a sweet smile and his eyes light up a little. Loki opens his mouth but I raise a hand to show him I have it under control. I lean towards the man, resting a hand on his thigh. I trail my hand up as I get closer to his face. "I don't know who you think you are coming up to us like this, but I think you should leave. Quickly." I release the catch on the dagger and swipe it from the belt, pressing it against his leg suddenly. He stiffens in the chair. "Before things get very unfortunate for you." I growl quietly. I keep the smile plastered on my fake face.

His hand snakes around to grab my wrist tightly, I feel a pang of panic but I keep my face in the same expression. Something tickles. With horror I realise he's trying to use magic on me. I push back, forcing myself against whatever he was doing. There's some resistance but I manage to push him back. Perhaps too late, his eyes widen and he quietly asks "What does your real face look like?" He glances to Loki who's watching us carefully.

I tip the dagger so the sharp edge cuts into him a little, he doesn't even wince. My heartrate is starting to pick up and my vision is blurring a little. Any more panic and I'm at risk of falling into that abyss again. I fight against it, focusing on the man, focusing on stopping him from drawing attention to me and Loki, stopping him from being a problem to us.

He slumps slightly in the chair and my sight sharpens back to normal. "Did he pass out?" I ask Loki, easily pulling my hand free from his limp grip.  
"No." Loki shook his head standing and grabbing my hand, pulling me from the table and dragging me quickly outside as the man's friends headed over to the table. "Did you do something?" He hissed to me as we hurried outside.  
I pulled my hood up. "No, I was panicking, I was starting to go into that darkness and I was focusing on staying awake to stop him and…" It dawned on us both at the same time and Loki stopped suddenly. "Did I just use whatever power I have to put him in that abyss?" I almost squeaked.


	63. Chapter 63

Loki and I didn't speak the rest of the way back to the palace. Once we get inside he discards our glamours completely, casting invisibility over us instead so we can hurry back to the room in peace.  
"You going to talk to me now?" I ask as we enter. "It was an accident, I didn't even know I could-"  
He spins around quickly, silencing me with a kiss. Holding me in his arms he sighs. "I was surprised. That's all."  
"Is he going to be okay?"  
"He'll have a headache when he awakens."  
"But will it last? Have I just hurt someone?" I'm terrified.  
"I think not." Loki gives me a weak smile. "What you and I went through to have that void haunt us, he went through nothing of the sort. As it is I believe you have simply given him a taste. He will be fine."

I let out a little sigh of relief. "I can barely even conjure a book, how the hell did I force someone into a void?"

He didn't answer me properly. Just promised to find out and help me. He ran me a bath and after we had both bathed; he and I climbed into the big golden bed. He fell asleep almost instantly, breathing softly into my hair, pressed against my back, an arm thrown over me. I, however, couldn't sleep at all.

So comforting in recent situations, it scared me that Loki didn't have a quick answer or comment to soothe me. When he had told me my power was dangerous, I guess I didn't realise how badly. I wondered if he could even teach me. Surely if he had a plan he would have shared it with me before we went to bed.

I shut my eyes tight, frantic to sleep. Tomorrow would be better. It had to be. Of course, being agitated and trying to go to sleep never works. It was going to be a long night. With a sigh, I lift up Loki's necklace to stare at it. In the darkness, the crystal is almost purple.

With both of us suffering from the abyss in our minds, we had left the curtains ajar, letting light filter in. I tried not to think of the crushing darkness, I tried not to think about how that man would have felt with it. Part of me wants to roll over and talk to Loki, but at the same time I don't want to wake him up.

I take another deep breath and close my eyes. When I realise I'm still getting nowhere I open my eyes and my mouth falls open. Steve. He turns his head, seeing me, his eyes widen slightly but he says nothing.

I can't feel Loki behind me anymore; I turn my head back to see the edge of the bed, Steve's bed. I turn back to him, guilt squeezing the air out of me.

"Hi." I whisper in a small voice. This seems to kick some life into him.  
"You're really here?" He asks, moving to sit up, he flickers out of existence for a moment, I shoot a hand forward onto his arm. He stops and the world stabilises again. It's strange. I can feel resistance where his arm is, but I can't feel him. I can't feel the taught muscles or the warmth of his skin.

"How are you here? Jess, are you okay?"  
"I'm fine." I lick my lips nervously. "I can't come home, Steve. Not right now."  
"Why, where are you? What happened?"  
"Gabriel… It's a long story and I don't think I have the time, I don't know how long this is going to last… Loki is helping me. I have something I need to do but until then it's not safe for me to come back."  
"Jess if you come home I can keep you safe." God, his expression is so sincere its breaking my heart.

"It wouldn't be safe for you." He scowls, opening his mouth to argue. "It's me, Steve. I'd be endangering you without even meaning to. I can't come back here right now." I need him to understand but I can't explain. If I tell him I have powers will he see me differently? Will I be like Loki to him? I'd be just another danger to the planet. Then again, is it fair for me to keep that from him? He's looking to me for an answer. He's begging me with his eyes. With my feelings for Loki resurfaced is it fair of me to really want Steve too? "I'm sorry."

Neither of us speaks for a moment. Sullenly I acknowledge to myself how much I've put him through. I love Steve, but I've never been fair to him, not since Loki saved me. I watch something change in his expression.

"A lot has happened here." He tells me quietly, flatly. "I could have really done with knowing you were safe."  
"I'm sorry."  
"I've been going out of my mind worried and you can't even take ten minutes to explain where you are?"  
"I'm sorry. You just have to trust me. I can't explain right now."

His brow furrows with concern and I realise he can't do that anymore. He loves me, he's concerned about me, but justifiably he can't trust me.

"I woke up in the middle of the night and you were gone." He tells me. "Not even a note. I figure you must have had to go somewhere because Ultron would have made a bigger show of it and he had no motivation to take you. So I continue with the mission but there's still nothing. We get back and you're not home, security footage shows you taking on that alien and then you were gone." He searches my eyes for something but I don't know what he's looking for. "And now, here you are."  
"I'm sorry." I whisper again.  
"Yeah, me too."

My heart plummets. "Steve…"  
"Are you safe?"  
"Yes."  
"Are you happy?"  
It would be unfair of me to tell him I'd be happy with him. It would be a lie to say I wasn't happy in Loki's company. I simply nod. He sighs, looking away from me for a second.  
"When you come back, if you come back, we'll talk. But for now, with everything, maybe it's best to just leave things for now." He pauses. "Don't let him hurt you again, okay?"  
"I love you Steve."  
"I love you too."

I want to kiss him but I know I can't. I run my ghostly hand across his cheek, knowing he can feel it as much as I used to be able to feel Loki's touch in our dreams.

* * *

When he's gone I let myself cry. I don't try to hide the tears from Loki who wakes up. He scoops me into his arms, holding me close to his chest, stroking my hair. I feel a prickle as Loki tries to probe my mind for some sort of information. I don't try and pull away from him; I let him find the memories of what just happened. He presses a kiss to my head, pulling me tighter to him.


	64. Chapter 64

I was torn between a dull ache in my chest and the feeling of nausea. I had finally fallen to sleep last night out of pure exhaustion from crying. When I had woken up, Loki was fully dressed, having opted letting me have a lie in. He apologised that he had kingly duties to attend to and left. I understood, but I wish he could have taken the day off to spend with me.

I pull the necklace hastily off from around my neck and stare at it with contempt. I have no idea if it was the Ender gem or my own new powers which had brought me to Steve last night. I knew it was my own fault that I had thrown away my relationship with such a wonderful man but I felt like I needed something else to blame. I was angry. That anger only doubled when I hurled the necklace at a wall and it bounced off completely unscathed, refusing to shatter.

If I stay in this room I will shatter. I get up and face a mirror focusing hard. We had only covered the basics of glamours, theory not practice. Maybe if I was a little taller… more cheekbones, think elven… With a sigh I realise this is the best I'm gonna be able to do. Hopefully if I keep my head down no one will notice how different I look to the rest of the Asgardians.

When I sense there's no one in the hallway, I step out of the room and begin my wander around the palace. I don't know what impresses me more, the size or the architecture. Every time I pass some Asgardians, I stop to pretend to look out of a window or turn my face away from them as if distracted by something.

I don't follow the paths Loki has previously taken me on and yet I still somehow end up back in the garden he took me to when I appeared randomly at his court while he was in the guise of Odin. It looks different somehow. The stones are rougher underfoot, the flowers less bold.

"Do your feet not hurt?" Shoes, shoes would have been a good idea. Cringing, I turn around to see Thor. His eyebrows rise in suspicion. "Jessica."

* * *

"Thor." I try to smile but I'm too frightened for it to be warm.  
"What are you doing here? The Captain has been looking for you, he's…"  
"It's okay Thor, he knows I'm here now."

His eyes narrow, his broad shoulders taught for a moment. "Loki…"  
"Isn't here." I tell him quickly but calmly, praying he believes me. "Gabriel took me, bargained me for some fuel with another ship and they dropped me off here when I said I knew you. I think they were hoping for a reward. Your dad saved me."  
"That does not sound like something my father would do."  
Fuck. "He knows about me and Loki. I think he sees me as a connection to Loki."

His expression softens. "I have not told him about Loki's trickery yet." He walks closer to me, inspecting a flower just by me. "I am unsure of whether it would be a wise idea. My brother has made mistakes, but I love him, and given he is keeping to himself, I cannot see the use in imprisoning him again."

"I'm sure he misses you, Thor." Even if the pig-headed idiot won't admit it.  
"I just hope he's safe and well." He straightens up to look at me again. "Will you be joining me on the Bifrost back to Midgard?"  
Lie. Lie. Lie. "Not right now. For the sum it cost to save me from the ship, and I think for my being with Loki, Odin's having me work off my debt in the kitchens." He frowns but I keep my face neutral. "It's okay, I like to cook."  
"Even if it does not appear it, I suppose his punishments always have purpose." Thor sighs. "Do you know how long you will be here?"  
"As long as it takes." He nods. "What happened with Ultron?"

* * *

We sit, talk and catch up. Hearing what the Avengers went through only adds to how badly I feel about everything with Steve. "And you didn't stay?" I ask.  
"I needed to deal with a few things here, I intend to return to Midgard tonight."

I'm about to reply when Odin rounds the corner. He freezes, seeing me with Thor, my poorly created glamour in place. I get up quickly and curtsy.  
"Father, I was just catching up with Jessica. We met on Midgard."  
"I am aware." Odin's eye swivelled from me to Thor.  
"Perhaps I should get back to the kitchens. Keep paying off that debt." I give Odin a pointed look.

I watch a very Loki-esque smirk wash across his face. I repress a shiver. That kind of smirk is never good. "No, stay, I would enjoy your company for a while." He moved to sit next to Thor. "Tell me, Thor, how did you two meet?"

Thor shifts uncomfortably. I want to tell him he doesn't have to answer, but then I'd be acting out of character for telling him to disobey the king of these god-like beings. "When Loki was captured by the Midgardians she was brought in as his accomplice. I thought that if he saw her, he would rethink what he was doing."

"Do you think they knew each other long?" Odin asked, keeping his eye on me.  
"I had hoped so, and his later interference in her life suggests that yes, he knew her before he led an army to Midgard."  
"Loki and I knew each other for years." I say coolly. "He said he loved me."  
"He seemed surprised to see you," He turns to Odin, "he had wiped her memory."  
"To protect his plans?"  
"To protect me." I try not to scowl.  
"He later returned those memories in jealousy upon finding her relationship with one of the Avengers." Thor explained.  
"Loki always had a tendency towards jealousy." I note.  
"How lucky you are to be free of him." Odin tells me.

Thor throws him a look but Odin keeps his eye trained on me. "Your son was a good person."  
"My adopted son." He corrects.  
"Still your son, you still raised him."

His nose wrinkles slightly with annoyance. Unless Odin has the same reactions as Loki, his mannerisms are going to give him away at any moment. "It's getting late." I tell them both. "If it's okay, I'm going to return to where I was." After a nod from both of them I slip away and pass the guards Odin had brought with him, heading for our shared room, heart pounding.


	65. Chapter 65

"If Thor finds out, everything is lost." Loki told me, shedding his Odin glamour.  
"He believed what I told him and Steve isn't going to rat us out." I cross my arms tightly across my chest. "He's not like that." His jaw tightens at the mention of Steve but he doesn't argue.

I get up and head over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist from behind. "I had to leave the room, I couldn't just sit here any longer."  
"You should have told me what you were planning." He told me sternly, turning around to face me, cupping my cheek. "If something were to happen to you…"

On my toes, I lean up to kiss him softly. "You worry about me too much."  
He smiles. "Often, you don't allow me the luxury of not worrying about you." His head dips down to kiss me again.

His lips are soft, gentle and cool. His hand brushes against my cheek as it moves up to tangle carefully in my hair. As we part briefly, I sigh back into the kiss, moving my arms from his waist to settle around his neck. I can feel him smile against me.

"Did you mean it?" He growled slightly, moving down to kiss my neck.  
"Mean what?"  
"That I have a tendency to jealousy?"  
I can't help but grin. "Well, don't you?"

His dark hair tickles my nose as he turns to face me with a playful look. "You have no idea." I giggle just before he kisses me again, more aggressively. "Mine." He growls between kisses.  
"Yours." I agree with a sigh and a smirk.

* * *

When I wake up the next morning, naked and wrapped in Loki's sheets, I'm surprised not to find him curled up with me in bed. I sweep a hand through my hair, glancing behind me, I'm alone. With a scowl, I sit up and run my hands over my arms. It's a little chilly this morning and the memory of Loki's hands running all over my body last night has left me with goosebumps.

I stretch lazily before I get up and gather the clothes I had shed carelessly last night before heading to the bathroom for a hot bath. Once in the bath I lower myself until the water reaches my chin and I close my eyes. Loki wasn't necessarily a rough lover but sometimes his strength got away from him a little. The heat of the bath was perfect to soothe my muscles.

I spent quite some time lounging in the water before I dried off and got changed. When I stepped back out into the room I found Loki had sent some food to the room with a note. It was hastily scribbled and he hadn't taken the usual care in his handwriting. I couldn't help but wonder if this was an illusion like the book I had tried to conjure. As soon as I saw Thor's name I froze. He had requested to see me.

* * *

Thor was waiting in the same garden as before. I had chosen to wear one of the plainer dresses Loki had stocked in the wardrobe, not easy considering his taste in dresses were pretty expensive looking. He obviously hadn't expected me to be seeing other people.

"Jessica!" He greeted me warmly, standing.  
"Thor," I smile gently, a little surprised when he scooped me into a warm embrace. "I thought you were heading back to earth?" I ask, trying to hide any nervousness creeping into my voice.  
"I was intending to, but I found I had a little more business to attend to here than I had thought." He sat, gesturing for me to join him.

Cautiously, I joined him. "What business is it?" He smiled, no intention of telling me. "Alright," I nod, understanding, "Why did you want to see me?"  
"I wanted to be sure that you were safe here." He told me, lowering his voice and leaning in. "That you are happy."  
"Couldn't be happier." I reply without missing a beat.  
"You do not miss your life back on Midgard? Your friends? The Captain?"  
Words become a little harder to find. "Of course. But I'm here now, I have that whole debt to pay I told you about and I can't exactly leave with-"

He raised a hand to halt my nervous chatter. "I can take you home. Let me deal with my father."  
"Thor, I couldn't leave you to do that."  
"Jessica, Asgard is no place for a Midgardian. And with your affiliation with Loki, there are those here who may seek to harm you."  
"There are plenty of people who would harm me for that back home." I tell him firmly but softly. "And some of them already have." I point out.

"You think running to another planet will solve that?" He raised an eyebrow.  
"I think it gives me some time." I glance around, taking in the warm colours of the garden. "I think being abducted by aliens was probably a blessing in disguise." I pause, "Did Dean get back? Did they find Doctor Morgan?" I can't believe I didn't think to ask earlier, I'm disgusted with myself.  
Thor looks a little bewildered. It gives me enough of an answer. "Gabriel took him too." I explain.  
He nods. "I will look into it. Rest assured he will be found."

He begins to talk about something else when movement catches my eye, Odin walking out of the main hall surrounded by some guards with a dark haired woman on his arm. He doesn't notice me and neither does she, laughing, staring into each other's eyes. Curious, I extend my mind outward, reaching for any stray thoughts, any illumination into who this woman is.

All I get back is an angry buzzing in my mind, I flinch pulling my thoughts back; something is protecting their thoughts. I watch as she presses a quick kiss to his cheek before scurrying off. My heart hardens and I feel my throat tighten.

"Is everything alright?" Thor brings back my attention to him.  
"Yes." I slip on a smile. "Absolutely fine, sorry, what were you saying?" I glance back over my shoulder to Loki and he finally locks eyes with me. His shoulders straighten and I turn back to Thor.  
He looks at me with concern. "What should I tell the others when I see them?"  
I hesitate. "Steve's probably told them I'm safe."  
"Should I tell them where you are?"


	66. Chapter 66

It's late when Loki gets back to the room. I'm lounging on the settee in the fading daylight. "You saw Thor today." He remarked.  
"Yes, I saw you had a friend to see too today."

He pauses. "That was merely a part of my disguise as Odin, a trickery in order to-"  
"Your thoughts were hidden."  
Another pause. "You think we are the only two who can use magic? You saw the guards in the prison and how they manipulated the prison to force combat. I have to protect my thoughts so that no one-"  
"You're a shit liar." I sigh. "Or at least you've always been a shit liar to me. Tell me, can she read you that well? Who is she, Loki?"  
"She is no one important." His voice quietens, his gaze lowered from mine.  
"Who is she?"

He takes a deep breath. "She worked here as I grew up, she was always interested in me. While we were together, nothing happened with her. But when I was imprisoned she would visit me from time to time. And continued to do so once I was free."  
I lift my chin. "So even when you talked to me in the prison…?"  
"Yes, she would see me also."  
"You told me you loved me at that time."  
His eyes snapped up to me. "I have always loved you."  
"Do you love her?"  
"No."  
"Does she know that?"

He hesitated before shaking his head. "I may have been quite vague." I sit very still, watching him. "How can you be mad with me when you were the one who fell in love with someone else? At least my fling was purely physical."  
The words make me feel sick. "Because you wiped my mind. I didn't even know you let alone know I was in love with you. But you? You knew, you remembered, and you fought for me. You never let me go even when you erased yourself from my life. Loki, I'm mad because unlike me, you had a choice."

"I do not see her anymore." He told me quickly, as if that made it better.  
"Good. And if she meets another man?" He stiffened a little. "You can't have us both, Loki, I'm not that kind of person. You're not the only one with a tendency towards jealousy."

"You don't know what it was like without you." He began.  
"No but I know what it's like watching the person you love rot from the inside, destroy you and still choose you and only you." I bit my lip. "Even when you brainwashed me, you chose me. You weren't swayed by those two women who were brought as gifts to you."

"It killed me to know you were living a life without me. It burned to know you were going to fall in love with someone else, then to watch it happen and for it to be one of my enemies!" He almost spat.

I watch him for a moment, fear pooling in me. It wasn't him I was afraid of, or even for him, it was of losing him. Love is a ridiculously selfish emotion. He was tense, fists clenched, staring at the floor. I reached out first with my mind, sending out a calm vibe, his face flickered as he slowly allowed the emotion to sweep over him. Then I stood up and cautiously stepped towards him, his eyes searched me for any unkindness that might be lurking. I began to realise how insecure he was. I opened my arms and he turned a little to me, letting me wrap him in my arms. He dipped his head to my neck and gripped me tightly back.

"No more." I whisper to him. I feel him nod, agreeing. He knows I've given up Steve for him. This is only fair. "We're open with each other from now on okay?" Again, I feel him nod, his hands slipping down my back.  
"No more secrets." He agreed.


	67. Chapter 67

I awoke the next morning to Loki nuzzling the back of my neck, hair swept over my shoulder, his arms wrapped around me. "I've missed this." He murmured into my skin, tickling the hairs on the back of my neck. He moved closer, pressing his body a little more to mine. He was cool against my warm body, a relief in the hot daylight under the thick bedding.

Sighing contently I roll over to face him, wrapping an arm around his waist. He smiled, flashing his white teeth. "You're so beautiful." He half-whispered, brushing some of my hair back out of my face.  
"Don't you forget it." I murmur back, returning the smile, pulling myself closer to him. I press my cheek to his chest as he rolls onto his back, arms curled around me. "What are you teaching me today?" I ask with a yawn. His fingers tickle their way down my spine. "In terms of magic." I add on quickly.

He chuckles and runs his hand back up to tangle in my hair. "Well you seemed quite intrigued by the mental barrier I put up the yesterday, I thought we could focus on that."  
"I feel like that should have been an earlier lesson." I glance up at him. "Anyone could have read my mind."  
"Which is why I asked you to stay in the room; a rule you appear to incessantly disregard." He raised an eyebrow playfully.  
"It's no fun when you always get your way." I stick my tongue out earning another chuckle.

"You were not strong enough before to learn this." He tells me softly, playing with the ends of my hair.  
"I'm getting stronger?" I ask nervously.  
"You're becoming more controlled as well."

This doesn't exactly soothe me. How much more power was I going to accumulate? Would I be able to manage it or would it crush me? Before I can ask Loki, he presses a quick kiss to my head and gets out of bed. As he pulls some clothes on I roll onto my stomach and take in the sight before me; his smooth skin, the tone in his form, the grace in his movements. I don't ever want to forget him again.

He glances over his shoulder at me. "Well this is certainly familiar."  
"What can I say? You're hot." He grins as he continues to get dressed. "Where are you off to?" I ask.  
"I have more appearances to make at court."  
"Can I come with you?" He turns to stare at me. "I can do glamours now."  
He turns to open the curtains. "Perhaps another time, love. Perhaps after you have practiced mental barriers?"

As he leaves, giving me a smile as he cloaks himself in Odin's guise, I wonder if he knows how boring it is to be left in the room all day. Alone.

* * *

A week or two later and I've managed to keep up with the lessons Loki's thrown at me. In fact, I'm getting rather good. Exasperated with waiting for him, I've snuck out several times from the room in disguise to explore the castle in glamour with mental barriers up. Loki has absolutely no idea, and I don't exactly want to tell him. He'll be upset, concerned for my safety, but also I like going out, having this to myself. I know we said we weren't going to keep secrets anymore but for the last year or so my whole life has been one secret to the next. It almost felt weird not to have something to hide.

At least this secret is harmless enough. Just the occasional conversations with castle staff as elderly washer women or young chambermaids. No one could possibly suspect it's me; not that they would know about me to begin with.

The dreams of the abyss hardly come at all now, for either of us. When they do, the other is always ready to hold them, to calm them, to understand. Sure, our relationship pre-Manhattan was probably more idyllic, but now, now we're so much more intimate. Manhattan onwards gave me a real insight into Loki's life, his real life, not the make-believe one he had with me while I was at Uni whenever he came to visit me. And for Loki, he's learnt not to underestimate me, to know how strong I am. Both of us are different now, and we respect each other for it.

Or at least I thought we did.

On one of my explorations I happened to stumble across a sight I wasn't prepared for whatsoever. Loki as Odin and that woman chatting together alone by a fountain. He had a hand over hers; she was smiling, and laughing. I wasn't the only one breaking our no secrets agreement.

I waited for him back in the room, unsure of how to broach the subject. As it was, I didn't have to. Loki was flustered when he came back that night. "Is everything alright?" I asked dryly, without looking at him, flicking the page of my book from the settee.

"We have a slight problem." He told me quietly, glancing to me nervously.  
"Which is?"  
"That woman…" He hesitated, knowing I could work out who he meant, "I want you to understand, I never loved her, I never continued with her after you were returned to me…" Now I look up at him, curious, "She has threatened to expose me."


	68. Chapter 68

"Expose you?" I choke out. "I thought she was your…" I can't think of the right word, and to be honest I don't want to acknowledge she was his anything. "Why?"

"I don't know." He said sadly and honestly. "I continued to talk to her as a friend only. But she doesn't appear to have any interest in that."  
"She's blackmailing you to sleep with her?"  
"She's blackmailing me because she knows now is her opportune moment." He collapsed onto the settee next to me. "I've rejected her from my bed, she knows I must be hiding something new. Something important to me."

I take his hand in mine and run my thumb over the smooth knuckles. Resting my other arms elbow on my knee I run my fingers across my lips in thought. "We'll figure this out." I murmur into my hand. "We've dealt with worse."

He pulled his hand free to wrap his arm around me and pull me to his chest as he lay back on the sofa. "I should not have trusted her."  
"It's a bit late for that." I kiss his chest softly, "And you're talking to the Queen of Bad Judgement. Look at the people I trust. Hell, there's still no word on whether Dean's been found."

I pull myself up to look into his eyes. I brush back some of his long black hair and press a sweet kiss to his lips. "Did she want anything?" He shook his head in uncertainty and I stroked his cheek. "She wants whatever you're hiding." I grasp.

"She does not realise that it is not an object of insurmountable power I have here, but rather," He looks at me out of the corner of his eyes, "a person of insurmountable value to me." I give him a weak smile. He sits up, cupping my face in his hands. "And she cannot have you." He kisses me and it doesn't take long for the kiss to deepen. "My Queen." He moans softly against my lips, raising himself from the chair and pulling me along by the hand towards the bed.

* * *

Somehow I wake up before Loki does. Leaving him to rest in bed, I cloak myself in another glamour and set off to search the castle for this woman. In all honesty, I'm a little surprised how easy it was to find her, a simple description to some of the more gossipy washerwomen and I was immediately pointed in the right direction. From their expressions and attitudes I can only determine they weren't her biggest fans.

She was lounging out in the sun, sat on a wall when I found her. I sidled up next to her, staring out into the distance with her. "Not too bothered about work?" I asked calmly. My glamour was about the same age as her, long blonde tresses rolled down my shoulders and down my back, this illusion was taller than I was, and had more toned muscles. I wanted to be intimidating.

She flipped some of her dark hair over her shoulder with a clear laugh. "I can smell him on you." I froze, I hadn't anticipated her to be so brash. She turned to me with a smile. "So tell me, does he find you to be a more satisfactory fuck?"

I narrowed my eyes, still looking ahead. "I don't know what you're talking about."  
"Our dear boy prince, my word, has he sent you to beg for him?" She laughed again, I felt goosebumps prickle my skin and I worked hard not to show them on my illusion. She had used the word _prince_, she wasn't even pretending to talk about Odin rather than Loki.  
"Queens don't beg." I tell her firmly.  
"Queen?" Another laugh. "Is that what he told you? My darling girl, he isn't even a King."

Keeping my head forward, my eyes snapped to her. "He is to me."  
She shrugged. "It is of course entirely your own mistake to make." She smiled and leant in to me. "What did he tell you, hrm? That I threatened him?"  
"Yes."  
The light glinted off of her teeth. "Good, he takes me seriously then."  
"What do you want?" I interrupt.  
"Loki, the god of Mischief, you think he'd appreciate a little chaos in his life." She muttered darkly to herself. Turning to me, "You're not the only one who isn't what she appears to be, Jessica."

Now I look at her. I really make myself look. This woman is the only Asgardian aside from Loki and Thor to know who I am. If I'm about to know my enemy, I want to remember her face. "Who are you?"

"Unfortunately, I'm not in control of this glamour." She waves a hand in front of her body. "I almost feel bad for the real woman Loki knew, she was sweet." I stare at her blankly. "She had to go of course, but her affection for him before he met you gave the perfect alibi for a sleeper agent." She leans into me, her perfume making me cough a little. "I must say, I am surprised Loki went for a Midgardian. Of all the intelligent species he went for the lowest."

I narrow my eyes but she only laughs again. "Oh please, you couldn't even find your way out of the dungeon, and believe me there were ways. I made it out frequently enough to maintain the illusion that his childhood friend was still alive."

My brow furrows and I open my mouth to speak, but before I can she checks over her shoulder that the corridor behind us is empty before striking me across the face. I stumble back with a gasp, quickly standing straight again. "Who are you? I won't ask again."

"I am a gift." She smiles. For the first time, I think it's a genuine smile. "You know, I can't help but feel I should repay you for the last time we met, but then again, sending you back to him disfigured so early on would ruin this little game."  
"Excuse me?"  
"Oh, you don't remember beating me bloody?" She spat at my feet.

I shake my head. "If you're the red woman, you were freed…"  
"Red woman." She scoffed. "I have a name. Elia. And yes, I was, though I wish my dear sister had kept you for a little longer to toy with Loki. Or rather, she could have still returned you to him; piece by piece."

"What do you want, Elia?" I ask quietly.  
"You'll find out." She smiled sweetly. "I'm not ready to tell, just yet. So here's the deal, I'll keep Loki's identity secret a little longer if you don't tell him who I am. I want to see the secret eat away at you. The key to Loki's salvation and his devastation. Then, when I'm ready, I'll tell him my demands. And then, when he has lost _everything_, I'm going to tear you apart for what you did." She cracks her neck. "You can't see it under this illusion, but my face carries some rather nasty reminders of our time together. Even when I'm myself I have to have a glamour in public to hide it." She opens her lips and runs a tongue along her teeth. "I would just love to return the favour. Now run along, little Queen, your Prince will be waiting for you.

* * *

I feel colder than Loki's skin usually does when I walk back into the bedroom. He's still fast asleep on the bed. Dropping the glamour I walk over to the bed and lie down next to him, stroking his hair. He breathes so softly.

Elia had frightened me. I hate to admit it but that was the truth. She was a reminder of my brainwashing, and of how malicious and cruel I could be. The only reason she had been released from the prison was for my safety. The red woman had every reason to loathe and detest me. I had no doubt in my mind that if we fought again she would try to hurt me as much as possible. As for her plans for Loki, I still don't know what they are. If I tell him I met her though, she will expose him. For now, he's safer without that knowledge. And she was right, knowing that does hurt. It isn't a harmless secret like my adventures around the castle, this is important. This is about him.


	69. Chapter 69

"Jessica." He whispers in my ear, he nibbles the lobe gently until I turn over to face him. He smiles, his smile could always warm me up. "I believe we fell asleep, my love."  
"You fell asleep, I followed suit." I grumble. He chuckles, kissing my nose. "I love you." I tell him.  
His brow furrows a little, he can hear the nerves in my voice. "Is everything alright?"  
"Fine." I kiss him, rolling him onto his back. "Never. Been. Better." I kiss between each word. I kiss him a while longer after the last word and he appears to forget about it, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close.

"I spoke to her."  
"Who?"  
"The woman you had been seeing."

Loki shifts a little to stare at me. "Whatever she said, whatever she threatened you with-"  
I press my fingers to his lips. "I sorted it. She won't be exposing you."

After a while, he lets go of me with a sigh. "I have to go to court."  
"Stay a little longer." I plead, leaning forward to run my lips across his.  
For a moment or two longer, he returns the kiss, fingers tangling in my hair. "I really have to go." He apologised, pulling back. I sigh as he gets up and dons his Odin's guise. I wrinkle my nose and his lips curl into a smile before he marches himself out.

I sit on the bed for a while, chewing my lip. Decision reached, I threw back on my glamour and strode out to find Elia again. Once again, she's not a hard woman to find.

"You didn't tell him?" She asked, lounging against a wall. She doesn't even pretend to do any work.  
"You made it very clear that would be a bad idea." I stand next to her. I shake my head turning to her. "What do you want?"  
She took a deep breath and smiled at me. "I'm not telling you. You've got in the way too many times. For now, I'm happy just to see you suffer with this."  
"I can't leave you to toy with him."

Her eyes snapped to me. "I'm not toying with him, I'm toying with you." She mused for a moment. "You're absolutely terrified." Another smirk washed across her face.  
"Yes."  
"Good." She stood up straight, lifting herself from the wall. "I'll have some tasks for you, to ensure my silence."  
"Tasks?" I frown, "What do you mean?"  
"I mean, that if you want the precious Prince to stay hidden, you're going to do what I say." She replies coolly. I try and extend my consciousness to read hers but I feel resistance, she's blocking me, or else whoever cast her glamour is.

She began flouncing away. "How am I meant to know what you want?" I called after her.  
"Don't worry, you'll know."

* * *

I stay in the room, Loki had been right; it would have been safer for me to just stay in the room. I can't help but pace, my anxiety is so strong that darkness clouds my vision at points as the void threatens to take me again. I struggle to even breathe at times. Shaking, heart-pounding, nerve wracked and unadulterated fear courses through me and I can do nothing to control it. I can't even turn to Loki about this because to do so would be to ruin everything he's worked for.

"Let's go." I whisper that night in bed, naked next to him, my head laid on his bare chest. "Let's get away from here. You were right, we could go anywhere, be anything."  
He sighs and kisses my head. "We can't walk away right now. I know you spoke to her but her words are cheap. If she exposes me, they will hunt me to the ends of the galaxy."  
"That beach is still waiting." I whisper back, staring at the wall on his side. "We could leave right now. We'd be safe."

His fingers gently comb my hair. "They would catch us before we even reached the bridge."  
"It's not just you with magic anymore." I tell him. "I could help, I can fight."  
"I would not have you fight an Asgardian." He takes my hand and kisses each of the knuckles. "I would not have you fight anyone at all." He opens my hand and presses his cool lips to my warm palm. "As you said, we have faced worse." He laid my hand over his heart.

"Loki?"  
"Yes, my love?"  
"Promise me things are going to be okay."  
"Of course."

We lay in the darkness of the bedroom a while longer, but as he sinks into sleep, I lie awake, head pounding.


	70. Chapter 70

When the sunlight begins to spill out from under the thick, heavy curtains, I roll over to find an empty bed. "Loki?" I call out somewhat anxiously. I clamber slowly off of the oversized mattress, fists clenched. "Loki?" I call out again. Still no response.

I take a deep breath. He's probably just gone to court and didn't want to wake me up. I still don't feel comforted by that thought. There's a prickle across my skin and the hairs are standing up on the back of my neck as if some imminent danger is present.

I grab a silk green gown from the end of the bed and shrug it on, fastening it tight around my waist before opening the curtains. There's a golden card on the glass table in the middle of the room. Black swirling font is practically etched onto the front of it. Cautiously, I pick it up and open it. _I'll be back soon. Rest._ Immediately, relief washes over me. I fall back onto the settee behind me and hug one of the plush pillows, face burrowed into it. I can smell the faintest trace of Loki on it.

"You thought I'd leave a note rather than see you squirm with my own eyes? I'm hurt." I tense at the voice. How the hell did she get into the room? Slowly, I raise my head and turn to face Elia. Despite the Asgardian glamour, I can still envision the fangs in her smile.

She stalks the back of the settee, trailing a hand lightly across the wood backing. When she reaches the empty space next to me, she theatrically throws herself back into it, spreading out comfortably. "I must say, it's a wonderful set up you have here." She danced her fingertips across the settee arm.

I try to rein back some control. "Are you going to tell me why you're here or is this more of your precious fear mongering?" I ask bitterly.  
"Oh, relax would you?" She kicked off the brown pumps onto the floor, leaving her feet bare. She wiggled her toes. "Perhaps I'm just here for a chat."  
"Are you?" I raise an eyebrow, turning to her.  
"Of course not." She rolled her eyes. "I need something from you."  
"What a surprise."  
"I'd be nicer to me if I were you." Her teeth glitter in the morning light. "You're not exactly in a position to bargin."  
I try not to wrinkle my nose as the sweet scent hits me when she runs a hand through her hair. "What do you want?"  
"A foot massage." She wiggled her toes again, dumping her legs onto my lap, laughing when my jaw tightened with disgust. "Too good for that, Princess?"

She smirked, leaning back into the seat. "Your darling prince was more than willing to touch more than just my feet while you were on your sabbatical."

Enough was enough, I threw her legs from my lap and stood, trying to look intimidating to the alien woman who could rip my jugular out with her teeth. She was not my superior. "What do you want?" I ask again, nearly growling.

Her lips are pulled thin and taut in the hollow smile she gives me. "Loki has a vault on the lower East corner of this building. I need something from it. Get it for me."  
"What makes you think I know anything about this vault?" I fold my arms across my chest.  
"Nothing. But you are in the most perfect position out of the two of us to break in without any ramifications. It's only a little thing, mind you. Easy to smuggle out."

I don't want to do this, but I have no choice. If I don't do what she wants she'll expose Loki. I have to give in for now until I can think of a plan. "What is it?"  
"A vial. Purple bottle. You won't be able to read the label. Its about so big," She gestured with her fingers, "and smells of sulphur. Can you handle that?"  
"When do you want it by?"

Her lips curl again into that sickeningly familiar smile. "Tomorrow night." She stood up and headed for the door, pausing with her hand on the handle. "Oh, and Jess, darling, be quick."

* * *

When Elia had said the lower East corner she meant at the base of a seemingly endless spiral staircase. Multiple times on the way down I had been forced to stop to take a break or to wait for a wave of dizziness to pass by. I was thankful I had only passed one person on these stairs so far. The further down I went, the narrower the stairs got. Currently the walls either side of me nearly brushed my shoulders as I walked down.

Finally, I reached the base. A rather rickety old and unlocked wooden door stood in front of me. There was no way it was going to be that easy. I extended my mind outward, surprised by the intensity and volume of spells cast rather than their appearance at all.

There's no real way to explain unarming spells like that. It comes down to feeling. I suppose the most general way to explain is to think of puzzles to be solved, like those mazes you move about to manoeuvre a ball into the pit at the end. Only you are the ball and each pit leads you to a new, harder maze.

I don't know how long I was sat down in that stairwell, eyes shut tight as I put myself through my own paces. I was sweating not long into it and I could feel a headache burning in my skull. But I wasn't about to give up. What scared me more than anything was that Elia clearly had more than one task she intended me to complete and she would have started me on the easiest one to test my abilities. These spells already had me at the end of my rope.

I took a break, feeling like I was about to pass out if I continued for much longer. As soon as I broke my mind free of the door, the headache disappeared and I simply felt tired. I sighed, cool from the sheen of sweat on my body. Whatever this vial was, it was a bad idea to give it to Elia when it had this many spells protecting it. But if I didn't, Loki was going to lose everything he had worked for, and I would lose him. After everything we had been through together, it didn't seem fair to lose him now.

Feeling only marginally better, I focused on the door again and almost screamed to find the spells I had already passed by were back in place. I was going to have to start all over again. So I did. I worked myself into practical exhaustion trying to break into that room. By the time the final spell was broken; I could barely stand let alone get into the room and find the vial.

I half-stumbled into the room, holding onto the door handle for support. Unlike the golds in many of the other rooms, this one was white and clinical. It was a squat and square room and wide shelves lined up to the ceiling on light up panels. It was cold, I could see my breath as I stepped inside.

Every shelf had vials of varying sizes lined up. Gambling my own safety I opened and sniffed every purple vial to find the one that smelt of sulphur. Eventually I was torn between only two bottles, I was too tired to decide so I grabbed the smaller of the two and left dragging myself up those stairs again after checking the spells had reset themselves.

The vial was small enough to slip into my pocket without worrying about it being spotted. When I got back to the room, it was dusk, and I was surprised I had beaten Loki back. I wrapped the vial in one of the silk scarfs Loki had provided for me and stowed it under the bed praying he wouldn't find it. Without any further thoughts I collapsed onto the bed and slept.


	71. Chapter 71

I woke up to Loki's hair tickling my nose. He must have come back sometime after I passed out and come to bed with me pulling me close, our limbs were entangled. I detached myself from him slowly as not to wake him before I grabbed the vial from under the bed and tiptoed across the room and donned a glamour to leave. It was already morning, the sunlight bright through the open windows in the corridors.

I can't help but wonder what Odin's guards think to all these strange women leaving Odin's chamber at peculiar hours of the day but I guess in the end it doesn't concern me. There's only one woman really ever entering and leaving and Odin isn't really Odin.

Elia is by the same fountain as ever. I toss her the vial and she catches it with both hands. She unwrapped it from the scarf and ran the material through her fingers. "Silk, I like it."  
"I got what you wanted."  
"So you did." She cooed, popping the lid and taking a sniff. "Easy to come by, right?" I don't reply. "I thought as much. Well, if this was hardly an issue, nothing I ask will be."  
"What's in the vial, Elia?"

She tutted, shaking her head. Red tinges catch the light in her hair and a rosy blush is evident on her skin. "You should know better than to ask." She muttered stashing the vial in the satchel resting on the fountain next to her. "I have another job for you, since you did so well with this one."

"I need to know what the vial is for."  
"You don't need to know anything." She barked, standing up swiftly. She took a few quick steps towards me. "Don't you understand how this works? I talk, you listen, I give an order, you obey it. Got it?" She laughed. "You are nothing but a throwback in the evolutionary chain, your species is savage and childlike. You are nothing but a toy to me and probably like a pet to him." She wrapped a strand of my hair around her finger and with a pout, tucked it behind my ear. "You'll do what I say to protect him like a good little guard-dog. You won't question me, or argue, because you'll get punished. Something will happen to him, to those people back on that planet you love so much, something will happen to your dear friend Doctor Morgan."

My blood runs cold. Before, as she was speaking, her sickly sweet breath hitting me at full blast, I was stood tensely with my fists clenched using all my self-control not to attack her. But at the mention of my home, of Dean… I faltered.  
"What do you need, Elia?"  
"Good girl."

* * *

Loki stirred when I curled up next to him again. "Good morning," he grumbled sleepily, kissing my nose, "why are you up so early?"  
"Why were you home so late?" I ask changing the subject, running my cool hands across his even colder body.  
"The court meeting ran over what I had expected. There was all this nonsense to do with trade negotiations to one of the nearby systems."

I nod, nuzzling his chest. "Was there any news on Dean?"  
"Dean?"  
"My friend. The one that Gabriel took when he kidnapped me."  
"Ah," Without looking I felt Loki shake his head. "None as of yet, but there will be." He ran a hand down the back of my hair.

I kept my head looking down towards the bed covers, hiding my face. Somehow Elia must have taken Dean from Gabriel. I wondered if Loki even knew Dean was no longer with Gabriel. A darker part of me wondered if he had even looked for him at all. "We have to find him." I iterate almost to myself. "We have to."

When Loki doesn't reply I push myself away from him and get up, walking out to the balcony overlooking the city. With a sigh, he follows me and places a hand on the small of my back. "I have upset you."  
"Dean being kidnapped because an alien wanted to use me as a bargaining chip upsets me, not you." I wrap my arms about me and lean forward onto the balcony wall.

"He's in danger because of me."  
"He is in danger because Gabriel took him. You had no part in that." Loki corrects. "He will be fine, I promise you."  
"What if Gabriel sold him like he tried to sell me?" I turn to Loki to see the frown on his face. "What if we don't find him?"

Loki sighed, looking back over the city. "You've been in this room far too long alone. Even with the occasional sneaking out, which I have noted." He turns to me with a weak smile. "We will go somewhere today. I can take you around the city, show you where I grew up." He reached up to cup my face, rubbing his thumb slowly and gently across my cheekbone. "I will take your mind off of things."

I appreciate the thought and nod, unable to tell him it's not just Dean I'm worried about. It's him. It's my friends and family back home. It's the Avengers, it's Steve.


	72. Chapter 72

"I fell in that fountain when I was very small." Loki whispers to me, pointing out the particular fountain out of the display before us. "I say fall, I was trying to conjure an illusion and while I was concentrating, one of the other kids ran passed and knocked me over into it."

I try not to laugh imagining little Loki wet and grumpy but I had trouble stifling it. He flashes me a bemused smile and leads me over by my hand down another corridor. "Is that snicker meant to insinuate you were never pushed into water as a child?"  
"Don't you dare." I laugh, noting the look on his face. "I mean it."  
He quickly presses a peck to my lips. "It would hardly be the first time I've got you wet."

I give him a playful shove and head to the end of the corridor. "What's through here?" I thumb to the old door behind me. His face falls a little. "You do not want to go down there." He warned me.  
"Why not?" I frown a little.  
He took my hand and steered me away a little forcefully. "Please Jessica, trust me. Nothing good dwells in that place."  
"Loki," I pull my hand from his. "What's down there?"

His glamour's eyes flicker behind me to the door, a hint of fear betrayed in them. "Völva." He muttered darkly.  
"The lady priestesses?" I vaguely recollect from my studies.  
He looks to me with a little surprise. "They are not as your people believe them to be. Come. We have lingered here too long and there is still much to see." As he pulls me away again, I cannot help but look back over my shoulder at the door. Those women could forsee the future and from what I could recall had even been called upon by Odin. If I couldn't find a way out of this arrangement with Elia, perhaps they could.

Loki continues to take me through Asgard in our disguises, introducing me to memories of his childhood. When it gets very quiet, he recreates them before us to show me how things looked when he was young.

After quite a long day, it starts to get dark. We stay out while the lamps are lit and even until the inns start flowing with people drinking and being merry before we head back to our room. "I had a lovely time." I told him when we got back.

"You make this sound like a first date." He murmured, kissing my lips and walking me back slowly to the bed.  
"Our first date included dinner. And I don't remember a bed being there." I smile.  
"If you wanted dinner you only had to ask, my Queen, I will have something brought up. And as for the bed, I'm making an improvement." He grins before giving me a quick peck and leaping away towards the door. "I'll return shortly." He calls as he walks away, transforming into Odin at the very possible last second before he swung open the doors.

The doors shut behind him and I sit there for a moment and bite my lip. I knew roughly how long it would take him to get to the kitchens and order us some food. It was long enough for me to get the second item on the crazy treasure hunt Elia had set me on.

Resigned, I rose and walked over to the bed, slipping the metal tool and envelope from behind the wardrobe where I had hidden them. I knelt and reached around the back of the bedpost before chipping off a small chunk with the tool. I stared at it in the palm of my hand, running a thumb over the splintered wood.

With a sigh, I slip the wooden fragment into the envelope and leave it unsealed on the windowsill behind the thick curtains as instructed. I don't know how Elia plans to get into the room and frankly, I don't want to know. Repressing a shudder, I replace the items and resume my position on the settee waiting for Loki.

The big question remained, how was I going to turn the tables on Elia? I couldn't be her lapdog forever. One day she was going to push me too far and we'd see who would really win in a fight between us; me or her. Only one of us was going to come out of that alive.

My mind ran back to the Völva. They could forsee the future. What if they were the key to this? I could find out how to save Dean, Steve and Loki. I'd know how to.

* * *

It hadn't taken me long to make my mind up. The next morning while Loki was attending to matters of State I had snuck off to the courtyard I had seen the door at. It took a little time for me to find it again but I knew it as soon as I had seen it.

I took a deep breath, fists clenched. "They are not as your people believe them to be…" Loki had said, which begged the question, what were these women like?

After checking no one was watching me, I gently attempted to turn the doorknob, but of course it wasn't that simple. I felt another tickling of magic across my skin like the room I had had to break into for Elia. With a sigh, I sat cross-legged and leant back focusing my attention on unlocking the door with magic.

* * *

It seemed to take hours to finally open the door, but in all likelihood it was only a few minutes, the sun hadn't appeared to move that far in the sky. I stretched, trying to prolong the time before I opened that door and found whatever was inside.

The door creaked open a little bit, inviting me in. I rolled my shoulders back and pushed it open, plunging myself into the darkness inside. The door shut quickly behind me, leaving me in the darkness. Concentrating, I created some light to float by me. Even with my light, it was dark in this room, no, this corridor. I wandered forward through the stone passage, trying to brush the thick cobwebs out of my way as I went.

There were a few twists and turns, but finally there was light. I headed towards it cautiously, listening out for any noises. A slight clicking where the light source seemed to be the only sound.

Eventually the corridor opened up and I saw a garden, much lusher and verdant than the planted courtyards I had seen so far in Asgard. There was a circular feature overflowing with trees and bushes which also bordered the arcing space. Water flowed in from higher in one of the surrounding walls, cascading down like a waterfall. I looked up to the sky to see a fat moon hanging gently in the daylight.

I frowned as I looked back down, surprised to see the woman sat on the edge of the middle feature. "Jessica, a pleasure to finally meet."  
"Are you one of the Völva?" I ask, finding my voice.  
She smiled. "Yes, I believe that is what you Midgardians called us, although in all honesty we are something much older and powerful than that."

There's something dark about her. She seems so trustworthy and that sets me on edge. "What can I help you with?"  
I avert my gaze, already I know I'm not going to like whatever answer she gives me. "I need to know how to save my friends from Elia."

She bows her head with that smile still faint on her lips. She doesn't ask who Elia is, or my friends, she knows. "That will lead you to a difficult path." She warns me.  
I hesitate. "Show me." I ask quietly.


	73. Chapter 73

"Five ahead, three behind, two to the left and four to the right." Dean reports quietly as he comes to crouch by me in the long grass. With a tut I lower the cracked binoculars and nod for him to continue. "If we approach to the South I think we have our greatest chance of survival."  
"No one saw you?"  
"No, I was careful."

I turn to Doctor Morgan's scarred and swollen face. He hardly even looks like the man I met all those years ago anymore. So much of him has been hacked and chipped away by Gabriel and whoever he sold him onto after. For the most part I try not to even look at him, too much guilt on my part lies in that face. "South it is." I nod. I stow the binoculars into my rucksack and pass him some more ammo. He flashes me a quizzical look. "You never carry enough." I remind him, brushing past, still crouching.

It was a few close shaves on the way, but we made it to the ship. "Get the doors." I order him as I throw myself into the pilots seat and begin flicking switches. I hated spaceships. I hated everything about them. It had taken me long enough to learn how to drive a car let alone fly a bloody spaceship. Once I knew Dean was strapped in I started the launch sequence, ignoring the shots being fired at the ship as the mercs realised we were stealing their ride.

"You knew her." He stated, unbuckling himself as we reached orbit and I had plugged in the autopilot sequence.  
"Yeah." I sigh, leaning back into the chair and resting a knee on the console. He moves to sit in the co-pilot seat. "Yeah, I knew her. We were in prison together on Asgard. It was Gabriel's ship that the two of us escaped on. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have got out…" I don't add that without my rescue by Gilly, Dean never would have been kidnapped, enslaved and carved up by Gabriel. He knows. I note the knuckles of his hands grow white as his fists tighten.  
"I'm sorry." He grunted.  
"People die." I whisper back, staring out at the stars ahead of us. "I'm used to it."  
"People die, they don't often get executed."  
I shrug. I refuse to let this get to me right now. Not when we're so close, I can feel it.

"They nearly found us." He reaches under the console for a medkit and starts bandaging up the cut on his arm. "I think they're starting to realise."  
"I hope not. Otherwise this is all for nothing."

He paused, thinking of the best way to broach the subject he was inevitably going to discuss. "If he catches us…"  
"He'll torture and execute you. I have no idea what he'll do to me." I lie, we both knew exactly what would happen to me. He nods, dropping the subject. One day I'll have to tell him my real plan, but I'm not going to do that just yet. Not when he's been through so much already.

Dean gets up and moves to the only other room of the ship, probably to sleep. I rub my hand over the bracelet hidden under my sleeve. It was the one Loki gave me right before he left for Asgard while I was at uni, the one he gave me and promised to find me with. It felt like lifetimes ago.

I close my eyes and let my head rest against the torn and battered leather headrest. It wasn't the only piece of jewellery I wore. I had Cap's necklace on too under several layers of clothing. If they caught me, they could have my gun, they could have my screams of agony as I was tortured and they could have my blood but they weren't going to have either of those pieces without a fight.

How had it all gone so wrong so quickly? A strange sensation sweeps over me, its not quite nostalgia, more sort of the feeling that this is wrong. I shake my head, it was a bad time to start losing it now.

I pull my discarded rucksack onto my lap and root around in it until I pull out what I was looking for, an Ender crystal. It's empty. It took me a long time to find one this size that was, and I still don't know if it's big enough. It's nearly double the size of the one Loki gave me. I pull a loose bandage out of the medkit next to me and wrap it up carefully. I'm not risking damaging it now. Not after we lost Gilly when she stole it from the Enderians.

It had hard to trust her after what happened with Gabriel, especially after finding out they were working together again. It was even harder for Dean. If I catch Gabriel again, I'll kill him myself. He abandoned Gilly and nearly jeopardised the mission. I shouldn't have been surprised, I shouldn't have thought for one minute that he had a real interest in helping us.

I put the gem back and zip up the bag. It wouldn't take long to get to Earth.

* * *

It was dusk when we touched down. Or rather as close to dusk the scorched sky allowed after everything that had happened. I hid the ship carefully between two ruins, probably office buildings, careful not to catch any attention. Dean noted we would have to be quick or scavengers would take the ship; I didn't have the heart to point out we probably weren't going back to the ship. He knew because I had told him before, countless times. But after all that time with Gabriel and the others torturing him, he had started to get memory problems among other things. I made sure to check his ammo before we left, he never carried enough, and I wasn't about to go out there with him unable to defend himself.

By the time we left the ship, it was getting steadily darker. It was the sort of summer evening wistfully spent watching the sun set not one meant to be spent cowering and running for cover through the ruins of New York. I had to use a few spells where I could to turn away other humans when they got too close to us by causing distractions or, even more draining, by changing their thoughts.

The magic had started to get harder to control. It took more energy to use it, or rather I had worked so hard to suppress it, it took more energy to remember how to use it. "There." I point forward to a darkened building, stark against the black and orange sky. "Avengers Tower, we're close."

"You sure?" Dean asked, squinting. "Looks nothing like it."  
"Trust me. I remember." I tell him, pushing forward.

* * *

The stairs took a long time to climb up. As we passed Steve's floor I hesitated, more than tempted to go back, see our old room. But it wouldn't be the same. Most of the building was wrecked, chucks open to the elements. On our way up we even saw a few rats scuttle past. Going back to Steve's floor would be a mistake, it would hurt too much.

Finally we reached the top floor, it was mostly intact, though very dark without the lights on, and very empty without even JARVIS. Stars had started to peek through the clouds outside. "Now what?" Dean asked after we had checked for anyone else. I don't answer. He turns to me and follows my gaze to the pattern scored onto the floor.

I slip off my bag and pull out the gem, I unwrap it and walk over slowly to lay it in the centre of the pattern. I step back out of the circular design and sit down, tying my hair back. "Now, I need you to keep a look out. If anyone walks in, shoot to kill." He hesitates at my order, but nods, cocks his gun and steps to the door.

Carefully, I extend out my consciousness and begin to fill the gem. It's a slow process. For the kind of energy I need in this gem I should have years' worth of multiple consciousnesses. Not hours of only me.

About an hour in I'm pulled out of my focus by a gunshot and the sound of Dean being knocked over, in a fluid movement I turned and threw the attacker against the wall with an unseen force, knocking him out. I recognised that man.

I checked Dean first, he was fine, just surprised. I left him to take care of the cut on his arm which had reopened and cautiously with my gun out, walked over to Clint. Despite a sharp pain onset by doing so, I forced him conscious and he gasped as he came to.

"Jess?" He squinted. "What the hell are you doing here?"  
"I could ask you the same question." I kept the gun trained on him. "Where are the others?"  
"There aren't any."  
"Where the others?" I repeated more quietly.

He sighed heavily, scowling. "Thor's on Asgard trying to sort the mess out there last I heard. As for the others, I don't know. I haven't heard or seen them in a long time."  
"Natasha?"  
"Gone."

I reholster my gun and collect a bottle of water from my bag for him. "It's clean." I tell him.  
He nods and drinks as I sit cross-legged opposite him. "Where did you go?" He asked finally, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

"Everywhere. I found Dean, Doctor Morgans, and since then we've been trying to find a way to fix this."  
Barton takes a quick glance behind me at Dean, if I hadn't been paying attention I wouldn't have noticed his eyes widen in surprise. He takes another long drink. "Have you? You know, found a way to fix this?"  
I glance back at the crystal, his eyes follow mine. "We think so." My eyes trail back to Dean, who had returned to his guardianship of the door. Only a few tufts of his hair remain and his face is heavily scarred and burned. I turn back to Clint, he looks weathered, tired, but not too different. "Your family?" I ask. I feel my heart clench as he shakes his head.

"That thing," He nods to the Ender gem, "how is that gonna help us exactly?"  
I hesitate. "I'm going to undo all of this."  
He frowns. "How? Are you going to reverse time or something?"  
"Something like that, yeah."


	74. Chapter 74

"I don't like this." Clint said, glancing around.  
"Noted." I sigh, resuming my position opposite the crystal. It's shimmering a little now, a pink tinge dancing across the gem like the ripple of light on water. "You got me covered?" I turn my head, both men nod grimly, facing the door with their guns cocked. "Good. Because once I finish charging this, I'm launching straight in. And they're going to find us. Buy me as much time as possible."

"I know the plan." Clint grunted. It wasn't so much for his benefit that I was repeating myself, I check Dean, his expression is reasonably calm considering he's facing certain death. I try to ignore the pang of guilt and instead turned my attention to the crystal. All that mattered now was going ahead with the plan.

Taking a deep breath, I turn back to the crystal and focus my thoughts onto it. I attack it from all sides with my consciousness and slowly, ease myself in.

* * *

The world around me exists in hues of purple, faded reds and white mist, and I have ceased to exist. I am aware, but I cannot feel my body, I have no tether. Shadows flicker in and out of existence around me. Cautiously I edge forward, ignoring the hissing in my ears.

_Where are you?_ 'Where am I' is just as valid a question, in all honesty. _I need you. I need to talk to you._ The shadows dart around chaotically for a moment._ You told me that when I needed you, this is how I would find you._

"And found me you have." Two eyes formed in front of me, twisted out of the white smoke surrounding us. "A pleasure to see you as always, Jessica."  
_Help me._  
"Help you with what?"

If I still had a face, I would have scowled. Every thought I cast out was slow and heavy to produce. It was like learning to speak all over again. _Undo it all._  
"And how should I do that? Everything comes at a price."  
_Don't care. Bring him back.  
_"Bring who back?"

She's toying with me and I know it. _You know who. He was never meant to die. Not like this. I loved him. Bring him back.  
_"Everything comes at a price."  
I hesitate, but I had come too far to not proceed. _I will pay it. Gladly._  
"It is your life."  
_Okay._  
"The life you have had." The clarification doesn't matter. Only the end result. I don't care how she was going to do it, she had to put it all right. Save Dean all that pain. Put the world back the way it was so that the Avengers had a fighting chance to stop this all happening. She had to bring _him_ back from the dead. I couldn't bear another year with that on my soul.

I was about to answer when I was ripped back from the crystal.

* * *

"Loki." I gasp, tears burning my eyes as my consciousness was wrenched back into my body. He had me sat, but pinned against the far wall. Dean was stood by, frozen by magic. Clint had been mid-fire, the bullet frozen flying out of his gun.

"What are you doing?" He asked me quietly. "Jessica, please, do not do this, I know what she is asking. You cannot possibly comprehend that-"  
"Anything is better than this." I hiss, cutting him off. "This, all of this, it's my fault." He shook his head and went to argue but I interrupted again. "It is. I did this. Me. It's my fault. Everything I did led us to this. My choices. And you know that." I start choking back the sobs. "You know that."  
"That isn't true. The Avengers, those rancid "guardians of the galaxy", Thanos, this is their fault. And I don't care, we can get past this. We can fix this. You don't need her help."  
"Loki, what do you think is left to fix?" He falls silent at this. "Humanity is almost gone. Earth is ruined. Planets are falling one after the other like dominoes because of that bastard."  
"There's us."  
"There is no us." I whisper, shaking my head softly. "There hasn't been in a long time."

"But there can be." He argues, finding his voice again. "We can rebuild, repopulate, we can make this work again. We can make us work again."

I cup his cheek gently. I still love him. But he's wrong. I'm amazed we even made it as far as we did. Right to now, right at the end and I still love him. But that's not a good enough reason. We are a toxic combination. To each other and to everyone around us. "I love you." I tell him, watching brief relief wash over his face, "But that doesn't matter anymore."

"You think wiping out your existence will solve that?" He snarled. "You think not having you to love will stop me taking Asgard or destroying Manhattan? You think it'll stop Thanos from his designs? You think it'll save Captain America? You did not cause that. You are so important. But you are not that important."

I think perhaps, I understood what was coming more than Loki did. "I think retaining my knowledge of all of this will let me stop it from happening." He takes my hand and squeezes it. "I think watching you all, and getting involved as an outsider might let me steer us away from this."  
"How can you be certain?"  
"Because the Völva told me back on Asgard."

He shook his head, "She lied, Jessica. I told you, they are not what your people believed them to be."

"Loki, I didn't listen to her five years ago when I saw her in Asgard. Maybe if I had, then this," I glance around, "wouldn't have happened. I have to try."  
"Stay with me."  
"How long until he finds you too?" I ask quietly. He looks down, defeated, and I quickly press a soft kiss to his lips. It takes every part of me to ignore the stirring in my heart. It's been so long since our last kiss, but I have to do this.

I don't wait for him to argue with me further, I press on, pushing my mind out to the crystal, and once again fall into that mist.

* * *

"And then what?" I ask the woman in front of me, still perched on the fountain. "I die?" I blink back the images still in my head of the ruined future still to come. "What happens? I push my consciousness into that crystal and you kill me?"  
"No." She shook her head with a smile. "And then all of this, never happens. You never meet Loki in that library. You never go to Manhattan and forget him. You do not fall in love with Steve Rogers. You do not get captured by Gabriel. You do not make an enemy of Elia. You do not help her to help Thanos. Doctor Martins does not get tortured and enslaved."  
"Who is Thanos?"  
Her smile saddens. "At this rate, you will find out. But you do not need to. You need not be troubled by him at all."  
I take a moment. I'm still trying to process what she's shown me. "Will Steve still die? Will Gilly?" The words are hard to get out. Despite it all being so real just a moment ago, I still cannot begin to comprehend their deaths.

The Völva shrugs. "I am only going to give you your versions of the future. Your truths depending on how you would perceive events."  
"Does that mean that I may think they're dead and they're not?" I ask quietly. She shrugs. Somehow I know that what I felt in that vision was too painful not to be true. They were both going to die.

"What starts this? Is it because I'm doing what Elia asks? What if I just stop? I can stop all of that from happening, surely? How long do I even have? A year? Longer? Less?" I can't help the barrage of questions escaping my lips. "Tell me!" I'm almost screaming.

"You should leave now. Loki will be looking for you." She tells me softly. "If you need me, I will be here, or, you can take the long road and find a very specific Ender gem, as you've now seen." She stands to leave.  
"No, you can't just show me that and go. Please! Is that really what's going to happen? Can I stop it?"  
she shrugged again and left.

I stayed still for a few moments, unsure what to do.


	75. Chapter 75

It's cold in our room when I get back, I shiver and grab a blanket left draped over the seat by the door. I wrap it around me and head over to close the large doors to the balcony. The shutters block out most of the light and I shuffle over to sit on the bed, knees to my chin, blanket cocooning me in the darkness.

I knew from the vision that it wasn't my fault, but I could prevent it. And if I didn't at least try to prevent it, that would be my fault. People I love were going to die. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity to save them. I should take it, shouldn't I?

But it meant we would never have met. They wouldn't know me at all. I feel a sharp pain in my heart, thinking of all the memories I'd lose. Not all of them were happy, but they were worth it, they happened and they mattered. They made me who I was and despite the bad, the good times were worth it all.

With a groan, I press my head to my knees. I was being incredibly selfish. According to the vision I was going to wipe myself from their memories and turn back time anyway so why didn't I just get it over with?

I hardly notice the dip in the bed later as Loki sits next to me. He pulls me into his arms as he leans back against the headboard and strokes the hair peeking out from under the blanket. "Would you like to talk about it?" He asks quietly. I simply groan in response. He continues to hold me, not pressing the issue.  
"I don't think we can." I whisper, I twist up and press my lips softly to his cold ones. "This is just something I have to figure out by myself."  
He frowns a little. "I do not like seeing you so conflicted." He cups my cheek with his hand, skimming my cheekbone with his thumb. His gaze falls to my lips. "If there is anything I can do to help, anything at all, you need only say the words, my love."  
I smile a little and kiss him again. "I know."

He returns my smile weakly. "Will you be alright? I have to attend to some business with Thor's friends. Lady Sif has demanded they meet with Odin." I nod stiffly, keeping my smile firmly on my face. Being the god of mischief and deceit, you'd assume he would be able to tell when someone lies to him. Loki kisses me once more before lifting me up from his chest and leaving, transforming into Odin before he reached the door.

Alone again, and still cold, I decide to run a bath. I maintain that while the Asgardians certainly have a sense of fashion, interior design leaves much to be improved. The golden bathroom still seems garish to me even after spending so long here. I close the door behind me and let the hot water run. I turn to the mirror and run my hands through my hair. With a sigh I noted that I was definitely losing some of the muscle I had gained while with the Avengers. I should probably start training again.

There was a flicker of darkness at the edge of the mirror. My head snapped to it. For a moment, there was nothing, then slowly, like the crackle of electricity, I watch a red light travel diagonally down the mirror. My reflection no longer stares back at me. Another pale woman with dark long hair dressed in red stares back, Tony and Pepper are standing behind her.


	76. Chapter 76

"Can she see us?" Pepper asked finally. None of us have moved or spoken since they appeared in the mirror.  
"I can see you." I half-whisper back.  
"It's good to see you, kiddo." Tony smiles weakly.  
"Yeah, you too." I nod slowly. There's another pause. "How is this happening?"  
"Err, this is Wanda," Pepper gestures to the woman between them, "we're using her powers in association with technology Tony have been working on. We wanted to know if it was possible to communicate trans-dimensionally. We were trying to contact Thor, I'm not sure how we managed to get you instead…" She trailed off.  
"Thor's not back with you guys?" I ask. Pepper shakes his head.

"So, where are you?" Tony asked, typing on a tablet. "I mean, calculations wise we should be speaking to Asgard right now."  
I guess this means that neither Steve nor Thor told the others where I am. Well, now's as good a time as any I suppose. "You are talking to Asgard." I watch confusion spread over Pepper and Tony's faces. "Gabriel brought me here. Odin saved me." I feed them the same lie I gave Thor.

"And he won't send you home?" Wanda asks. Her accent is unfamiliar to me. I simply shake my head in response.  
"If you're there, is Doctor Morgans with you?" Tony asks. Again, I shake my head, hoping guilt doesn't show on my face; after seeing what the Völva showed me, I think it's a likely possibility. I watch Tony's jaw clench.  
"I haven't seen him since Gabriel took us. Odin promised to investigate it." Pepper nods. Tony continues to watch me intensely.

"You seemed surprised that we were trying to contact Thor, have you not seen him?" Wanda asked.  
"Not for a while, he could still be here I guess, I'd assumed he'd gone back home to you guys." I shrug. "How's Cap'?"  
"He's fine." Tony said firmly. His expression was stern and assured, it didn't match the looks on Wanda and Pepper's faces at all. They looked concerned.  
"Where is he, can I speak to him?"  
"No." Tony shakes his head.  
"He's on a mission." Pepper quickly follows up.  
Something is wrong and they're hiding it from me. "Transdimensional communication. You can't patch him into this like a Skype conversation?"  
"'Fraid not." Tony tells me. "We're still working out the kinks in the system."

"Well, once you work it out, hit me up. It'd be good to see him again." I'm finding it hard to meet their eyes. I'm looking anywhere but; the sink, the edge of the mirror, the shadows moving behind them.  
"Will do." Tony promises.  
"If you see Thor, tell him we need to speak with him." Wanda tells me. I nod, Pepper flashes me a smile and they crackle away the same way they appeared, leaving me staring at my reflection again.

I'm shaking a little and I've gone paler. Tony and Pepper were friends, so why did I feel so afraid? Because I was betraying them. I was bedding the enemy again, this time in full capacity. I knew exactly why Loki had done. What he had continued to do. And here I was with him. I forgave him. I loved him. I had abandoned a good and healthy relationship with their friend for him.

At that thought I feel sick to my stomach. They were worried about Steve and they had lied to me. What the Völva had shown me panicked me. What if Steve was in trouble?

I turn to the bath and turn the hot tap off and turn on the cold tap, staring into the water. I needed to decide what I was going to do fast. I run my hands over my face. Wake up, Jess, you're living in a dream thinking you can keep living this farce of a life in Loki's bedroom playing happy families.

I groan and shut the tap off after a while. Slowly I disrobe and clamber into the hot water. Things were going to need resolving if I was going to stop the vision from coming true. I was going to have to save Dean. I needed to get back to earth to be sure that Steve was safe. And I knew that eventually, whether I liked it or not, I was going to have to kill Elia.


	77. Chapter 77

It was only a dream, but it was a nice one. It makes a change from the ones I've had the last few nights since seeing the Völva, seeing my friends dying in numerous and equally horrible ways, seeing that ruined landscape of earth as the ship touches down, all of it.

I turn my head back to look at Loki asleep behind me. He's sprawled out, snoring slightly. The memories the Völva gave me of him, before the vision she showed me, had been some of the worst dreams. It wasn't so much what happened so much as how we had drifted so far apart by the time the vision came to pass and the look on his face as I fought to remove myself entirely from his life and memories.

If Loki, my Loki, the one in the here and now, even had an inkling of what I knew, I think he'd hunt down every last Ender gem and destroy them right now judging by the look on his face in that vision.

Sitting up, I let the covers fall from me and the light from the window warm my skin. I lean forward, elbows on my knees and hands clasped as I stared at the beautiful Asgardian morning glow through the window panes. It might be the last time I see it.

I roll my head from side to side and roll my shoulders back from standing. I gather my clothes quickly and quietly and take one glance back at Loki, just on the verge of waking up, before I slip out of our room in a glamour of a serving maid.

The guard outside Loki's room flashes me a grin and I smile back, knowing my glamour would take care of looking sincere. I follow the corridor and head out towards the courtyards.

It had taken a few days for Elia to get in touch with me. Waiting for her had been painfully slow. So slow I had almost gone out looking for her. Each and every heavy step I took felt like the shudder through my body would make my heart stop.

When I saw her, I felt a coldness run through me. She sat, leaning back on her hands, on a low stone wall. Her feet dangled over the edge and she swung them back and forth, her shoes threatening to slip from her feet. She flashed me a trademark smile when she saw me stood at the archways lining the courtyard. With one finger, she beckoned me forward.

"Why sweet princess, whatever is the matter?" She noted. "You're so pale, its almost as if you've seen a ghost." I try not to twitch, I look down at the flagstones on the floor. "No worries," She jumped down from the ledge. "I have another task for you to complete." She began walking towards me. "Consider it a promotion, you did so well with the last one, I thought I'd raise the stakes a little." Just a little closer. "How does that sound?"

As soon as I can smell her perfume I lunge for her, knocking her to the ground. While I caught her off guard it takes only a second for her to flip me onto my back and pin me down with her knees. Elia slaps me across the face, hard. I look up at her and I can see the red flushing back into her skin colour.

"You're a fucking bitch, you know that?" She hisses, smiling. I struggle to pull my arms free but she has them pinned down tightly. "I said we should kill you, that we didn't need you. But he insisted. Said you were the key to Loki." She leans down, the sweetness of her scent choking me. When she smiles widely this time, her glamour has faded around her mouth and the fangs poke through. "I'm going to enjoy killing you. I'm going to take my time. And I'm going to make you suffer."

I manage to rip one arm free but she quickly grabs the wrist and holds it down above my head. "Oh, by all means struggle. It'll only make the pain worse for you." She laughs before leaning down to my neck.

With a swing of my hand beneath her grip, I send her flying back off of me. She hits the wall behind her hard. I push myself up to my feet as I let her assess what just happened. When she looks back at me there is nothing but pure hatred in her eyes. Her fists clench. "By all means." I repeat back to her.

She growls as she lifts herself, her knees bent, ready to spring at any given moment. "What, you thought I'd just let you keep manipulating me?" I ask calmly.  
"I didn't think you'd be this stupid." She laughs. "With but a handful of words I can ruin your precious Loki."  
"With but a handful of my power, I could kill you." I tell her firmly. "Elia, don't make me do this."

"Would you really trust me if I said I wouldn't come after you?" She asked, eyebrows raised. "Would you really, for one second, consider the possibility that I won't hunt you down and destroy everything you want from the inside out if I just said I wouldn't?"

I hesitate but then shake my head. "No, not even for a split second. Not after everything."  
"Then here we are." She laughed. "At this fight. Finally."  
"What did you want all that stuff for?" I ask her quietly.  
"Whether I tell you or not, it's too late to stop it." She smiled. "Now come at me."  
"Even if I imprisoned you, you would find your way out?" I have to ask. I can't leave any possibility to myself that this is the wrong decision.  
"Of course." She practically purred. "I would find my way out, find you, and show you every single possible meaning of the word pain."

I nod, then with a flick of my wrist, I snap her neck. She hadn't expected the attack, magical or not. She wasn't prepared to defend herself. Her body fell, slumped to the floor and I stare for a moment with a tightness in my chest.

* * *

"Jessica, my love, what is it?" Loki asks as I enter the room shaking. He rushes to my side and takes my hand, softly leading me to the sofa. I can't meet his gaze. Instead I stare off ahead of me.

"We don't need to worry about Elia anymore."  
"Who?"  
"The woman who was going to expose you." I realise now that he has no idea that Elia was posing as the same woman. I shake my head as he goes to ask a question. "We're safe… She's dead."  
"Dead?"  
"Yes."  
"What happened to the body?" He asks me quietly.  
"I took care of it." I barely whisper. As much as what Loki had me taught back in Manhattan sickens me, it unfortunately has become rather useful over the last few months.

He nods and squeezes my hand. "Put it far out of your mind, Jessica. Far, far out of your mind."  
"It was so easy." I whisper.  
He nods with an uncomfortable expression.  
"I did what I had to do." I tell him, turning to him. "I had to."  
He nods again, concern written all over his face. He pulls me close to his chest and strokes my hair. I'd close my eyes but I don't want to see her again.

It wasn't as if I hadn't killed anyone before. Under Loki's spell torture and murder were two of my key duties. But that wasn't by choice, and it felt like a lifetime ago. Here and now, this was my decision, I had killed Elia.

"I need to go home." I tell him softly. "Just for a short while even. I need to get away from this."  
He pauses, but I feel his body move as he nods. "Okay. Shall I send you to your family? To your friends?"

"I haven't spoken with either in a long time." I note sadly. Since Manhattan I hadn't paid attention to either and I can only imagine what they thought of me now.  
"Then to who?" I feel him stiffen as he knows what I'm going to say.  
"To the Avengers." I pause. "They're like family to me, Loki. They understand this whole crazy mess more than anyone else does."  
"Thor,"

"No one knows that you're hiding here as Odin. Not even Thor. I'll say that I was attacked and had to kill her, I'll say that Odin sent me back home for some respite before I came back to finish off paying my debt, please, Loki, send me home." I tilt my head to look at him. He's uncertain, but I'm winning him over. "Please."

"Only for a few days." He warns me. I nod, desperate, with a sigh he presses a kiss to my forehead and gets up, "Follow me."


	78. Chapter 78

It's late evening when I find myself in the noisy, bustling streets of Manhattan. I follow a dark alleyway out to a main street, turn and start walking. No one takes a second glance at me, I'm just another face in the crowd. It's strange to blend in so easily without first applying some form of glamour. I feel that at any moment someone will recognise me and attack, I feel so exposed.

I keep my hands buried under my arms, trying to ignore my twitching fingers, desperate to conjure an illusion to make myself feel better. Darkness is swimming around the edges of my vision, I think that should I get any more anxious, I risk the abyss again. I try to keep my breathing steady and follow the streets back to the tower.

A group of men and women my age laugh as they rush passed me on towards the next bar of the night. I keep my head down as they pass me, it's not as if they'd recognise me, but being away from Earth for a while, I feel almost alien on my own planet. I really don't want to make eye contact with these people. I feel like even if I cast a glamour around myself I wouldn't be able to hide from them the monster inside me.

I can see the Avengers Tower in front of me now, still a little way off. There aren't many lights on, I wonder if they went out. I wonder if I'll even be able to get in. Though, trying to work out by each floor, it looks like Tony's floor is the one that's lit up.

Ignoring one man who catcalls me and avoiding contact with anyone else I press on until I reach the tower. I hesitate momentarily from across the road, I can see two black vans parked around the corner with tinted windows. SHIELD may be gone, but that doesn't mean that every other militant power or governmental force isn't at least somewhat interested in, or concerned about, the Avengers.

I head over to a thick group of people crossing the road, I can't risk using magic here, the people in the vans might have any number of equipment specialised to track that kind of energy. Keeping pace with the crowd I walk across the road, forcing myself to look ahead, pretending I haven't seen the van, or the man in the black suit who's just stepped out of the first vehicle.

Turning left, I fall back a few paces behind the couple of people who also turned left. I stare at the tower with a smile, like a tourist. As I get closer to the door I stop and rummage through my pockets as if looking for my phone. From the corner of my eye I note the guy press a finger to his ear, as he turns his back on me I sprint for the doors. They're locked, of course.

"Come on, come on!" I shake them desperately. The man is heading over to me, not quite running but he's not exactly sauntering either. "It's me!" I look directly at the camera above the door. "Please!"  
"Mr Stark is currently not accepting visiters." A female voice informs me.  
"It's me, it's Jessica." I tell her urgently.

The man grabs my arm. "Alright, come on," He begins to pull me away. "How many times a day do we have to drag you people away?" He mutters to himself.

I pull my arm free sharply and slam against the door. "Tony, I have no where else to go!" The man grabs my arm more tightly and pulls, as I fall back a step the door clicks open. The man freezes, not loosening his grasp on my arm. I'm too busy staring at the camera to look at him though.

His hand drops away and he calls something in on his radio. I push forward and enter the tower. It's dark in the lobby, the glass door locks behind me as it closes. "Tony?" I ask, wandering forward. "Anyone?"

The elevator doors slide open. Uneasily I enter. "Tony's floor please." I start to say, but the elevator has already started climbing. "Where is everyone?" I ask, hoping the Jarvis was back online.  
"Mr Stark will be able to give you further information." The woman's voice from outside responded.  
It seems like JARVIS is gone. "My name's Jess, nice to meet you?"  
"A pleasure to meet you, my name is FRIDAY."

The doors slide open before I continue the conversation with the AI. Tony is stretched out on the sofa nearest the door, I can tell by the hand draped over the back facing me. Cautiously, I walk around the sofa to find him with his head propped up with pillows, dark sunglasses, whiskey in hand with one leg hanging off the sofa. He doesn't seem to be surprised at all to see me. He waves the fingers from the hand holding the whiskey glass nonchalantly, the liquid swirls around inside.

"Where is everyone?" I ask quietly.  
"Lagos, Wakanda." Tony shrugs. "Some biological weapon or something."  
"And you didn't want to go with them?"  
He turns his head to me, "I have prior commitments." He sits up and turns to face me, both feet planted on the floor.  
"Drinking alone is a prior commitment?"  
"Setting up a trust fund for aspiring engineers is a prior commitment. This," he taps the glass with one finger, "is a perk."

"Want some company?" I ask, he nods to the bottle before him and the spare glasses next to it. I pour a glass and take a seat on the sofa next to his. I cringe as I drink the whiskey, I've never been a fan of it.  
"Where's Pepper?" I kick off my boots. When Tony doesn't answer, I look at him. He's staring at the glass in his hand.  
"We're taking a break." He says gruffly.

"When are you setting up this trust then?" I ask, changing the subject quickly. "I set it up today." He downs the rest of the whiskey and pours himself another glass. "When are the others back?"  
"Soon." He answers finally. "So Odin let you go, huh?" He's watching me through his glasses.  
"Something like that."  
"Did you see Thor?"  
"No."  
"Shame." Tony downs and pours another glass. I follow suit and down my glass, coughing at the taste, before pouring another. I notice the overturned photograph on the table. Tony's phone buzzes and he grabs it. "Go for Stark."

He stands up, taking his whiskey glass with him and heads out to another room. "How quickly can you draft that up?" Once he's gone, I flip over the photograph. A young man smiles out from the picture. I frown. I don't recognise him, and I'm not sure I've ever heard Tony mention someone his age.

"A souvenir, Tony picked up at his conference today." Jarvis' voice says. I freeze, and glance up. A man with red skin and a glowing golden stone in his head smiles at me. "My name is Vision." I don't answer, simply nod before putting the picture back.  
"When did Pepper leave him?" I ask quietly.  
"Not too long ago. It's hit him rather hard."  
"I'm not surprised."  
"Forgive me," Vision said, "But you are the woman who was dating Captain Rogers, were you not?"  
It hurts even as he says it. "Yes. I was."  
"He misses you just as terribly."  
I hesitate, unsure for a moment what to say before the words "Thank you." Fell out of my mouth quite unexpectedly.

As Vision bows his head, Tony reenters, ending his call. He grabs the tv remote and walks over to us. "I don't know how much news you could pick up in Asgard, but there's something we need to watch."


	79. Chapter 79

"It's called the Sokovia Accords." Tony explains. "It holds the Avengers responsible to their actions."  
"How are you ever going to enforce that?" I ask quietly.  
"The program will be controlled by the UN. We go when and where they say." I shake my head. "You don't think they'll go for it?" He asks.  
"Not a chance." I sigh. "Tony, I agree, the Avengers should be held accountable for damages. But this… I don't know if I'd trust any government with that much power. And I wouldn't put it past countries forming alliances or sabotaging votes somehow."  
"Jess, we have to try." Tony says firmly. "If we don't accept these measures now willingly, it's gonna be worse when they force them on us later."

I sit quietly, staring at the table in front of us. "When's the meeting?"  
"Later, you're not coming." He tries to say this gently but all the same my eyes snap up to him with a pointed look. "Avengers only."  
"What did Steve say on that?"  
Tony straightens awkwardly. "Steve doesn't know you're here yet."  
"What?" I'm on my feet immediately.  
"I thought it best that we wait until this meeting's over. If he sees you it'll distract him. Jessica, I need him to be on my side. I need him to be focused."  
"He's not going to go for this." I warn him.  
"We have to try." Tony tells me as he heads to the elevator. "I'll tell him you're back after the meeting. In the meantime, FRIDAY will be more than happy to entertain." The doors close behind him and the elevator goes down.

I march over and press the down button. When nothing happens I hit it again. And again. And again. "Mr Stark has requested that you remain on this floor." FRIDAY informs me.  
"Mr Stark is making a mistake." I growl, hitting the button a few more times. I could force the elevator up with magic, I can feel my fingers twitching, ready to call it up at a moment's notice. But I stop myself. The Avengers don't know about my powers yet, and I'm not sure I'm ready to share.

I take a deep breath before marching over to the phone on the wall. I punch in the number for Steve's room but all I get is a dial tone. "Let me guess, Mr Stark didn't want me to call downstairs either?"  
"I'm afraid not."  
"Wonderful." I look around before resigning myself to grabbing a bottle of red wine from the bar in Tony's living room and collapsing into the settee, pouring myself a glass. "So, are they all there, at the meeting?"  
"Wanda Maximoff is also currently in the tower." FRIDAY informed me.  
"Can I talk to her?" I asked dryly. There was no response. Of course there wasn't.

* * *

I can hear the shouting from the living room the elevator opened out onto. I was lying on a bed in a spare room in Tony's floor, staring at the ceiling. I had gone past mad to simply just bored.

"You can't keep people prisoner here!" That was Steve's voice. I sit up, heart beating a little faster. I can't make out what Tony hisses back in response. "That wasn't her fault! And as for Jess, you have no reason to keep me from her." His footsteps start to lead up the hallway to the room I'm in.  
"We don't know why she's back." Tony snaps.  
"Maybe that's something you should have found out when she arrived instead of locking her in a room."

The door bursts open, the anger in Steve's face melts away when he sees me. Tony stands behind uncomfortable, watching me and Steve stare at each other. I jump to my feet and run into his arms, he holds me tightly, his face pressed into my hair. "Steve," I begin to whisper, but I'm not sure what to follow it up with.

Steve lets go of me and takes my hand tightly, smiling at me. He turns to Tony, with a stony expression before leading me away. "Cap', think about what I said." Tony calls after us. Steve just shakes his head as we enter the elevator. He lets go of my hand and presses the button for his floor and we ride down in silence. I rest my head on his shoulder.

When we step out of the elevator the silence becomes awkward. "Odin let you go." Steve says quietly. "Loki…"  
"Loki let me come home." I agree quietly.  
"What happened?"  
I meet his gaze and I can feel tears prickling my eyes. I hadn't cried about killing Elia and I still didn't despite the tears building. I wanted to tell him everything, but knowing what I did, I'm not sure Steve could ever forgive me for that. "I did something I can't take back."

Steve's jaw tightens. "Loki,"  
"It was my fault, not his."  
"You were under his protection. You should never have been in a situation where you had to do something that would compromise your own integrity." Steve's eyes began searching mine, I looked away. "You killed someone."  
"She tried to kill me before, several times. She was never going to stop, Steve." I whisper.

It was a while before he answered. "That's not something you should have had to do."  
I bow my head. "Steve, I looked for any other alternative, I swear…"  
"I meant stopping her, that wasn't your responsibility."

I look at him. He disapproves, clearly, and there's a little disgust, but there's no hatred in those eyes. Only concern. "You did what you had to do." He affirms. I nod. He clenches his jaw again momentarily. "You did what you had to do." He repeats, taking me in his arms again. "And I don't blame you. I know you, Jess. You're not a killer. You say you had to do it? I believe you."

There's no rush of relief from his words to alieve my guilt, I didn't expect there to be any. But there is relief that he doesn't hate me. That he still cares.

He still cares. After everything. Can I really be selfish enough to put him through anything more? I pull myself back from him and smile, he runs a thumb over my lips returning the smile. "I'll make us some dinner, then we'll talk. Sound good?"  
"Okay." I nod, letting him go as he walks over to the kitchen. I don't follow him. I edge back to the elevator, I don't press the button but use my powers to call it up. I back into it and send it up, ignoring the warning lights flashing on the panel inside. I don't imagine I have long until Tony figures out it's me.

I take the elevator up to the roof. It's been a long time since I was up here. I look over the edge, across the city; the buildings, the cars, the people. From my pocket I pull out the necklace Loki gave me. Grasping the Ender gem tightly, I focus my thoughts intently on it. She's there, listening, I know.

_I'm ready._


	80. Chapter 80

Removing myself from their timelines had been the easy bit, living with my own memories in-tact had been harder.

I moved to Manhattan as soon as I could, despite none of them even knowing me, I couldn't bear to watch them all through a television screen. I took a small apartment, and I somehow managed to get an administration job in one of the smaller companies' Stark industries had recently acquired.

Things seemed to be going well. I had friends, I even started dating a guy. With my powers gone, my life was at least somewhat normal. I had tried to use them, move items, throw on a glamour, anything. But nothing worked.

And then Loki and the Chitauri attacked. Afterwards, I told myself I had just forgotten what the day was, but perhaps I wanted to see it, to be there, I wanted to know whether my existence being wiped from his life made any difference whatsoever.

The glass windows of the coffee shop I was in exploded, I ducked under a table just in time to miss some of the shots fired. And I ran. I had no weapon, no protection. Sure, my memories of training from Loki were there but without having actually done any training in this life I didn't have any of the muscles to defend myself.

It was happening all over again.

And then I was knocked to the floor, there was intense heat and then someone getting off of me and helping me up. My heart jumped to my throat to see Steve. "You better get out of here mam." He begins to run towards the action again, I watched as a Chitauri aims for him, I go to shout, to run at it, and I feel a prickle run up my spine. Invisible, I felt the energy shoot out of my outstretched arm and watched as the alien hits the floor, lifeless. I looked to Steve but he's oblivious.

So my powers had stayed with me afterall. I took a deep breath. It was at this moment I decided that whatever else, I was going to at least help. Stay in the shadows, but help. I couldn't see Steve's dead body like the vision had shown me or watch Loki help destroy everything and mourn his own losses. I wasn't going to be sucked in though. I looked up to the security camera watching the action unfold and, very carefully, crumpled the metal with my mind as easily as I would crush paper.

I rolled my shoulders back, it was going to be a complicated life.


End file.
